By | May 7, 2010 68 Comments

The Bluebird of Happiness

By Ox Drover

Today I had an epiphany: I am happy. Really happy. Joyously happy. Exuberantly happy. Why is today different that any other day? Two months ago I was unhappy. Why am I now happy? Nothing much has really changed from two months ago.

I’m a few pounds lighter, but that isn’t what makes me happy, though, I am working on losing some weight. My bank account is quite a bit lighter than it was two months ago, so that isn’t what is making me happy. The psychopaths in my life don’t like me one bit more than they did two months ago. I haven’t found the love of my life riding on a white horse, or even a white donkey.

What is making me happy? Well, today I saw the “Bluebird of Happiness.” Yep, the real honest-to-goodness bright bluebird of happiness. Two Eastern Bluebirds, both males with colors so vibrant that I actually had to get my bird book and look them up to make sure of what I was seeing. Not the dull blue of the bluebirds we normally see in this area, who nest in holes in fence posts or in the boxes people put out for them. These were the true Eastern Bluebirds.

Why did seeing these birds and ascribing them to happiness “make me happy?” Well, I have chosen today to be happy, to look for one thing that would lift my spirits, to make myself feel happy, rather than dwelling on the many things in my life and environment that are not to my liking, or that I would change if I could, but I can’t.

I have chosen today to view those two male Eastern Bluebirds, sitting side by side on the top of a farm implement, and then flying down to my studio window where they see their own reflection and peck at these mirror images of themselves to drive off the images, to select for themselves breeding territory and to defend that territory from those imaginary birds that are trying to take over and claim that happiness and territory for themselves.

The sun is shining today, and the air is crisp and spring-like, and these birds are the harbingers of spring. After all the drab, miserable, wet and cold winter weather we had, the tough times are passing and the world and my spirits are renewing. I have a favorite book called Come Spring that is the story of a pioneer girl in upstate New York, when the U.S. was still a colonial part of the British Empire, and her stories of the terrible winters of her life and the lack of food and warmth and safety were all put aside because she believed that everything would be okay, “Come Spring.”

Well, today with the birth of a little calf and the sighting of two Eastern Bluebirds, my spring is here, and I am going to embrace it. Everything is okay, now that my spring is here. The winter is passed, and today is good.

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Thanks Oxy,

I needed a little taste of spring today.



I am so happy for you Oxdrover:)x I feel this in moments, I’d like it to be lasting:) Thanks for the hope:)x


OxD…….uplifting post! And, you’ve touched on a very, very important aspect of healing: gratitude. Each day should provide something – some thing – for which I should feel grateful. Whether it’s seeing vibrant birds warbling out their territories, or whether it’s waking up and finding I’m not in the obituaries, every day has something beautiful to be thankful for.

Thanks so much for your positivity, OxD! And, studios & springtime are a wonderful thing!



I too have moments like this, liking your article. Despite any difficulties that all of us may face at times, each day does have something to be thankful for, greatful for (so right, Buttons). It’s when you feel happy, contented, that is the best, isn’t it, wishing (like blueskies said) that these moments would “be lasting.” This article was uplifting to read.

super chic

Oxy, thank you very much for the reminder that we have a choice in deciding what kind of day we are going to have. It is a daily struggle for me, sometimes I win the mind battle, sometimes I lose, sometimes all I have to do is say to myself “I will not lie down or sit on the couch until 7pm” !!! The couch is too much of an invitation to lie down and curl up and cry or have a pity party for me. I hope I get a job soon so I won’t be alone so much, I like being around people! Thanks.


Oh Oxy,

What an inspiring sweet article to acknowledge spring, renewal, strength, hope, and light. And it encourages reflection, as well as, new plans.

Thank You


Oxy that’s sweet! I am heading into winter on my side of the world but understand the epiphany you are talking about. The other day I was driving through a small town and wasn’t feeling too good – stressed out and a bit bitter about everything that has happened.It was cold and had been raining throughout the day. For some reason I looked up …

And saw the most amazing rainbow cast against the blackened sky – it was so stunning. I usually only see one half of a rainbow but the whole arc of this one was visible and I drove right underneath it!

I took it as a sign to forget the fleeting pain that he has caused me – it’s not fleeting for me but it’s much better than it was. The rainbow emerged from a black sky day when so many people would have felt down and fed up. I wonder how many others were affected by seeing its majesty in the sky. I skipped through the rest of the day thinking about how wonderful the world really is.

More than anything else, I felt blessed to have noticed it and really felt the wonder of it. Does anyone else remember when you were with the P that the world lost its wonder? I stopped looking at stars and rainbows and puppies and all manner of beautiful things because I was preoccupied with my immense pain. That day I felt a little back to my normal self in recognising it and allowing its beauty to seep through me.

I hope everyone else is finding the beauty in their part of the world 🙂

Used Brauer

Wonderful Oxy!


Oxy Sounds like God is in his heaven and all is right in your world. miracles of nature are everywhere if we take the time to look, if we can clear our mind of all the debri there is much to be happy about,,was just wonderin why two male birds are together, they must be a pair.

Dani S

Beautiful Oxy!!!! Wish we were coming into Spring here and not Winter lol but your Spring vision certainly made my drab day feel better 🙂

Ox Drover

Dear Guys, Thanks so much for your comments! I just got home from the College Graduation ceremony (a 3-hr drive one-way away) Would rather have had a root canal or a colonoscopy than go to a graduation, but did enjoy seeing the young man who was 16 when the plane crash happened, and to see him alive, well, and graduating with a BS in Aviation, his commercial pilot’s license and a smile on his face! Plus, they had GREAT food and I ate at the family’s private reception for close friends and relatives until I almost split! So much for the diet! Ha ha

Yea, we’ve all had some really bad times, ,but you know the thing is that EACH DAY gives us a new chance to make it better than the one before! I try my best to keep that positive outlook—some days I do better than others, just like you do! But on the days I do succeed in taking advantage of even a simple thing to brighten my mood it is so good!

When we drove into the farm tonight, son D stopped the car and turned off all the lights to watch the fireflies. More than either one of us had ever seen at one time, like the whole world was blinking with random white lights spread out as far as the eye could see. We sat there for probably 10 minutes and just watched them….remembering how we had chased them when we were little kids, filling quart fruit jars with dozens of them in a futile effort to make a “lantern” but never disappointed enough to quiit trying!

Have a good night guys, and a better tomorrow! ((((hugs)))) and God bless us all!


Thanks Oxy,

It’s nice to read something positive and I’m happy for you this day.

unfortunately I saw the chicken of depression and am having bad day. I’m having menopausal flashes that disturb contentment. inner climate has gone beserk. From too cold to boiling hot…it’s like Global warming only it’s from within.’ Power surge’ ? my ass.


bp – ‘Power surge’ ? my ass. ‘ 🙂

‘the chicken of depression’ – maybe that’s the ‘buzzard of depression.’

Ox Drover

Dear Bullet proof,

Unfortunately, the power surge of hell can penitrate where bullets cannot go! Been there darling! Yep, tis awful!!!! It will get better though–in a decade or so! UGH! That was so unkind for me to say that, but “the truth will set you free but first it will PITH you Off!”

Back in my day we took hormones but now they don’t think that is such a great idea, at least long term! You might though, go see your doc and see if there is something that would help sort of ween you off the hormones more gently than COLD TURKEY! (((hugs)))))


bio identical hormones are worth a look. saved my life literally. whereas the reg. pharma ones were almost as bad as the problem.

this guy is my gynecologist, and has extensive experience with bio identicals.

Polly, Your comment about when we lost our wonder while with the P was so bang on. I usd to find simple things to make me feel alive, and he would always scorn them, or ignore, or take whatever little happiness I had found away if he could. Even singing, I noticed early on was not okay around him. I have a pleasant enough voice, and everytime we were on a long drive and I hummed a tune, he would interrupt with some innanity. I mentioned it several times, but he just shrugged. In the end I just stopped singing.

Now 2 1/2 yrs into NC _ (other than the court battle, which is obviously quite C) I have found my voice, my eyes, my sense of wonder once again.

And thank you Oxy for sharing your joy. Bluebirds and fireflies, yes there are many reasons for delight. All the evil is behind us now. We are free.


Ox Drover

Dear Anitasee
I think sometimes we wait to be happy untill we win the “emotional lotto” of good things, but we miss all the small happinesses that reach out to us today and dismiss them as not important enough, not big enough to make us “happy.” In fact, the blue birds and fire flies of this life are what add up I think to the richness of the LOTTO OF HAPPINESS–one “coin” at a time!



The voices of hope, redemption and harmony have never sung more clearly than in your words.

May a light breeze swirl around your happiness and tickle your giggles every day after.

Ox Drover

Ah, shucks, Silver (hanging head and twirling toe in dust in mock humility!) LOL I need reminding myself to keep my eyes on the blue birds and the fire flies of life and to appreciate their special purpose, which is to make us see the joy all around us. It really is the little things that count!


Cold turkey, buzzards

No it was a visit from the chicken of depression like I said.

Oxy I gotta get a doctor and get something for this. I was down at the local health shop and I got black cohosh, Red clover and soya isoflavins…cost a fortune…but it’s soooo super bad. Walked about 6 miles, jogged for about one of em and the flashes stopped. They make me feel like running.

small happiness today? flashes stopped after loads of exercize, as I was walking back to car, stripped down to tight T shirt, a guy in a car winked at me….no it wasnt that creepy it was kinda nice, seeing as i was on fire with meonpausal discomfort….men o pause…that could be a code for pause with the men, stop men for a while…I couldnt date someone having hot flashes…He would be terrified…ha ha ha

small happpinesses. This life has been a kind of hell to be honest. Being on the home run comforts me big time….get me outtta here!!


one step

Thanks for the link about the bio identical hormones I am reading every word up close in a hot sweat, eyes bulging…gasp gasp! unbelievable…I’d …be afraid of combusting on the spot…you know the way they find old people living on their own and there is just a pair of slippers with ash all around it……spontaneous combustion….


hehe bp – if i hadn’t gotten on to bio hormones, i don’t know what would have happened to me. i was peri menopausal and was hemorrhaging. ended up in hospital having a couple of units of blood infused. and then 2 months to get back on my feet. then about another year before i regained my sense of balance….then i met the spath…bwahahaha…

Ox Drover

Well, my periods were so killer, almost bled to death 7-8 days a month and had PMS from hell, (and a gun!) so I was glad when it was ALL over anyway! So was my family! I wasn’t psychopathic 4 days a month, just PMS-ing! LOL

No medication either and no empathy or sympathy for women for PMS in those days, it really wasn’t even recognized as anything but a “CRAZY WOMAN” Thing!

The high dose BC pills in those days–tried them, couldn’t take them, they made me PMS 30 days a month!

Ah, yes, the joys of womanhood!

Did take estratest (a hormone of estragen and testosterone) I had my uterine removed so could take that, it really did “help” for a while but quit it when they said the hormones weren’t good for anything except hot flashes. I really don’t think it makes any difference if they are “bio-identical” as the ones I took were female hormone from preg horses, so was “natural” in that way. But it might be that you could use them for a while to taper you off so you don’t get the ROLLER COASTER effect with the hormones being stopped?started again by your body.

I think that is basically what they are saying is OK for “now,” but who the heck knows, tomorrow they may say that what they thought was “safe” and “good” today will grow you an extra nose. Who the heck knows? I just try to take the least amount of ANYTHING I can get by without, without my nose falling off in my cereal bowl.

I don’t keep up with all the latest medical stuff since I retired so talk with your doctor and do a bit of research on the net from several different sources. I don’t trust any ONE source.


Weren’t we talking about bluebirds here? Bluebirds to hormomes is a downgrade. but, while we are talking about it, note that the scotch / Irish and scandanavian gene pools esp susceptible to gluten allgery and sleep disorders. One masquerades as so many other things and the other is exacerbated by them.
happy and unhappy places in life are about thoise ups and downs but I wonder how often we realize they have physical drivers.

Like blue birds and hormones?


oxy – bio-identical hormones and hormones from mares piss couldn’t be further apart. bio-identical is not the same thing as that silly word ‘natural’.

I studied bio identical hormones for 2 years and read many books and spoke to different doctors and people using both pharma and bio identical. And tried both the pharma way and the bio identical way. So, I do actually know, and yes, it does make a difference.

Ox Drover

Dear One-step,

I don’t doubt that they are different, but doesn’t necessarily mean that long term use of the hormones (of ANY kind) is beneficial or at least not harmful to women. Unfortunately too many things (from natural to synthetic) are NOT beneficial and are harmful.

I was reading the other day about how there are “80 zillion” chemicals in use in industry etc and drugs and so on, and they are all being leeched into our water system and lakes (frogs “growing breasts” etc) because most of these drugs, primarily hormones, are leaked into the water system through urine and our cleansing of water for reuse doesn’t take out hormones and drugs etc….but you can’t escape them and since you have multiple sensitivities to things, I am sure you understand. But we’re all going to croak someday anyway. All these health nuts are going to die in PERFECT HEALTH! LOL ROTFLMAO hee hee Look at Jack LaLane nearly 100 and still working out every day and selling juicers on late night TV! LOL

Yea, Silver, the Blue bird of happiness does sort of carp in our cheerios when we hit menopause! But it passes and gets better!!!!

I laugh though, a friend of mine said if you give up booze and cigarettes cause they are not safe, and sex cause it isn’t safe any more either, etc. you don’t live any longer, but it just SEEMS LONGER!!!!! LOL ROTFRLMAO

The bottom line is that I picked good ancestors as far as the length of life is concerned….most of my ancestors lived a long time if they didn’t die in child birth and even had several pre-antibiotic age that lived to be over 100, and many up to 90, so that I did right. I guess with so many of them being Ps and drinking like fish they probably didn’t have much stress! LOL But I’ve managed to live this long WITH the stress because of antibiotics, so thank modern medicine for my survival past 40! Had to have the antibiotics to off set the stress effects of the Ps.

My alcoholic uncle Monster lived to be 80+, his grandfather, an alcoholic beast, lived to be 83! That whole line were ps and lived into 80s unless someone killed them (that happened too). My egg donor is 81 now, p-sperm donor was 80+ and smoked like 4 packs a day of unfiltered—he did work out til he was 70+ though. His father (a non-P) was still doing surgery when he was 77 and all of his brothers, my great uncles were 75-85, when they died and all still active. So I figure unless someone offs me I’ll make it fairly well til I’m 80!

About the worst thing I’ve done is to be so active I’ve got arthritis from WORN OUT joints and smoked off and on since I was 15–but I’ve even quit that. I attribute most of my health to good physical genes! and a nasty attitude now that I have adopted the NO BS rule! LOL

So bring on the blue bird of happiness because I intend to enjoy life until I have them nest in my gray hair! Not gonna sit around and pith and moan too much about what I DON’T have, or what I wish I had done! I’ve done most of it and intend to do some more! Gonna slide up to the pearly gates like a baseball player making home base in the 9th in the World Serieswith the score tied and with 2 outs, giving it all I have got and then some!

kim frederick

Yes, I’ve had some pretty miserable hot flashes, but I can honestly say that since my last period in Dec. of 2007, I have felt better than I had in 10 years. I feel a lot saner, more even keeled, not as emotional, and it really surprises me since I always heard that the hormones get all out of whack, but I think mine were way out of wack during the time I was fertile and ovulating. I really do feel better emotionally.

I gained about 20 pounds though, don’t feel good about that.
Got some silver streaks in my hair, and I’m not the stunner I once was….but, on the up-side, I don’t attract the spaths I once did 🙂 so, life is good for me, at this point, but then again, I think I was hormonally out of sorts for years.


sheesh ~ !!! being a guy and gay aint so bad.

kim frederick

Hey Hens. How do your cockells grow?


kim – too the left.


hey Kim last nite I watched ‘gaslight’ for the first time, it was on public TV station.. Was a really good b/w movie, and has some big names in it – Ingrid bergman and angela lansbury, it was a major movie back in it’s day and won several awards. I had never heard of it until i came here and learned why gaslighting is called that. How are things with Kim?

kim frederick

Hens, Isn’t that an old Alfred Hitchcock movie? Not sure about that….but 27 years ago, I would take abus on Friday night, in Oakland Ca. to get downtown and spend 50 cents to watch old AH movies in black and white.
I was engaged at the time, to a sailor at sea, I was in a strange city, I had 2 kids under 5, and it was my only time off.

I remember how it took a lot of courage to get on that bus, transfer, and get let off in a strange city, but, hell, it only cost 50 cents, and it was something I looked forward to all week. It was fun. And I felt proud of myself. I think I was 23 or 24 at the time.

kim frederick

Kin Thats a great song – to the left !~ gaslight is not an AF movie, not sure who directed it. Yes that was very brave of you indeed to go to the movies like that, but back then was a different world, would you have the balls to do it now?

kim frederick

No, probably not….but if I was still 23, maybe.

kim frederick

I was fearless. ie, foolish. But those same dangers existed then. And they persist, now….but it’s like Jane Valez Mitchell says, do I want to live in a psychological burka all my life or am I willing to risk being free?

It’s not fair that a woman can not be free in her own country, without fearing being raped or murdered just because she’s not being escourted by a man who will protect her (from another man)…..

It really sucks.


Back in the early 60’s we lived about a mile from a drive in theatre. my older bro and sis and I would walk that mile with a blanket and a big brown grocery bag full of popped corn. It cost a dime to get in, we would spread out our blanket take the speaker off the pole and watch movies, i remember seeing the wizard of Oz and old yeller.. sometimes we would sneak in under the fence and save or dime and we could buy a cherry coke funny now cause you know the owner of that drive in knew when we didnt pay – but he never said a thing…i have some good childhood memory’s..

kim frederick

Hey Hens, that’s the kind of thing you should write about. Tell your kids and grand kids.

I remember drive-ins. They are a thing of the past.

I remember loading up our old station wagonwith kids, my three and a couple others from the neighborhood, all pajama clad, with blankets to spare, and off to the drive-inn. We saw ET….remember ET? Fun. I think in this day of modern tech we’ve lost something…we’ve lost drive-inn movies!


there are prolly a few drive inns left – not sure where tho.. yes i need to tell my grandkids about playing outside till dark – hide and seek – kick the can – annie over – simon says – cowboys and indians and runnin around screamin ‘the russians are coming ~! some of the thing we did – we even drank out of the water hose and survived lead paint – they didnt have seatbelts back then and we always rode in the back of the pick up when we went anywhere – saturdays was our big day – we would go to town and help mom do laundry – i can remember the smells of starch and bleach and those ole wringer machines – one time my bro stuck my hand in the wringer and my whole arm went in all the way, then he turned it on reverse and it slowly came back out – oh my that hurt – the asshole he laughed the whole time i was screamin…

Oxy, talking about the bluebird of happiness, a nd the Pearly gates,-have you heard this one? Three Nuns, {one a novice, second an older Nun, and third, the Mother Superior, all died, and went to heaven.They all 3 met St Peter at the Pearly gates.
He said,”Ladies, first, before I let you in to Heaven, I have to ask you a few simple questions.”
First Nun,
“How do you spell Charity?’
She got it right. “Yes, your in, next!”
2nd Nun,” How do you spell Faith?”
She got it right. “Your in.” next!
“Mother Superior, your question is a bit more difficult, as you the most senior Nun.”
Fair enough! she said.
“What were the first words that Eve said when she saw Adam in the Garden of Eden?”
OOOh,”Thats a hard one!”
Correct, your in!!
Love it!
Mama gem.Happy Mothers day, everyone, and happy happy Dads Day, hens!!XXX

Dont give laxatives to those darn bluebirds of happiness, or they WILL crap all over your Mother day cake!
Lotsa Love,
Mama Gem,XX


It’s nice to hear that there is such a thing as a last period! and that life could possibly get better hormonally speaking…(sorry folks) one thing that is positive …I’m still “hot”…..ha ha it also occured to me this is hell, the burning feeling is like at the stake crackling flames…maybe past life..shut up BP

Yes being gay and male must be heaven, glad your arm was de mangled and trips down memory lane sound so interesting and precious

I hear you on the hormone thing,will research all but I do think the bio identicals is the way to go these days. Thank you for the info.

hehehe…funny…. the hard one has a lot to answer for!

I know it feels a bit ((((narccisistic)))) to be answering everyone in a little sentence but I just want to touch in with LF…say hi to each…I guess I value different voices today…So there!

and Oxy (of course)
even the words ‘Bluebirds of happiness’ conjur up a feel good energy! I like it here on this post. The air is clearer or something! I just say it out loud…go on say it out loud everyone…bluebirds of happiness….see?
and in the words of Oxy:

So bring on the blue bird of happiness because I intend to enjoy life

Yay!! (sizzle sizzle spark sizzle )

oh yes and on the gaslighting thing…saw the movie it’s melodrama at its best, and illustrates the slow torturous descent into craziness at the hands of a psychopath’s ability to send mixed messages…(lowering the gas light so that it flickers…she says…can you see the light flickering…he says no dear you must be imagining it…) The P was brilliant at it. …I said to him you are lying to me…he said no…I just leave out some facts that’s all!!! aaaargh and that was before the flashes…

Ox Drover

I went to let the dog out last night and I smelled something on the wind..sort of like something burning, but had some “flavor” to the smell of the smoke, llike maybe a smoker smoking meat or something….it was very faint though, so I went to get son D to see if he could tell me what it smelled like, and gosh, DUH, since he still smokes a pipe he couldn’t smell it at all!!!

So there I am standing there WONDERING if I AM smelling it, or imagining it–when he says, “Oh, I burned the trash a few hours ago, it might still be smoking a bit!” DUH!!!!!! LOL ROTFLMAO but at least I didn’t “gaslight” myself! ha ha

Happy mother’s day gang!!!! Whether you are a mutha or a mother it is our day!!!


i went to church this morn because my grandson age 5 got baptized – yeah just five – anyway they had a traveling evangelist there screamin and preachin – he said all homosexuals and child molester’s are going to burn in hell – I love my daughter in law but I sure wish she would stop puttin my grandsons up to inviting me to church – talk about being as nervous as a whore in church – anyway this ole pervert aint no child molester…and I wont step foot in that place again……vent vent…


Happy Mothers’s Day to all!
Funny, but my 12 yr old made a book in school..of why she Loves Mom….Basically because I buy her food, cook it, chaufer her around, give her good advice (sometimes)..LOL!….and make her laugh and care about her.
LOL!!! I asked her how she would feel if I didn’t do all that?
She laughed and said…I wouldn’t love you! OMG….

Anyway, In reference to hormone therapy.

MY endocrinologist put me on estrogen patch 2 yrs ago because my estrogen was low (age 51) and then I took progesterone pill every 3 months for ten days…to bring on my cycle so the uterine wall didn’t get thick.

It relieved all of my symptoms of insomnia, etc..

However….I ended up with abnormal breast mammo and the breast surgeon told me to GET OFF and never take hormones.
He said…take antidepressent instead.

So…I listened to him but I don’t take pills. My symptoms have returned…but when I exercise at the gym…it relieves them so much!!!!

Just wanted to warn everyone. Its not worth getting breast cancer!


………and, oh-by-the-way…….I feel really rotten about posting my comment on this thread. I hadn’t even realized which thread it was until I scrolled up.

OxD wrote a very, very positive and encouraging message, and I think I’ll request deletion of my comment. This thread should be the “affirmations” thread.

Ox Drover

Dear Buttons, Don’t worry sweetie, this blog is for whatever the spirit moves you to! LOL It’s okay!

Hens, I am sorry that your DIL used your grandson to lasso you into a hell-fire-n-brimstone attack! You know, I think the preachers and “christians” (notice the small case c) who are so into condemning others for their lifes are like the old Pharisees in the time of Jesus. They pretended to be so holy, yet they were liars and cheats themselves, always condemning others for not beingt “good enough.” My egg donor was that way, and if you will recall your own egg donor was proclaiming to be a “christian” while being ANYTHING BUT one.

It is odd to me that the LOVING MESSAGES OF JESUS have been turned into the “believe like I do or rot in hell” sermon so many of the people preach. But Henry it has ALWAYS been that way. Even in the early churches there was prejudices against the Gentile Christians by the Jewish ones, and so on.

There was so long that I suffered under the “teachings” of that kind of “ministers” and “christians”—-the condemnation of “if you don’t do as I tell you you are under God’s comdemnation” —that ARROGANT view that they have ALL the ANSWERS and NO ONE ELSE HAS THE RIGHT ANSWERS.

I know I don’t even have all the QUESTIONS much less the answers, but I do know that no one else does either! Each of us must walk our own spiritual road and not condemn others. Even Jesus said that we should get the LOG out of our own eyes before we try to pick the SPLINTER out of anothers.

Jesus didn’t even condemn the woman caught in adultry that the public was going to stone to death—wonder where the man she was caught with was? Picking up rocks?

In my opinion a person can accept whatever spiritual view of their choice, but the problem comes when they start THROWING ROCKS at others while they themselves are guilty of many of the same things they are throwing rocks at someone else for.

OK, so your DIL isn’t gay, but she isn’t perfect either….and she manipulated your love for your grandson to get you in the middle of a ROCK THROWING CONTEST with you as the GUEST OF HONOR. Personally I don’t think that is a “loving” way to treat anyone.

I am just personally glad that I no longer believe that come “judgment day” that all these ministers and their followers will NOT be my judges. In the words of Jesus he says that many will on that day say “didn’t we do thus and so in your name” but He will say “DEPART FROM ME, I NEVER KNEW YOU.” It appears to me that many people who set themselves up as ministers, preachers and followers of Jesus’ teaching are going to be suprised to find out, they didn’t get it right!

It seems to me that the thing that Jesus preached against most was PRETENDING TO BE HOLY while having no mercy on others. Just MY opinion.

Ox Drover


Exercise has been proven to raise the “feel good” chemicals in the brain, so it is a proven way to help your moods. Sunlight is another proven thing to raise your spirits and moods.

Sometimes that is not enough to overcome PTSD completely. Personally I take medicatin and try to use both exercise and sunlight to help elevate my moods.

The tendency toward depression is also an inherited factor as well as an environmental one. Stress literally changes our brains chemically as well as physically. Again how we respond to stress of the intensity we have all had is dependent on environmental factors AND on hereditary factors. How much support we get is also a factor of how we respond.

I think the feelings of support here at LF, the feelings that we are NOT alone is a BIG factor–at least for me it was and I think for others as well. Some people come here, stay a few days and then depart, so it may obviously not be a big support network for them. For me it has been a life line.


This article is real encouraging. But I would like someone to look at this scenario. My dad,a sociopath, doesn’t help me with much of anything. I have been looking for a job for months now and its taking a long time. My mom, back in Ghana, she wants my older sister to help me as much as possible. But I know my older sister she doesn’t want to help me but when she offered to help me with prom I took it. My mother told me to allow her to help me with prom arrangements. The first few weekends she was more than willing to lend a helping hand. I understand that she’s struggling also but my mom feels that family should help family out. There are times when I don’t have any food or any school stuff. I tell my mom and she tells my older sister. She gives me what I need grudingly. So now I ask her to help me with my license and she says that I should let go of my pride and ask my father. I’m like why ask him when all I will recieve is an empty promise. She says he needs to take care of you. She knows he doesn’t take care of any of us kids. My question is asking someone to help, how is that being prideful?

Ox Drover

Dear Hurtnomore,

Your sister obviously helps you out of a sense of obligation and not because she really WANTS to help you. I agree with her that it is your father’s RESPONSIBILITY to help you, care for you, nurture you and love you…and he has not been living up to this responsibility.

You think you know what your father would say if you asked him from the way he has behaved in the past, and you are probably right, however, none of us can read anyone else’s mind. The best indicator of future behavior though is PAST BEHAVIOR, so chances are you are right.

However, you can ask him to help you, and if he gives you an empty promise or no help, you will not be disappointed because that is what you would think would happen.

I am older than you, and I would not accept help from someone who did not willingly give me help, but only grudgingly did so. But I understand how much someone your age wants to go to prom or other social activities. Those things are much more important to someone of your age than they would be to me now.

However, going to a prom or other social activity is a luxuary, not a REQUIREMENT, like food, etc., so if you didn’t have the money to go and no one willingly provided it, it might have been disappointing to stay home, but you could have saved your requests to your sister for things that you CANNOT do without like food.

I realize that you are wanting to go to college and to become independent from your father…but the fact is that “he who had the gold, makes the rules.” In other one, the one who provides the roof makes the rules. The law says he must provide you with BASIC necessities, food, shelter, clothing, but that can be very minimal and still meet the legal amount.

Generally, parents who love their children also provide some “extra” things because they love those children and want to give them luxuaries, more than is required by law.

Your sister is doing things for you because your mother is putting pressure on her to provide you with things you WANT but don’t necessarily NEED…and she resents it I think. Maybe you should look at what you really NEED, not just want. If your father refuses to provide the things you need or want, then I would only ask my sister for NEEDS like food.

I hope you are understanding what I am trying to say. Being poor is the pits, and being dependent upon a parent who is not responding to your needs and wants for a teenager is painful, but as we become adults we learn to put things in priority and budget our money and resources for the most important things (like food) first, then IF there is money left over we might get something we would like, but don’t need. But I would never expect someone else to pay for my prom if my father refused. I just wouldn’t go.

You will soon be outside your father’s control, and able to make your own decisions and make your own money, and at that point you do not ever even have to talk to your father again. You will be your own boss and can make your own decisions and have the responsibility for yourself as adults do. (((hugs)))))

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