Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again.
In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.
The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.
And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.
Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.
But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.
And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.
And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.
When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.
We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.
And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.
(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Stargazer
Some updates in my situation:
I am about 90% sure I will be starting advanced neuromuscular massage training in January. I’m working on getting partial funding for it, and the rest I can afford. I’m hoping this will allow me to quit my office job and make me more marketable as a massage therapist.
On the relationship front, I was just going along, minding my own business, going to therapy, etc., when this guy on my reptile forum has suddenly become very interested in me. For about a month I was very guarded and standoffish with him. We were talking the other night on the phone, and he told me that I come across as someone who has been hurt very deeply and has put up a lot of walls. Interesting to hear this from someone I don’t know very well. Anyway, the outcome was that I have started to actually like this guy, and I feel like I took one of the walls down. I basically just told him that I don’t jump into relationships and that if a guy is interested in me, it will take some time for him to prove his intentions. We’ll see if he wants to do that. But I have to admit, it feels so good to start considering dating again.
I started a low dose of an antidepressant today. Curious to see how it will affect me.
Hugs,
Star
Stargazer
Iwonder, if you use your same email address for job applications that you use for internet forums, prospective employers can actually go into those forums and read your posts, although I heard this one is blocked (?)
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Star:
I am the queen of multiple email addresses!
I started out with one, then the spam got to be too much and I got another, and kept the first only for any thing I sign up for on the web (and this one I access only online so that any spam/ virues don’t come into my email program).
I have killed my email after the spath and set up 2 others – one for personal email and one for anything to do with the spath (that way that stuff isn’t in my face all the time) AND i have a business email. AND I TELL YA, WHEN I CHANGED ALL MY PASSWORDS AFTER THE SPATH I CAN’T GET INTO MOST OF THEM WITHOUT A FEW TRIES! LOL.
Do have an email that is just for work stuff – that way you NEVER inadvertently send the wrong thing to a work contact, and yes, protect your anonymity online.
my 20 cents worth (yah, HOW COME the sogn for cents isn’t on our keyboards?)
one step
Stargazer
Yes, one step,
This is the advice I got at a resume workshop recently. I can only imagine if a prospective employer read my posts on here 😯 or even worse, on my reptile site where they can learn all about my 5- and 6-foot boa contrictors. They would probably be too scared to even send a rejection letter.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Star,
Well, THAT could work in your favour! 😉
I have had to use my private email a bit for work lately due to some tech difficulties with the work server, and oy with 1500 spath emails sitting in my email program it makes me nervous as hell.
(they will sit there until I know whether or not the lawyer needs them, cause right now the headers with the ISP address can be accessed in a forward)
I like snakes.
I used to have a little cat, who freaked out every time I said I wanted a snake…LOL, so I had to say ‘snacky.’ Think that was what he was worried about.
one step
Stargazer
LOL I have 2 cats and 2 snakes. They are not allowed to play in the sandbox together, especially since the Siamese looks like a giant rat.
I decided to keep snakes cause I got tired of dating them. LOL
FOR IWONDER:
Are you familiar with the federally funded WIA program? It helps get people back to work, helping them either with funding for training, career counseling, resume help, help with interviews, locating jobs, etc. And it’s free. It’s Workers’ Investment Act (WIA) and every state should have it.
Ox Drover
Well, star, if you ever date another RAT you can always save money on SNAKE FOOD ROTFLMAO!!!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
but so much energy to cut them up into bite sized pieces….
Stargazer
Oxy,
LMAO!!!!! I never thought of that angle, feeding rats to snakes. ha ha ha ha Good one!!!!
I am so torn because I don’t really know what kind of relationship I want. Part of me wants to settle down and get married with an older, more stable man. Another part wants a passionate love affair with someone who is emotionally available, even if it doesn’t last forever (like because of age differences). I just don’t really have a concept that a passionate lover is someone I could also settle down with. I know if I married for security, I’d be bored out of my skull. I don’t want to get hurt, but at the same time, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. So here this adorable 29-year-old really wants to get to know me. I keep saying to myself….Self (lol), why not? As long as I set a slow pace and don’t let him manipulate me, why not?
ErinBrock
I want a black mamba!!! Or a Cobra!!!
I have a few rats to keep em fed with!
🙂
Star:
Go for the best relationship…..whatever makes you happy…..and don’t settle!
I’d say….self….why not…..29??? YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Sounds like a playmate to me…..although not sure your gonna be wanting him around long term…..
Go with the flow….but make sure YOU set the direction of the flow.
I think….the more we date, the more we learn about ourselves…..NOT that I’m the master dater….still gotta lot to learn!
🙂
Have fun! WHY NOT!!