In honor of the 4th of July we celebrate but also reflect on how to make our nation and world a better place. I therefore thought it would be fitting to review for you a book, Psychopaths in Everyday Life, by Robert W. Rieber. I highly recommend the book to readers who have some background in psychology. The book explains Dr. Rieber’s view of psychopathy and also discusses how psychopathy relates to what he calls “Social Distress Syndrome.” He says that America is plagued by this Social Distress Syndrome and therefore is breeding psychopaths/sociopaths.
First Dr. Rieber’s view on psychopathy. I was also fortunate to meet with Dr. Rieber to discuss his ideas in detail. He has interviewed many serial killers and has written extensively about psychopathy/sociopathy. By the way, he also has a lot to say about the case of Sybil and the idea of multiple personality.
His view of psychopathy is very similar to my own, and I should say, my own view was shaped prior to discovering this work. His view of psychopathy also appears to be very similar to that of Jack Levin, Ph. D., another psychologist who has worked with serial killers.
Dr. Rieber states, “In my view, the following four salient characteristics, thrill seeking, pathological glibness, the antisocial pursuit of power, and the absence of guilt, distinguish the true psychopath.” He further emphasizes that psychopathy is not a category but a continuum (a point I have also discussed previously see Psychopathy verses sociopathy again… ).
Drs. Rieber and Levin both have an opinion that sets them apart from other psychopathy experts. I want to share this view with you because I think you should be aware of differing opinions. Based on my personal and professional experiences, I also think their view has the advantage of helping us make sense of our first-hand observations.
If you read expert writings on psychopathy, you will see that the mainstream experts seem to hold the opinion that psychopaths/sociopaths lack guilt and empathy. Mainstream experts also teach that lack of a conscience is responsible for the disorder. Any therapist, teacher, minister or observer of humans will tell you that many people have a deficit in empathy and/or guilt and yet these people do not necessarily engage in an “antisocial pursuit of power.” I believe that the focus on the deficits of psychopaths has prevented us from seeing the most important aspect of the disorder- the antisocial pursuit of power.
The minute we say that victims are harmed, not because of a psychopath’s deficits, but because of his or her aberrant motivation, we have a good perspective on what we went through. We need to understand power motivation in order to understand the psychopath/sociopath. It is also power motivation, I believe, that ties psychopathy/sociopathy to the problems of our society.
There is a great quote from the book that leads into an explanation of another point that both Drs. Levin and Rieber make. It is, “The true psychopath compels the psychiatric observer to ask the perplexing, and largely unanswered question: Why doesn’t that person have the common decency to go crazy?”
So why don’t psychopaths have the common decency to go crazy? Dr. Rieber explains, “Since psychopaths act as if they were perfectly normal, i.e. sane, they must be skilled in a cunning manner to dissociate any real guilt that they should feel about their antisocial behavior.” He also says that since psychopaths dissociate, they don’t go crazy. He believes dissociation prevents them from experiencing guilt. He also says that many psychopaths do have some level of guilt they are dissociated from.
Dissociation is a difficult concept to grasp. It means to block out a thought or emotion. The ability to dissociate is related to hypnosis which is an induced dissociated state. Dr. Rieber told me that he does not believe that a person can be completely without guilt or empathy. He instead sees the psychopath/sociopath as being able to block out these from his/her experience. This view is shared by Dr. Levin who asks another interesting question. If psychopaths are unable to experience empathy, how is it that they enjoy hurting other people so much? To enjoy hurting they have to know and to some extent feel, they have hurt.
All of us have seen that psychopaths seek out ways to hurt people. They don’t do it by accident. They therefore have to have enough empathy to know when they have succeeded in their power goals and to feel gratified by the act of hurting. Dr. Levin terms the ability of a psychopath to be cut off from any negative emotion during the act of pleasure, compartmentalization. The concept of compartmentalization is basically the same as that of dissociation. When we discussed these terms, Dr. Rieber told me that Freud called the same process repression.
There is some interesting research from the lab of Dr. Joseph P. Newman demonstrating that psychopaths have an extraordinary ability to focus on a source of reward and ignore punishers. So there is experimental evidence supporting the link between psychopathy and dissociation/ compartmentalization/ repression.
But how is psychopathy related to The Social Distress Syndrome? Dr. Rieber puts together a nice argument demonstrating that the breakdown of all of our social institutions is associated with an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy. He says psychopaths and psychopathy permeate our society. However, the book does not discuss why or how social distress is causally related to psychopathy developing in individuals and in institutions. I will present my own opinion about that for you to consider on this July 4th.
If the pleasures of power and thrill seeking are behind psychopathy, and psychopaths can easily ignore everything within and outside themselves to focus on these pleasures, then we have to ask, “How is it that these pleasures become the most important thing in a person’s life?” The answer to that question has been in scientific writings for a long time and in religious writings for even longer.
The great primate researcher Harry Harlow made the observation nearly 30 years ago that the motivations of love and power are in an opposing balance. He discovered that thankfully in primates including humans, the love motive develops before the power motive. Because the love motive develops first it is stronger and puts the brakes on the power motive. A baby starts learning to love at birth or even before. The desire for power doesn’t start until the second year of life.
Now we can see the link between social distress and psychopathy/sociopathy. When all of our society’s institutions are broken, including the family, we are robbed of the capacity to fully experience love and to develop the ability to love. Instead of being motivated to love and care we become motivated to compete and take. The motivations of love and power are mutually exclusive, so a person can’t be simultaneously motivated by both. Also the pleasure of love has to be practiced to be maintained. There is no vaccination against evil. Love during childhood doesn’t prevent psychopathy for life. If love is not practiced during all phases of life relationships become power focused instead.
The answer for ourselves, the psychopath and our country is simple and yet extremely difficult. We need to restore ourselves to a place of love for our fellow humans. If love is primary we will still engage in friendly competition, but we will not get pleasure from cutting each other’s throats!
Love motivation has to permeate our families, our places of worship, our schools, our work places, our government and our foreign policy. When love rather than power becomes our most important pleasure, then we will all have a path toward social and personal well-being.
Until our collective pleasure balance is in the right loving place, we will all have to cope with the Psychopaths in Everyday Life.
Hello Gang– I have read all these good and inspiring post. I did have a good forth of July with my kid’s and grandkid’s, spent sometime with a friend, kept myself busy, and realize that I felt more relaxed than I had in a very long time. I don’t have that feelin like my skin is crawling from the inside. But I still have this GREAT sense of loss. I wonder why, well actually I do know why this just takes the life right of us. Eyes Opened— I like your (list) in the above post. Number 3 You have found your joy, when after your experience with the P you didn’t have it and it was the most hopeless feeling in the world. I am trying real hard to find my joy, it’s kinda like I have all these good wonderful reasons to feel joy, but why can’t I? And you encourage me because you say now you do feel joy!!!! Thanks And your number 10 on your list, that you are a better person because of the P and delving into your issues has made you a better person… Yeah I am a better person, I have learned alot, have had a deeper sense of my spirituality am beginning to reconnect with nature and life. But like all of you here I still have trigger’s that send me spiraling down. OK this is what I miss about the illusion. It was like wow, I have really met someone that like’s the same things I like, want’s to do thing’s with me, someone that is interested in my simple little life and want’s to be a part of it! Someone that has accepted me just for who I am! someone that say’s they want to spend the rest of their life with me. It was like I hit the lottery I was never going to be alone again…Well we all know how that was him mirroring me and becoming me. It went down hill fast and was a rollercoaster ride of emotion’s. I knew he was bad for me, I figured out real quick he was a pathalogical lier. It took almost losing my health and maybe my life to accept that whatever was wrong, whoever was to blame, that this just has to end. And after the fact I learned that he is a (P) in every sense of the word. There was nothing that I could do to save us or him but I have to save me. Yeah I miss that illusion. But that illusion was my fantasy and he played right into it. So to be (that) needy of finding my fantasy in an illusion. Well duh!~!!! So yes we are all working on ourselves, learning to love our own company, our pets (Harley-Crickit-Posey-Miss Puss), love our family’s and find peace with ourselve’s and our own spiritual awareness. Because for me living an illusive life full of fantasy is for movies and fairytale’s. Peace and happiness has to come from within, today and tomorrow and the rest of my life I will look for peace and happiness in all the good thing’s the universe put’s here before me. And love all the good thing’s and the good people that are out there, they are everywhere. A big HUG to all my love fraud peeps……!
Henry, I am so glad that things are going so much better for you! It won’t be an “over night” thing, but you are on your way to healing.
Your own good power will rise up and help you continue to be strong and to grow.
It makes me so happy to see the growth you have shown in the past few weeks—it really does just amaze me to see people go from DOWN to starting up UP UP. Big hugs to you Henry! Keep on growing!
Dear Henry:
Read what I wrote to James to find out my theory. It’s when we break down the lies versus truth is when the pain ceases. If you have another theory. Post it. Everyone should post their theories about what is going on with these people of the lie. Then we’ll all break all our sagas down. Step by step to see if we can get past the pain for everyone.
Peace to your heart and soul. We’ll all get through this, I promise you (and I keep my promises). I say what I mean and mean what I say. Taught to me by my DAD.
My Dearest Free – Some of us want to take the opportunities dealt with those we took up with who had personality disorder, to clear ourselves, to unload the baggage that lead us to this path. Remembering spiritually that everything that happens is right, somehow we have to try and get our hearts and minds around the distortion between what we fixated ourselves on and what was delivered! One of the biggest things for me, was to actually realise and SEE that this subculture of personality exists and once I was switched onto that SEEING, I began to see myself differently. Dear Free, that is one of the BIG things they do – they suck on your life energy until you are so weak to even care about yourself – that is their biggest crime – but dearest Free it is only an illusion, an illusion they created for their own self gratification. (((huge hugs to your Free)))
Free, you have come here, because like the rest of us, you want to be Free, and by us all supporting each other, reading, conversing and learning, do we walk the path of knowledge, as Wini, says, knowledge is the path to Freedom. It is how we employ that knowledge, or not, which is important. (((hugs)))
Dear Free:
When you unravel all the lies and your heart and soul know you know have the truth is when you can go on and live your life to it’s fullest. At least, that’s my theory. I’m the type of person that keeps flipping that rock over in my hand, around and around … I look at it. I put the rock down, pick it up again, flip it this way, flip it that way, smell it, taste it, put my ear to it. Turn it over and over again, put it down … live my life for a while … then something brings me back to that same rock. So I start all over again,flipping the rock over and over in my hands. Looking at this rock from every angle. Only when it feels right in my heart and soul and makes sense to my mind that it is the truth. Do I put the rock down and move on. Hey, that’s just me.
I was aware at one point in the relationship, where it felt like a life and death situation, and I could feel that it was almost like a battle of good versus evil and that I would be the one who would die. This realisation caused me to ‘jump ship’, because when I projected what I would be like with him a few down the line, I didnt like what I saw!
In all abusive relationships, there is often the element of one partner dominating and subjugating their partner to their gain and their partner’s loss, whatever the methods they employ to do that.
I agree Wini, only when the time is right to completely start moving on. If there is no moving on, there is still knowledge to be sought, and I am all for being the big digger!!
I was forced to make a choice – my life or his? It had to be mine and that is why I am here at Love Fraud’s swan sanctuary for those with broken wings.
Beverly, we need to ask Donna to give us a blank slate site for deducting all our theories on this. Everyone working together, putting our minds and hearts and souls into figuring out the lies and coming to a conclusion theory. Because I don’t know about everyone else, I get bounced from one site to the other, missing each other’s posts etc. Donna should also put a link up that has our names as we post in of waiting messages for us because if you look how the side posting is, as more write in, a response that was waiting for you goes by, by into whatever site we originally posted it in. Hey, it’s a pet peeve, I used to program. We need a general site so everyone can log in and see what everyone else is adding to the discussion.
Peace.