By Ox Drover
Today I had an epiphany: I am happy. Really happy. Joyously happy. Exuberantly happy. Why is today different that any other day? Two months ago I was unhappy. Why am I now happy? Nothing much has really changed from two months ago.
I’m a few pounds lighter, but that isn’t what makes me happy, though, I am working on losing some weight. My bank account is quite a bit lighter than it was two months ago, so that isn’t what is making me happy. The psychopaths in my life don’t like me one bit more than they did two months ago. I haven’t found the love of my life riding on a white horse, or even a white donkey.
What is making me happy? Well, today I saw the “Bluebird of Happiness.” Yep, the real honest-to-goodness bright bluebird of happiness. Two Eastern Bluebirds, both males with colors so vibrant that I actually had to get my bird book and look them up to make sure of what I was seeing. Not the dull blue of the bluebirds we normally see in this area, who nest in holes in fence posts or in the boxes people put out for them. These were the true Eastern Bluebirds.
Why did seeing these birds and ascribing them to happiness “make me happy?” Well, I have chosen today to be happy, to look for one thing that would lift my spirits, to make myself feel happy, rather than dwelling on the many things in my life and environment that are not to my liking, or that I would change if I could, but I can’t.
I have chosen today to view those two male Eastern Bluebirds, sitting side by side on the top of a farm implement, and then flying down to my studio window where they see their own reflection and peck at these mirror images of themselves to drive off the images, to select for themselves breeding territory and to defend that territory from those imaginary birds that are trying to take over and claim that happiness and territory for themselves.
The sun is shining today, and the air is crisp and spring-like, and these birds are the harbingers of spring. After all the drab, miserable, wet and cold winter weather we had, the tough times are passing and the world and my spirits are renewing. I have a favorite book called Come Spring that is the story of a pioneer girl in upstate New York, when the U.S. was still a colonial part of the British Empire, and her stories of the terrible winters of her life and the lack of food and warmth and safety were all put aside because she believed that everything would be okay, “Come Spring.”
Well, today with the birth of a little calf and the sighting of two Eastern Bluebirds, my spring is here, and I am going to embrace it. Everything is okay, now that my spring is here. The winter is passed, and today is good.
hurtnomore010
I understand but what I don’t understand is the fact that of getting a license. Is that not a necessity?
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hutnomore – i responded to you on the wrong thread. check out the PTSD thread.
erin1972
Oxy, thanks for your positive post. I sure don’t get to see birds much. I have been trying recently to think positive thoughts before going to work everyday. I am hoping that it helps me have a better day.
Ox Drover
Dear Hurtnomore,
A license is something important, but maybe not a necessity. I would do my best to see if there were other ways for me to get the things I need or want rather than to depend on others to grudgingly provide them for me. Your sister is doing this for your mother’s sake, and I’m sure she must also care some for you, but it is not her responsibility to provide these things for you.
You had talked about your mother was sending you a ticket to travel this summer, maybe you could make a choice between which is more important to you—traveling to see your mother or getting the license. Sometimes we must make choices between things we would like when we can’t afford both of them.
I know it is more difficult when you are a young adult to make these kinds of choices, but sometimes that is a learning experience as well. I wish you well and hope that you are able to quickly find a job so that you will be more independent! ((((hugs))))
bulletproof
Hens
I’m genuinely disgusted that a travelling evangelist (whaaateverrr) could say something like that in this day and age! putting child molesters in the same category as homosexuals is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE in the extreme.
I hope the “travelling evanagelist” travels onto a land mine and blows up, then straight to the hell and brimstone world he’s so obsessed with…yeah we get what we believe in..and by the way you call that a vent?… I would be more furious…but hey I simply cannot get angry on top of hot flash as I will go up in smoke……(it’s too late aaaaargh)
Hurtnomore
ASK HIM TO HELP YOU in the nicest, most reasonable tone of voice..if you can’t do that then you are really angry with him and probably want a standoff revenge….Not ever ask him for anything ever again etc. you will only hurt yourself…in a mad round about way to hurt him…stop think…love yourself…ask for what you need from whom you need it…without shame. At least then you have expressed yourself….and as we all know here on LF we have no control over what someone will do.
Best of luck to you, you deserve the Prom…so go get it!
Joy
Oxy:) Beautifully written and just the ray of sunshine I needed today. Today is court over the purchase of the MOLD house and after jury selection, I’ll be on the stand. Prayers appreciated. The good is that I’m moving to put this behind me. The bad is that it is STRESSFUL! I often told my patients to look each day for a gift sent just for them. A delightful smile from a stranger, a bird, butterfly, hummingbird, perfect bloom, colorful sunset that can be claimed as a gift just for you. Sure maybe lots of people will see what you saw, but that makes it no less your gift if it is your spirit which is moved from it. Glad you are smiling. ( Hugs to my friends:) Better than the Verizon network for standing with you in your hours of need.
Genevieve79
Thank you Oxy, beautiful and uplifiting. I recently began to feel similarly to you and your article has helped me to continue to connect with my inner joy 🙂 xxxx
ErinBrock
http://personaldevelopment.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_take_responsibility_for_happiness
How to Be Happy – Sanja Gjenero How to take personal responsibility for one’s own happiness.
The quest for happiness is universal. Aristotle summed this up best when he said, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human experience.” With the exception of survival, happiness is the goal behind every human activity. Whether seeking fame, fortune, power, or love, humans are actually seeking the happiness they expect will result.
What is Happiness?
Happiness is defined by positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar as “the overall experience of pleasure and meaning.” That is, a person experiences the feeling of being happy when finding pleasure in a meaningful activity. (Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, Tal Ben-Shahar, McGraw Hill, 2007)
Though a person seldom asks who is responsible for her happiness, many behave as if the key is outside themselves, seeking happiness through relationships and possessions.
Reflection on the definition of happiness suggests that it is a personal experience, therefore also a personal responsibility. Though relationships with others are pleasurable, one cannot attribute personal happiness to another person. Instead, the person seeking happiness must realize a relationship brings pleasure because of the way the experience is interpreted, which makes it a personal responsibility.
Happiness Myths
Marci Shimoff, best selling author of several Chicken Soup for the Soul books speaks of two myths, the myths of more and when. The more myth takes the form of thoughts such as “I would be happy if I had more money (love, time, freedom, etc.).” The when myth is a corollary, such as, “I’ll be happy when I get the promotion (get married, find a better job, lose twenty pounds, etc.).”
These myths are prevalent in our culture, fueled by advertising images of happy people getting more things. Like all myths, these harbor a kernel of truth. It does feel good to get something new or to reach some desired goal.
Money and Happiness
The more myth is often focused on a desire for more money. Yet research studies corroborate the saying that “money does not bring happiness.” Martin Seligman, Ph.D. (Authentic Happiness, Free Press, 2002) reports that “Rich people are, on average, only slightly happier than poor people.”
Happiness from the Future
The happy feelings associated with getting things are fleeting. They don’t have staying power. Those who seek gratification from acquisitions and personal achievements find themselves on a constant treadmill, seeking the next burst of good feelings through acquisition or accomplishment.
Happiness in the Present
If one’s happiness depends on a future event, he or she will always be seeking something, fulfilling the more and when myths. Recognizing the future is uncertain, the person seeking to be happier is best served by taking responsibility to be happy in the present. Approach this by structuring daily events to include meaningful and pleasurable content.
ErinBrock
Success in life and work.
You are totally responsible for your life. This is the foundation principle you must embrace if you plan for happiness and success in life and work. I coach a young woman currently, a manager in a small company. I am struck, every time we meet, by her failure to take responsibility for what is happening in her work and life. Everything is someone else’s fault. Every problem is explained away with reasons about why she can’t affect the situation or the outcome.
Blame and Excuses Are the Hallmarks of an Unsuccessful Life
On television, I briefly watched three jailed individuals who are seeking parole from the Parole Board, talk about themselves. I noticed the same pattern in their reasoning and approach to life. Nothing was their fault including the incidents that landed each of them in jail. I suspect that if I interviewed more incarcerated individuals, I would find a pattern of “not my fault.” That is why taking responsibility for choices, actions, and direction is so powerfully important. Without taking responsibility, you’ll likely look at your life as a failure because you allowed yourself to be blown hither and yon, by any passing wind. And, you blamed the wind for how things turned out.
People who take complete responsibility for their lives experience joy and control of circumstances. They are able to make choices because they understand that they are responsible for their choices. Indeed, even when events that are not under your control, go awry, you can, at least, determine how you will react to the event. You can make an event a disaster or you can use it as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to cherish your faith, to hold loved ones close.
How to Take Responsibility for Your Life
The most important aspect of taking responsibility for your life is to acknowledge that your life is your responsibility. No one can live your life for you. You are in charge. No matter how hard you try to blame others for the events of your life, each event is the result of choices you made and are making. Listen to the little voice in your head. And, observe yourself talking with coworkers, family members, and friends. Do you hear yourself taking responsibility or placing blame?
•Listen to the voice in your head. Eliminate blame; eliminate excuses. If the blame track or the excuse track plays repeatedly in your mind, you are shifting responsibility for your decisions and life to others.
•Second, listen to yourself when you speak. In your conversation, do you hear yourself blame others for things that don’t go exactly as you want? Do you find yourself pointing fingers at your coworkers or your upbringing, your parent’s influence, the amount of money that you make, or your spouse? Are you making excuses for goals unmet or tasks that missed their deadlines? If you can hear your blaming patterns, you can stop them.
•Third, if an individual you respect supplies feedback that you make excuses and blame others for your woes, take the feedback seriously. Control your defensive reaction and explore examples and deepen your understanding with the coworker or friend. People who responsibly consider feedback attract much more feedback.
http://humanresources.about.com/od/success/qt/responsible_s5.htm
silvermoon
EB,
Wow. Great stuff. Came for me at a perfect moment. Thanks for your post!