In honor of the 4th of July we celebrate but also reflect on how to make our nation and world a better place. I therefore thought it would be fitting to review for you a book, Psychopaths in Everyday Life, by Robert W. Rieber. I highly recommend the book to readers who have some background in psychology. The book explains Dr. Rieber’s view of psychopathy and also discusses how psychopathy relates to what he calls “Social Distress Syndrome.” He says that America is plagued by this Social Distress Syndrome and therefore is breeding psychopaths/sociopaths.
First Dr. Rieber’s view on psychopathy. I was also fortunate to meet with Dr. Rieber to discuss his ideas in detail. He has interviewed many serial killers and has written extensively about psychopathy/sociopathy. By the way, he also has a lot to say about the case of Sybil and the idea of multiple personality.
His view of psychopathy is very similar to my own, and I should say, my own view was shaped prior to discovering this work. His view of psychopathy also appears to be very similar to that of Jack Levin, Ph. D., another psychologist who has worked with serial killers.
Dr. Rieber states, “In my view, the following four salient characteristics, thrill seeking, pathological glibness, the antisocial pursuit of power, and the absence of guilt, distinguish the true psychopath.” He further emphasizes that psychopathy is not a category but a continuum (a point I have also discussed previously see Psychopathy verses sociopathy again… ).
Drs. Rieber and Levin both have an opinion that sets them apart from other psychopathy experts. I want to share this view with you because I think you should be aware of differing opinions. Based on my personal and professional experiences, I also think their view has the advantage of helping us make sense of our first-hand observations.
If you read expert writings on psychopathy, you will see that the mainstream experts seem to hold the opinion that psychopaths/sociopaths lack guilt and empathy. Mainstream experts also teach that lack of a conscience is responsible for the disorder. Any therapist, teacher, minister or observer of humans will tell you that many people have a deficit in empathy and/or guilt and yet these people do not necessarily engage in an “antisocial pursuit of power.” I believe that the focus on the deficits of psychopaths has prevented us from seeing the most important aspect of the disorder- the antisocial pursuit of power.
The minute we say that victims are harmed, not because of a psychopath’s deficits, but because of his or her aberrant motivation, we have a good perspective on what we went through. We need to understand power motivation in order to understand the psychopath/sociopath. It is also power motivation, I believe, that ties psychopathy/sociopathy to the problems of our society.
There is a great quote from the book that leads into an explanation of another point that both Drs. Levin and Rieber make. It is, “The true psychopath compels the psychiatric observer to ask the perplexing, and largely unanswered question: Why doesn’t that person have the common decency to go crazy?”
So why don’t psychopaths have the common decency to go crazy? Dr. Rieber explains, “Since psychopaths act as if they were perfectly normal, i.e. sane, they must be skilled in a cunning manner to dissociate any real guilt that they should feel about their antisocial behavior.” He also says that since psychopaths dissociate, they don’t go crazy. He believes dissociation prevents them from experiencing guilt. He also says that many psychopaths do have some level of guilt they are dissociated from.
Dissociation is a difficult concept to grasp. It means to block out a thought or emotion. The ability to dissociate is related to hypnosis which is an induced dissociated state. Dr. Rieber told me that he does not believe that a person can be completely without guilt or empathy. He instead sees the psychopath/sociopath as being able to block out these from his/her experience. This view is shared by Dr. Levin who asks another interesting question. If psychopaths are unable to experience empathy, how is it that they enjoy hurting other people so much? To enjoy hurting they have to know and to some extent feel, they have hurt.
All of us have seen that psychopaths seek out ways to hurt people. They don’t do it by accident. They therefore have to have enough empathy to know when they have succeeded in their power goals and to feel gratified by the act of hurting. Dr. Levin terms the ability of a psychopath to be cut off from any negative emotion during the act of pleasure, compartmentalization. The concept of compartmentalization is basically the same as that of dissociation. When we discussed these terms, Dr. Rieber told me that Freud called the same process repression.
There is some interesting research from the lab of Dr. Joseph P. Newman demonstrating that psychopaths have an extraordinary ability to focus on a source of reward and ignore punishers. So there is experimental evidence supporting the link between psychopathy and dissociation/ compartmentalization/ repression.
But how is psychopathy related to The Social Distress Syndrome? Dr. Rieber puts together a nice argument demonstrating that the breakdown of all of our social institutions is associated with an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy. He says psychopaths and psychopathy permeate our society. However, the book does not discuss why or how social distress is causally related to psychopathy developing in individuals and in institutions. I will present my own opinion about that for you to consider on this July 4th.
If the pleasures of power and thrill seeking are behind psychopathy, and psychopaths can easily ignore everything within and outside themselves to focus on these pleasures, then we have to ask, “How is it that these pleasures become the most important thing in a person’s life?” The answer to that question has been in scientific writings for a long time and in religious writings for even longer.
The great primate researcher Harry Harlow made the observation nearly 30 years ago that the motivations of love and power are in an opposing balance. He discovered that thankfully in primates including humans, the love motive develops before the power motive. Because the love motive develops first it is stronger and puts the brakes on the power motive. A baby starts learning to love at birth or even before. The desire for power doesn’t start until the second year of life.
Now we can see the link between social distress and psychopathy/sociopathy. When all of our society’s institutions are broken, including the family, we are robbed of the capacity to fully experience love and to develop the ability to love. Instead of being motivated to love and care we become motivated to compete and take. The motivations of love and power are mutually exclusive, so a person can’t be simultaneously motivated by both. Also the pleasure of love has to be practiced to be maintained. There is no vaccination against evil. Love during childhood doesn’t prevent psychopathy for life. If love is not practiced during all phases of life relationships become power focused instead.
The answer for ourselves, the psychopath and our country is simple and yet extremely difficult. We need to restore ourselves to a place of love for our fellow humans. If love is primary we will still engage in friendly competition, but we will not get pleasure from cutting each other’s throats!
Love motivation has to permeate our families, our places of worship, our schools, our work places, our government and our foreign policy. When love rather than power becomes our most important pleasure, then we will all have a path toward social and personal well-being.
Until our collective pleasure balance is in the right loving place, we will all have to cope with the Psychopaths in Everyday Life.
Oh Wini, this is awesome that people are here RIGHT NOW to talk to. I feel better already,, I even started cleaning my place. Okay, you don’t know me but your advice is exactly what I have been doing over a year. I sit in beautiul places in nature, adore my new dog! I practice gratitude often (a little self pity today) My list…well, kinda embarassing but here goes…you are sweet!
I am funny
I have nice long time friends
People respect me
I am talented
I am responsible
I am pretty
I take good care of myself and my pets
I feeling deserving of a good life
I love God and know God loves me (it’s obvious, he gave me my rescue dog and she is truly a gift!)
Am I at 20 yet?
I have nice feet
Children really like me
I have much compassion and people say a kind heart
I seek spiritual truth and am open to lessons of the universe
I make a mean lasagna
I take risks
I have a very interesting life most of the time
I seek knowledge to heal myself
I am actually writing this list!
Thanks Wini, wanna send me yours. I bet you have a lot.
Sunny xxoo
Dear Sunny,
Healing is a long path, it isn’t a destination. There is a good thread here recently about when there is a trigger that we still have some healing to go back and do and that is a signal that we need to go back and look at these feelings we thought maybe were buried or gone.
I recently had one with my mother, and actually, I am glad it happened, though at the time it was painful, but I think it was something I NEEDED to work on and had been avoiding, but being triggered to be angry and hurt again helped me to work through it AGAIN, and I hope that this time it is completed, but if it isn’t and it comes back again, I will DEAL WITH IT. It is all we can do in order to heal.
I know you think a year is a long time, but really, the devestation that they do to us sometimes it takes longer in terms of “time”–it just depends on the person and how badly they were hurt, what tools they have to use to heall with, etc. but dont feel badly at yourself because in ayear you haven’t completely healed, for some of us it takes longer than others.
Yes, I know your friends and family don’t understand how badly you were hurt, and that seems to be the case for most of us. Sometimes we need to learn to VALIDATE ourselves, and that may be the only validation we get in some situations. But that is ENOUGH. Truth is truth no matter if you are the ONLY person in the world that knows it. YOU know the truth about your X, and so it is still true, if you are the ONLY person who knows it.
It is good to come here to be validated by others, but the ultimate validation you need is YOUR OWN validation. To learn what “went wrong”–why you allowed this person to take control of your “soul”–not that you did anything “wrong” I am not in any way blaming YOU, but learning from this experience will prevent you from ever having another one in the future where you are blind sided by another P.
Learning to see the red flags so that you can spot the next P before he gets his hooks into your flesh to drag you down. That in a way is the best lesson from this experience. As painful as it has been, it makes us less vulnerable to the next one. God bless and have a better day (((Hugs))))
Dear JaneSmith: Tolle calls anti-socials obnoxious. Nice word for those who venture through life away from God. They live in their egos, not humbling themselves to God. Living righteously through learning wisdom by reading the word of God.
Do not fret, ask God for guidance in dealing with the obnoxious personalities of the world. He will give you what you need if you pray to him. I call them SDs for those Dwelling on the Surface of life, not venturing deeper into emotions, love, compassion and all of God’s virtues. Be patient, the obnoxious will find their way back to God’s love. God already knows the outcome. We have to Trust God in that he knows what he’s doing. In God’s time frame, not our time frame.
My experience with obnoxious personalities is that they were injured somehow in early childhood. Whether that injury was physical or just their egos getting carried away with them when they were children. They trusted their egos instead of being taught and guided by their elders in how to trust in God’s love. Tolle explains how to become humble again. Tolle is Christian and hit rock bottom due to his pain. He prayed to God for answers and put the words down on paper. He said the book was written years ago, he just wrote the words down on paper and that it was God that guided him. Tolle’s book is “A New Earth”. You can listen to him on Oprah.com Log in, give yourself a password and download him detailing his 10 chapters. ALL FREE. Oprah is leaving his work on her site because she knows every one needs to hear this man and how he explains for us to go silent, be still, learn how to be humble again. Then after that to really understand how to read your Bible.
Give yourself time and pamper yourself while you’re getting through this journey. It’s only a lesson from God.
Peace.
Thanks OXdrover. You are right. I can’t/won’t let it go because I am still depending on another for my happiness. I just felt sad today as no one invited me anywhere, well, a stranger did but he was a red flagger and I didn’t want to go! But I do realize when I am saner, that the N took me away from me. He fulfilled what I was to afraid to or apathetic or incapable of doing for myself.
He took me away from myself so I didn’t have to look at my failures, disappointments and I could deviate from and concentrate on this sudden new and wonderful life he plopped before me on a silver platter (that turned out to be a sword, the web of deceipt). It’s been more than a year, maybe that’s the shame, but thanks. You are right right right. I didn’t realize how wonderful this blog was until right now. Sometimes you just can’t snap out of yourself and see the light, but a stranger, or rather a comrade, can. So I thank you for your kindess.
Hi Sunny
I’ll play. Here’s my list:
1. I’m kind, light-hearted, sensitive, empathetic, very fair and understanding
2. I’m not stingy with compliments and encouragement
3. I’m joyful. There was that time after the S experience where I lost my joy which was the most hopeless feeling but finally got it back.
4. I stick up for underdogs with a vengeance
5. I love my own dogs (and pets)
like crazy…and yours and everyone else’s…and farm animals and stray animals and wild animals and any other kind…and stand up for all of them, too. Animal cruelty is unbearable to me.
6. I have a mischievous sense of humor and use it carefully but even when things are tense
7. Will go out of my way to stop the car to help an injured animal or stranded motorist
8. I’m pretty but not vain
9. I’m not high maintenance at all, but I’m now value myself more
10. I like that I took this hard path of delving into my “issues” revealed after the S experience because it’s made me a fuller person. It’s been worth it.
11. I like my cute car
12. I love my sister and have more clarity now about my parents behavior, how it impacted my understanding and tolerance of how things are and am less affected by it today
13. I now know sociopaths exist and are pervasive in society; they’re not just a few extreme dangerous men living behind jail walls. That’s a helpful tool for me.
14. I love to bake and garden …and then share it all with friends and my church peeps
15. I’m smarter than I was even a year ago and more patient
16. I’m a good friend and a more boundary-defined one
17. I’m very rarely envious and always supportive of others successes…ok, sometimes not instantly, but after I think about it.
18. I’m discreet and trustworthy; if I agree to keep a secret or promise, I’ll do it no matter what.
19. I’m hardworking, responsible and have been known to check Lovefraud in the middle of the day when I need a break just to keep in good mental shape
20. I like my longer hair now! It’s really cute. So is my favorite cowboy hat that I wear at the ranch when I go riding.
Bonus response: If there’s one thing I’m glad happened as a result of the S, is that I have the security and joy of really finding God this time. That was a big reward.
Sunny, sorry you’re having a bad day. Just think, when you wake up tomorrow, it won’t have the same impact and next July 4, it’ll be even easier.
I’ve found that when I’ve had such strong associative memories with locations or holidays, if I go out and deliberately overlay them with my own new memories, the next time I visit that location or come upon that occasion, even though my mind might be tweaked, my newer memories are stronger.
When the old memories come up, replace them with the newer one and each time, it’ll get easier. It never seems that it will when you first start doing it, but I think it’s like muscle memory; the more you do it, the more natural it becomes.
Happy independence day from the old memories!
Well Eyesopened, you sound like a very nice person. I ditto on the animals and bet lots of us, because we are compassionate perhaps fell in the path of an S. But you gals spurned me on! I got out of the house, took a walk around a lovely lake with my doggie and realized how beautiful my life can be. Yes, I too grew more to know GOD from the bad experience. And wouldn’t you know it I met a group of strangers who invited me to watch the fireworks with them. I forgot all about my sadness, because of writing today and knowing someone cares. God will take of us and we will grow stronger each day. And I guess that is our blessing despite any suffering because the S will never grow and never know the serenity that can come as a gift from places we weren’t even looking. Thank you all for your helpful comfort. From far aways lands it means a lot to this woman! Peace.
Sunny
That’s fabulous that your brave steps fortuitously led you to new Independence Day memories…congratulations for having the spirit to do it.
I agree with you about God…what a gift.
I’m glad you had a good night!
The lists are great. We’re all OK. We just have to remember all the good that we are. I think God is using us to heal those that have walled themselves off from his Love. I think we are given this new test by God, pushing all our loving qualities further aka God is stretching us to be the best that we can be. Interesting test, if you want my opinion. God knows that he needs our help to spread his love further and faster throughout the world. Now is the time for us to extend his love to every one, every where. How? Ask God and he will guide you. How do you ask God? By praying to God and expressing your love for him and that you understand that he has plans for you. Everyone already started this by logging on to this site and helping everyone else. If we can do this for ourselves, guess what we can do for others that have never logged on to this site?
Peace and love and all God’s virtues to every one.
Dearest Wini, I just love your posting – the higher view. When we rise ‘above’ it all another context appears. When I was going with the Narcissist man, I bought an album (I am a HUGE MUSIC LOVER) which marked out the death of the relationship, it was called ‘Nothing Lasts – But Nothing is Lost’. Within the context of Gods Love – nothing is lost. xxx
Dear Beverly:
I do believe that God has anointed us as his Angels down on earth. Going NOW and into the future with this knew wisdom of triumphing through what those standing furthest away from God have tried to accomplish, but could not. Victory due to God’s love. Realizing that God works in mysterious ways. Carrying God’s LOVE forward and understanding this lesson of LOVE and blessing all around us with God’s LOVE.
Peace and God’s virtues to you.