By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
I was reading an article about Steve Jobs’ new biography that came out this past week, and some of the stories about his life. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs was one of the smartest and most savvy guys in the Twentieth Century. The inventions that he fostered or personally thought of have changed our society and our culture, and remarkably changed the communication field. An amazing man!
You may have read the title of this article and are already wondering how Steve Jobs was killed by a “psychopath.” Jobs died of the terminal stages of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this very serious form of cancer. Apparently, according to what I read, it was a slower growing kind of this cancer, and if he had had surgery right then, there is a good chance that he might have actually effected a cure and be alive even today.
That wasn’t what Steve chose to do, though ”¦ he chose to deny the seriousness and the urgency to take drastic action immediately to exorcise the tumor out of his system. He did not essentially “go NO CONTACT” with the toxic, malignant entity that had silently invaded his body. As smart as Jobs was, and even though he had access to the best and most knowledgeable physicians in the world, he did not take the “appropriate action” to have the surgery. Jobs told his biographer that he did “not want to be cut open like that.” He later regretted that decision and even realized that it may have cost him his life.
His biographer says that he ultimately saw that the colon cleansing and other “new age” treatments did nothing for him, and nine months after he turned down after recommended surgery, Jobs finally decided to have it—what is called a “Whipple procedure” to remove the tumor. It was too late; he had missed that narrow “window of opportunity” in which he could have saved his life. He “got a divorce” from the tumor too late, the damage had been done. Though Steve Jobs fought valiantly for the next decade, the ultimate “win” by the psychopathic cancer was a foregone conclusion. He had failed to excise the cancer from his life while it was small.
Psychopaths as cancers
Too many times, I see psychopathic relationships with “malignant” individuals, and like cancers, they may grow inside us without being detectable as toxic until one day, even before we know they are toxic, the fatal damage has been done. Or, we may get a chance recognize them and to excise them when they are “small” in relationship to the rest of our lives. We can remove them without leaving large scars or holes in our lives. If we get this chance to remove the “malignant” people from our lives and we, like Steve Jobs, decide on a “want and see” plan, we allow them to grow and infiltrate our lives more fully, so that if and when we do decide to “surgically” remove them from our lives, the hole and the scars that they leave is much larger and more debilitating than if we had “done the surgery” when the situation wasn’t quite so ingrown.
Jesus talked about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off,” and went on to analogize that it is better to live a life with one eye or one hand than to live in “hell” with two eyes or two hands. Sometimes I think the “surgery” necessary to remove the psychopathic personality from our lives is very much like “plucking out your own eye” or “cutting off your own hand” with a rusty butcher knife. But the point of the situation is that in order to live a good life, or in some cases to live at all, we must make the hard decision to excise the toxic person, or the malignant tumor, from our lives as soon as we know what they are. Waiting around, treating this toxic, malignant issue with “kindness and love,” isn’t going to remove it from our lives or our bodies, or change it into something benign. We must take drastic and surgical action to remove this malignant person from our lives completely.
Removing those around the psychopath
That may also mean taking out the “lymph nodes” of the people around the cancerous person, just like the doctor will remove lymph nodes from around a breast containing cancer where that malignancy has spread into those nodes so that they, in turn, don’t spread the toxin to the rest of the body. It is unfortunate but true that a toxic psychopath will frequently have spread their lies and toxins to other people around us that we may also love ”¦ their families, our mutual friends, etc. A “cure” from the toxic psychopath may require us to be NC with those people too, and excise them from our lives as well. The longer the psychopath has been in our lives and the more deeply involved, the more likely this will be necessary. Failing to “bite the bullet” and do this as well may result in a recurrence of the malignancy this person leaves in our lives.
Steve Jobs was a significant personality in our culture. Of course there is no guarantee that if he had elected to have the surgery sooner rather than later, that he would have lived longer or better, but I can guarantee that living with a psychopathic person longer, or trying every “alternative” cure, except total surgical removal, isn’t going to improve your life in any way.
I think even in his death, Steve Jobs left us one more important thing ”¦ a lesson for anyone involved with a toxic relationship of any kind.
P.S. they don’t change, they don’t see the light, there isn’t good in them, they continue to rape and hurt and abuse, and he is never ever going to be the good man.
period.
fire your therapist, she doesn’t know what she is talking about.
i swear…..
One Joy,
Okey Dokey! 🙂
Dear Sisterhood,
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH ONE/JOY, get another therapist! Yes, there ARE EVIL people, and “who are you to judge?” YOU ARE THE VICTIM and you have EVERY RIGHT TO JUDGE…in fact, Ii wrote an article about it,
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2011/03/25/being-a-judgmental-person-is-more-than-okay-it-is-wise/
So YES, we can and SHOULD be judgmental….((((hugs))))
peace out all. xo
Very well-written, original article. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that she worked at the hospital where I worked. She really hits the nail on the head multiple times. Yes, these people ARE like a cancer…and I said that over and over again while I was in the midst of the chaos, targeting, and subsequent firing by one. Very interesting analogy about Jobs. Glad I decided to open the email and find the article.
Thank you One Joy and Oxy
I didn’t feel all that good leaving therapy this week. More confused than feeling like I was making progress. In her defense, I think she was trying to shake me out of CPTSD thinking. People who suffer from this see people as either all bad or all good. And she did try to back up and rethink what she said. I don’t know if this is all a part of a strategy for her in my therapy. I really don’t know what she was thinking. I go to her because I felt a connection to her and we are both Christians and she has helped me immensely up to this point. But that is not to say that I agree with everything she says. I have no idea if she was ever the victim of a sociopath, nor will I ever. So, as I’ve stated before in previous posts, unless you’ve been a victim of a sociopoath, you will never know how it feels.
I also think that she just wants me to get past this experience with my ex-spath so we can focus on the deeper issues of my childhood. The one very frustrating thing she used to do alot is say, “Oh, but you were teenagers or You were so young. It wasn’t real love that you felt.” For that I want to strangle her. It is insulting to me and I told her that when she says that she is invalidating me and my experience. She has apologized and said that was not her intention. (For the record, I was in my early twenties when I had this experience but she still says that I was a teenager) Frustrating!!!
With all that said, she is supposed to be the go to person on personlity disorders. She was the one who pegged my ex for what he is. I go back and forth on weather or not to continue with her. I’m going to do some more light therapy with her that has to do with my parents. So maybe in that area she will be good for me.
I always have LF, Right? This is sometimes the best therapy I get.
It has been close to 2 months for me (not counting seeing him at court) since we didnt look at each other or talked.
I found myself missing him this weekend, I had dreams with him coming back to me and I was happy and woke up crying bc I knew it was only a dream.
I know it will get better and easier and there will be a time when I will think of him and feel nothing. My therapist says is part of the healing process and that i am dealing with PTSD. For now, I force myself to think of all the horrible things he has done to me and how much it hurt me and tell myself that I deserve better.
sisterhood – okay, my BP has come down a bit…. 😉
i have a few thoughts and questions for you. i hope they are of some help in getter a broader take on what is happening with the therapist:
what stake does she have in contextualizing YOUR experience? why does she need to do this?
why is it important to her that you see your experience as she does?
does she have credentials?
is her need to have you be forgiving connected to her understand of Christianity? Does this make you a bad Christian if you are not?
why does SHE need YOU to move on? what is HER agenda? does she plan on dying sometime soon and want to make sure you are ‘fixed’ before she goes? she really doesn’t understand what being spathed is like or she would NEVER say what she has.
she has tried to diminish, re-contextualize and change your process. can you ask her what her plan is?
in case you haven’t read it, ‘The Betrayal Bond’ is a very useful book for drawing the line between our families and others of influence to the spaths.
is it possible you have outgrown her skills and abilities?
xo one joy
Alina – i think of it like ‘detox’. i have a number of chemical sensitivities due to chemical injuries – and when i react to an exposure to something that i am sensitive to, it’s pretty intense.
Not long after the spath fake died, i woke bolt upright gasping for breath, skin burning, lungs aching, fear ripping though me – i could see his fake face 2 inches from mine. that experience had many of the hallmarks of a chemical detox/ reaction.
okay – really hitting the hay this time. peace out all. xo