A romantic relationship with a sociopath can leave a person sour on the opposite sex, or on people in general. I said last week that sociopaths try to train their partners in their disordered thinking patterns. Recovery involves purging the sociopath’s mollifications and seeing the beauty in life again. Recovery means a renewed ability to appreciate the loving connections we still have. Sometimes art, music and cinema can help us do that.
This Christmas we were not able to be with our family in California. But it was a “warm” beautiful day in Connecticut, so the kids and I walked the dog on the beach, went to the movies and ate out at a Chinese restaurant. I recommend the movie we saw because it describes real love between a man and a woman and of course their dog.
The movie, Marley and Me, is based on the true story of a family and Marley “the worst dog in the world.” The lead male character is somewhat unsure of himself but very committed to his family, and his values are contrasted with those of his best friend who has an uncommitted approach to relationships.
The story is also about adult development and the changes we go through between 25 and 40. The ending is rather bittersweet but I was still glad to have seen this movie on Christmas. It is good to be reminded about the importance of love and devotion. Movies can be very powerful tools for that kind of reminding. Although there are a lot of movies that portray the dark side of humanity, there is still a demand for stories like this one. Marley and Me advertises the common place, deep connections we have to our loved ones be they human or canine.
Indigoblue
Hey LOOK _____——->
That means when you go get me beers and smokes dont forget to get me A Pizza extra everything! LOVE JJ
Indigoblue
Some Prof said that a person cannot feel pity and suspecion at the same time! Try Me!
One of the life lessons that may help someone in Figuring out this Phenomenon!
When we give or even have something taken from us that was not deserved! This is Good ! Because We never deserved Salvation! And we won’t know what contribution we have made till the end of the Journey. This helps me stay caritable for I’m Giving to A Higher Purpose! LOVE JJ
Ox Drover
It sounds like you had a great Christmas day, even though you were not able to be with your extended family.
I think sometimes we have been led to think (by the media) that Christmas (or holidays) need to be a huge production with a large group of people and huge meals. A lavish production of some sort.
My Christmas holiday with my sons wasn’t anything “lavish”–just the three of us, good food and some small gifts personally made or chosen and then my adopted son went to be with his biological family, and my oldest son and I spent the day at home, just spending “quality time” together here on the farm. Today we cleaned house!
Since we have no small children in the family we missed the hassle and the joy of that part as well, but have had one of the most calm, serene, peaceful and joyful holidays in many many years.
“Small and intimate” and “calm and peaceful” have a lot to be said for WONDERFUL holidays!
Rune
Liane is right! The most powerful tool we have is the ability to re-train our own brains. We can undo that programming from the sociopath and re-program ourselves to reclaim joy and peace in our lives.
Neuroscientists have found that when we watch an event in a movie we experience it as if it was happening in reality. Our brains and bodies respond as if we were living the moment.
Liet’s pick some movies with strong, positive emotional moments to encourage our healing.
Indigoblue
J A W S
Rune
I like the redemption message in “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” I won’t be the one trying to “redeem” any Ps! But I believe we should remind ourselves that these creeps are still the minority.
Ox Drover
Dear Rune and Indi–
Interestingly enough Indi’s smart alec comment about JAWS and yours about redemption messages reminds me of someting I “flashed on” once.
When I saw Jaws (in a theater) I DID “experience it” to the point that when the head fell out of the b oat underwater I FROZE in fear and suprise…and about ten seconds later AFTER everyone else in the theater had STOPPED screaming, I stood up and screamed “OH, SHIT!” at the top of my lungs inside the pin-drop quiet theater. LOL
The point of the “flash” was that WHILE I was watching and experiencing the movie and FEELING the emotions of fear etc. AT THAT MOMENT, now, I can recount the movie’s plot, and describe the scenes, BUT there is NO EMOTION connected to the retelling of it NOW.
In many ways, I can recount the “plot” of the psychopaths like I can tell you the “plot” of Jaws, AND WITHOUT THE EMOTIONS ATTACHED to my memories of the P’s deeds.
I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone but me, but for me, the memories of the “p-plots & deeds” OF THE PAST are no longer emotionally charged with the physical and mental fear, pain, suffering, stress etc. that they were at first when they happened and before I sorted through them all. It is almost like they happened to someone else.
I am not sure if the Rapid Eye Movement Therapy separated the memories and the emotions, or what, but something did, and I am SO GRATEFUL it has happened. So grateful that I can think about, talk about (here) what happened with the same apparent disassociation of telling you the plot of Jaws.
Rune
Ox-D: One explanation I read about how EMDR works suggested that the memories were brought out of the “reptilian brain” or subconscious where we store/repress those charged memories, and brought up into the present consciousness so we could look at them in the “light of day,” so to speak, and in a calm frame of mind so that the memories no longer have that gut-ripping hold on us. It seems that you are describing the positive end result of your therapy.
From the EMDR website: “EMDR is an information processing therapy and uses an eight phase approach to address the experiential contributors of a wide range of pathologies. It attends to the past experiences that have set the groundwork for pathology, the current situations that trigger dysfunctional emotions, beliefs and sensations, and the positive experience needed to enhance future adaptive behaviors and mental health.
During treatment various procedures and protocols are used to address the entire clinical picture. One of the procedural elements is “dual stimulation” using either bilateral eye movements, tones or taps. During the reprocessing phases the client attends momentarily to past memories, present triggers, or anticipated future experiences while simultaneously focusing on a set of external stimulus. During that time, clients generally experience the emergence of insight, changes in memories, or new associations. The clinician assists the client to focus on appropriate material before initiation of each subsequent set.”
Ox Drover
Dear Rune,
Whatever happens, or is supposed to happen, in the brain pathways/areas the EMDR definitely worked for me. I don’t care if it was a “placbo” effect, whatever it was, it sure helped me to not get an unpleasant physical choking sensation in my thorat and a feeling of being “grabbed” by a giant hand in the gut…among other things. I don’t have the irratibility that I had, though I still have some over reactions to something UNEXPECTED, but at the same time, even those reactions are of a fleeting nature rather than something that puts me into the fetal position emotionally sucking my thumb for days, weeks or months. The reaction is usually anger/fear and will only last for hours, not longer, and are not the intensity of before the therapy.
Since even my psychiatrist wasn’t ‘really familiar with this therapy I am trying to “spread the word”—I was referred to this therapy by a friend who had horrible PTSD and had great success with this therapy. The bottom dollar is, if it works, I don’t care why! I am fortunate that my insurance would pay for it so cost to me was nada.
anetsu
Hey all,
I have been reading all the things about movies and how we are affected or react to different scenes and it reminded me of something I learned once in a songwriting seminar in Nashville. The seminar was on “Prosody” which is the marriage between lyric and music. Words are just words as they are read or sung but the music is a manipulation factor so to speak on setting the mood of how our minds will comprehend those words. So if you sang”Im gonna hurt you” and it was set to the tune of “Mary had a little lamb” it would not really be as threatening as some sinister chord progeression that would really get the point across. Movies that affect us in any way have great “prosody” in their own right. Then the speaker said something that was profound to me in the context of songwriting at the time but I can now correlate with my own experience with a sociopath. He said, “The more you paint the picture, the less control your listener has!” How true!! I have set in many movies and cried,laughed and still to this day everytime I get into the ocean JAWS will come to mind. Its like a Pavloff thing. Ive trained myself to do so. So I was living my own “S” movie. The picture was painted perfectly and my control was out the window. Its just the alternate ending that I am writing myself on a day to day basis that THEY didnt expect! muagh to all