In honor of the 4th of July we celebrate but also reflect on how to make our nation and world a better place. I therefore thought it would be fitting to review for you a book, Psychopaths in Everyday Life, by Robert W. Rieber. I highly recommend the book to readers who have some background in psychology. The book explains Dr. Rieber’s view of psychopathy and also discusses how psychopathy relates to what he calls “Social Distress Syndrome.” He says that America is plagued by this Social Distress Syndrome and therefore is breeding psychopaths/sociopaths.
First Dr. Rieber’s view on psychopathy. I was also fortunate to meet with Dr. Rieber to discuss his ideas in detail. He has interviewed many serial killers and has written extensively about psychopathy/sociopathy. By the way, he also has a lot to say about the case of Sybil and the idea of multiple personality.
His view of psychopathy is very similar to my own, and I should say, my own view was shaped prior to discovering this work. His view of psychopathy also appears to be very similar to that of Jack Levin, Ph. D., another psychologist who has worked with serial killers.
Dr. Rieber states, “In my view, the following four salient characteristics, thrill seeking, pathological glibness, the antisocial pursuit of power, and the absence of guilt, distinguish the true psychopath.” He further emphasizes that psychopathy is not a category but a continuum (a point I have also discussed previously see Psychopathy verses sociopathy again… ).
Drs. Rieber and Levin both have an opinion that sets them apart from other psychopathy experts. I want to share this view with you because I think you should be aware of differing opinions. Based on my personal and professional experiences, I also think their view has the advantage of helping us make sense of our first-hand observations.
If you read expert writings on psychopathy, you will see that the mainstream experts seem to hold the opinion that psychopaths/sociopaths lack guilt and empathy. Mainstream experts also teach that lack of a conscience is responsible for the disorder. Any therapist, teacher, minister or observer of humans will tell you that many people have a deficit in empathy and/or guilt and yet these people do not necessarily engage in an “antisocial pursuit of power.” I believe that the focus on the deficits of psychopaths has prevented us from seeing the most important aspect of the disorder- the antisocial pursuit of power.
The minute we say that victims are harmed, not because of a psychopath’s deficits, but because of his or her aberrant motivation, we have a good perspective on what we went through. We need to understand power motivation in order to understand the psychopath/sociopath. It is also power motivation, I believe, that ties psychopathy/sociopathy to the problems of our society.
There is a great quote from the book that leads into an explanation of another point that both Drs. Levin and Rieber make. It is, “The true psychopath compels the psychiatric observer to ask the perplexing, and largely unanswered question: Why doesn’t that person have the common decency to go crazy?”
So why don’t psychopaths have the common decency to go crazy? Dr. Rieber explains, “Since psychopaths act as if they were perfectly normal, i.e. sane, they must be skilled in a cunning manner to dissociate any real guilt that they should feel about their antisocial behavior.” He also says that since psychopaths dissociate, they don’t go crazy. He believes dissociation prevents them from experiencing guilt. He also says that many psychopaths do have some level of guilt they are dissociated from.
Dissociation is a difficult concept to grasp. It means to block out a thought or emotion. The ability to dissociate is related to hypnosis which is an induced dissociated state. Dr. Rieber told me that he does not believe that a person can be completely without guilt or empathy. He instead sees the psychopath/sociopath as being able to block out these from his/her experience. This view is shared by Dr. Levin who asks another interesting question. If psychopaths are unable to experience empathy, how is it that they enjoy hurting other people so much? To enjoy hurting they have to know and to some extent feel, they have hurt.
All of us have seen that psychopaths seek out ways to hurt people. They don’t do it by accident. They therefore have to have enough empathy to know when they have succeeded in their power goals and to feel gratified by the act of hurting. Dr. Levin terms the ability of a psychopath to be cut off from any negative emotion during the act of pleasure, compartmentalization. The concept of compartmentalization is basically the same as that of dissociation. When we discussed these terms, Dr. Rieber told me that Freud called the same process repression.
There is some interesting research from the lab of Dr. Joseph P. Newman demonstrating that psychopaths have an extraordinary ability to focus on a source of reward and ignore punishers. So there is experimental evidence supporting the link between psychopathy and dissociation/ compartmentalization/ repression.
But how is psychopathy related to The Social Distress Syndrome? Dr. Rieber puts together a nice argument demonstrating that the breakdown of all of our social institutions is associated with an increase in the prevalence of psychopathy. He says psychopaths and psychopathy permeate our society. However, the book does not discuss why or how social distress is causally related to psychopathy developing in individuals and in institutions. I will present my own opinion about that for you to consider on this July 4th.
If the pleasures of power and thrill seeking are behind psychopathy, and psychopaths can easily ignore everything within and outside themselves to focus on these pleasures, then we have to ask, “How is it that these pleasures become the most important thing in a person’s life?” The answer to that question has been in scientific writings for a long time and in religious writings for even longer.
The great primate researcher Harry Harlow made the observation nearly 30 years ago that the motivations of love and power are in an opposing balance. He discovered that thankfully in primates including humans, the love motive develops before the power motive. Because the love motive develops first it is stronger and puts the brakes on the power motive. A baby starts learning to love at birth or even before. The desire for power doesn’t start until the second year of life.
Now we can see the link between social distress and psychopathy/sociopathy. When all of our society’s institutions are broken, including the family, we are robbed of the capacity to fully experience love and to develop the ability to love. Instead of being motivated to love and care we become motivated to compete and take. The motivations of love and power are mutually exclusive, so a person can’t be simultaneously motivated by both. Also the pleasure of love has to be practiced to be maintained. There is no vaccination against evil. Love during childhood doesn’t prevent psychopathy for life. If love is not practiced during all phases of life relationships become power focused instead.
The answer for ourselves, the psychopath and our country is simple and yet extremely difficult. We need to restore ourselves to a place of love for our fellow humans. If love is primary we will still engage in friendly competition, but we will not get pleasure from cutting each other’s throats!
Love motivation has to permeate our families, our places of worship, our schools, our work places, our government and our foreign policy. When love rather than power becomes our most important pleasure, then we will all have a path toward social and personal well-being.
Until our collective pleasure balance is in the right loving place, we will all have to cope with the Psychopaths in Everyday Life.
Jane, a friend of mine calls me an OSB which is short for “old school bitch” which is the highest compliment she can pay. My preferred term is CRONE, which is an old English word for “wise old woman” and I wear my crone-hood proudly.
There’s a cute little book called “Crones Don’t Whine” written by an MD whose name I have forgotten (CRS–there goes my memory!) but it is quite a nice little book and celebrates the wisdom and knowledge that we crones have gotten in our lives. You can of course become an old, bitter, not wiser woman, but I choose to become a Crone and be proud of that. No hair dye for me, no dressing up like “Botox Barbie” or trying to pretend I look 20 instead of 60, but to be MYSELF, and not be ashamed of the wrinkles or the droops.
Actually I wouldn’t be 20 again for all the tea in china unless I could KNOW WHAT I KNOW NOW—and that ain’t gonna happen. POWER TO THE OLD CRONES AND OSBs. LOL
Sorry JaneSmith: I thought it was a snotty question for a so-called professional to have asked you. Especially in the condition you were at during that session. I used the wrong terminology and realized it after I sent the e-mail. I was trying to think of a word I could use, but the “B” word came to mind, since most of the women (not all) that are in my life keep asking me the same question. My eyes are rolling back because I’m sure people are going to say that we asked for all this, for them to come into our lives, power of attraction and all that. Well, I have a question. What if our Ex’s were using power of attraction to capture us? Ha!. Why is it always dumped back in our lives. That’s because I don’t think there is an answer for this. But, I’d like to see one of these so-called experts run into any of our Ex’s and see how well they do. I bet they won’t post here to tell us about it. Have to keep their image up and running. Mea Culpa.
Peace.
Wini, I think you gots me confused with Still Sorting.
I don’t DO traditional counseling. Reading the Word, prayer is my therapy. Chattin with you fantabulous people is my therapy. Dancing my fancy moves til my muscles ache pleasantly, my cheeks flush and my hair is plastered to my head from sweat is my therapy. Writing my poetry, short stories is my therapy. Kissin, huggin on my kitty kats is my therapy. Sharing thoughts, support, care, fun with my best friend is my therapy.
I did visit a social worker once who was also a counselor, for possible medicine treatment due to lingering depression after conquering generalized anxiety. She shared much more than I did as I’ve always been hesitant to discuss my personal life with strangers. We talked for a couple of hours, about her problems with family and her work. I think she enjoyed herself being able to have someone listen to HER for once and not the other way. It was a great time!…haha
JaneSmith: I hear you. Yes, some do need to talk. My sister insisted (nice words) that I go see the counselor where she works … freebie of six sessions she never used due to her job. Long story short, I’m sitting in this office chatting. If you were a fly on the wall, the counselor’s face went ghost ashe … pulling herself together, she added “I’ve seen this on TV, in the movies and books, but I’ve never met anyone ….”. My heart went out to her, great therapist … but I couldn’t sit there and rehash what I already knew. It was over and done with and … now was time for me to heal. Plus, she finally admitted that I was FORCED to live with and through forced Post Traumatic Stress. Daaaaaaaaaa. D’You think? It was refreshing that a health professional finally admitted it (you could tell she was in touch with her emotions). No one ever admitted this while they were putting me through it, only insisting that I (or anyone) have to endure this. That’s the thing about anti-socials, intellectually they know what they are doing to a person (they read too) … it’s the emotional (putting the breaks on) part that’s missing. If they could feel what they were doing to another, they would never venture down this road.
A while back I sat down and made a list of the people I have known in my life that I think, in retrospect, were psychopaths. Starting of course with my biological father, that I didn’t get to know until I was a teenager and went to work for him.
The list ended up quite long and included my x-father-in-law from my first husband, my mother’s brother, probably my grandmother (she was at least a high level malicious Narcissist in not a full fledged psychopath) Her father (seemed to have all the life-style of one, a bigamist for one, multiple marriages (4 at least, 2 at the same time), My mother’s paternal grandfather, several of his ancestors back to the 1800s,
A guy I dated once for a short time when I was first out on my own who hit me, and when I kicked him to the curb, stalked me, came back and put me in the hospital, and then went to jail, then continued stalking me afterwards for several months.
Several bosses I’ve had, several people who worked for me, several business associates, a neighbor or two, a couple that rented houses from me, Some co-workers, a physician I worked for a short time for. My hospital transferred me to her clinic where she had gone-through 3 LPNs, 3 Advanced Practice nurses, 3 office managers, and a nurse’s aid in 2 years time. I worked for her for one day, and then told my boss that they could fire me but I would not work for that woman. Fortunately, my boss said “well, I couldn’t work for her either” so she let me stay where I had been with the same physician for 10 years (and never had a cross word over anything) it ended up they closed the clinic because they could not “fire” the doctor and wouldn’t sanction her (and she was an EXCELLENT physician, just a poor excuse for a human being!) and no Advance Practice Nurse would work for her and the clinic had to have an APN as it was a “rural health” clinic and medicare mandated that there be an APN there at least 20 hours a week. Thankfully, the APN community in my state at that time was small enough that “everyone” in it knew which physicians you couldn’t “safely” work with.
There are LOTS of psychopaths in “everyday” life—many times until you get to “know” them by working with them, dating them, living next door to them, or whatever, you don’t recognize them for what they are, because many times they are able to “hide” under the “cloak” of professional success or degrees or religious affiliation or just superficial “courtesy” but when you get to know these people on any intimate level by living near them or working with them, it behoves us to be CAREFUL, they can destroy your peace, your professional career or a hundred other problems they can cause. They can dupe others to help the do their malicious deeds and all for no reason other than CONTROL, POWER, or just plain old MALICE and the enjoyment of “winning” against someone and seeing that person “bleed.”
Dear OxDrover: Funny that you mentioned putting a list together. I put a list together drawing a line down the middle what I liked about my ex husband and what I didn’t like about him. Pros and Cons list. The I added all the guys I ever dated, listing all their pros and cons. Then I added my dad on the list because I needed to write more on the positive side – the list was getting lopsided. Not stopping there I added my mom, my siblings, my friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents … the list basically was of many people I knew. I did this to remind me (bring it out of my subconscious to my conscious level) what I liked about people and what I absolutely would not put up with people. When I met my EX and would talk on the phone he hit so many of the positive sides to the list I couldn’t get over it. I was going to introduce him to my best friend because I was so busy with school that I didn’t have time to focus on a relationship. Long story short, last spring, when the weather cleared up I cleaned out one bay of my garage (My ex’s crap took over my garage). A friend came over to help (Ok, he’s an ex boyfriend from HS that we stayed friends all these years, nice guy). Anyway, I’m leaning against the fence and my friend is carry a garbage can full of junk out. As he’s lugging this can I noticed a paper stuck to the bottom of the can. I pulled it out and looked at it. It was one page of my pros and cons list … in the garage. When I clean out the other bay of the garage I will find the entire list. My EX studied this list. That’s why he knew everything to make me happy (so I thought). That’s why I never got to see what he was behind the mask. Incredible. True story.
Peace. I’m taking deep, deep, deep breaths now. Another true story. Things that my bosses did at work to me that didn’t bother me that much. Stopped. Things that I told my EX about that drove me nuts … amplified. D’ya think? Me too.
Final note, I accidently was looking through my EX’s attache case for a magic marker … and found one of my manager’s business card. He left our relationship soon after that … using business out of state excuse.
Wini…
I just started reading Tolle’s “The New Earth” I had bought it and “the Power Of Now” a year and a half ago… Read the Power of Now, (Hard read)… win what part of “The New Earth In what part does it talk about getting over something that you think you cannot?…… I have had a “bad” day today.. some of the “ghosts” have channeled back to me… I am very surprised by this… it’s been months since I felt this way.
southernman429: It’s quieting your mind by focusing on your pets or a flower or a tree. Listen to your breathing, breath in and exhale, inhale, exhale etc. etc. for a few minutes just keep focusing on your breathing. Keep focusing on every breath and it will eventually bring you into the “now”. This moment, right now, is all we have. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, right now. Don’t worry if you can’t focus right away, it takes practice to turn off your ego (thoughts in your head). The more you practice it, the better at it you get. Just breath.
I’m glad you got the book. It’s a definite must read.
Peace.
southernman429: I forgot. You can go on Oprah’s site for free. Oprah.com log in, give yourself a password. She’s keeping Tolle’s taped classes on line for a while because she knows everyone needs to read and hear him. There is 10 detailed discussions with an audience from around the globe. Just download them to your computer or IPod and listen to this man. He is unbelievable. There are others on there too. They’re all intense.
Peace.
southernman….i attend a book club and we meet every thurs and that how i found out about the books and oprahs site….but for me the book is too hard to focus on and i have the cd’s….much easier to listen to while driving or at home and amazing the peace that it brings to you…just concentrating on this moment …not the last one not the next one…just deliberately enjoying this one, even if at a red light….it is very calming and peaceful…for some the tapes are better