Sociopaths like to cloak themselves in a mantel of respect. They seek careers, or pretend to have careers, in fields that people associate with good character, trustworthiness, and authority, such as law enforcement, the military and the clergy.
Pursuing a career in religion or spirituality is particularly useful for sociopaths. People tend to trust religious figures simply because they are religious figures, which puts a sociopath several moves ahead when trying to scam someone. A sociopath claiming an inside track to God has a very powerful tool when it comes to manipulating people.
Plus, for a sociopath, a career in the clergy is easy—the primarily visible job requirement is an ability to talk. With typical inborn charisma, and a willingness to lie about other credentials, the sociopath is a shoo-in.
Lovefraud has written about several pseudo-members of the clergy whose behavior has certainly flouted the Ten Commandments:
Anthony Owens claimed to be bishop of a fellowship of more than 100 non-denominational churches, which was a lie. He was married to eight women at the same time.
Rabbi Fred Neulander founded the largest Jewish temple in southern New Jersey. He was convicted of arranging the murder of his wife.
Terry Hornbuckle founded a megachurch in Arlington, Texas. He was found guilty of raping three women, two of whom were parishioners.
Then, of course, there’s Fred Brito, who impersonated a Catholic priest, even performing a couple’s wedding, when he had no religious training whatsoever.
Lovefraud readers have told us of more cases. AlohaTraveler says her “Bad Man” had been a pastor for an Assemblies of God church in Seattle. Another woman has built a website about the real reason a reverend abruptly departed from the First Presbyterian Church of Fort Lauderdale, Florida—an extramarital affair with her.
Fake believers
Even sociopaths who aren’t clergy put religion to work in their manipulation. Here are some examples from the Lovefraud mailbag:
- A woman married a guy who was a “Christian” teacher (her quotes) in schools for 14 years. He abandoned her after six months and started an affair with another woman, all the while talking about reconciliation. She then found out she was his eighth or ninth wife, and he had previously been convicted of bigamy.
- A guy met a woman in a Christian chat room on the Internet. He was in the process of getting a divorce; she claimed she was also. He left everything and moved to her state to be with her. She taught at a Christian school half-days, and would meet him—for sex—after work. She was still married.
- Girl starts dating guy when she is 18. They belonged to the same Christian faith, which did not allow premarital sex; all their dates were chaperoned. When she was 20, they had a fairytale wedding. That night, he raped her, then started gaslighting her, and convinced a doctor that she was crazy, until she ended up on psychotropic drugs.
- A woman’s ex-husband claims to be a Christian minister. “The church is a fraud to bilk people out of money. He helps the other pastor get money from poor people who can’t afford it,” she writes. “When he raped me and tried to kill me, and when he and his daughter broke into my house, well the cops saw him wearing preacher pants and didn’t believe me.”
- Woman meets a guy on a Christian singles site—they both sang, did music ministry, and had an “intense desire to serve the Lord.” They married, started their own church, then she finds out he owed $30,000 in child support and was addicted to hardcore porn. He became physically abusive.
- Woman marries a 51-year-old Catholic school teacher who is an Episcopalian priest, retired military, widowed after 29 years of marriage. Two months into the marriage, his son moves in with them. The son was selling and using cocaine, and her new husband—the priest—was in business with him.
Predators are everywhere
Lovefraud has heard of many more cases in which sociopathic predators were fishing for victims in churches and on religious dating websites. We’ve heard of sociopaths who quoted the Bible, prayed every day, and emotionally tortured their families.
And then there are the sociopaths who use religion as a reason to keep bleeding their victims. Christian religions, and New Age spiritualism, embrace the concept of forgiveness. Sociopaths use this to claim that they’ve “found God” who has forgiven their transgressions, and you should too.
The key point here is that just because someone claims to be Christian, religious, or otherwise spiritual, does not mean he or she is automatically trustworthy. If your instincts are telling you that something is wrong, no matter what the context, pay attention.
The sociopath I know will pretend to be ANYTHING that gets him where he wants to be. Right now, he IS pretending to be religious and a conservative because that’s what his current girlfriend is. I know him to be an atheist, and I’ve known him his entire life. He’s my brother.
Dear Betrayed,
Yep, they can definitely pretend to be anything! Quote scripture with the best’uv’em!
I’m sorry you had to grow up with a psychopath, it’s a difficult journey to have them in your family.
My boss at work is a real bully and I think she is a sociopath after educating myself. she is a self styled guru who wears all the religious clothing. she is an ex heroin addict. I found out from someone who used to know her. All her superiors think she is a very spiritual woman with inner peace. she never talks about her past to anyone. She has been married a few times she met the latest one on a trip to india. she said she is bored with him and he isnt what she expected. She makes me feel very uneasy, she does this thing where she stares straight at you and gets in your personal space. She makes out she is supportive but she is very critical and undermining and she makes constant digs at me. A colleague complained about her and she made her life a misery, constantly finding fault with her work and getting her in the office on trumped up charges. She tried to turn me against the colleague saying it was her causing the boss to be upset, she said she had it in for her. At the same time she was pretending to be supportive again to the colleague. I told the colleague to be on her guard and the boss found out so I became a victim.
She spends most of the time on the internet and she does not support the team, she does minimal work, but her boss’s think she is marvellous because she tells them all the time that it is her holding the place together. She makes really nasty comments to me when no one is around some of the things she has said to me are quite disturbing, but pretends support and feigns incredulity when challenged by management on how she is acting towards me. Even a senior manager who I have known for 5 years before her who I used to have a very good working relationship with is taken in, I tried to discuss it with her but she wont listen. She has got rid of quite a few people, normally the more experienced older workers who speak their minds. she makes sure that she has evidence that she is being nice to you, she will be really nasty and then u will receive a txt out of the blue with a nice supportive message and kisses, i know she probably keeps them stored on her phone as evidence in case I report her.
Younger workers who are her followers are given responsibility over the more experienced workers, she also has favourites and is quite sickly with them. They must see how unfair she is but no one speaks out to support me. Only 2 of us remain who can see what she is and we are both getting ill all the time, I’m sure its the stress. she has no compassion but if one of her followers even has a slight headache she sends them home. recently i was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, all she said when i told her was i should consider giving up work and if i couldnt afford it i should downsize. but occupational health told me after they had spoken to her that i had a really supportive manager and i was lucky. they have hinted i may not be able to go back and do my current job, i think she has something to do with this.
I cant stand it much longer, I know its no good going to higher management to complain as they are all taken in by her act, what can you do in this situation. I certainly think she uses the spirituality to fool people.
I seem to attract sociopaths, i must have victim written all over me.
Dear Moraira,
I saw a psychopathic manager ruin an entire hospital’s nursing staff, the entire hospital lost all but one nurse that had been there. It ended up with the DON being fired, the p being fired, the adm being fired,and since it was a specialty hospital there were not enough nurses of that special skill to maintain it and the hospital was sold. I saw it coming and so did a few others, but we were powerless. It happens.
I suggest that you get a small pocket digital tape recorder and put it in your pocket when you are around this woman so that you can PROVE WHAT SHE SAYS. Keep it secret until you NEED IT. PROTECT YOURSELF ALWAYS when in the presence of a P. Use it for your H also.
I suggest that if you dont’ at this time want to go NC with your mom, just AVOID her totally until things calm down for you.DO NOT give out any information on what you are doing, even to your sisters as they will take it to her. Keep your life as SIMPLE and CALM as possible. I know that is difficult when you are surrounded by Ps and hostile, toxic people. Believe me I have BEEN THERE AND HAVE THE TEE SHIRT, SEVERAL IN FACT! lol
Luckily my mum is in a different country now so there is not as much influence. I did confide in my sister about my situation with S and I asked her not to repeat it, I think I was just checking that what he was doing was wrong as I have a problem with boundaries, I have now realised I dont know how far I should allow someone to go before I say enough. She said to me that I needed to tell the whole family so I had support, I said I didnt want anyone else to know. She contacted my other sister about it and they both said I had to tell mum. I have told them I dont want her to know as it will turn into a big drama for her. Mum telephoned me out of the blue yesterday and I could tell she was waiting for me to say something to her, I didnt, so she just told me how hard her life was at the moment full of drama as usual.
I do think that p’s and s’s choose their victims wisely, I think they have a sixth sense on who would be a good victim. I have an appt with a work dr next week, I’m thinking I need to confide about my manager, there may be an option that I can be relocated with the same health service. At the moment i am willing to do anything to get away from this boss.
people who have been through this are the wisest people and I dont know if they understand how invaluable their incite is for people who are at the start of their journey.
just to add I have not had any of the support that was offered to get me to tell tham my story, I havent heard from any of them since!
Dear Moraira,
Good fo ryou for not falling for your mom’s call and “spilling the beans”—if people are not going to be supportive, it is best just to
AVOID contact with them and if you must contact them, don’t let on, or if they say something then say “I’d really rather not talk about that right now” and if they keep on pushing, just repeat “I’ d really rather not talk about that rightnow.” REPEAT, until they shut up. Or walk away yourself if you must.
To be around people who are stress inducing is more than you need right now. YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST. Use what energy you have for yourself and her, for no one else. YOU and she are the ONLY IMPORTANT responsibilities you have right now. (((hugs))))
On the subject of christian dating sites, my friend had joined one a while back, she is looking to settle down and has had no luck as she is always working. when I read this article it alarmed me and i contacted her to warn her. She had just had 2 men contact her, one was totally unsuitable but one of them sounded promising to her, he e-mailed her and said he would like to meet her but thought he should let her know that he was 2 weeks into a relationship with someone else he had met, He was trying to string 2 of them along and this is a christian dating site. Luckily her self esteem is intact and she politely turned him down at the same time telling him what he was doing was wrong. She said everyone she has spoken to on the site seems strange. She is now going to get out more, and I think I will go with her!
moraira43: My EX can quote scriptures… remember, God knows what’s in your heart when you do anything.
Anyone, whatever your mindset is … can physically be anywhere in any profession, in any church, in a any school, in your family, friends etc.
I suspect our lesson is to try to stay away from “them”, but if we fail and they do find their way back into our lives … how fast can we get away from the relationship, next time.
Peace.
My boss acts like a guru and dresses like one so everyone thinks she is very spiritual. Wrong!!!! She is the worst bully. and definitely has S tendencies. She stares straight at you without blinking and always tries to put down the most skilled people, she has favourites who are like her pets. Ignores some people in her team completely and undermines and criticises others. Her superiors think she is wonderful because she constantly tell them how she succeeds under all the pressure, she is actually on the internet most of the day. and hides in her room if there is a problem to be sorted. She lies and twists everything to make someone look bad and her look good. She is an ex heroin addict and still has alot of the issues underlying addiction, just because your clean doesnt mean your cured.