By | August 25, 2009 5 Comments

Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?

Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love’s mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?

In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged?

You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline:

Steve Becker, LCSW: Love’s Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting Your Life?

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Thanks so much for this posting. Steve is so informative and detailed in this interview – once again !!!!!

Please keep us informed if there are more to come. His expertise is such an asset to Lovefraud.

And thanks to you, Donna, for your dedication !!!!!!


STeve, great show!!! I took tons of notes! Thank you!


Learned about differences between narcissistic personality and sociopath. Both these personality types leave a swath of destruction, although there might be so hope for the narcissist, especially if they feel some shame. The sociopath is hopeless. This is what I understood from Steve’s interview. It makes me feel sad because I perceive my sister may be a sociopath, but I am trying to forget about her. Hard to forget about her when family and former friends are ingratiated with her charm, and she would have killed my mother with her manipulations had my brother and I hadn’t intervened. My sister devastated my family even before her act on my mother and I am sad that my sister will leave more victims behind as she continues to live like it is all about her. I can’t even warn these people who are being duped by my sister’s charm or feel sorry for her because I will be somehow allowing her back into my life. Nobody would believe that someone so charming or so nice or so meek could create so much trouble.


I think it is so easy for those of us who are self-blamers to listen to the description of a narcissist and start thinking of times when we’ve been selfish, etc….and at the same time extremely difficult for us to break through our denial and realize someone else is an extreme narcissist. Steve does a superb job on this radio show of really nailing a narcissist, as always, and not holding out false hope of them changing. And a wonderful job of explaining very clearly that the narcissist really sees no problem with his behavior.

This show made it undeniably clear to me that I was involved with an extreme narcissist with strong sociopathic tendencies.
I also recently ran across this article that really explained how I let this happen to me. Watch out for those first loves suddenly reappearing in your life!
Here’s a fair use quote:

“the assclowns, exhibited huge red flags, but these were ignored because of the perception that these women had of these men, the automatic feeling of trust that was often given purely on the basis of having a previous history (even if it was bad), and the idea that this guy represented their dreams coming true”when in fact, it was closer to a living nightmare.”

Add to that hitting me at a very vulnerable time, that was my undoing.

I had to, as the Betrayal Bond says, completely change my relationship with him in my head, from him being on a pedestal to me realizing he is a creep.

Of course, then I immediately accused MYSELF of devaluing….but setting boundaries for the kind of people you want in your life is a different matter.

Thanks Steve. This radio show makes it pretty hard to deny what you are or were dealing with.



You always describe the 32 years I lived with my ex-hustand exactly as it was!! I just can’t believe it, and I so appreciate it because it re-enforces my decision to leave and divorce him after so many years of trying to manage.

I lived so many years in his reality that even after being gone almost 4 years I struggle with whether my assessment was correct.

He now has a new girlfriend who is literally a millionaire and I’m beginning to wonder if there is an additional component of sociopathy after listening to your very insightful interview with Martha.

He was always above the law, but only took it as far as cheating in small ways, and driving above the speed limit. He was a “better driver”, so the speed limit didn’t apply to him. He also would punish us in the car when we dared to upset him by driving crazy.

Those days, thank God, are over.

I love my new life! Thanks so much for that interview. It helped me so much.


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