In honor of the 4th of July we celebrate but also reflect on how to make our nation and world a better place. I therefore thought it would be fitting to review for you a book, Psychopaths in Everyday Life, by Robert W. Rieber. I highly recommend the book to readers who have some background in psychology. The book explains Dr. Rieber’s view of psychopathy and also discusses how psychopathy relates to what he calls “Social Distress Syndrome.” He says that America is plagued by this Social Distress Syndrome and therefore is breeding psychopaths/sociopaths.
First Dr. Rieber’s view on psychopathy. I was also fortunate to meet with Dr. Rieber to discuss his ideas in detail. He has interviewed many serial killers and has written extensively about psychopathy/sociopathy. By the way, he also has a lot to say about the case of Sybil and the idea of multiple personality.
His view of psychopathy is very similar to my own, and I should say, my own view was shaped prior to discovering this work. His view of psychopathy also appears to be very similar to that of Jack Levin, Ph. D., another psychologist who has worked with serial killers.
Dr. Rieber states, “In my view, the following four salient characteristics, thrill seeking, pathological glibness, the antisocial pursuit of power, and the absence of guilt, distinguish the true psychopath.” He further emphasizes that psychopathy is not a category but a continuum (a point I have also discussed previously see Psychopathy verses sociopathy again… ).
Drs. Rieber and Levin both have an opinion that sets them apart from other psychopathy experts. I want to share this view with you because I think you should be aware of differing opinions. Based on my personal and professional experiences, I also think their view has the advantage of helping us make sense of our first-hand observations.
If you read expert writings on psychopathy, you will see that the mainstream experts seem to hold the opinion that psychopaths/sociopaths lack guilt and empathy. Mainstream experts also teach that lack of a conscience is responsible for the disorder. Any therapist, teacher, minister or observer of humans will tell you that many people have a deficit in empathy and/or guilt and yet these people do not necessarily engage in an “antisocial pursuit of power.” I believe that the focus on the deficits of psychopaths has prevented us from seeing the most important aspect of the disorder- the antisocial pursuit of power.
The minute we say that victims are harmed, not because of a psychopath’s deficits, but because of his or her aberrant motivation, we have a good perspective on what we went through. We need to understand power motivation in order to understand the psychopath/sociopath. It is also power motivation, I believe, that ties psychopathy/sociopathy to the problems of our society.
There is a great quote from the book that leads into an explanation of another point that both Drs. Levin and Rieber make. It is, “The true psychopath compels the psychiatric observer to ask the perplexing, and largely unanswered question: Why doesn’t that person have the common decency to go crazy?”
So why don’t psychopaths have the common decency to go crazy? Dr. Rieber explains, “Since psychopaths act as if they were perfectly normal, i.e. sane, they must be skilled in a cunning manner to dissociate any real guilt that they should feel about their antisocial behavior.” He also says that since psychopaths dissociate, they don’t go crazy. He believes dissociation prevents them from experiencing guilt. He also says that many psychopaths do have some level of guilt they are dissociated from.
Dissociation is a difficult concept to grasp. It means to block out a thought or emotion. The ability to dissociate is related to hypnosis which is an induced dissociated state. Dr. Rieber told me that he does not believe that a person can be completely without guilt or empathy. He instead sees the psychopath/sociopath as being able to block out these from his/her experience. This view is shared by Dr. Levin who asks another interesting question. If psychopaths are unable to experience empathy, how is it that they enjoy hurting other people so much? To enjoy hurting they have to know and to some extent feel, they have hurt.
All of us have seen that psychopaths seek out ways to hurt people. They don’t do it by accident. They therefore have to have enough empathy to know when they have succeeded in their power goals and to feel gratified by the act of hurting. Dr. Levin terms the ability of a psychopath to be cut off from any negative emotion during the act of pleasure, compartmentalization. The concept of compartmentalization is basically the same as that of dissociation. When we discussed these terms, Dr. Rieber told me that Freud called the same process repression.
There is some interesting research from the lab of Dr. Joseph P. Newman demonstrating that psychopaths have an extraordinary ability to focus on a source of reward and ignore punishers. So there is experimental evidence supporting the link between psychopathy and dissociation/ compartmentalization/ repression.
But how is psychopathy related to The Social Distress Syndrome? Dr. Rieber puts together a nice argument demonstrating that the breakdown of all of our social institutions is associated with an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy. He says psychopaths and psychopathy permeate our society. However, the book does not discuss why or how social distress is causally related to psychopathy developing in individuals and in institutions. I will present my own opinion about that for you to consider on this July 4th.
If the pleasures of power and thrill seeking are behind psychopathy, and psychopaths can easily ignore everything within and outside themselves to focus on these pleasures, then we have to ask, “How is it that these pleasures become the most important thing in a person’s life?” The answer to that question has been in scientific writings for a long time and in religious writings for even longer.
The great primate researcher Harry Harlow made the observation nearly 30 years ago that the motivations of love and power are in an opposing balance. He discovered that thankfully in primates including humans, the love motive develops before the power motive. Because the love motive develops first it is stronger and puts the brakes on the power motive. A baby starts learning to love at birth or even before. The desire for power doesn’t start until the second year of life.
Now we can see the link between social distress and psychopathy/sociopathy. When all of our society’s institutions are broken, including the family, we are robbed of the capacity to fully experience love and to develop the ability to love. Instead of being motivated to love and care we become motivated to compete and take. The motivations of love and power are mutually exclusive, so a person can’t be simultaneously motivated by both. Also the pleasure of love has to be practiced to be maintained. There is no vaccination against evil. Love during childhood doesn’t prevent psychopathy for life. If love is not practiced during all phases of life relationships become power focused instead.
The answer for ourselves, the psychopath and our country is simple and yet extremely difficult. We need to restore ourselves to a place of love for our fellow humans. If love is primary we will still engage in friendly competition, but we will not get pleasure from cutting each other’s throats!
Love motivation has to permeate our families, our places of worship, our schools, our work places, our government and our foreign policy. When love rather than power becomes our most important pleasure, then we will all have a path toward social and personal well-being.
Until our collective pleasure balance is in the right loving place, we will all have to cope with the Psychopaths in Everyday Life.
Dr. Leedom,
“How is it that these pleasures become the most important thing in a person’s life?”
It seems to me one obvious reason is greed. I think greed has not only become socially acceptable, it’s become the standard to strive for and it’s survival of the fittest.
In addition, unless the greed is sufficiently elevated to entice media attention, there is little deterrent with minimal punishment for whomever is stepped on or snuffed out, just the opposite. Instead there is reward, because the greedy have taken control, through politics, the law, the media, religion, etc., the breakdown of our societal institutions.
And until greed is exposed, and even sometimes after, society considers them the hero, the emulated leader, not the villian they are because greed has become an acceptable replacement for love.
Dear Dr. Leedom and Benzthere:
Found right from the Bible:
Psalms 10: 3 For the wicked boasts of the desires of his heart, and the man greedy for gain curses and renounces the LORD.
Job 20: 20 “Because his greed knew no rest, he will not save anything in which he delights.
Proverbs 15: 27 He who is greedy for unjust gain makes trouble for his household, but he who hates bribes will live.
Proverbs 28: 25 A greedy man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will be enriched.
Jeremiah 6: 13 “For from the least to the greatest of them, every one is greedy for unjust gain; and from prophet to priest, every one deals falsely.
Jeremiah 8: 10 Therefore I will give their wives to others and their fields to conquerors, because from the least to the greatest every one is greedy for unjust gain; from prophet to priest every one deals falsely.
Ezekiel 16: 27 Behold, therefore, I stretched out my hand against you, and diminished your allotted portion, and delivered you to the greed of your enemies, the daughters of the Philistines, who were ashamed of your lewd behavior.
Hosea 4: 8 They feed on the sin of my people; they are greedy for their iniquity.
Habakkuk 2: 5 Moreover, wine is treacherous; the arrogant man shall not abide. His greed is as wide as Sheol; like death he has never enough. He gathers for himself all nations, and collects as his own all peoples.”
1 Corinthians 5: 10 not at all meaning the immoral of this world, or the greedy and robbers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.
1 Corinthians 5: 11 But rather I wrote to you not to associate with any one who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or robber–not even to eat with such a one.
1 Corinthians 6: 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 4: 19 they have become callous and have given themselves up to licentiousness, greedy to practice every kind of uncleanness.
1 Thessalonians 2: 5 For we never used either words of flattery, as you know, or a cloak for greed, as God is witness;
1 Timothy 3: 8 Deacons likewise must be serious, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for gain;
Titus 1: 7 For a bishop, as God’s steward, must be blameless; he must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain,
2 Peter 2: 3 And in their greed they will exploit you with false words; from of old their condemnation has not been idle, and their destruction has not been asleep.
2 Peter 2: 14 They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children!
Peace to everyone’s heart and soul.
Dr. Leedom,
Whenever I read one of your articles, it always makes me think Bad Man does not qualify as a Sociopath. I don’t think he derived pleasure in seeing me in pain. I don’t think he cared either. I think he felt totally and completely justified in all his actions and vicious words. This points to Narcissism for me.
He seemed out of control when he went on a rage path for 2-3 days.. that to me is extreme Borderline.
My take is that Sociopaths are more of the plotting and scheming types. Is that right in the simplest terms?
It seems like Sociopath’s swindle their victims out of money and psychopaths are more violent. Is this correct or over simplifying?
This is why I have taken to calling him “Bad Man” and “pathological partner.” I just don’t know for sure. I could tell you a bunch more stuff but what is the point?
At this point, the only reason I care anymore is because I would like to be able to educated people and I wish I just could get it straight!
In your professional experience, do you find that among colleagues, it is difficult for you all to come to an agreement when diagnosing someone like one of these guys or do you all easily agree… that one is a Sociopath.. that one is a psychopath… that one is just Borderline…etc
I keep reading, hoping I will get it. Humans are complex. I guess there isn’t a test when it comes to behavior like there is for a disease.
Dear Everyone:
I’ve met anti-socials that came from Loving Homes (no physical violence) and anti-socials that came from dysfunctional homes (with violence). I’ve met anti-socials that are this way due to the physical violence perpetrating on them since they were children, hence, blocking out their emotions in order to survive while siblings in the same household were not as sensitive and did not block their emotions. Other anti-socials coming from “loving” homes is an ego issue with them. Their egos took off instead of staying “humble” while viewing a reprimand as children. Staying humble allows us to comprehend an instruction of a reprimand, egos block out the instruction and doesn’t care what is to be learned. These egos lead their thinking in how to conduct their lives. Not finding and then knowing the truth (wisdom) by taking the righteous path (staying humble) and learning God’s lessons. They arrogantly refused to take these paths – thinking and believing their own ego was the way to conduct their lives which continued on through adulthood. I call it “shooting from their hips” way of living. Living what they (the ego) thinks is the right way to live versus, learning what is the right way to live via the way of God, by reading the Bible. The break down in society is due to not attending church and then going home and taking 20 minutes to a 1/2 per day reading our Bible. Our ancestors attended church and read their Bibles, hence, these teachings were passed down from generation to generation. From the late 1960s on to the present is the breakdown of attendance in attending church on a weekly basis. Church equaling community = keeping community circled = together = the benefit of all = ensuring the Bible is read = ensuring community hears and then gets to understand through example by fellow (elders of society) parishioners the word of God (wisdom is obtained from the wise and passed down). And so on and so forth. Our society’s breakdown is a free for all (due to the anti-socials getting to positions of power along the way, each anti-social personality helping another anti-social personality to the top level of positions of power) – no rules, no regulations (thank most (not all) of the attorneys and their greed for this to happen in our world), no structure etc. DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO FOR THE ELITE OVERSEEING SOCIETY. Only chaos allowed to flourish and all those that are GOOD get a kick in the butt and beaten down and stepped on and stepped over and of course, ostracized to the hills. Everyone is paying attention to the smoke screens created by the anti-socials that rule and have no clue that they have to pay attention to the reality that we are all pawns by the anti-socials except for a handful out there in our world. But the anti-socials make sure that the divide and conquer routines established throughout society exists to keep chaos flourishing. While chaos flourishes … no one pays attention to the people at the top who are controlling all of us through this chaos. EGO = erase God out. Meaning, anti-socials do not believe in God. God is love. Anti-socials only believe in their own big egos, hence, never learning about God and the love God has for all of us. If anti-socials can be walked step by step through God’s teachings, they too can learn what God is all about. God created us, we are all children of God. Not children of the EGOs of the world.
This is very interesting. Though my enabling mother covers up her “enabled’s” bad deeds, and even lies about her own bad deeds, yet she keeps up a “mask” of “moral superiority.” It has been difficult for me to “label” her psychopathic, as she fits none of the psychopathic check list for “life history”—so I labeled her “psychopath by proxy” as her behavior toward others of DELIBERATELY hurting me as punishment, and lying to me without any apparent guilt, and when cornered on it with evidence, then projects the “excuse” for her lie back on to me.
By the definition of this book, my mother would be a psychopathic personality I think, because she does know right from wrong, chooses to do what is “wrong” (knowing it is wrong) yet seems to enjoy hurting those she is angry at (me especially) and does things she KNOWS will hurt, deliberately.
Looking back over my life, I can truthfully say I have hurt those I loved in many ways, but NEVER EVER DELIBERATELY set out to say “I love John, but I am angry at him so I will do X because I know it will hurt him.” I can’t even imagine deliberately setting out to hurt someone I love, or deliberately saying something that isn’t true in an effort to hurt them.
I do see our society “crumbling” without even a PRETENCE in some cases of people doing what is “right” and we are told that we can’t be “judgmental” about people’s “life styles” which are, to me at least, OBVIOUSLY hurtful to others. The media darlings that are “role models” for our youth living lives of adultery, drugs, multiple partners, children out of wedlock over and over again, children born who have no consistent parental concern or care for them. Politicians who are corrupt, captains of industry stealing from the stock holders, etc etc. Where is the compass of morality for our society? Where is the “it’s not OK to act like that”—if you are rich enough or powerful enough, your 15 minutes of shame is forgotten by the public and they reelect you to office.
My mother’s focus most if not all of her life was “what would the neighbors think?” but it wasn’t about making her or the family’s monsters actually behave, but KEEPING THE NEIGHBORS FROM FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BAD BEHAVIORS, but there is now no feelings of “shame” in the community for bad behavior because it is so “common” and the woman who has 5 children by 4 fathers, does drugs and her parents raise the children because she won’t quit drugs or sleeping around long enough to care for them, but there is no “shame” and no “sanctions” from the community as a whole for her behavior to at least make her publicly “tone it down” if nothing else. Her parents had a moral compass and still do. Why did this moral compass not pass to the next generation? I’m not sure.
I have a moral compass, and one of my two biological sons has a moral compass and the other is a full fledged psychopathic murderer. There are genetic links I know, and for those there is some validity in that it was “passed on” genetically from my mother’s family which had plenty of Ps and my biological father, who was a full fledged P himself.
But why is society as a whole seeming to start to accept psychopathic behavior as OK, the demonstrations of greed, the demonstrations of not caring for children, etc. That I don’t know, but it seems to be escalating in our society as we grow richer and more arrogant as a society.
I agree with Benz and Wini; greed is the motivating factor for all anti-social behavior, for fermenting “social distress”, for completely destroying everything we should value as a society: ethics, morals, compassion, connectedness, love, our fundamental concept of humanity.
And thank you, Wini, for listing Scripture quotes. The Word is the Truth, and always will be.
And Liane, your last 3 paragraphs are wise and profound. Defining the basic rules, laws of nature, that govern human beings in an effort to produce harmony, balance, cohesion. Only through love is society able to advance, to move beyond the constraints of primal needs and desires, power motivations. By birthing this love, by nurturing this love I believe a collective social consciousness develops, allowing humans to transcend the base characteristics, the tawdry, distrubing ego driven characteristics, to become what it really means to be a human being.
I truly believe that each one of us is connected to each other on every level; spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physcial, and psychological. We define our lives by the relationships we have with others, whether they are intimate or casual acquaintances. We are touched, moved, inspired by, hurt by others, which in effect causes us to either grow, learn, become wise mature adults, or to stagnate in a state of perpetual arrested development. What you wrote and what I believe are idealistic sentiments. They ARE truth, the reality as it unfolds by observing people’s actions and reactions to each other. I yearn for a better world, I do. A world where love is the primary motivation for each deed, each act towards another person and all living creatures on this planet.
I may not ever have the privilege to witness such a universal love solidarity, but I will strive to live a righteous life, with love permanently rooted in my heart so I can be a service to humanity, able to share my love, my God-given gifts, with any person who wishes it.
Dear JaneSmith:
Thank you, your thoughts to all of us does my heart good. Let us all remember God is Love and Love is God. Period. Wisdom can only be obtained by surrounding yourself with wise individuals and reading the word of God. Praying to God to assist you in understanding his word. Just ask God and God will deliver.
Remember, just attending church services isn’t the same as reading the word of God. Church is community and the doorway to God. Opening your Bible and reading the word of God is every thing and the only thing every one of us needs to do. If you are afflicted in any way that prevents you from reading the Bible, have someone read it for you or get the word of God on disk.
We should humble ourselves to God. God created us in his image. God is the way. Everything else is man made ego which is Erase God Out (EGO).
We should respect our forefathers and live our lives humbly the way they lived by the word of God. I think it’s appropriate to explain this again on this 4th of July. Pray for our service people fighting for our freedom and to believe in God.
Peace.
Hi, I am feeling so sad today. 4th of July. I know all about his disorder and have had no contact for more than a year. But today, the hot sun and the lonliness, even though I have been dating, bring back memories of the summer I shared with him during the honeymoon phase. Dammit. It was the best summer of my life and today I am trapped in missing it. Missing the fantasy and forgetting the man.
Plus i know he is with a new girl who is following the same time line as I did. So they are the beach. They are sleeping in “our” bed. Going to “our” special places. They are with his family and of course, his family adores her too, making her feel a part of just like they did me, and then poof they were gone with every other lie. But it was fun before the pathology took over.
Is it normal for the families, even the N or S’s inlaws to play along with the fantasy and make each victim feel as special as the S does? I envy her! I hate this feeling because I know, from this blog and my research that pathologicals do not change. But my fear under it all is that maybe with her, he will. And maybe it was me who ruined it all.
So I came here today through the tears I thought had dried long ago and were triggered by the damn holiday for you to tell me it ain’t so. He never loved me. I was never part of his family and neither is she. I’m sorry I just can’t handle it right now and I’m so ashamed of myself. I thought I was done and healed and here it is again. I don’t know if I will ever recover from him faking my dream come true and taking it away to leave me all alone in this shock and sadness.
I have no friends to talk to because they wouldn’t believe I was still thinking about him after all this time and all these great men now interested in me. So I keep it inside and think sometimes I will go insane. And yes, I tried therapy and they told me to concentrate on my life. Duh. I do, it’s been great. It was fine. And then it hit me.
Thanks for any coping advice. I know it will pass and tomorrow will be Sunny again. Happy Holiday to you all.
Amen, Wini…amen.
Every thought, idea, belief that I write and/or speak is Holy Spirit driven. Every minute of every day the Holy Spirit moves within and inspires me to do better, to touch other’s in love. God’s love.
I occupy this space and time, in the material realm. I am aware of my existence and the effect I have on others, positive and negative. I wish to minimize the negative impact as much as possible, and this is done through prayer and by reading the Word, abiding my God’s rules, God’s laws.
And as I consider myself to be the Lord’s child, it is my duty, my responsibility to fulfill the Lord’s commands as they are written in the Word, to live my life in service to humanity, through Him. To do what he compels me to do. Some may label it as having an extreme conscience. I know it’s the loving, caring Holy Spirit, the Lord working his mysterious, wonderful ways in my heart.
I have so very far to go and it’s more than likely my journey will not end on the material plane of existence, but will continue in the spiritual plane, in Heaven.
The one thing that I reflect on, right now at this time, is my inability to generate a single gram of compassion for PDIs. The only emotions I can express are righteous anger and a small amount of pity. Anger at the utter destruction, havoc, emotional, physical, spiritual, mental distress they cause in the lives of their undeserving, unsuspecting victims. Pity at how wasted, how useless, how disgusting their lives truly are. Whether or not they are oblivious to said reprehensible behavior, actions and deeds to the victims, is irrelevant to me. They hurt people to satisfy their own evil, selfish needs.
I will remain now and forever in the NO CONTACT zone for any and all human predators. My life, your life, everyone’s life is too, too precious to spend one second with deviants. The walking zombies, the emotional vampires, human demons who try to diligently steal what they cannot have. Our beautiful souls.
Just say NO!
Dear Sunny:
I hear you and feel your pain. You’re at the beginning of the passage to get through what was dumped in your path. Do me a favor, get a piece of paper and write down all the good and positive things about yourself. Start with 20 things that you like about yourself. If you make it to 20, write another 20 positive things you like about life. Look at the flowers and the trees surrounding you. If you have a pet, pay attention to your pet and love your pet, they are unconditional love. A gift from God.
Write me back with your list. You’ll make it, you can feel and love, that’s half the battle. Be kind to yourself. Pamper yourself. You are worth it, you deserve it. If anyone will treat you good, it is you. Cry if you want, it is OK. God is allowing you to feel this pain. Pain is God’s way of allowing us to grow.
Peace to your heart and soul.