Lovefraud invites you to complete a survey about your experience with a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist in order to help professionals diagnose this disorder properly.
Two days ago, the American Psychiatric Association released a draft of the fifth edition its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5). This book is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health and other professionals. The revision has been underway for a decade.
A work group of 11 doctors and psychologists focused on the section about personality and personality disorders. They have recommended significant changes to the description of antisocial personality disorder, which is also referred to as sociopathy and psychopathy. In fact, one of the suggestions is to change the name of the personality disorder to “antisocial/psychopathic type.”
The new description of the disorder is much closer to what most of us at Lovefraud have experienced. You can read the description here:
Antisocial/Psychopathic Type
The American Psychiatric Association has invited public comment on the draft of DSM 5, and Lovefraud is taking the doctors up on their invitation. We thought the best way to do it would be to survey our readers, asking you how well the proposed description of antisocial/psychopathic type matches your experience with one (or more) of these individuals.
Please take the survey. This is serious, so be thoughtful and accurate in your responses. It will probably take you about 15 minutes, so please start it when you are sure you have time to complete it.
The survey will be open until March 3, 2010. After that, we will tabulate and analyze the data. We will prepare a report of the findings for the American Psychiatric Association. The results will also be published on Lovefraud.
Go to the survey:
MyBoys:
Financially, you need to be SMART here……
YOU CAN save your house…..this is exactly what the S did with me…..OVER 1.5 years ago.
If you have any equity in the home…..and it behooves you to salvage it……then heres what I suggest. This is what I did and learned about the whole deal….through my experience.
I KEPT IN TOUCH with the mortgage co. The whole way through…..even if you end up NOT wanting the home…..if you need to ‘buy’ time…..KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM.
Tell them your situation….He is ordered to pay the mtg….by court order….he is trying to starve you out. Provide them acopy of the court order.
THis communication will buy you another 3 months at least….
ask for a loan mod. documents….and fill them out….for YOU only….this will buy you another 3 months….(so your still looking at 6 months ‘free rent’)…..if you do eventually decide to leave.
Each time you communicate, you go to the bottom of the pile….
Give them HIS phone number….and redirect all the calls to him….at some point he’s gonna tell them….I DON”T WANT THE HOUSE…..or it’s her house….yada yada….they will keep this on record.
Each time you contact them….ask them if they have spoken to him…..and what he said….and document it….time/date/who spoke with and what they told you in detail.
Keep a separate binder with all documentation with the MTG. co.
What he is doing….is standard financial abuse….and the courts frown highly on this….
If you don’t have CC’s in YOUR name….get them NOW!!!!!
If you do have CC’s…..start taking cash advances…..and stock pile the cash……pay bills etc….NOT THE MTG.
Becuase of the S’s behaviors…..I WAS AWARDED the house….and it was up to me to get it modified….(I’m still working on it…)
BUT…..all the cash I advanced from the CC co’s…..well…..they wanted payment…..
NOW….my credit was NOW shot due to the foreclosure…so I am NOT trying to save my credit…..
If you stop making any unsecured loan payments….after 180 days they are willing to ‘deal’ or write off…..I was able to discharge my debt for 20cents on the dollar…..35K for 7K…….
Keep that money out of the bank!!!!
Okay….back to the mtg…..I wanted to save the house….because I had huge equity….over 300K….I knew I wouldn’t see any financial ‘help’ from him, whether or not it was ordered or not…..so I WANTED OUR BIGGEST ASSET!!!
And due to his antics and statements…..I was awarded it…..
If you decide you don’t want the house…..just keep communicating that you want to keep it, to the mtg. co…..and it’ll buy you tons of time…..I can’t believe I went 1.5years with NO Payment…..NO TAXS paid…etc…..on the home…..and I’m still in it…..
But,the first guy I spoke with at the co…..told me….the #1 thing I can do is communicate…..and NOT diappear…..
They are so backlogged…..they can’t be organized and each communication or paperwork you send them……you go to the bottom of the pile again…..for about 90 days…..
It’s pathetic! Really……but this is what I learned through my experience.
Just keep an eye on when they have ‘sale dates’ and call them and tell them you have sent in the docs they requested…..
There were times I didn’t have what they requested and I sent in one bank statement with 11 blank sheets of paper via fax and it bought me 90 more days…..to gather docs….
I just said that I had sent them 15 pages of their request…..what did they do with my docs….(inner sociopath there!)
It will come to a point when they offer you a temporary mod. payment deal…..you will be asked to make modified payments for 3 months to ‘see’ if you cancome up with the payments. This is the p0int you decide to either make the payments or look for a place to move…..
I didn’t make the payments until the LAST month….but was in touch with them monthly……
Ifyou decide to leave….just communicate with them that your expecting return or a judgement to come in….and your going to make ALL the payments on the last 3rd month.
But….you’ll see…..it can be done….either way….stay or go….you can buy lot’s of time….if you play it right.
And btw…..they all think they are paving new ground without getting ‘found’ out……they all do this……and JUDGES DO NOT LIKE THIS!!! Especially when children are involved.
The S cancelled our health ins….and drained the bank acocounts and NEVER paid a bill….any bill from the day he left!
AND IT SURE CAME BACK TOBITE HIM IN THE ASS!!!!
I got BOTH houses…..kids…..all assets……furniture…boats….cars….etc….
He even tried to take MY car…..and the jduge LAUGHED….said to him…..you want her and your children, (who are of driving age) to drive in YOUR Car of which you’ve already testified “ISN”T RUNNING”……
Isn’t running is sociopath speak for ‘the keys not in the ignition’……btw…
But the judge turned it right back at him!!!!!!
I had just bought my car…..right after we separated….and it really pissed him off!!!!! I paid cash for it…..it was offered to me by a client….had 17K miles and I paid 10K for it!!!
Thank GOD I did…….
It’s all about being smart, planning a financial strategy and moving with it…..
I feel so patientately about us making it….because I KNOW WE CAN!!!!!
When we go to court with a man who is honorable and NOT starving their families out…..you MUST ‘fight’ fair…..but the minute these creeps do this shit…..they expose themselves….because it’s all BLACK AND WHITE financial abuse…..so judges listen to the rest of the abuse and take it all under advisement.
GOOD LUCK DARLEN>…….DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!
“Today is an up day ”“ as EB says, I want to remember what this feels like and know on my down days that I will feel this way again:) ”
I am so glad you ‘GOT’ this!!!!!!!
🙂
“As EB will agree, just because the snake is out of state, don’t think for a minute that he or his dupes won’t try something. ”
YES…..Dont ever get complacent.
OUt of state or not…..they send their trojans to do dirty work…..to YOU OR the kids…..
Don’t be paranoid…..but be aware…..
Think about HOW he would do things…..don’t listen to WHAT hesays verbatum…..but WHAT it means…..
It doesn’t always mean how it comes out……
My S ALWAYS gave me heads up…..with EACH STRIKE!!!!
Stay safe…..
Get some rest.
Howdy do to you to my hens…..
keep the balance my dear….keep the balance!
XXOO
EB
Dear EB,
I think you either qualify as a bail bondsman, skip tracer or professional wrestler! HA HA, BOY ARE YOU SLICK! GREAT ADVICE!
Yea, “fighting fair” with a psychopath is to their way of thinking, tying both hands behind your back and cutting off both legs, BUT to my way of thinking (and apparently yours) it is ANYTHING GOES!
Going through the letters from P-son the other day (who had been CAUGHT with a cell phone in his prison cell) I found a copy of the letter that he had written to my egg donor talking about CALLS (which are not allowed, even from pay phones in the prison he is in) and I xeroxed a copy and sent it to the warden and P-son got a colonoscophy from the guards with a rubber glove and his “house” torn up and a couple of days in solitary. He wrote me a letter later thanking me for “thinking about him” but you know what, while he was in solitary after his colonoscope inspection, he was given a bit of his own medicine, and I did my CIVIC cuty to report a possible felony to the cops. (Actually, I did figure he had at least access to one, but they didn’t find it)
There will be no way he can know if I sent an attorney to his parole hearing (those are secret hearings) or not, or if I spoke or not, but I am hoping that he will just know he gets another FIVE YEARS before he can go back to the parole board again.
And My guess is that when the parole board reads the letters he had smuggled out that talk openly and frankly about how to smuggle stuff into the prison and dis-ing the warden and guards as all part of the smuggling (yea, they are, but he put it in writing!) I think they will take a dim view of his antics. I sincerly doubt that he can keep up a “good boy” act for the next five years and not end up in solitary for a major case violation. He’s had an average of 1-2 major cases per year since he went into prison the first time and I don’t (get this!!!) expect him to CHANGE!!!! Or to learn from his mistakes. Imagine that!
Henry, daaaa-link, how are you doing, sorry your back has been bothering you! Mine is just “old age aches-all-over-itis.” (((hugs)))))
Oxy:
Can I be all three? and Iwant to add to that list!!
today….I reallized just how we REALLY can do anything we put our minds to…..
Because so many are enept……
Or is this just me getting too high and mighty???
Keep on working on the documentation….I’m sure it’ll all pay off in safety for you for another 5 years.
Dear Erin, yep, it can be all three, you are a SLICKSTER for sure, but it comes from being in fights with Psychopaths for so long that you have to learn how to FIGHT! and WIN! We most of us know how to fight FAIR, it is the WINNING against those that do NOT fight fair that we have to learn.
I have to be able to look myself in the eye and say that I am not unfairly taking advantage of someone who is fighting fair, and I would never call or write the prison and tell them I thought he had a phone if I did NOT think he did (I actually had EVIDENCE in his own handwriting that he was intending to CALL my egg donor.) But, since I DID have this evidence, I thought I would use it. I was HOPING he would get caught with one—darn it! It would have given him a 3 month stretch in solitary AND a year of super max cells so it would have been really worth it. Oh, well, I know he will not straighten up, he will be into SOMETHING illegal sooner or later and get caught.
Yea, I am SO glad I never gave in to my impulses to toss these letters because there were some of them going back to the first time he was arrested for a home invasion robbery, and he was DENYING his guilt, and other such crap….back in 91 just before he got out again. He kept saying how he WANTED to come home, but I learned later, he NEVER INTENDED to come home and he told me the reason, “Because if I got in trouble with the law you’d turn me in”—GOT THAT RIGHT BUBBA! LOL I hope he remembers that, cause that rule hasn’t changed. For him or anyone else!
Well, it is late and I need to get some shut eye! You night owls stay up and have a good time yaking! I’mm gonna get some Z’s (((hugs))))
Woweee…I have been in touch with the mortgage co. so far and I will take your advice…more time…love it! Prob already bought myself and extra 90 days and Monday they get his new address and phone:)
Not a lot of equity at this point and it needs a lot of work as he did a tremendous job of trashing it, but this would mean I leave on my own terms, when I am good and ready. I don’t want to stay really, it would be good for me to get a fresh start and my son is wanting to move.
I got a horrible email from him this evening…demeaning me horribly (fat, old looking, horrible mother) and then an hour later a voice mail that we were soul mates and I must have never really loved him or already found someone else…and it just breaks his heart…but he also sounds f’d up on his pills – wow…what a roller coaster his brain is! Glad I am out of that!!
Thanks so much…new ammo – love it!!
Oxy….
Right is right and wrong is wrong…..
Thats’ what I live by!
But when crossed…..I fight ‘fair…but dirty’…..
I know what you mean…..
Most people ‘walk away’ because they don’t have the energy….or time or money….
But, most situations will cost us more if we DON”T stand up….
Then when it does….we wished we had of done something earlier….and most times it’s too late.
I am a BIG PROPONANT of keeping EVERYTHING……even if we throw it in a box and shove away somewhere…..
I just can’t stress this enough…..
Geeze, I have always been a filer and keeper of records…..
and the funniest things I’ve found during the divorce….like letters from his brother….refering to him as being gay….
talking aobut how he has still not commented on becoming a father and answered the brothersquestions about how it felt…..
letters from other women……with his excuses…
Copies of old phone records…..
Every year I go through the files…and put each file….in an envelope and into a box…..
Bank statements, medical records, personal reciepts, business receipts, insurance and utility bills etc…..
I went through each and every box during the divorce and found the most AWESOME documentation….bank records back to the 80’s,tax returns, cancelled checks….all his….prior to marriage…..he alwyas had minimal balances…like $300.
How in the hell is he going to purchase a house with 300….balances….
BUT….he did purchase some jewelry ……and claimed it was HIS separate property……
Um….sorry……I also found the receipts for that too,.(it was purchased about 6 months after marriage)…in my old box’s…..sorry charly….that would be community property….SO I”LL TAKE THAT TOO!!!!
His old bank records and IRS records,
proved we had separate accounts when married for the first few years…..when the first property was purchased,,,,,,NO money came out of his account…..for the purchase of the home….and the LOAN was in my name NOT HIS……
SO BOOM……I was awarded the rental!!!!!
But….who in the hell knew I had saved all of those records….for what 30 YEARS?????? I didn’t even realize it….
BUT…what an great reward for being on it huh!!!!!
Now…you watch….if anyone ever asks me how much I spent at Wallmart in 1997….I could tell them….down tothe penny….AND provide the receipts…..
🙂
Letters, notes,……I saved things more of a documentation of MY life…..and oh, how they have reminded me of so many situations and whatnot….
Keep it all folks…..don’t ever think you won’t need it….
I think we maybe ablt to dispose of this stuff….like say 50 years after the death of a S?????
Ya just never know….
NIGHTY NIGHT OXY!!!
Great quote off Burn Notice on USA channel….
“We shook the tree….NOW LET”S SEE WHAT FALLS.”
This is the same as “planting a seed”…..
Has anyone see this show…..it is all about a blacklisted spy doing ‘counter control’ on bad guys….
THEY mention sociopath all the time in this show…..it’s all aobut sociopaths….