The young woman buried her head into my shoulder and sobbed, right in the middle of the exhibit hall.
Last weekend, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I attended a conference for the Association for the Promotion of Campus Activities. We’re reaching out to colleges, hoping to bring Love Fraud and How to Avoid It to students. It’s such an important message, as the reaction of the young lady proved.
At the age of 23, she had already suffered greatly because of a sociopath.
She met the guy when she was 17, and later they lived together. The young lady had an opportunity to work at a well-paying job—earning $60,000 a year—except that the guy didn’t want her to work. He didn’t want her to be independent, out of his control. That was the agenda—control—and eventually it lead to brutal sexual assault. The guy is now in jail.
I had an opportunity to present a 10-minute sample of my program to the students who were there to book special events for their campuses. The young lady was in the audience. I ran into her later in the buffet line, and she told me that at one point, she had been living in a domestic violence shelter.
I invited her to stop by our exhibit booth to talk more. She did, and as she told me what happened, I could see that she was still traumatized, even though the relationship had ended three years earlier. I put my arm around her to hug her, and she broke down. Her body shook with sobs as the pain overwhelmed her.
I talked to her about facing it, about purging the emotional poison from her system, about how the only way out of the pain was through it. It was a process, and it would take as long as it took. But I also told her the other part of the process—letting in whatever joy she found in her life. Eventually, the balance would shift, with the joy overtaking the pain.
She understood what I was talking about, and I was grateful for the opportunity to help her.
I liked hearing the other part of the process…such encouraging words.
thank you
Donna, sometimes just a short conversation with someone who will listen is the turning point for someone’s healing.
Sometimes we entertain angels unawares…and sometimes we ARE the angels for others. I think you were this woman’s angel and I’m glad that you were there. I hope she will come to LF and continue her journey to healing. God bless.
Donna,
I wish I would have had something like this for me. I was 15 when I started dating my first love that went on for another 18 years off and on. I lived with him at 17 years old and I was still in high school. I was under his complete control not really understanding it. I went through one of the worst domestic violence incidence the night before graduation. It hurt when anyone hugged me that night. I remember it vividly. Too vividly.
I second what Oxy says above about the angels. There needs to be more of them.
Donna, I’m so grateful that someone heard you that was in dire need. There is a “code of silence” that extends to victims of predators, as well. Victims of predators experience a climate of fear-based feelings. Everything is based upon fear, and your words and facts helped someone to recognize this.
Thank you SO MUCH for your hard work, Donna. I am so grateful that you’ve turned your horrors into something so positive and empowering for so many, many people.
Brightest blessings
This is so very encouraging. I look forward to the time when the balance shifts and joy overtakes the pain. The first step in my own healing was simply having the faith that I WOULD heal. That gave me a strong foundation to move forward from. I’ve written a blog post about it that I’d love to share with others here.
Arianna, send your post to donna and she can make it into an article, or if you would rather…just post it anywhere. That’s the most wonderful thing about Love Fraud is shariing our stories. (((hugs))))
Arianna
I would be thrilled to read your blog. I am learning so much from everyone on this site and continue to thank god that I am not really alone – there are others who have experienced similar and some who have experienced a lot worse than me. I feel “shielded” more and more each day from allowing my ex or any spath into my life ever again
Arianna,
thanks for sharing your blog post. It’s very much what I needed today. Faith that I will heal is difficult these days. My problem began with being emotionally abandoned by my parents and that hole in my heart is still there. I know this is a growth opportunity, it’s just hard to find it.
arianna, great blog! thanks for sharing.
Thank you, all of you, for your encouragement. I’m only in the baby stages of healing myself, but if I can come upon something that helped me that I can pass on to you, it helps me even more.
Skylar, I’m so glad it’s just what you needed to hear today. You WILL heal, that is for sure. It may not be easy or without a struggle, but you will, and you’ll come out stronger and more resilient than ever before.
This faith doesn’t come from anywhere except inside of you. It doesn’t have to be “divine” faith or the faith of anyone else. It was always there; it’s what enabled you to try something new or love someone new, and to love yourself when those things didn’t work out so well. This experience was extreme, but trust that your faith in yourself will be the foundation of your healing. It’s a solid ground that you can stand up on before moving to the next level.
Ox Drover, I will send my post to Donna or just post it anywhere. It is linked to my name, Arianna.
Peace to us all, may we all heal and go on to know the real love we are worthy of.