By Ox Drover
Today I had an epiphany: I am happy. Really happy. Joyously happy. Exuberantly happy. Why is today different that any other day? Two months ago I was unhappy. Why am I now happy? Nothing much has really changed from two months ago.
I’m a few pounds lighter, but that isn’t what makes me happy, though, I am working on losing some weight. My bank account is quite a bit lighter than it was two months ago, so that isn’t what is making me happy. The psychopaths in my life don’t like me one bit more than they did two months ago. I haven’t found the love of my life riding on a white horse, or even a white donkey.
What is making me happy? Well, today I saw the “Bluebird of Happiness.” Yep, the real honest-to-goodness bright bluebird of happiness. Two Eastern Bluebirds, both males with colors so vibrant that I actually had to get my bird book and look them up to make sure of what I was seeing. Not the dull blue of the bluebirds we normally see in this area, who nest in holes in fence posts or in the boxes people put out for them. These were the true Eastern Bluebirds.
Why did seeing these birds and ascribing them to happiness “make me happy?” Well, I have chosen today to be happy, to look for one thing that would lift my spirits, to make myself feel happy, rather than dwelling on the many things in my life and environment that are not to my liking, or that I would change if I could, but I can’t.
I have chosen today to view those two male Eastern Bluebirds, sitting side by side on the top of a farm implement, and then flying down to my studio window where they see their own reflection and peck at these mirror images of themselves to drive off the images, to select for themselves breeding territory and to defend that territory from those imaginary birds that are trying to take over and claim that happiness and territory for themselves.
The sun is shining today, and the air is crisp and spring-like, and these birds are the harbingers of spring. After all the drab, miserable, wet and cold winter weather we had, the tough times are passing and the world and my spirits are renewing. I have a favorite book called Come Spring that is the story of a pioneer girl in upstate New York, when the U.S. was still a colonial part of the British Empire, and her stories of the terrible winters of her life and the lack of food and warmth and safety were all put aside because she believed that everything would be okay, “Come Spring.”
Well, today with the birth of a little calf and the sighting of two Eastern Bluebirds, my spring is here, and I am going to embrace it. Everything is okay, now that my spring is here. The winter is passed, and today is good.
Dont give laxatives to those darn bluebirds of happiness, or they WILL crap all over your Mother day cake!
Lotsa Love,
Mama Gem,XX
Kim
It’s nice to hear that there is such a thing as a last period! and that life could possibly get better hormonally speaking…(sorry folks) one thing that is positive …I’m still “hot”…..ha ha it also occured to me this is hell, the burning feeling is like at the stake crackling flames…maybe past life..shut up BP
Hens
Yes being gay and male must be heaven, glad your arm was de mangled and trips down memory lane sound so interesting and precious
one
I hear you on the hormone thing,will research all but I do think the bio identicals is the way to go these days. Thank you for the info.
Gem
hehehe…funny…. the hard one has a lot to answer for!
I know it feels a bit ((((narccisistic)))) to be answering everyone in a little sentence but I just want to touch in with LF…say hi to each…I guess I value different voices today…So there!
and Oxy (of course)
even the words ‘Bluebirds of happiness’ conjur up a feel good energy! I like it here on this post. The air is clearer or something! I just say it out loud…go on say it out loud everyone…bluebirds of happiness….see?
and in the words of Oxy:
So bring on the blue bird of happiness because I intend to enjoy life
Yay!! (sizzle sizzle spark sizzle )
oh yes and on the gaslighting thing…saw the movie it’s melodrama at its best, and illustrates the slow torturous descent into craziness at the hands of a psychopath’s ability to send mixed messages…(lowering the gas light so that it flickers…she says…can you see the light flickering…he says no dear you must be imagining it…) The P was brilliant at it. …I said to him you are lying to me…he said no…I just leave out some facts that’s all!!! aaaargh and that was before the flashes…
I went to let the dog out last night and I smelled something on the wind..sort of like something burning, but had some “flavor” to the smell of the smoke, llike maybe a smoker smoking meat or something….it was very faint though, so I went to get son D to see if he could tell me what it smelled like, and gosh, DUH, since he still smokes a pipe he couldn’t smell it at all!!!
So there I am standing there WONDERING if I AM smelling it, or imagining it–when he says, “Oh, I burned the trash a few hours ago, it might still be smoking a bit!” DUH!!!!!! LOL ROTFLMAO but at least I didn’t “gaslight” myself! ha ha
Happy mother’s day gang!!!! Whether you are a mutha or a mother it is our day!!!
i went to church this morn because my grandson age 5 got baptized – yeah just five – anyway they had a traveling evangelist there screamin and preachin – he said all homosexuals and child molester’s are going to burn in hell – I love my daughter in law but I sure wish she would stop puttin my grandsons up to inviting me to church – talk about being as nervous as a whore in church – anyway this ole pervert aint no child molester…and I wont step foot in that place again……vent vent…
Happy Mothers’s Day to all!
Funny, but my 12 yr old made a book in school..of why she Loves Mom….Basically because I buy her food, cook it, chaufer her around, give her good advice (sometimes)..LOL!….and make her laugh and care about her.
LOL!!! I asked her how she would feel if I didn’t do all that?
She laughed and said…I wouldn’t love you! OMG….
Anyway, In reference to hormone therapy.
MY endocrinologist put me on estrogen patch 2 yrs ago because my estrogen was low (age 51) and then I took progesterone pill every 3 months for ten days…to bring on my cycle so the uterine wall didn’t get thick.
It relieved all of my symptoms of insomnia, etc..
However….I ended up with abnormal breast mammo and the breast surgeon told me to GET OFF and never take hormones.
He said…take antidepressent instead.
So…I listened to him but I don’t take pills. My symptoms have returned…but when I exercise at the gym…it relieves them so much!!!!
Just wanted to warn everyone. Its not worth getting breast cancer!
………and, oh-by-the-way…….I feel really rotten about posting my comment on this thread. I hadn’t even realized which thread it was until I scrolled up.
OxD wrote a very, very positive and encouraging message, and I think I’ll request deletion of my comment. This thread should be the “affirmations” thread.
Dear Buttons, Don’t worry sweetie, this blog is for whatever the spirit moves you to! LOL It’s okay!
Hens, I am sorry that your DIL used your grandson to lasso you into a hell-fire-n-brimstone attack! You know, I think the preachers and “christians” (notice the small case c) who are so into condemning others for their lifes are like the old Pharisees in the time of Jesus. They pretended to be so holy, yet they were liars and cheats themselves, always condemning others for not beingt “good enough.” My egg donor was that way, and if you will recall your own egg donor was proclaiming to be a “christian” while being ANYTHING BUT one.
It is odd to me that the LOVING MESSAGES OF JESUS have been turned into the “believe like I do or rot in hell” sermon so many of the people preach. But Henry it has ALWAYS been that way. Even in the early churches there was prejudices against the Gentile Christians by the Jewish ones, and so on.
There was so long that I suffered under the “teachings” of that kind of “ministers” and “christians”—-the condemnation of “if you don’t do as I tell you you are under God’s comdemnation” —that ARROGANT view that they have ALL the ANSWERS and NO ONE ELSE HAS THE RIGHT ANSWERS.
I know I don’t even have all the QUESTIONS much less the answers, but I do know that no one else does either! Each of us must walk our own spiritual road and not condemn others. Even Jesus said that we should get the LOG out of our own eyes before we try to pick the SPLINTER out of anothers.
Jesus didn’t even condemn the woman caught in adultry that the public was going to stone to death—wonder where the man she was caught with was? Picking up rocks?
In my opinion a person can accept whatever spiritual view of their choice, but the problem comes when they start THROWING ROCKS at others while they themselves are guilty of many of the same things they are throwing rocks at someone else for.
OK, so your DIL isn’t gay, but she isn’t perfect either….and she manipulated your love for your grandson to get you in the middle of a ROCK THROWING CONTEST with you as the GUEST OF HONOR. Personally I don’t think that is a “loving” way to treat anyone.
I am just personally glad that I no longer believe that come “judgment day” that all these ministers and their followers will NOT be my judges. In the words of Jesus he says that many will on that day say “didn’t we do thus and so in your name” but He will say “DEPART FROM ME, I NEVER KNEW YOU.” It appears to me that many people who set themselves up as ministers, preachers and followers of Jesus’ teaching are going to be suprised to find out, they didn’t get it right!
It seems to me that the thing that Jesus preached against most was PRETENDING TO BE HOLY while having no mercy on others. Just MY opinion.
tobehappy,
Exercise has been proven to raise the “feel good” chemicals in the brain, so it is a proven way to help your moods. Sunlight is another proven thing to raise your spirits and moods.
Sometimes that is not enough to overcome PTSD completely. Personally I take medicatin and try to use both exercise and sunlight to help elevate my moods.
The tendency toward depression is also an inherited factor as well as an environmental one. Stress literally changes our brains chemically as well as physically. Again how we respond to stress of the intensity we have all had is dependent on environmental factors AND on hereditary factors. How much support we get is also a factor of how we respond.
I think the feelings of support here at LF, the feelings that we are NOT alone is a BIG factor–at least for me it was and I think for others as well. Some people come here, stay a few days and then depart, so it may obviously not be a big support network for them. For me it has been a life line.
This article is real encouraging. But I would like someone to look at this scenario. My dad,a sociopath, doesn’t help me with much of anything. I have been looking for a job for months now and its taking a long time. My mom, back in Ghana, she wants my older sister to help me as much as possible. But I know my older sister she doesn’t want to help me but when she offered to help me with prom I took it. My mother told me to allow her to help me with prom arrangements. The first few weekends she was more than willing to lend a helping hand. I understand that she’s struggling also but my mom feels that family should help family out. There are times when I don’t have any food or any school stuff. I tell my mom and she tells my older sister. She gives me what I need grudingly. So now I ask her to help me with my license and she says that I should let go of my pride and ask my father. I’m like why ask him when all I will recieve is an empty promise. She says he needs to take care of you. She knows he doesn’t take care of any of us kids. My question is asking someone to help, how is that being prideful?
Dear Hurtnomore,
Your sister obviously helps you out of a sense of obligation and not because she really WANTS to help you. I agree with her that it is your father’s RESPONSIBILITY to help you, care for you, nurture you and love you…and he has not been living up to this responsibility.
You think you know what your father would say if you asked him from the way he has behaved in the past, and you are probably right, however, none of us can read anyone else’s mind. The best indicator of future behavior though is PAST BEHAVIOR, so chances are you are right.
However, you can ask him to help you, and if he gives you an empty promise or no help, you will not be disappointed because that is what you would think would happen.
I am older than you, and I would not accept help from someone who did not willingly give me help, but only grudgingly did so. But I understand how much someone your age wants to go to prom or other social activities. Those things are much more important to someone of your age than they would be to me now.
However, going to a prom or other social activity is a luxuary, not a REQUIREMENT, like food, etc., so if you didn’t have the money to go and no one willingly provided it, it might have been disappointing to stay home, but you could have saved your requests to your sister for things that you CANNOT do without like food.
I realize that you are wanting to go to college and to become independent from your father…but the fact is that “he who had the gold, makes the rules.” In other one, the one who provides the roof makes the rules. The law says he must provide you with BASIC necessities, food, shelter, clothing, but that can be very minimal and still meet the legal amount.
Generally, parents who love their children also provide some “extra” things because they love those children and want to give them luxuaries, more than is required by law.
Your sister is doing things for you because your mother is putting pressure on her to provide you with things you WANT but don’t necessarily NEED…and she resents it I think. Maybe you should look at what you really NEED, not just want. If your father refuses to provide the things you need or want, then I would only ask my sister for NEEDS like food.
I hope you are understanding what I am trying to say. Being poor is the pits, and being dependent upon a parent who is not responding to your needs and wants for a teenager is painful, but as we become adults we learn to put things in priority and budget our money and resources for the most important things (like food) first, then IF there is money left over we might get something we would like, but don’t need. But I would never expect someone else to pay for my prom if my father refused. I just wouldn’t go.
You will soon be outside your father’s control, and able to make your own decisions and make your own money, and at that point you do not ever even have to talk to your father again. You will be your own boss and can make your own decisions and have the responsibility for yourself as adults do. (((hugs)))))