By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!
You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, according to what I read, it was a slower growing kind of this cancer, and if he had had surgery right then, there is a good chance that he might have actually effected a cure and be alive even today.
That wasn’t what Steve chose to do, though ”¦ he chose to deny the seriousness and the urgency to take drastic action immediately to exorcise the tumor out of his system. He did not essentially “go NO CONTACT” with the toxic, malignant entity that had silently invaded his body. As smart as Jobs was, and even though he had access to the best and most knowledgeable physicians in the world, he did not take the “appropriate action” to have the surgery. Jobs told his biographer that he did “not want to be cut open like that.” He later regretted that decision and even realized that it may have cost him his life.
His biographer says that he ultimately saw that the colon cleansing and other “new age” treatments did nothing for him, and nine months after he turned down after recommended surgery, Jobs finally decided to have it—what is called a “Whipple procedure” to remove the tumor. It was too late; he had missed that narrow “window of opportunity” in which he could have saved his life. He “got a divorce” from the tumor too late, the damage had been done. Though Steve Jobs fought valiantly for the next decade, the ultimate “win” by the psychopathic cancer was a foregone conclusion. He had failed to excise the cancer from his life while it was small.
Psychopaths as cancers
Too many times, I see psychopathic relationships with “malignant” individuals, and like cancers, they may grow inside us without being detectable as toxic until one day, even before we know they are toxic, the fatal damage has been done. Or, we may get a chance recognize them and to excise them when they are “small” in relationship to the rest of our lives. We can remove them without leaving large scars or holes in our lives. If we get this chance to remove the “malignant” people from our lives and we, like Steve Jobs, decide on a “want and see” plan, we allow them to grow and infiltrate our lives more fully, so that if and when we do decide to “surgically” remove them from our lives, the hole and the scars that they leave is much larger and more debilitating than if we had “done the surgery” when the situation wasn’t quite so ingrown.
Jesus talked about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off,” and went on to analogize that it is better to live a life with one eye or one hand than to live in “hell” with two eyes or two hands. Sometimes I think the “surgery” necessary to remove the psychopathic personality from our lives is very much like “plucking out your own eye” or “cutting off your own hand” with a rusty butcher knife. But the point of the situation is that in order to live a good life, or in some cases to live at all, we must make the hard decision to excise the toxic person, or the malignant tumor, from our lives as soon as we know what they are. Waiting around, treating this toxic, malignant issue with “kindness and love,” isn’t going to remove it from our lives or our bodies, or change it into something benign. We must take drastic and surgical action to remove this malignant person from our lives completely.
Removing those around the psychopath
That may also mean taking out the “lymph nodes” of the people around the cancerous person, just like the doctor will remove lymph nodes from around a breast containing cancer where that malignancy has spread into those nodes so that they, in turn, don’t spread the toxin to the rest of the body. It is unfortunate but true that a toxic psychopath will frequently have spread their lies and toxins to other people around us that we may also love ”¦ their families, our mutual friends, etc. A “cure” from the toxic psychopath may require us to be NC with those people too, and excise them from our lives as well. The longer the psychopath has been in our lives and the more deeply involved, the more likely this will be necessary. Failing to “bite the bullet” and do this as well may result in a recurrence of the malignancy this person leaves in our lives.
Steve Jobs was a significant personality in our culture. Of course there is no guarantee that if he had elected to have the surgery sooner rather than later, that he would have lived longer or better, but I can guarantee that living with a psychopathic person longer, or trying every “alternative” cure, except total surgical removal, isn’t going to improve your life in any way.
I think even in his death, Steve Jobs left us one more important thing ”¦ a lesson for anyone involved with a toxic relationship of any kind.
Oxy
Yes, it’s all a choice, isn’t it?
Chosing to get rid of the cancer.
Chosing to pamper yourself.
Chosing to have a positive outlook.
Chosing to not revert to the spath and the pain he caused.
I am so flipping glad that that asshole has not been able to get through to me and that every day I am away from him I’m healing, I feel better, he can’t destroy me and tear me down.
It’s all a choice.
EB, you’re one to admire. Thank you for sharing your story.
Athena
Athena;
Yes….it’s all a choice. Creating space and distance from our toxicities….(spaths) is one of the most healthiest choices, which bear continual gifts of growth for us.
Find your ADAMANT and ‘know’ it!
Stay safe and keep walking forward!
EB,
your story inspires me. I need it today, since I’m shoveling gravel and my body is sore from doing it yesterday. When I compare that to what you did, it pales. I can do it.
Oxy, the woman on tv WANTS her daughter to be fat.
I’m learning a thing or two about parents. There are many parents who don’t want their children to be or do better than they did. Mine are that way.
I had a friend from high school who became a toothless meth whore. She had 4 kids and all were taken from her. But her 16 year old daughter is living with her again. Except in the summertime, when she lives with her 43 year old (semi-retarded) pervert boyfriend, who still lives with HIS mother.
the 16-year old girl is going down the same (or worse) road as her mother. But I think that my “friend” is so angry and disillusioned about where her life took her (she was a beautiful model at age 16), that she wants to see her daughter live the same way. Not sure if it’s conscious or unconscious but I can see that she has not expressed concern about her daughter’s choices.
My own parents, I can see, made the effort to sabotage their kids. Seeding fear and anxiety, corrupting our emotional reactions and not teaching us self-sufficiency or self-esteem, were all ways to sabotage our successes.
Lots of parents are jealous of their children and they do evil things to take away the gift of innocence.
Skylar;
We just have to develop the ‘geterdone’ attitude!
It truely IS surprising just how much we can do……and things that we relied on others to do in our lives.
We are WAY MORE self sufficient than we think!
When your done shoveling gravel……take a hot bath, reward your body and let your mind reward your heart…..because you GOTERDONE!
I bet you NEVER thought you’d be pouring concrete…..and as not glamorous as that job is/was……were you NOT proud of yourself for being able to figure out how to do this yourself?
There is a reward in self sufficiency…..and we can build on that!
I just changed out the hydrolics on my hatch…..with the Jr’s holding up the hatch….it took all of 5 minutes…$80 bucks and a trip to the auto parts store. I’ve figured out how to ‘operate’ on a snowblower during a storm…..in order not to be snowed in…..I’ve fixed holes in walls, installed a gas stove, changed my oil…….and gave myself a mani/pedi all while I had a clay facemask on……I got grease under my nails and pinched my fingers in the wood splitter……AND WE CAN BE DAMN PROUD OF OURSELVES TO DO ALL OF IT!!!!!
It’s empowering……GOOD FOR YOU SKYLAR!
CONCOUER THE WORLD……WE CAN!
OH…..and FUCK ALL OF THOSE….who say we can’t!!!!
Skylar
You are right about the mom wanting her kid to be fat. I have a cousin the same way. Her daughter was a wee delicate thing but mom gave her lots of approval for “being a good eater” and is angry (actually threatened to sue the school) b/c her daughter’s classmates now make fun of her dqaughter and call her fat b/c “size should not matter when you are a kid.” This is NOT a kid who’s is well nourished, this is an 8 yr old girl who is now 50 lbs overweight, can’t bend over, or play field games. Fat kids are used as proof that it’s the genes, not the behavior and validates MOM AT THE HEALTH AND EXPENSE OF THE CHILD. It’s just another form of child abuse and pisses me off b/c if I eat choc cake and gain 10 lbs, well I did it to myself. But for a parent to stuff their child like that and deprive them of friends, security, self esteem…. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
ps last I bought black beans and brown rice, they were way cheaper than Micky D’s, so the claim she can’t afford to feed her child properly is BS. But you all knew that. 🙂
Katy,
Funny how many people have NO IDEA how to cook a meal…I laughed at that car ad here a while back, shows a post college age guy who is complaining because his mom didn’t cook dinner for him and he thought went to bed, and he said “but I know how to cook dinner” (then he pops a precooked meal into the microwave)
Funny thing, I have cooked from SCRATCH and raised most of the food I prepared, butchered the meat and then cooked it…and it is a fact today that most people in the US would starve with a cow and a knife both handy….and the TV “shows” that a “FAMILY DINNER” comes from KFC instead of McDonald’s LOL I saw an ad yesterday for a “home cooked” breakfast of sweet rolls with sugar on top OUT OF A CAN, OF COURSE…DUH!!! All evening long if you look at TV you see almost nothing but FOOD ADS for FAST FOODS, fried foods,, super sized foods, greasy foods, high carb foods, etc. EXPENSIVE FOODS.
I realize that it is not realistic to expect everyone to grow their own veggies and meat, butcher it and then cook it, and milk a cow or goat for their milk, etc., but to cook BASIC meals with fruits and veggies for a BALANCED diet is actually LESS EXPENSIVE than eating out of a pre-cooked box or can and of course cheaper than McDonald’s to say nothing of more healthy. Even raising my own, I ate too much salt and too many calories, now I’ve had to correct that!
You got it Oxy!
Sometimes when I think I whine too much, God reminds me that I was given gifts in spite of a less than ideal childhood. As the responsible one in my family, I cooked. Am so proud of that skill now. You are right, it’s amazing how dependent people are on Costco/Sam’s Club prepared foods. FULL of preservatives, salt, sugar, and fat. I don’t think most people know what GOOD food actually tastes like.
Stargazer:
The same with me. I know how you feel.
Louise, I’ve been waiting to see you on here. (Just a slight hijack). I finally saw the Human Centipede II. I won’t spoil it for you but it’s so disgusting that a few people threw up in the theater. Must see! I still like the first one better. I love the evil doctor.