Lovefraud recently received a letter from a woman who we’ll call Valerie. She met her husband, who we’ll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets.
Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn’t want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn’t tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie’s intuition told her to check her husband’s Facebook page, where she found Dylan’s love letters to another woman.
Then Valerie found how Dylan described himself on another website. Here’s what he wrote:
My name is Dylan and I believe in Chaos, destruction and murder. I will contradict myself but I don’t think that should make me a hypocrite. I hone my strengths and hide my weaknesses because only the strong will survive. I lie, cheat and steal. But only if it’s the most intelligent plan of action; & only the stupid get caught. I’m fighting a personal rebellion I can’t justify. I’m losing my mind, my friends and my morals with each passing day, but each day I pass leads me closer to finding myself. I would rather live my life in surrender to temptation than to deny my natural instincts. I never hurt those who do not hurt me first, I don’t believe in physical confrontation but as in eastern philosophy I am trained to engage in it, if for nothing more than the practice of strengthening the bond between mind and body.
I know who I am, but not where I am, or why I am here. I find Art to be the only voice of reason in a place otherwise inhabited by counter-production. I promote sex, but lack emotion, I hate addicts but I believe in drugs, I make music but I destroy everything else. I bore easily but I am doomed to repeat myself.
My name is Dylan and this is only the beginning.
Whoa! Did this guy just write the sociopath manifesto?
I don’t know if Dylan is truly describing himself—apparently he’s got some kind of hardcore band and perhaps he wrote the above statement for its shock value. Still, is it possible to even come up with these ideas if he didn’t experience the state of mind that they imply?
Fundamentally different
The truly scary thing about sociopaths is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They do not want what we want. They do not value what we value.
Normal human beings want affection, cooperation and achievement. We want to care about others and contribute to life. Sociopaths want power, control and sex, and they’ll destroy anyone and anything to get what they want.
But sociopaths look like us and appear to act like us. That’s why they are so hard to identify. It’s also why people who have not experienced their manipulation up close and personal find it so difficult to believe us. The uninitiated—those lucky souls who have not been devastated by a sociopath—have yet to learn that there are people in the world for whom proclamations of love, truth and promises are nothing but tactics in a power game.
Everything changes
This is the bottom line: Dealing with a sociopath changes everything. Normal human courtesies do not apply. Social protocols do not apply. Rules do not apply. Contracts do not apply. Laws do not apply.
If we find that we are interacting with a sociopath, the best thing we can do is get the person out of our lives. When that is not possible, we need to be on mental red alert at all times and understand that anything the person says may be a lie. We need to know that for the sociopath, we are not a friend, or a lover, or a relative, or a co-worker. For a sociopath, all we are is a target.
I won! Praise God. Towanda! Will post the whole story back here ina bit, but want to hit all the threads with the news.
Joy:
Congratulations!
I had a good feeling about it, but I did not want to jinx it.
POWER TO THE SURVIVORS!!!!!!!
WE CAN DO IT LFers……WE CAN!
BUT WE MUST be in CONTROL and regain our inner strength and POWER!!!!!
WORK off of others here to gain your strength…..BUT NEVER DOUBT it CAN BE DONE!!!!
We may have to lose some ‘battles’ (expect it)……but let that catapult you into winning the ‘wars’!!!!
GET MAD, use those emotions and let them take you to a place necessary to GET IT DONE.
Get away from the defensive mode and get proactive and take the offensive stance!
We have been there….we know how THAT feels……SHAKE IT UP AND KICK SOME PREVERBIAL BUTT!!!!!
Now have that I have shared the news of the victory and where I planned to post the story I am ready to share the details of the win. I read Erin’s comment to me just prior to leaving for court, and it moved me to tears which was good a needed release but a good kind of tears as I was moved by kindness and support not fear, and I took that with me. He was not represented by the free lawyer, his arrogance perhaps or she felt there was no merit to his case, either way he was alone. No voice mail, no witnesses, no paper work. Just his liar’s mouth as that is all he spewed. He could not from the moment he took the stand get his act together. He stated his name. Next question. When were you divorced? Perplexed look. Umm Umm not sure but over a year ago. For his info and yours it was six months ago today. Next question how long were you married? Again lost look. Um Um Um. The courtroom bursts into laughter and the County cops admonish the court room that they need to be quiet as court is still in session. The judge looks at him and Says, “Sorry not trying to put you on the spot here but most people don’t find these questions so difficult to answer” The sp looks stupidly at judge and says,” I really don’t know but it was a while, a while.” Yes, most marriages have some meaning to those involved but an sp asked about a deleted life Really? that is just beyond them. It was a marriage entered into on Jan 2, 2001 and ended on Dec 9, 2008. With a three month period of dating prior to a year long engagement. So basically close to 10 years but “a while” sums it up so sufficiently don’t ya all think?! LOL! Basically he then went on to say that the child barely had a relationship with any of us and that there had been no contact for well over 2 yrs. Really?? So I imagined all the weekends at the movies, all the dinners every week, all the birthday and Christmas times spent together. I didn’t take her to see Twilight in November, I don’t carry her even now on my health insurance, She didn’t just a month ago ask me if I was still her Mom since obviously I have never been a Mom. I don’t have a stack of kid made jewelry and home made crayola cards stating her love for me? I am nobody to her? Really? are you F-ing kidding me you worthless sack of poo! God smack him really hard right now! Please! In the end I was professional, articulate, able to elaborate with dates and facts and records and what ever was needed to prove he was a liar. The judge stated at his ruling that he wanted me to know that he was removing the order of protection not to save my license for if he thought for one minute that I were a threat he would not hesitate to make me seek other means of employment. But he felt that this was a very sad situation. Where much hurt had occurred and that he was saddened by it all. That he felt the dad acted to protect his child and that I had acted to protect a child who I felt was mine and to whom I felt a Mother’s duty. He then said, “but she is not your daughter and any contact in the future with her father feeling as he does would be inappropriate.That any concerns should only go to the proper authorities. That I should refrain from trying to contact her and that we should both walk away from each other and this court fully separate and apart. And I agree. NC has been good for me. It has forced me to emotionally disconnect from what I was struggling to leave behind. This experience helped me see his true colors with no rose colored glasses or illusions intact. As we were driving through town about an hour later, we saw him getting out of his car now in his work clothes, pacing frantically in the parking lot and screaming into his phone. Probably whining to MOMMY that he didn’t get his way. Poor baby! Go cry those alligator tears to someone else and snap your jaws of evil destruction upon them in time as you always bite. And I’m done being chewed upon. Towanda! Much love to all who supported me. I FELT you there with me and that is sincere and no joke. Lovefraud warriors! Showing up for battle and taking back our lives, one victory at a time!
Erin, “I GOT THE POWER!” LOL!
JOY:
I am listening to my theme song in YOUR HONOR….. CAN YOU HEAR ME SINGING ???!!!!
Perfect ‘after court’ empowerment song!
( I think) 🙂
I LOVE YOUR POWER!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ITZBBV8Syg&feature=related
JOY:
OMG….
“we saw him getting out of his car now in his work clothes, pacing frantically in the parking lot and screaming into his phone. ”
I had the same visual of my ex s, after our court appearance, in the parking lot….arms flailing, pacing and on the phone screaming with such drama…….I am sure describing how badly he was victimized and poor me, how can SHE do this to ME!!!!
Oh, that was a gift……as my attorney, I and the sheriff (for protection) walked back to the attorneys office from court.
HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA!!!!!!!!
Joy…congratulations on your victory…on the order and the license! The girl…bittersweet for her situation. Time will pass. I guess you will both remember each other with affection. Savor your strength and the victory. You did what you had to do, and did it well…that’s power.
Yes, in all the celebration I do not wish to lose sight of that fact that the child is still stuck with him, possibly still abused by him. Funny thing was I never accused him of it. He all on his own brought up his bathing her and sleeping with her making it all sound like it occurred only for a little while not that it still occurs so yep a single dad might welcome a daughter fresh from her bad dream into bed but night after night year after year she should not start off there and sleep the entire night every night with daddy. People in the elevator after court approached me commenting how they bet he molests that child. I just shrugged my shoulders let others reach their own conclusions and pray that if she is molested someone will discover the truth or hear her when she speaks out. All I can do is pray for her and if the time ever comes that she is old enough to reach out on her own welcome her with open arms.
Erin, Just linked to that song. Had never heard it. Laughed my self sick. Totally cracked me up. Official lovefraud song? I say yes. Also good. Violent Femmes, Titled Kiss Off.