As part of my day job—writing scripts for web-based training programs—I came across some information developed by the Institute for Global Ethics. Surveys conducted worldwide have consistently identified a group of values that people of all cultures and nationalities recognize as essential. These universal values are:
- Honesty
- Responsibility
- Respect
- Fairness
- Compassion
Sociopaths violate all of them.
Perhaps that’s why those of us who are ethical, who care about others, who want to live cooperatively among our neighbors, feel so shaken after a collision with a sociopath. These predators take the qualities that people all over the world consider essential to the social contract and stomp on them, run them through a meat grinder and then pulverize them.
But they don’t tell us what they’re going to do. (Or if they do, we think they can’t possibly be serious.) Instead, they mouth eloquent words about their loyalty, trustworthiness and caretaking. We believe the words. Eventually, however, we discover that the words are empty, and their behavior reveals their true attitude: To them, the universal values of humanity mean nothing.
Then we, trying to extricate ourselves from the sociopathic relationship, lose our footing. We suspect that no one really cares about honesty, responsibility, respect, fairness and compassion. We were the only chumps who took these qualities seriously.
The good news is that we were right in the first place—most people in the world do respect the universal values. As we heal from our traumatic experiences, we’ learn how to differentiate those who do from the sociopaths who don’t.
When reading the Article above i still can’t believe what i am reading and i apologize if this is off topic but please help me understand this situation.
Why is it that what these people (sociopaths) do is considered white colar crime?
I was researching scams online and they reference online car fraud as white colar crimes just as how they see this.
I think this should be considered a crime such as attempted murder. They imprison, torture and destroy a person similar to how POW’s were treated but this form is far far worst. Atleat the soldiers did not suffer much from manipulation as the victims do in this crime as does my loved one does.
How is this considered white colar when most books i read to help the victims say that sociopaths will kill their victim if they leave? How many scam artist murder people when money isn’t wired to them when victims walk out of a fraudulent transaction? No many so how can this be categorized as the same.
My daughter is married to one and when i met their family i was shocked to see that people like this exist. It was a recreation of the movie “the hills have eyes” and the funny thing is one of the nieces (approx age was about 9 yrs old) showed signs of wanting to scam the other kids.
what i really wanted to say is that there are three of us trying desperately to get my daughter away from him and we are losing the battle. Its been 5 years and still no luck
We realized that she is co-dependent, workaholic, and has a low self esteem and we don’t have a clue.
He has beaten her up, she complains to my wife about pulled muscles in her abdoman, and we fear that he had raped her.
Any help is welcome.
Dear Aka, Are you referring to the dark energy they have around themselves and the scams they get up to? Or are you talking about their scary eyes? My ex was definately a member of the scary eyes club! ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ LOL, my ex said his family came from the Clampitts (is that Jed)?
Yes, what they do is a crime and often their targets are too wracked or devastated and want them gone, so the predators dont face the music. I dont know about the US, but I think in the UK it should be law that any fraud or damage done to someone within the context of a relationship which is so wrong should be accountable. If a person steals from a company, they are accountable, even though the context is different, the crime is as bad.
JaneSmith:
Thank you so very much for your last post addressed to me. You are so very correct!!! I think you, and others here on Lovefraud are the ONLY people in the world who understands how these people leave one feeling. I actually had a female co-worker say to me a few months after my ex left me and my therapist had began to help me understand that I been involved with a sociopath that I needed to stop referring to my self as a “victim”. She coldly said to me “victims are raped and you weren’t raped”. I told her right real damn quick that oh yes, I was raped over and over and over again and that she didn’t have a clue as what I was feeling!
The one thing that I can NOT understand is why do sociopaths choose to take off their masks when they are leaving? Mine wore his mask for 8 years–couldn’t he keep it on just a bit longer and leave me playing the Mr. Nice Guy that he played to get me? Didn’t he realize that his unmasked treatment was going to hurt me so badly that I eventually got pissed off enough to want to scream to the world just how horrible I had learned that he was? I remember the day he was leaving, he had some of his clothes draped over a chair ready to be carried out and my parents knocked on the door. When I announced that they were standing outside, he snatched up the clothes and hung them in the laundry room and said, “there, it will look like we’re doing laundry”. I was flabbergasted! Did he honestly think that he could leave me and no one would ever know? They have the weirdest reasoning behind their actions!
Tami,
Yeah, it’s extremely difficult for people to understand the malevolency of personality disordered individuals (PDIs) unless they themselves have been on the receiving end of the deceptions, manipulations and abuse. They just can’t and don’t get it. I always knew something was wrong with friends and lovers in my past, but I never had a specific term to apply to their weirdness. Now I do, thank goodness. I’m not the crazy one!
And I think I can say, from my experiences and others here, that the S flings away his carefully constructed mask of illusion because…A) he no longer needs you for money, sex, support, ego stroking, whatever his little mind seeks..B) you realized he’s a loser so he can’t deceive you anymore…C) he sickeningly enjoys emotionally destroying you as he saunters out the door to his new victim.
Now, I didn’t write the above to hurt you more. Never would I wish to hurt anyone, especially the peeps on LoveFraud. I just wanted you to see what I consider the reality of his behavior. Because, it’s happened to me more than once.
And if you’re therapist is denying you the right to proclaim yourself a victim, I would suggest ditching her. You most definitely DO NOT need someone who doesn’t offer you with caring support in dealing with the aftermath of a relationship with a sociopath. Look around & find one who implicitly understands PDIs and is able to be patient, non-judgemental, and above all, compassionate to your situation. But you can always blog away here, you know. We all care for and support you. Whatever you need to do help your own lovable self to heal and recover from a most horrific involvement with an S.
Free,
How ya doin, fellow veggie sister! *high five, 2 snaps and hip bump* I’ve missed reading your posts. Just where have you been, young lady!…haha
And that’s awesome that your blessed intuition was on red alert with little miss evil banshee. You instinctively knew she was awful before she stepped on that beautiful moth. grrr…to viciously kill another living creature for pleasure/sport sends me spiraling into The Fury Zone, know what I mean? Glad she got tossed. It’s what she deserved anyway. And I do understand being concerned about your peers/colleagues opinion. I’m much more diplomatic when dealing with co-workers than regular folk on the street, in the store, whereever. Not that I’m not polite to all people, because I am. But it’s a delicate situation in a work environment. Unless you’re the head honcho, keeping your nose clean, minding your own business, doing your work is more constructive in keeping your job. Right?
***HUG***
Dear AKA,
The saddest thing is to see someone you love enabling the predator psychopath to abuse them. They are in what we call the FOG. unfortunately, it is almost impossible to convince them that they need to leave the predator. It is described in the Stockholm syndrome, where the victim sees the abuser as their savior.
My own mother is a life long enabler, who wills top at nothing to “help” my psychopathic son abuse her or anyone else. He tried to have me killed last year and she refused to believe it, still refuses to accept it though she has to “believe it” since two of his “friends” were arrested when they tried to kill one of my other sons, when they couldn’t find me (Ihad given up trying to convince my mother the truth and actually fled my home and went into hiding)
My son is actually in prison, so could not kill me himself.
I wish I had a magic “right” answer to how you could handle the situation with your daughter—the only two options I even know are to wait until she comes to you and be there for her. The other option would be to wait until he seriously hurts her and see that she gets medical attention and that the law is notified. Even then she may go back to him.
Unfortunately, we can’t “rescue” people that are unwilling to be rescued. That is a very frustrating and painful realization.
I will keep you in my prayers, and your daughter as well. Hopefully her husband will do something that will get him in jail or he will decide he doesn’t want her any more and will leave, or she will see through the FOG and come to you for assistance. God bless you and her.
JaneSmith:
Clarificiation: It was a CO-WORKER who I also consider to be a friend that told me to stop referring to myself as a victim. It was actually my therapist who informed me that I was a “victim” when I asked him why I was having such a difficult time moving past my situation. Up until then, I pretty much had considered myself a “jilted lover”. My therapist explained to me that there was a little more to it when one had suffered the wrath of a sociopath.
A Random Write:
I know the real person that lives behind the mask you wear. You know I do and it scares you. It scares you because I’ve seen beyond the mask used to satisfy your own ego and twisted mind. I borrowed your mask one day so I could see what it is that you see and be you for a little while. With the mask, I saw how you could create illusions of kindness, caring and love for your carefully chosen victims. Victims used for money, sex, attention and ego stroking–victims who are always loving and kind and in need of these qualities returned. Through your mask, I saw how you used them to learn how to mimic decency and to gain their trust. I felt the mask stretch my mouth into an exaggerated smile too big to possibly be real. With the mask, I could appear to be anyone I wanted to be—nearly perfect. But I was numb to emotions and felt no remorse or empathy—no love only hunger still eating at me that I didn’t understand. But I could pretend to feel—that was the power the mask provided me. I could flawlessly pretend to be anything I wanted to be. But, I liked being me.
I saw the mask slip a few times when you were wearing it and watched you quickly straightened it creating yet another illusion of what was witnessed wasn’t true. But it slipped one time too many. I surprised you the day I borrowed it. I calmly watched you as you desperately searched to find it—your lost identity. I saw you for the first time and hated who you were. Your game with me had ended and I was about to win. That would have ruined you—wouldn’t it? You were a pathetic sight without it. One despised by all. I attempted to destroy the mask but found that it could not be destroyed. I sadly returned it to you knowing how you’d use it. I felt I had to warn your new victim—one already secured by you—save another from your wrath and protect them from the monster behind the mask. They refused to listen, tagging me the crazy one. I gave up on trying to save the world from people like you–remembering how when I had borrowed the mask, it created illusions that blind reality. I feel grateful to have been able to save myself because I now realize that your mask will only be destroyed when the person wearing it ceases to breathe.
TAMI:
RE: RANDOM WRITE:
All I can say Tami, is WOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!
That is poetry in prose, and so expresses “it”—ALL OF IT!
I’m speechless. I can’t find words to tell how it expressed the concepts of the Ps.