By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!
You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, according to what I read, it was a slower growing kind of this cancer, and if he had had surgery right then, there is a good chance that he might have actually effected a cure and be alive even today.
That wasn’t what Steve chose to do, though ”¦ he chose to deny the seriousness and the urgency to take drastic action immediately to exorcise the tumor out of his system. He did not essentially “go NO CONTACT” with the toxic, malignant entity that had silently invaded his body. As smart as Jobs was, and even though he had access to the best and most knowledgeable physicians in the world, he did not take the “appropriate action” to have the surgery. Jobs told his biographer that he did “not want to be cut open like that.” He later regretted that decision and even realized that it may have cost him his life.
His biographer says that he ultimately saw that the colon cleansing and other “new age” treatments did nothing for him, and nine months after he turned down after recommended surgery, Jobs finally decided to have it—what is called a “Whipple procedure” to remove the tumor. It was too late; he had missed that narrow “window of opportunity” in which he could have saved his life. He “got a divorce” from the tumor too late, the damage had been done. Though Steve Jobs fought valiantly for the next decade, the ultimate “win” by the psychopathic cancer was a foregone conclusion. He had failed to excise the cancer from his life while it was small.
Psychopaths as cancers
Too many times, I see psychopathic relationships with “malignant” individuals, and like cancers, they may grow inside us without being detectable as toxic until one day, even before we know they are toxic, the fatal damage has been done. Or, we may get a chance recognize them and to excise them when they are “small” in relationship to the rest of our lives. We can remove them without leaving large scars or holes in our lives. If we get this chance to remove the “malignant” people from our lives and we, like Steve Jobs, decide on a “want and see” plan, we allow them to grow and infiltrate our lives more fully, so that if and when we do decide to “surgically” remove them from our lives, the hole and the scars that they leave is much larger and more debilitating than if we had “done the surgery” when the situation wasn’t quite so ingrown.
Jesus talked about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off,” and went on to analogize that it is better to live a life with one eye or one hand than to live in “hell” with two eyes or two hands. Sometimes I think the “surgery” necessary to remove the psychopathic personality from our lives is very much like “plucking out your own eye” or “cutting off your own hand” with a rusty butcher knife. But the point of the situation is that in order to live a good life, or in some cases to live at all, we must make the hard decision to excise the toxic person, or the malignant tumor, from our lives as soon as we know what they are. Waiting around, treating this toxic, malignant issue with “kindness and love,” isn’t going to remove it from our lives or our bodies, or change it into something benign. We must take drastic and surgical action to remove this malignant person from our lives completely.
Removing those around the psychopath
That may also mean taking out the “lymph nodes” of the people around the cancerous person, just like the doctor will remove lymph nodes from around a breast containing cancer where that malignancy has spread into those nodes so that they, in turn, don’t spread the toxin to the rest of the body. It is unfortunate but true that a toxic psychopath will frequently have spread their lies and toxins to other people around us that we may also love ”¦ their families, our mutual friends, etc. A “cure” from the toxic psychopath may require us to be NC with those people too, and excise them from our lives as well. The longer the psychopath has been in our lives and the more deeply involved, the more likely this will be necessary. Failing to “bite the bullet” and do this as well may result in a recurrence of the malignancy this person leaves in our lives.
Steve Jobs was a significant personality in our culture. Of course there is no guarantee that if he had elected to have the surgery sooner rather than later, that he would have lived longer or better, but I can guarantee that living with a psychopathic person longer, or trying every “alternative” cure, except total surgical removal, isn’t going to improve your life in any way.
I think even in his death, Steve Jobs left us one more important thing ”¦ a lesson for anyone involved with a toxic relationship of any kind.
A sociopath is NOT an evil entity as it is being portrayed-
the “con artist” in that respect, YES i can understand that, the cheating lover with no conscience and who lies pathologically is another example,
BUT socicopaths are not cancers, that is an extremely bold statement considering the most common sociopath in america, is the fickle diagnosed biopolar teen, with 200 facebook friends, who only knows 10, and has a mom and dad tone and manorism, but spontaneouly swears or whatever when hes with his friends or playing xbox.
You can mix it up or compare and contrast but the overall “sociopathic” MINDSET- because thats its exact prose, is about the sequence of thought behind closed doors. It is not all about ulterior motive. It is not a cancer. YES it would be great if everyone could be completely honest all the time, because that would be the only cure for the “cancer”. But it would be great if everyone thought the same also. Theres no meds for sociopathy, WHY? Because its a way of thinking. and it ranges from the most innoscent to the most cold blooded,
Every case of sociopathy is different because every mind is also, along with every motvie and expectation.
And as far as dating a psychopath, or being the victim of one-
PEOPLE GET LIED TO, try not to be vulnerable.
because-
“I can call it whole kernnel golden whatever,… but its just corn”
I was once the victim of my fathers sociopathy, but he just lied alot”
DO YOU GET IT??… anyone can add emphasis and exploit.
just to shed light,…
good psychopath is oblivious, bad psychopath knows all to well.
I am leaving the above posts to remind us of how “the other side” thinks. Please don’t respond.
Hi Oxy,
I think your post makes excellent points. The only thing that I don’t agree with is using Steve Jobs as an example. From what I have heard about his life, he has all the markings of a sociopath himself (corporate). His biographer was on Nightline the other night telling George Stephonopholis about how Jobs could see the emotional weaknesses in people and really hone in on them and in the process shatter these people. According to this biographer, he was violently explosive and would rant and rave at those who did not agree with him.
Jobs also denied his daughter for years and years. He screwed a lot of people who were the closest to him. For all of the “Great Contributions” this guy made to society, I still have a difficult time separating the man from his accomplishments.
I think his denial of having surgery that could have saved his life was also an extremely arrogant move on his part. He had this belief that he had “special” powers to be able to manipulate outcomes. He even said that he could make other people do what he wanted just by thinking it.
In my opinion, this guy was the best example of Malignant Narcissism out there.
Great article, though.
Thanks
Wow. Just wow.
sisterhood:
Thanks for that info…I appreciate it. I had not heard these things about Jobs, but always wondered…it seems that ANYONE who is that wildly successful has to have some narcissism…just my opinion. Thanks for the insight. I am anxious to read more about him.
Very good analogy, though it has made me think about what I would do if I were diagnosed with cancer. With no family and few resources, I don’t know if I’d have the strength or the will to fight it. I wonder who would take care of me if I had to have a surgery or go through chemo? And who would pay the bills after the fact? It’s hard to understand someone in Jobs’ position not opting for the surgery. But I can understand normal everyday folks who try to take the more natural route, even if less effective. I think usually people can’t really comprehend the prospect of death unless it is staring them in the face. And at that point, it’s too late.
Perhaps the same can be said about people who stay with sociopaths thinking they will leave “one of these days.” They don’t realize that one day will be too late, and there will be so much damage done as to seem nearly irreparable. Toxic people really are like cancer, and I believe they can cause cancer in the victims through the inescapable stress they inflict on their victims.
Good article, Oxy.
I like this way of looking at the death of Steve Jobs. I didn’t think of cancer in a sociopathic manner or the refusal to remove it on Steve Jobs’ behalf. I must admit though at first I thought you said Steve Jobs’ was a sociopath. I was about to be like WHAT? But it did lure me into reading it though and learn how serious you need to remove a sociopath from your life.
I just wanted to share with you guys that I got a job! Its not much but its better than nothing. I hope and pray it all works out!
Congratulations on the new job!
Hurtnomore,
Glad you got a job. Good first step in making yourself independent of your folks.
Sisterhood, I have heard a few of the same examples about Steve Jobs “less than stellar” behavior on a personal level as well as on a business level….but I was not trying to analyze him as a narcissist or psychopath, but to show how a “psychopath” that is not removed from our lives is FATAL. Removing them is NECESSARY to our survival and sometimes it depends on timing as well. If we do it EARLY we live, but if we “fiddle fart” around and DELAY sometimes even then removing them is still fatal.
My husband worked for one of the men who was one of the “movers and shakers” of his own time, William “Bill” P. Lear….he invented the car radio, the 8-track tape player, several very important early navigation aids for air planes, the Lear Jet…etc. and the man I believe was a malignant narcissistic arse….he continually cheated on his wifes (4) though his last wife just ignored it (at least publicly) and was with him for 35 years…. from what I have heard about Bill however, I don’t think he was one of the GLEEFUL ones who ENJOYED the pain he caused to the women in his life, etc. but who knows? In any case, Lear was an exceptional man, very bright, successful and made a big difference in the business and professional world, but I sure as heck wouldn’t have wanted to be his child or his wife. Steve Jobs may have been the same way, who knows? But the point I was trying to make was about his DELAY in removing the “psychopath” from his life probably COST him his life, or at least a CHUNK of it. Even SMART people make bad judgments based on EMOTION rather than LOGIC, and in this case, Jobs made a VERY BAD DECISION based in denial of reality.
I have made some SUPER BAD DECISIONS based in denial of the truth, and did NOT remove some of the psychopaths from my life in a timely manner. That is why I am at lovefraud. LOL I firmly believe that at the time I picked up a few of my possessions and secretly fled from my home in the middle of the night was my LAST CHANCE to save my life, and thank GOD I took it!
Finding a Psychopath in our lives is very much like a diagnosis of “cancer.” Sometimes we don’t find a cancer until it is “too late” to cure it, or sometimes it is found early enough that if we treat it aggressively and use surgery we can cure it…..or sometimes it is a mild kind that is easily curable. Whatever the case, though, we CANNOT IGNORE IT and just hope it will go away by us taking vitamins and eating right as Steve Jobs tried to do for that critical 9 months.
Sometimes too, we have “symptoms” of psychopathy that WE don’t recognize as RED FLAGS but someone who is trained/educated in psychopathy would recognize immediately, so we go on thinking it is “nothing important” until even with the best treatment the “cancer” can’t be cured without a great deal of damage to our lives, even if it is not physically “fatal.”
My beloved step-father had signs of malignancy for several months before he was diagnosed. He “self diagnosed” these intermittent fevers as a “sinus infection”—and didn’t tell me about them. Upon finding out about his intermittent fevers, two things came to MY mind, one was CANCER, and the other was one of the several TICK BORNE FEVERS that are common around here. It turned out to be the cancer, but was a kind of cancer that there was not much chance of helping or extending his life on, though the doctors did convince him to TRY a round of chemo. His DELAY didn’t actually cost him his life…but it could have if it had been a different kind of cancer. The thing is though, he did not KNOW THE RED FLAGS of cancer or even the tick fevers. If it had been a tick fever he very well might have died before diagnosis….I came very close to doing that the “summer of chaos” when I was so emotionally beaten down, living in hiding, etc. that I didn’t pay much attention to my intermittent fevers until I could literally hardly stand up. This last couple of times I’ve had tick fever (am recovering from one now) I took ACTION at the first signs of RED FLAGS and went to the doctor.
Taking IMMEDIATE ACTION when we see the RED FLAGS associated with individuals who are high in psychopathic traits, who are demanding, dishonest, nasty tempered, have a record of many failed relationships, etc etc. should make us Safer than if we take a “wait and see” mode. When we are exposed to DISEASE of any kind, the longer we are around it the more chance it has to hurt us. So watch for the SIGNS and RED FLAGS of PSYCHOPATHY and get out the butcher knife or the nail clippers (whatever is an appropriate tool) and eliminate contagion from our lives!