Lovefraud’s friend Ann at WomenExplode.com recently posted an interview with a 49-year-old man who had never been married. The man engaged in serious impression management. But, since Ann had known him for 10 years, she knew when his words were BS—and pointed them out in her story. It’s hysterical.
Read Interview with a never-married 49-year-old man on WomenExplode.com.
Stargazer
Libelle, my favorite answer when people ask a personal question that I don’t want to answer is “Long story. Maybe I’ll tell you some time.” You don’t have to tell anyone anything if you don’t want to. You life and your story are your own to share as you see fit. Or yeah, just say you’re taking a break from it. Which you are!
libelle
Thank you Star, yes, it is really a long story! As I can’t lie (don’t have a poker face) I have to tell things that are true. A completely useful phrase too, thanks! I will give you all a feedback how it went (tomorrow there will be a party at my sister’s, where I can have a dressed rehearsal).
Ox Drover
Dear Libelle,
“Ann Landers” had an answer for people who asked questions that were none of their business, like “how much money are you paid?” her answer was “Now, why on earth would YOU ask THAT?” Just turn it right around on the questioner.
I like Star’s reply too. The point is that these people are NOT OWED an answer to their nosey questions.
Sometimes people ask questions that you don’t want to answer that are sort of NOT intended to be nosey….like “where do your children live?” Or “what do your sons do for a living?” In the past I would say “Oh, one son lives in Texas and he works for the state of Texas” (both TRUE, he does live in Texas and he has a job inside of the prison, as all inmates are required to work.) But it depends now on WHO asks the question on what I answer, and in how much detail. I no longer lie to my extended family or neighbors about where my son Patrick is, or why he is there. If it is just someone in a grocery store line we are chatting to pass the time while we check out and I’ll never see those people again, I probably won’t go into any detail at all….just gloss it over. But I no longer lie to the people in my community, or my extended family….and when people ask about my egg donor, I no longer lie about her either. I just say that as long as she keeps on sending money to the man who tried to kill me, my sons and I don’t have anything to do with her. At least it has stopped people saying to me “well, you have to make peace with your mother before she dies.” Well, my answer to that is, “I have made peace with MYSELF, and my God.”
libelle
Oxy, you are right. Another good one-liner, thanks.
When I was at this course (two days with overnight stay at a hotel, very interactive, with MANY pauses in between to interact, just old colleagues and some others I did not know well, 15 people total including faculty) last week I also chose whom to tell the long version so that they at least heard my side too. The others I told that I was fed up with the whole medical system, all the hassle and needed a break and was considering a drastic change, psychiatry for instance, and that I was in career counseling. I still have to learn the smooth “gloss over”.
I am quite sure my former boss is smearing me, but I am reluctant to fight for “justice” and have my sister write a letter of protest about how things evolved. She and mum think I am the classic victim. As I refuse to play this part, I am NOT! :-), isn’t it? It is not worth it, and I feel comfortable the way it is, and I made mistakes, unfortunately (every one well documented, even our work related discussions where I was wrong, without any consequences. Example: I contemplated one time to ask a good colleague I wanted to chat along about a problem that was minor and did NOT make the call after my colleague reprimanded me that with my qualifications I MUST solve this problem alone; it was in my papers. No “good deeds” were noted, and that would be my sister’s point of documenting mobbing by her side).
I am now in peace and I do not need “justice”, and I do not want to break the NC too. Karma may prevail!
MoonDancer
It’s none of your business’ works well also.
libelle
Oxy, you are right. Another good one-liner, thanks.
When I was at this course (two days with overnight stay at a hotel, very interactive, with MANY pauses in between to interact, just old colleagues and some others I did not know well, 15 people total including faculty) last week I also chose whom to tell the long version so that they at least heard my side too. The others I told that I was fed up with the whole medical system, all the hassle and needed a break and was considering a drastic change, psychiatry for instance, and that I was in career counseling. I still have to learn the smooth “gloss over”.
I am quite sure my former boss is smearing me, but I am reluctant to fight for “justice” and have my sister write a letter of protest about how things evolved. She and mum think I am the classic victim. As I refuse to play this part, I am NOT! 🙂 , isn’t it? It is not worth it, and I feel comfortable the way it is, and I made mistakes, unfortunately (every one well documented, even our work related discussions where I was wrong, without any consequences. Example: I contemplated one time to ask a good colleague I wanted to chat along about a problem that was minor and did NOT make the call after my colleague reprimanded me that with my qualifications I MUST solve this problem alone; it was in my papers. No “good deeds” were noted, and that would be my sister’s point of documenting mobbing by her side).
I am now in peace and I do not need “justice”, and I do not want to break the NC too. Karma may prevail!
Ox Drover
Dear Libelle,
I am glad that YOU are at peace with this, and “justice” is not necessary if you are at PEACE.
Even if you send a letter to document your side of the story, as you know, it isn’t about TRUTH, it is about the “smear campaign” and if you are being smeared by this person who was your former supervisor, then your side will not be seen or heard by anyone who talks to her. I think you are right to just let it slide.
As ErinBrock says “take the high road” and just move on with your life in another direction. After my husband’s plane accident in which he had third degree burns over 95% of his body and my son and two friends were seriously burned, I took 3 months off work, and then tried to go back, but my short term memory was so poor, I quickly realized I needed to retire. I did not have the recall or the patience to work in a HIGH STRESS ENVIRONMENT in which people’s very lives depended on me being “calm, cool and collected” and having a razor sharp memory. Since that happened 7 + years ago I’ve had 5 years of chaos in addition to the death of my husband, the protracted illness and death from cancer of my beloved step father, etc etc and severe symptoms of PTSD, but as My life has taken more PEACE AND CALM and I have taken care of myself, I am starting to recover my short term memory somewhat, and my ability to deal with some stress, but I’m glad I am not required to try to earn a living or take care of my own young children, or any number of tasks that require patience and judgment.
I realize also that some things that I used to think were “very important” (like what people thought about me) are NOT AT ALL IMPORTANT in my life any more. So put your own peace and calm and healing FIRST…..(((hugs))) And God bless. Find a way to make a living that is not so stressful. Taking care of cancer patients even at the best and strongest we can be is a stressful profession.
callmeathena
Oxy you have a very uplifting story. Please keep telling it.
Ox Drover
Athena, “there’s no fanatic like a convert” and I have been “converted” to PEACE AND TAKING CARE OF ME FIRST—I’ll keep on “preaching” and “preaching” for each of us to put ourselves first. It is only by taking care of ourselves that we have anything to give to others!
Back_from_the_edge
Loving Narcissists and the Myth of No Contact:
http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com/2009/01/loving-narcissists-and-myth-of-no.html
Sharing a site I have found that I thought was worth a read…
Have a good night everyone.
Love ~ Dupey