Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again.
In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.
The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.
And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.
Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.
But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.
And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.
And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.
When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.
We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.
And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.
(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Steve,
Brilliant as usual. Exploitation is a trait that if I had understood it would have put the pieces together when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with my spouse. The grooming was done so gradually and over so many years. I wonder how after all I know, I hear his voice and when he sounds rational I regain faith again. I’ve learned to ignore that voice thinking “well maybe this time he is being reasonable, although he is a sociopath.” I have to remember the times he his convincing and appears healthy is just seduction. Everytime I thought he was temporarily normal, later I figured out how he got his desire met at the expense of me. He almost got me to sign a joint tax return. Fortunately I had an accountant and my attorney remind me not to sign. Good thing I listened. He commited so much tax fraud and my asset (maybe even my freedom) would be jeopardized. He is not accountable for his actions and he gets away with so much turning it around on others. He is outraged now that he is trapped with the consequences of his lying and stealing. He exploited me, his employee/sexual partners, IRS, his family, his friends to get his fixes for sex, gambling, drugs, money and status.
My sociopath was labeled by one therapist as “schizoid.” My research and 2 other therapists determined his characteristics were sociopathic. What distinguishes the two? Is exploitating faith in them the trait that makes sociopaths different from other personality disorders?
carla, the difference is the audacious lies. They shamelessly lie all the time (the sociopaths) and they are very slick in their manipulations.
Schizoids are cluster A and socio’s are cluster B.
Schizoids lack social skills in general. They do try hard to have social skills but tend to revert to slightly childish behaviors because they really have very little interest in people.
Socio’s only real interest is in manipulation of other people. My ex-P was gifted in mechanical thinking and seemed ingenious in his tinkering and inventions, but his real interest was in the con game and he used all his skills toward that end. He could sell ice to an eskimo.
Jesus said you will know a tree by the fruit it bears. Look at the life he’s lead and what he has left in the wake of his path. That will tell you what you are looking at.
This is awesome Sky.
‘…what he has left in the wake of his path. That will tell you what you are looking at. ‘
I think that this will help me.
Thanks.
one step
Wow! I can not express what this site has meant to me. I have finally been able to re-claim my sanity- after all HE was crazy- not ME. But you know he tried to convince me it was ME for years! Twelve years to be exact! A Christian? You better believe he said he was a Christian. Christian my a#$. Liar, POSER, phoney, anything but a Christian. It amazes me how they can stand there in church and hold your hand like they are the most perfect Christian ever. But it is only an act. Everything they do is an act. It has taken me soooooo long to figure that out. And they LIE without any of the normal “lying” indicators. You know like on the show “Lie To Me”- where people do things that indicate they are lying?? Not the S/P- they lie without batting an eye baby! No Problemo!!
I love the post about “for my next trick I’ll need a volunteer”. Wow that was me. And many of you too. I am looking forward to my freedom.
Well- so I met with an attorney today and I have an excellent case. I am going to offer a uncontested first and I bet he will take it. If word got out about everything he has done in this small community- he WOULD lose his job. I can taste freedom and it tastes good. I can’t wait for the day when I know NOTHING about him. I want nothing to do with him. I have given up on my revenge fantasy. That is a HUGE part of their game – they hook you into their game of winning and being one-up and you end up trying to re-coop your losses like a gambler- I read that on here somewhere. And that is just how it feels- like you are trying to get back some of what you gave- they are COUNTING on that need!
I am cutting my losses. Other people may stand by him- but some people are not stupid and will know what he is. In the end- Jesus knows. He always knows. It is what it is.
Love and hugs!!
Dear Katie-bug,
I am glad you are here and glad you have “got it” and glad you are finding your power and your strength to escape. TOWANDA!!!
My N and I got into a fight one night and I went out for a couple of hours to get away from him. When I got home, he beat me up. He went to bed after he got through attacking me. I was so frustrated and angry I punched both my hands out, unknowingly into a glass door, resulting in a huge gash on my forearm. At that time, our neighbor, who was fed up with the noises of domestic violence, banged on our apartment door and screamed that she was calling the police. My N calmly yelled back to her to call an ambulance as well. I had blood gushing from my wound that later received 58 stitches. He just stared down at me so calmly as I was hysterically crying and begging him to help me. It took about 15 minutes for the paramedics to get there. The only effort he made to help me was to hand me a towel and that was right before they got there. I will never forget the way he looked at me. I could have been bleeding to death – there was so much blood – and he just calmly stared at me and didn’t help me! I am so glad I didn’t die that way.
And when I was finally able to leave him … the second time … I had to leave my cat behind for a few weeks. When I went back to get her, she had been shaved. He denied doing it.
I’m back with him and attempting a third and final break as soon as I can get enough money up to leave.
Katiebug:
You go girl!
Welcome and keep your eyes open!
Document, document, document…….and follow through!
Keep your mouth shut and your eyes open…..they dont go quietly.
I hope yours takes the uncontested…..but never count your chickens before they hatch…..it only leads to a downfall of emotions.
Prepare for the worst and take what you can get.
Only time will tell how it turns out.
In the meantime. Read the articles, then the comments and see how others have dealt with our situations……we have all had different journeys through the legal system.
I’m glad you found LF!
Good luck!
EB
PaleLuna:
We do things we NEVER would do in any other situation…..I think it’s our way of trying to get their attention….they way we would give it.
and it never works, in fact it backfires…..it’s thier way of defending themselves and portraying us as the perps/the crazy ones……
This is what the the ex s did to me too…..and it took me years to figure this out.
He had a bank of old friends he split me off from making me out to be crazy……so they still believe this…..and they are his supply currently……which, quite frankly is fine……some are figureing him out….BUT IT”S NOT ME ANYMORE!!!!!
You are in a very toxic environment…..and you need to do all you can to protect yourself. Stay mum, do your homework and get the hell out asap!
Stick around here and go back into the old articles…..read read read and see what others have done to escape……
Don’t get sucked in, and don’t think it will get better the longer you stay! There is NEVER a ‘good’ time to leave……Just do it!
Keep yourself safe…..and get out!!!
Good luck!!
EB