Neuroscientists, psychologists and educators believe that bullying in schools and other kinds of violence can be reduced by encouraging empathy at an early age.
Read How not to raise a bully: The early roots of empathy on Time.com.
Link submitted by a reader via the Lovefraud Facebook fan page.
Ya kknow….it doesn’t sound goofy…..I GET IT!
It is almost easier sometimes…..but I could NEVER suggest this to another…..YOU KNOW YOUR HUSBAND!
At the time I separated, I knew it was a matter of time before it was me or the kids….I felt confident, at that point he wouldn’t murder us, jsut use intimidation with force (just 🙁 )
to try and keep us ‘in line’.
HE DID…..he pushed me down….to the ground….and BOOM….that was IT!
I care….because i walked in similar shoes…..and we are alone….I don’t want another person to feel alone in this process……..
I get it…..I get it…..
Dear Hope,
Tell your son that the old saying that “it takes two to fight” is NOT true, and that “there are always two (valid) sides to every story” is NOT true. He can probably SEE those as NOT true because I think every kid though they have been TOLD this since early age have been in a fight when they were not fighting! and they know that there are NOT two valid sides to every story.
As we reach adulthood we want to believe these andn some of us convince ourselves, but doens’t make them true.
“there is good deep down inside everyone” NOT TRUE
“Everyone can change” Also NOT true because some people don’t want to change.
Good luck with your son!
The news article was very thin on suggestions as to how to teach children empathy.
I think that by the time it’s evident that there’s a problem, it’s nearly impossible to “teach” empathy.
The quality of very early human interaction is key to acquiring empathy. If infants and toddlers aren’t nurtured properly, any “fixing” done after the fact is too little, too late. Better to get it right in the first place.
P.S. From interactions with a child raised in a Chinese orphanage, I’ve seen that MIMICKING empathetic behavior CAN be taught. To what extent these learned behaviors will improve the subject’s relationships over a lifetime remains to be seen.
2 points
1. It is PATHETIC that we should have to teach this in schools. It is the parents’ responsibility to teach such things. It is astounding that parents no longer teach basic social concepts and morals to their children and yet another burden has fallen on the school system. (Maybe that’s because the parents are now busy teaching math and reading, which the schools often teach very poorly.)
2. In many years of coaching and tutoring, I have observed that kids with goals and ambitions and the willingness to work for them are almost always wonderful kids. This includes nearly all of the bright and accomplished kids since most of them got where they are by having goals and working toward them. It also includes the less gifted kids who are willing to work. It includes inner city kids with fewer advantages. What sets the good kids apart is a work ethic rather than an attitude of entitlement or victimization.
” It is PATHETIC that we should have to teach this in schools. It is the parents’ responsibility to teach such things. It is astounding that parents no longer teach basic social concepts and morals to their children and yet another burden has fallen on the school system. (Maybe that’s because the parents are now busy teaching math and reading, which the schools often teach very poorly.)”
Speaking from the perspective of a parent who tried to make public education work for her family, I can state that it’s entirely unacceptable for the school to attempt to teach basic social concepts and morals.
How dare public educators fail in their role to teach my children the 3 Rs, and simultaneously presume to teach them the things normal children acquire at home? How dare the government PRESUME that our family is dysfunctional, and waste our tax dollars mis-educating our children?!
Talk about adding insult to injury!
If a kid is a bully, yank him out of class and do whatever it takes to properly socialize him, but don’t penalize the rest of the class. Coddling bullies and playing social worker in school deprives the entire student body of the free and appropriate public education they’re entitled to. It must stop.
I disagree that parents are the majority of blame, as they too were raised in a society that deems it acceptable to make it virtually impossible for so many parents to have time and resources to properly care for their children. I am fortunate to have had the ability to balance career and child rearing, along with community involvement and service, but recognize this is far from the norm.
What happened to “it takes a tribe to raise a child”? I think the problem is societal and a result of women’s liberation (and yes, I happen to be one), increasing cost of living requiring two working parents, a break down not only in family but community values and an over emphasis on achievement and consumption as primary sources of esteem.
Empathy would be more superfluous if human lifestyle and society were as conducive as human nature, to the cause! Certainly, change starts with self.
Namaste
Duped
Duped,
WELL SAID!
I am currently going to the school (today) to fight for an education for my child. He isn’t even currently living in my home, but the school is really screwing him around.
And it is ridiculous because if I had a 9-5 job, I would have been fired by now as this has been a very time consuming process. I wouldn’t have been able to take enough time off to do this properly. Because there are to many hoops a person has to jump through to get anything done.
Not only is the “village” not looking out for children anymore, even the school system isn’t always considering what is in the best interest of the child. The schools have to many budget cuts and their own agenda to consider.
It really is a difficult world that we reside in.
There were plenty of psychopaths BEFORE public education. There were psychopaths before it was “illegal” to take a kid out of school and send him home for bad behavior, our educational system doesn’t foster or create psychopaths, so much as they are becoming more visible I think because violence is easy in a school of 1,000 kids with a low number of teachers who don’t really know the students, or the student’s families.
Even in a one-room school with 60 kids and ONE teacher, order was kept and most parents would support the teacher’s keeping of order. The teacher knew the parents, the parents knew the teacher, they all lived in the same community ande reasonable conduct was expected and ENFORCED by the community and the parents.
In schools that have students who have no nurturing at home, and order is not kept in the school room, how can anything be taught? In schools where the parents expect the teachers to teach 3Rs AND morals (but don’t mention God, any God!) and keep order without any authority to do so, or to expell the student.
In Little Rock, Arkansas,40% of the kids go to private schools where their parents pay some pretty stiff tuition to get them in and where BEHAVIOR is mandated or the students are expelled. They generally come out being able to read and write and be ready for college and have some knowledge of how to “behave” in an acceptable manner.
Unfortunately that leaves the 60% of parents who are either unable or unwilling to pay the tuition for their kids to go to private schools. The public school teachers are left with the kids whose parents don’t care about their kids, and the kids who are in “theraputic foster care” (usually for behavioral problems) and the kids from lower inhcome families, or all of the above. Keeping order in the classroom is the “prime directive” but tends to be “where no man has gone before!” Cameras in the hallways, used condoms frequently found on the school grounds, metal detectors, armed campus cops, and so on.
Many people also “home school” their kids because the kids are afraid to go to a public school. That also takes effort, time and money.
I don’t know what the answer is about education in this country but it seems that it is stratifying even more the differences between the haves and the have nots.
One of the local Universities in the town near me had an on-campus killing not long ago. The first day my P-son went to his new high school in Florida there was a murder on campus.
Some schools in some areas are better than others about keeping down violence, bullying, etc, but the huge schools we seem to be getting now, vs the “community” schools, de-personalizes the student to student and teacher to student interactions, I think. Let’s go back to the “one room school” and at least teach them to “read and write and cipher!” That’s more than some schools seem to be doing now!
Witsend:
I can definitely relate to your frustration, and fighting these battles is definitely a full-time job.
My Mom and I are going to an open house at my niece’s school on Sunday.
My niece is 6 years old and in kindergarten.
She has been kicked AND punched in the stomach on 2 separate occasions by a boy in her class named “Jeffrey”.
Of course, my sister-in-law’s lack of concern over these types of incidents is staggering.
“She’ll be all right” has been her generic answer for everything concerning her daughter since she was a baby.”
“I need to ‘break’ her of that” is another favorite line that my sister-in-law uses when she wants to change behavior in my niece….as if this child is a race horse or something.
That line makes me crazy.
So, it’s bad enough what this child is going through at home with her narcissistic/psychopathic mother.
I am not going to stand for bullying going on at school, as well.
Both times the teacher saw what happened and disciplined the little boy, according to my niece. My niece says, “He’s got a chart”, meaning that he has behavioral issues.
I don’t care if this boy has a chart or not, if he’s kicking and hitting little girls, he needs to be put in a ED or BD group.
My Mom and I have practically raised my niece from infancy to age 5. She was not born with a personality disorder, but she was born with the genes.
She has the ability to love and trust (Thank GOD).
But, she also has some con-artistry in her.
Because of the genetic connection to her birth mother, she is an AT RISK CHILD.
So, the environmental conditions and nurturing that this child receives NOW will be instrumental in how she develops in her teen years.
I am not this child’s parent, but I’ll be DAMNED if I just sit back and let the devil take over.
And, the little boy who is hitting my niece is also looking like he could be an at-risk child. It will not be good if he is still hitting girls when he’s 16…or 26.
So, Mom & I going to the school to meet the teachers/administrators at this open house.
I’m not sure how I will start the discussion or what I will say.
But, hopefully I will figure it out.
If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share.
Am I even doing the right thing by saying anything at all??
Maybe I should go and just be nice, and try to get a job volunteering at the school or something…work my way in that way.
I don’t want to make a mistake, and I KNOW I cannot educate the world in a day.
As you can see, I am very unsure about how to approach this.