By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!
You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, according to what I read, it was a slower growing kind of this cancer, and if he had had surgery right then, there is a good chance that he might have actually effected a cure and be alive even today.
That wasn’t what Steve chose to do, though ”¦ he chose to deny the seriousness and the urgency to take drastic action immediately to exorcise the tumor out of his system. He did not essentially “go NO CONTACT” with the toxic, malignant entity that had silently invaded his body. As smart as Jobs was, and even though he had access to the best and most knowledgeable physicians in the world, he did not take the “appropriate action” to have the surgery. Jobs told his biographer that he did “not want to be cut open like that.” He later regretted that decision and even realized that it may have cost him his life.
His biographer says that he ultimately saw that the colon cleansing and other “new age” treatments did nothing for him, and nine months after he turned down after recommended surgery, Jobs finally decided to have it—what is called a “Whipple procedure” to remove the tumor. It was too late; he had missed that narrow “window of opportunity” in which he could have saved his life. He “got a divorce” from the tumor too late, the damage had been done. Though Steve Jobs fought valiantly for the next decade, the ultimate “win” by the psychopathic cancer was a foregone conclusion. He had failed to excise the cancer from his life while it was small.
Psychopaths as cancers
Too many times, I see psychopathic relationships with “malignant” individuals, and like cancers, they may grow inside us without being detectable as toxic until one day, even before we know they are toxic, the fatal damage has been done. Or, we may get a chance recognize them and to excise them when they are “small” in relationship to the rest of our lives. We can remove them without leaving large scars or holes in our lives. If we get this chance to remove the “malignant” people from our lives and we, like Steve Jobs, decide on a “want and see” plan, we allow them to grow and infiltrate our lives more fully, so that if and when we do decide to “surgically” remove them from our lives, the hole and the scars that they leave is much larger and more debilitating than if we had “done the surgery” when the situation wasn’t quite so ingrown.
Jesus talked about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off,” and went on to analogize that it is better to live a life with one eye or one hand than to live in “hell” with two eyes or two hands. Sometimes I think the “surgery” necessary to remove the psychopathic personality from our lives is very much like “plucking out your own eye” or “cutting off your own hand” with a rusty butcher knife. But the point of the situation is that in order to live a good life, or in some cases to live at all, we must make the hard decision to excise the toxic person, or the malignant tumor, from our lives as soon as we know what they are. Waiting around, treating this toxic, malignant issue with “kindness and love,” isn’t going to remove it from our lives or our bodies, or change it into something benign. We must take drastic and surgical action to remove this malignant person from our lives completely.
Removing those around the psychopath
That may also mean taking out the “lymph nodes” of the people around the cancerous person, just like the doctor will remove lymph nodes from around a breast containing cancer where that malignancy has spread into those nodes so that they, in turn, don’t spread the toxin to the rest of the body. It is unfortunate but true that a toxic psychopath will frequently have spread their lies and toxins to other people around us that we may also love ”¦ their families, our mutual friends, etc. A “cure” from the toxic psychopath may require us to be NC with those people too, and excise them from our lives as well. The longer the psychopath has been in our lives and the more deeply involved, the more likely this will be necessary. Failing to “bite the bullet” and do this as well may result in a recurrence of the malignancy this person leaves in our lives.
Steve Jobs was a significant personality in our culture. Of course there is no guarantee that if he had elected to have the surgery sooner rather than later, that he would have lived longer or better, but I can guarantee that living with a psychopathic person longer, or trying every “alternative” cure, except total surgical removal, isn’t going to improve your life in any way.
I think even in his death, Steve Jobs left us one more important thing ”¦ a lesson for anyone involved with a toxic relationship of any kind.
Athena,
Sugar, I know it is hard when your head wants one thing and your heart wants another.
There are I think TWO parts of us inside, an “adult” side and a “child” side (just to give them two names) and the adult side is like a parent to the child and must keep the child SAFE and yet give the child the things s/he needs and sometimes that doesn’t make the “child” happy. But just as you would keep your child safe, even if the thing the child wanted most in the world was DANGEROUS you would not give in and let the child drink poison no matter how much it cried and screamed to drink the poison….you would try to nurture the child, offer it something else to drink, but you would NEVER GIVE IN and allow the child to hurt itself by drinking the poison. So too you must protect yourself, your inner child, your inner heart that WANTS the fantasy lover to be real.
Sugar, there ain’t no Santa Claus and your lover is a figment of your imagination and all the tears in the world won’t make it real, but your logical adult brain can take care of the soft innermost loving child side of yourself. So nurture yourself, be good to yourself and comfort yourself and the pain will pass. (((Hugs))))
Darwin, Oxy, thanks for the reachout.
Yes, I think you are right about the child in me wanting the Santa Claus. In the last text from my spath, he said to me “EVERYBODY LOVES YOU!!!”
He was trying to lovebomb me. I do know that.
I wanted to hear him say that HE loved me.
But he couldn’t.
The adult is winning.
But it sure hurts in the short term.
Thanks for the hugs, I really need them today.
Silly me.
Athena
Athena-How did you approach your therapist with your concerns? Was she immediately receptive. I think I am at pretty much the same point with my therapist, but not quite.
Thank you so much for all of the feedback about my therapist. I am taking all of the advice into consideration. I think I am going give it a few more sessions to see if I can communicate to my therapist my concerns and see if she is supportive in her response.
On another point -Back to Steve Jobs- I think it IS a very important point to look at WHY he didn’t have the surgery. Steve Jobs really believed that he had “God” like powers according to his biographer. He thought that he could will the cancer away because he was “special” enough to do it.
I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time with Steve Jobs as an example for this article. Sorry, Oxy. I just don’t like identifying with an arse like him. Steve Jobs is the cancer.
To me, it is so clear why he didn’t have the surgery. It was not that he was trying alternative medicine or was afraid of surgery or was even in denial. This creep actually thought he was “God” and could heal himself.
This character just reminds me so much of my ex-spath. According to Jobs’ biographer, Jobs admits that there are a lot of things he has done in his life that he is not proud of. But to me that seems like a a deathbed excuse for being a total SOB his whole life. There is just something smelling really funny with him.
Did anyone read the book review in People magazine. Very telling of his Spathyness. I’m sure there are other reviews that are just as revealing. Can’t wait to see how revealing the book is.
It was a wonderful analogy Oxy. IMHO-just not with Steve Jobs being the example of the victim.
I need to get over it. LOL
OH…and one more thing. In this People magazine book review, the biographer stated that while Jobs was going out with his current wife, that he was dating another girl as well. He left it up to his friends to decide which one he should marry. He asked his friends which girl was prettier and that was the one he was going to be with. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MY EX-SPATH DID TO ME. MY ex-spath held up two photos to all of his friends (one of me and one of his then girlfriend) and asked them which one he should be with. CRAZY!!!!!
Regarding Steve Jobs thinking himself God:
I don’t think you can underestimate the influence that “The Secret” crowd had, esp on California Hollywood types. When what you THINK on becomes reality, you start to become delusional in concluding that THINKING will make everything So. I call the Secret followers “The WISH People” b/c wishing and wanting can make something manifest if you are pure in heart and really really want it. If it didn’t happen, then it must mean you didn’t really want it or your heart wasn’t pure in it’s desire (sabotaged yourself)
As a person of intense medical experience, yes, I KNOW the mind has remarkable power. For instance, Can a person use biofeedback and lower their stress? Yes. BUT… the mind can only work with what exists.
“The Secret” and it’s excuses: that we are NOT responsible for chosing our behaviors to others b/c we made a contract with someone before they were born to cause them a certain kind of harm so they could learn… and that we manifest reality by thinking it into being… that we get cancer b/c we think how we wish it didn’t happen and just by thinking it was enough to create it – b/c the universe does not judge neg/positive, it only reads what is, in this case cancer, and bada bing, it now exists. (where is my $%@.......! fairy godmother????)
For those who believe they manifested disease into being by thinking it, they also believe the reverse, that if they correct their thinking, it will go away.
“The Secret”, aka, the big fraud which was a perfect fit of life philosophy for narcissists and Spaths.
Of course Steve thought himself God. That was how he rationalized his ability to be successful in everything else he did. There are other schools of thought that also encourage people to think of themselves as GOD.
Sisterhood
I don’t want to read the Jobs story. I am up to my eyeballs in spaths. I can’t handle any more.
To answer your question, how did I deal with this issue with my therapist, I actually refer to LoveFraud alot in my sessions with her.
I have said things like this, “At Lovefraud, we spend a lot of time trying to understand the SPATH because it has changed our WORLD VIEW”.
Push back. Tell her what you know. I told mine that at LF we do this:
a) We spend half our time trying to understand WTF is a spath! WTF happened to me?
b) We spend half our time trying to understand WHY did this happen to me? How was I a victim? Why? How do I recover.
This is not unique to you. Both are important and linked.
Athena
Sisterhood,
spaths can be attacked by other, bigger spaths too.
It’s strange when it happens. It’s hard to know if you should feel sorry for the stupider spath. My sister is one and I know 2 other women like that. So it’s usually women spaths who are duped into thinking they are going to steal someone’s husband, or money or whatever, but as it turns out they are the ones being duped into becoming a patsy.
That would be the case of a spath having “cancerous” relationshits.
You are wrong!! steve jobs was not the most inovative man in world. There was a risin artist in nyc who was. She also was victim of countless psychopath. starting weith a father who was a Dr, who inflicted Munchausen by proxy on her as a healthy 18 year old , alon wit her mother an attention craving narcisistic contagius toxic woman who wanted attention from a daughter and used a phoney diagnosis and inflicted abuse on a genius mind talent and a gifted child who got over bulimia alone. worked at a job her father got her insisting. Then tortured her for years with a lie false diagnosis in order to try to keep her from being an artist. Something in his sick mind associating artist with terrorist would rather torture a child to death leave her to run for her life from inflicted abuse, and land a traumatized perfect victim on streets of nyc where she then became a perfect victim to a very sick people psychotpaths and others lookig for someone to take their failed lives and child hood out on. Abandoned by a drug addicted brother in law who had alaso inforced he knew her family was sick. thent urned on her nd left her baited in streets of nyc after he told her to open her mouth to avoid illness or death. They shut it to go paint and do drugs.
Also knowing that toxic people were sick and cancerous and that the torture of someone telling her what to dodid not bring result that should have . She suffered a long dark isolated journey to hell off of people who stuffed her in a coffin used a Munchausen by proxy lie to get off with it and lied closing ear and eye to screams for lilfe.
15 years later twisted and altered fro her natural body and sufering from extremes of ptsd. walked into ajob with a famous artist and began to try to escape her death fate. this led to next three years in a gallery where the cutting off of a sick cold hearted family and others who abused her while their backs were turned and eyes ears closed, and would manage to rise up out of hell to a very high place. that also came off of her own insight to what the tumor was i her life a false diagnoses but unlike steve jobs was not alternatives, but common sense action that was not given to her that led to her rise.
She then was given a next miracle. while drs were told to ignore deadly ptsd and trauma , she refused to swallow a false diagnosis and lies told to drs out of an insane motive. she had also been a self healed survivor of bulimia which she refused to let them make come back.. 15 years of torture later a two day trip to jamaica wi lead to next 17 years of rise up outof every pain , torture and condtions inflicted on her ,by not listenin to drs who had no common sense and was forced to save her own life and was given more than one miracle. Her seamless efforts took her straing to top of world rising. she never ignord condtions or symtoms , but was not ever given care equal to waht she knew by her ownself was imperitive to prevent the repeat of a nearly fatal story. 17 years of her life later a few real life psychopaths in form of cocaine addicted people boys and others who made threats to remove this mniracle which gave her a lif younger htan her years. nearly perfect health despite a few condtios she monitored, a happy go lucky rising life, a stronger personality,and an unbroken dream to be able to chose in life who and what she wanted. she cut off the sick family, the toxins the liars the threatrs and got miracles. the family did not want to hear she was not sick.. and continued to tell drs to treat her for an illne3ss it was more more apparent she never had. they had kept her sick, and wanted her to suffer only to fit he into their mold. the truth was right in their face, but they wanted her to be sick despite she suffered.
This is toxic and nearly cost her her lfie. however instead she cut themn off and rise up to her own identity truth had to be her own dr and Drs were told to ignore her. cuasing her climb to be more troubles or slow.
despite she managed to gain back memnnory and talent and for law. putting her sick family in a place to be sued.
on road up a list of sick abusive men were intentionlay put in her path. a list of bullies tried to up root her in work and her talent of which they did not have. she had personalit which was uncovered from her abuse, and was fast rising to a happy and lucrative creative genious in art, film, writing tv or music.
this made a few people not easy. she had to overcome many obstacles and unlike stever jobs monitored closely medical problems that could lead to stroke and other. despite prudent steps to tell drs and get a proxy if they dit not hear or act. No proxy cared anddrs consistanly ignored serious symptoms.
After escaping likes of a serious lot of abusive males and given no aftger care, the last few and one black male rasta psychotic caused a significant damage to her now 17 year record holdin climb and pristine recovery. For someone with a bulimia history and significant abuse she never lost her stand in life or was set back to bulimia ever. she had very little food issues and her progress was miracle. Despite her progress was miracle to come back to who she was as a 18 year old and better. her family insisted to want her to be sick. this is sick. they also were not ever stopped or investigated. one older sister with control freak and sociopath persona. attached herself to breat cancer issues in same way she wanted to inflict Munchasen by proxy on a innocent healthy kid . she making her self a pre vivor of cancer had Munchausen all over it..
M” call her rise had all to do with god , common sense nad medical insights. not alternative quakery. she was also very prudent about every move she made and her bulimia but not one dr cared. even when abusive peopple brought her close to disaster, she reported issues only to be slapped in face with uncaring drs..
in end it was the combination of a psychotic false rasta singer, Drs who ignored serious stress levels and threats to stroke and break down, and family who stilll wanted a healthy person a miracle exceptional person to fail and be sick. By time she got to get rid of the toxic boy, abuser, and aksed drs to treat her wounds. She began to suffer fatal effects.. despite she got to drs prior to this and after. she was ignored in serious condtions.
WHen she told her family what was going on and that she would lose her miracle. they ignored her. Leaving her to meet a very sad and fatal fate. loss of 17 years of hard work excpetioanl talent, a mind that had all to do with solving problems in world in terms of issues medical and social from her own living hell, was lost to indifference. TO likes of a mentaly ill Rasta singer how berated abused used and used his own charms on people same way her family doid to hide his own criminal acts of violence abuse and wanted to be coddled for who he was. while tearign the life and health out of a super acheiver and non =violent u=gifted person had no effect on his concions or her family, who allowed her for be pushed into hell and gutter after a outstanding medical miracle history, and climb.
itis people like them that make the world a sick place to live in . along with list of people who sat saw and watched and heard her begging gfor medical care that did not require a knife or cut. jus action.. life is so unbalanced and evil ..
Huh?
… and then there was this one time, at band camp…I was, like, taking my plants to, like, my room… and I couldn’t see where I was going, so like, I was walking, and the potted plant was like, in my way and I didn’t see the rock, so I tripped. and fell.