Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again.
In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.
The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.
And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.
Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.
But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.
And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.
And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.
When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.
We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.
And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.
(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
slimone
Steve,
Thank-you, once again. These articles of yours…..they are SO affirming and big picture. They are medicine for my soul.
I heard the ‘I have never felt so seen and heard and safe’ from the sociopath. This meant to me that I was also safe to feel that way….because his saying it gave the impression that he understood how important it is for all of us. This contributed in my having ‘faith’ in his ability to reciprocate with behaviors that would foster safety and intimacy.
It is all a con. They have no idea the meaning, only the effect on the target.
Slim
Rosa
JustAboutHealed:
What if the article was titled “Sexploitation”?
Do you get it?
If you combine the word ‘sociopath’ with ‘exploitation’, you get “SEXPLOITATION”.
Being exploited by a sociopath is “sexploitation”, and there is ALWAYS sex involved when dealing with the sociopath.
So, having the word “sex” in there may also be appropriate.
Hence, the word, “sexploitation”.
I don’t know, I sort of like it.
Rosa
Oops. “Sexploitation” is already a word.
Never mind.
Ox Drover
Teacher,
I also love the Peanuts cartoons and I do think Lucy is a psychopath! She plays Charlie Brown like a violin! LOL And loves it when she fools him and drags him back into her game and humiliates him. good analogy.
hens
I have been ‘single’ 18 months, the few encounters I have had with other men since then have been via internet. Bad outcome. So I am going out tonite. This is a big thing for me. But I have to get out as I am isolating myself again and falling into a depression.
nic
Great article! It brought back some unpleasant memories. My ex-S had me thinking I was straight crazy. He would always say, “you don’t remember I told you….” Of course he never told me.
I also will never forget when I started having strong suspicions of him cheating he gave me a lecture two months before he left me. He said, “I can’t believe you. You think I am out here F***ing around and I am out here working hard for our family.” So then I find out months later he actually had a baby!!! There is so much of that of how he tried to turn it around on me.
This morning going to work I was just thinking about all of the craziness he has put me through since I met him in 2003. I have taken his craziness for 6 years. I have had enough!
hens
That was a waste of gas…
teacher123
I found support for the statement in the article about the sociopath’s audacity to repeat the cycle of betraying the faith in others in a Warren Zevon song called “For my next trick I’ll need a volunteer”. Here it goes.
I can saw a woman in two
But you won’t want to look in the box when I do
I can make love disappear
For my next trick I’ll need a volunteer
I can pull a rabbit out of a hat
I can pull it out but I can’t put it back
I can make love disappear
For my next trick I’ll need a volunteer
It’s lonely up here
When the tricks have been played
And the spotlights have faded
And the plans that we made
Have fallen apart
It’s lonely as hell
And there’s no magic spell
For a broken heart
You can put me in chains and I will escape
Better not wait up ’cause I might be late
I can make love disappear
For my next trick I’ll need a volunteer
Lovefrauds/magicians/losers
libelle
Dear Steve, thank you for the very enlightening article! As I stated in the other blog, X is again trying to prove my faith/trust/helpfulness. Your entries are my personal “Garlic” to insulate my soul from X’s attempts! Thanks!!!
Dear Henry, I am so glad for you that you did not lower your standards to “amortize” the gas-price 😉 ! LOL. But I am with you, and it is hard going out fighting depression.
One has to kiss many frogs to find a prince! I am also very unlucky in this department at the moment.
My future business partner postponed the date to tomorrow, and so I will roam the shops and get me some hot chocolate. I am so glad you all are here! Thanks!
teacher123
The last line was mine. I guess also that is why they need Lawyers Guns and Money just like another of W.Zevon’s songs which is an oldie but goodie.