Lovefraud invites you to complete a survey about your experience with a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist in order to help professionals diagnose this disorder properly.
Two days ago, the American Psychiatric Association released a draft of the fifth edition its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5). This book is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health and other professionals. The revision has been underway for a decade.
A work group of 11 doctors and psychologists focused on the section about personality and personality disorders. They have recommended significant changes to the description of antisocial personality disorder, which is also referred to as sociopathy and psychopathy. In fact, one of the suggestions is to change the name of the personality disorder to “antisocial/psychopathic type.”
The new description of the disorder is much closer to what most of us at Lovefraud have experienced. You can read the description here:
Antisocial/Psychopathic Type
The American Psychiatric Association has invited public comment on the draft of DSM 5, and Lovefraud is taking the doctors up on their invitation. We thought the best way to do it would be to survey our readers, asking you how well the proposed description of antisocial/psychopathic type matches your experience with one (or more) of these individuals.
Please take the survey. This is serious, so be thoughtful and accurate in your responses. It will probably take you about 15 minutes, so please start it when you are sure you have time to complete it.
The survey will be open until March 3, 2010. After that, we will tabulate and analyze the data. We will prepare a report of the findings for the American Psychiatric Association. The results will also be published on Lovefraud.
Go to the survey:
Dear 7steps,
Thank you for sharing that story with LF, it must have been tough to grow up during such turmoil and chaos and pain. I’m glad you are able to process it. I too hope that our surveys will help with the DSM V, I know that each survey was filled out from EXPERIENCE that even many professonals don’t “get”–God bless. (((Hugs))))
thanks oxy-not sure what I would do without you and this website… I am at a point now where I understand the gravity of my entanglement with the S; I feel stuck, I feel like I need to fight for my child, I don’t feel confident that I am doing anything right, I feel relieved hes not in my house, I have a gut feeling that he is a ped (probably cause he got turned on at childrens parks). I can’t believe the naevity I had about the world when I dated him and had his baby…I am a really smart women. Straight As in college. Masters degree. how could I make such a mistake? And the baby looks just like him…I keep messing up and this is a child; I can’t mess this up and I am so unsure of everything I do…
I pick bad men. My husband yelled at me all the time. The sociopath was a sociopath. The guy after that was a long time friend who ended up being a sex addict and ended up stalking me. I also dated a schizoid after that. I don’t trust my new boyfriend either. He won’t let me see his phone and he talks about how hot other women are on tv, but he never says he thinks I am pretty. I don’t know if I am overly sensitive. I havn’t caught him in a lie (or he’d be gone) but he won’t let me look at his phone. I don’t trust him, and I don’t know if its real instinct or just bad stuff from my past coming back to haunt me. hes not a sociopath though cause he has never told me he loves me and we have been dating for 9 months; and he doesn’t tell me what I want to hear just because it’s what I want to hear. I figure if he isn’t a sociopath and he doesn’t yell at me, then that is good enough for me.
I just hope I don’t mess this up…
oh dear bird –
‘I figure if he isn’t a sociopath and he doesn’t yell at me, then that is good enough for me. ‘
that’s not enough. nope. you deserve WAY more than this, and are worth WAY more than this – I don’t even know you, but i know this to be true for anyone.
love and care is not the absence of lies and violence.
love and care is also not talking about others sexual attractiveness all the time and never mentioning your’s.
i don’t let people look at my phone – but then no one has ever asked – cause i don’t give off the ‘lying cheater’ vibe.
trust your gut on this one.
Dear Bird,
Darling, if you DO NOT TRUST HIM, WHY in the name of all that is good is he still around after 9 months? LISTEN TO YOUR GUT WOMAN.
Are you going to “settle” for a man who is NOT TRUST WORTHY? Just because he doesn’t yell at you? My goodness woman, don’t make me get that skillet out! LOL
If that guy has been around for 9 months and he has refused to let you see his jphone, HE IS HIDING SOMETHING, whether or not he says “I love you” or not is beside the point.
RED FLAG!!!!! RED FLAG!!!! RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
You ARE smart, Bird, but you DESERVE MORE than what you have been “picking” YOUR PICKER IS BROKE!!! As Henry says.
I know you are young and want a companion, a love, a mate, but if you have picked this many “bad guys” in a row, how about we take a “time out” and find out why you are picking so poorly. I would suggest that you get some counseling.
I KNOW I WAS A SET UP for the P-BF when he came along after my husband died, I was so NEEDY that the first guy who started showing interest in me I fell for (I had casually known him for about 10 yrs in my living history group). I did not want to be alone, but I PICKED BAD. I’ve only had a few dates since then (but hey, I’m not young and cute any more! LOL) but quickly saw that these were NOT guys I wanted to continue to date.
It isn’t just about whatj they DON;T DO like yell at me or things like that, but also what they HAVE TO GIVE—-like kindness, compassion, etc. how they treat others, not jjust me, etc. so so far I have not seen anything in any of these guys that would make me feel that I should TRUST them.
If you can’t TRUST this guy after 9 months—-just my opinion, kick him TO THE CURB.
Sit down and make a list of not only DEAL KILLERS (like dishonesty and lies, etc.) but make a list of what the guy you give your heart to HAS TO GIVE TO YOU AS WELL. Like kindness, consideration, financial perameters, educational and intellectual. Don’t settle though for anyone who is to far beneath you intellectually and educationally, values, does he have the same values you do? Kids, how does he treat your child? Does he enjoy enteracting with the Birdie? If not, kiss him goodbye and shove his arse out the door.
On your X, since he is not paying child support, and you are having gut feelings he may be a pervert, I suggest that you not take his phone calls or listen to him give you “spiritual” support which is a, excuse my “French” A CROCK OF SHIT! And, don’t let him see the baby. As far as I know he isn’t on the birth certificvate and there’s been no DNA and he hasn’t paid support, so what are his RIGHTS? NONE! He has not acted like a responsible parent, heck he left you 6 months into the preg for another woman? THAT’S SPIRITUAL? Make me PUKE!
Dear Sweet wonderfull Bird, you deserve only the BEST, but don’t, please don’t settle for something less—be ready when the white knight rides up, don’t be distracted by some low-life puke who doesn’t treat you like a princess, You know I love you sweetie, and I’ve given you a big mouthfull to swallow, so please chew on what I’ve said and get inside your own head and put into WORDS and ACTIONS what you want, to be loved. Start by loving yourself enough not to settle for these nut jobs! Love Oxy ((((hugs))))) and my prayers for you and Baby Birdie!
Hi Bird. I just wanted to point out that just because someone doesn’t say, “I love you”, it doesn’t mean he’s not a spath…and just because someone does , it doesn’t mean he is, and furthar, I see no relationship at all…
If a man does love you, he should be willing to tell you, if he doesn’t he shouldn’t be wasting your time and energy, and letting you get caught up with him….spath or otherwise, you deserve tp be loved and told so.
Kick him to the curb…men are like busses, there’ll be another one by in 15 minutes…The hard part is finding one that’s going your way……:)
Well said, KIM!!!! ((((hugs))))
Why Thank You, Oxy. (((hugs right back)))
Bird:
I don’t know you, and I am not a boinker……but I really want to boink you right now.
At best, your new boyfriend is insensitive and disrespectful.
At worst, he’s an abuser.
He’s got you doubting yourself.
And you are carrying the entire burden of the success or failure of this relationship on your back when you say, “I just hope I don’t mess this up…”
Is he THAT perfect that if anything goes wrong in this relationship, it will be your fault???
I think that’s a blatant red flag right there that this arrangement is toxic.
If he’s not living with you (please say he’s NOT living with you), then he will be easy to get rid of.
Your gut feeling is correct that he cannot be trusted.
Tell him that you’ve had a nice time, but this little arrangement is no longer working for you.
Get rid of him, and make room for someone who can love you properly.
Dear Bird,
Welcome to lovefraud.
You summed it up in a nutshell. You said “I PICK BAD MEN” …
At some point we have to start to look into that..and see why we keep choosing men who dont treat us right. Why we are willing to be with a toxic person who doesnt value and cherish us. And further if we valued and cherished ourselves we probably wouldnt A. put up with their crap and B. We wouldnt be attracted to them to begin with!
I hope what you said is true “If I caught him in a lie – he’d be gone” – because that usually occurs in the first 4 to 12 months!
He might not be a Sociopath, but remember its not just about his words, or intentionally not telling you things you want to hear… Its his ACTIONS, keeping his word, respecting you, being trustworthy, be able to communicate with him – not afraid to talk to him openly.
If he isnt able to leave his phone on the table on in the room when he goes to the bathroom – RED FLAG – WARNING — This has been known to be a sign that he has stuff to hide from YOU, lie to you about.
I understand youre afraid that because of all of your past relationships you might be overly sensitive to things that really arent happening in this relationship — but you can judge that by how he is making you feel when with him – how he ACTS – how happy he is and you are when youre with him. He doesnt have to tell you he loves you — but healthy relationships are much different from unhealthy ones – you just never have a real need to not trust – BECAUSE HIS ACTIONS SHOW YOU.
Also you may not be ready for a relationship — after all youve been through. Lots to think about. But please stop putting all the blame and burden on yourself. In healthy relationships you are able to express how you feel, your concerns and your partner converses with you openly and honestly and you learn and grow together…
ps Bird…
If I were you. I would simply sit back and notice HIS ACTIONS, what he does in your presence… does he take phone everywhere…is it on silence?…does he ever put in on table? Does he keep his word with you ? So many things about him to VIEW —
And if his phone is attached to him at all times. I WOULD CHOOSE FOR MYSELF TO NOT INVEST TOO MUCH EMOTION OR LOVE OR GOODNESS INTO HIM – I WOULDNT EVEN HAVE TO CONFRONT HIM – I WOULD JUST KNOW NOW THAT HE ISNT THE GUY FOR ME. I DESERVE AN OPEN HONEST REAL GUY WHO TREATS ME WITH RESPECT.
ID JUST MOVE ON. NO CONFRONTATION NOW…BECAUSE IVE LEARNED THAT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS – AND HIS ACTIONS SAY – IM DISRESPECTFUL TOWARD YOU AND I DONT CARE SO MUCH.
BUT IF HIS ACTIONS WERE THE OPPOSITE I WOULD CONTINUE TO GET TO KNOW HIM, AND IF AT ANYTIME HE DOESNT KEEP HIS WORD OR RED FLAGS APPEAR…I KNOW TO MOVE ON.