By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!
You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, according to what I read, it was a slower growing kind of this cancer, and if he had had surgery right then, there is a good chance that he might have actually effected a cure and be alive even today.
That wasn’t what Steve chose to do, though ”¦ he chose to deny the seriousness and the urgency to take drastic action immediately to exorcise the tumor out of his system. He did not essentially “go NO CONTACT” with the toxic, malignant entity that had silently invaded his body. As smart as Jobs was, and even though he had access to the best and most knowledgeable physicians in the world, he did not take the “appropriate action” to have the surgery. Jobs told his biographer that he did “not want to be cut open like that.” He later regretted that decision and even realized that it may have cost him his life.
His biographer says that he ultimately saw that the colon cleansing and other “new age” treatments did nothing for him, and nine months after he turned down after recommended surgery, Jobs finally decided to have it—what is called a “Whipple procedure” to remove the tumor. It was too late; he had missed that narrow “window of opportunity” in which he could have saved his life. He “got a divorce” from the tumor too late, the damage had been done. Though Steve Jobs fought valiantly for the next decade, the ultimate “win” by the psychopathic cancer was a foregone conclusion. He had failed to excise the cancer from his life while it was small.
Psychopaths as cancers
Too many times, I see psychopathic relationships with “malignant” individuals, and like cancers, they may grow inside us without being detectable as toxic until one day, even before we know they are toxic, the fatal damage has been done. Or, we may get a chance recognize them and to excise them when they are “small” in relationship to the rest of our lives. We can remove them without leaving large scars or holes in our lives. If we get this chance to remove the “malignant” people from our lives and we, like Steve Jobs, decide on a “want and see” plan, we allow them to grow and infiltrate our lives more fully, so that if and when we do decide to “surgically” remove them from our lives, the hole and the scars that they leave is much larger and more debilitating than if we had “done the surgery” when the situation wasn’t quite so ingrown.
Jesus talked about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off,” and went on to analogize that it is better to live a life with one eye or one hand than to live in “hell” with two eyes or two hands. Sometimes I think the “surgery” necessary to remove the psychopathic personality from our lives is very much like “plucking out your own eye” or “cutting off your own hand” with a rusty butcher knife. But the point of the situation is that in order to live a good life, or in some cases to live at all, we must make the hard decision to excise the toxic person, or the malignant tumor, from our lives as soon as we know what they are. Waiting around, treating this toxic, malignant issue with “kindness and love,” isn’t going to remove it from our lives or our bodies, or change it into something benign. We must take drastic and surgical action to remove this malignant person from our lives completely.
Removing those around the psychopath
That may also mean taking out the “lymph nodes” of the people around the cancerous person, just like the doctor will remove lymph nodes from around a breast containing cancer where that malignancy has spread into those nodes so that they, in turn, don’t spread the toxin to the rest of the body. It is unfortunate but true that a toxic psychopath will frequently have spread their lies and toxins to other people around us that we may also love ”¦ their families, our mutual friends, etc. A “cure” from the toxic psychopath may require us to be NC with those people too, and excise them from our lives as well. The longer the psychopath has been in our lives and the more deeply involved, the more likely this will be necessary. Failing to “bite the bullet” and do this as well may result in a recurrence of the malignancy this person leaves in our lives.
Steve Jobs was a significant personality in our culture. Of course there is no guarantee that if he had elected to have the surgery sooner rather than later, that he would have lived longer or better, but I can guarantee that living with a psychopathic person longer, or trying every “alternative” cure, except total surgical removal, isn’t going to improve your life in any way.
I think even in his death, Steve Jobs left us one more important thing ”¦ a lesson for anyone involved with a toxic relationship of any kind.
Sky
Lol!!
The sisterhood,
Like Sky said, even a psychopath can tangle with another psychopath and lose. In fact, it is fairly common for two personality disordered people to hook up and the LOSER presents themselves as a “victim”—I don’t think Jobs was a “victim” so much as he was shown the RED FLAGS and he chose to ignore them and then when it was TOO LATE TO HELP himself, the “psychopath” (cancer) won because it had time to grow bigger than could be removed.
When we see the red flags, we also have to make a choice to try to ‘treat” the cancer with “love and kindness” or “fantasy” or whatever positive thinking we espouse but the ONLY treatment for psychopathy is to CUT IT OUT OF OUR LIVES—root and stem! –before it becomes so ingrown that it wrecks our health and lives.
I agree with Katy about the “positive thinking” aspects of “treating” some things that can’t be treated by “believing” it will go away. While I have seen various aspects of the brain being able to do some remarkable things with the body, there are just some things the brain can’t do no matter how much we “think positive.”
I have participated in several bio-feed-back training sessions and I can raise and lower my blood pressure, my heart rate, and the temperature in the palms of my hands. I know people who have been able to control pain enough that they have been able to give birth “comfortably” (I never was able to do that) and I know people who have been able to stop significant bleeding by conscious control of the blood vessels. There have been reliable stories of mystics who have done some remarkable “mind over matter” things, but the bottom line is that there are some things that no matter how “positive” we think, are not going to change with brain power alone.
I can respect this article in that i have likened my dealing with the S/P as to cancer. The only problem is that no matter what surgery I do, the s/p just wont go away. I am in and out of court with this litigious “fool”. He lied about his job and his salary and I took him back for increase in child support. Now, ” TIT-FOR-TAT” is taking me back to court for feeding my children before they go on visitation with him. The accusations are becoming so absurd and i just dont know when this will ever end. I have cut mutual friends out of my life because, frankly, I just dont trust them. I live in one of the most corrupt states in the nation. I just received a petition to appear in court in which my ex is trying to hold me in contempt for leaving the state and seeking a specialist for our child suffering from a potentailly fatal illness. I told him I would be seeking a specialist and he never replied. Basically, I am forced to take action for the best interest, health and well being of my children and when I do, he cries “alienation!”
You cant win for losing with these people. They are continually sabataging the parenting of the stable parent. When are the courts going to catch on to these tactics and shut these cry babies down. Not to mention, guess who notarized the petition… The s/p’s wife… suppose I should feel elated that they would do all this just for me. Thats what it is all about, hate and revenge. What is going to happen when the kids are grown, making their own choices, living where they want and I am no longer the common denominater of such hateful games. It is sad.
I get knocked down at times, but I keep getting up…And that is what matters…What are we going to do when we get back up?
Ox…i appreciate your thought on the bible and other’s opinions..I have come to realize through this battle that the Word is true…God will give us revelation and what we need when we seek Him. That is what I have and that is what I hold on to. No preacher can give that…an opinion is not a revelation. Peace and hugs to you all for listening.
hgg,
sometimes you have to follow up surgery with several courses of radiation and chemotherapy.
Dear Hgg,
I’m so sorry you are enduring this for the sake of your children. It makes me so sad when I realize that these evil people use their children as clubs to bash others with, caring not what they do to the children. Jesus said that anyone who “offends one of these” referring to children, would be better off to have a mill stone hung around his neck and be cast into the sea. I do believe that there IS JUSTICE eventually…whether we know it or not.
There are other parents here and alll I can suggest is that you go to Dr. Leedom’s website “parenting the at risk child” for mutual support and continue here at LF to support each other. Sometimes we just need to ventilate to someone who understands. God bless you, and yea, sometimes one surgery won’t do the trick, it takes follow up treatment. God bless. ((hugs)))
Skylar,
Yes…and it is exhausting, nauseating, depressing, hair losing, protein wasting…but with HOPE we do it!!! Love and Peace
DEAR OX
Have you ever seen the size of an an actual Millstone…??:-)
I have read the book and would recommend it. Thankfully, I learned the parenting objectives and tactics that have been xtremely helpful. My kids are 14 and 12 and neither show signs of being s/p. I am so thankful for the insight of all that write in. It really is helpful.
I wrote a few blogs on my experiences thru the courts and with my ex s/p and I suppose it hit a bit close to home because there again, s/p petitioned me to court claiming that the blogs were putting my kids at risk…yeah….I think these sites are a bit intimidating for these “FOOLS”…luv and peace
Dear Hgg,
Actually millstones vary in size, but the water mills are usually HUGE…interestingly enough the phrase about “keeping his nose to the grind stone” was because the miller had to keep a check to see that the mill stone didn’t get the grain too hot and cause a fire…literally keep his NOSE close so that he could smell the smoking grain. In fact, I have a small electric grist mill for grinding grain and I have to go slow or the grain gets too hot.
I’m glad that your kids are reaching an age of “reason” so that hopefully they can SEE for themselves how unreasonable their sperm donor is. At least YOU won’t have to put up with his carp for too many more years before they are 18 at least. So at least there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep your faith. It is amazing just how much deeper and more comforting my own faith is since this whole mess “blew up” in my face.
holy crap, it’s hard to believe how many posts were made to this thread today!
Zim – thanks for posting about that book and therapy. I will check into both.
Eurohorse,
‘In addition, the belief that surgery could have “saved” Steve Jobs is a matter of opinion. Science has not had much success, if any, dealing with cancer. The issue goes deeper than slicing and dicing. ‘
full on agree with you.