We’ve discussed many of the sociopath’s traits, such as his missing empathy and compassion; his tendency to remorseless interpersonal exploitation; and proclivity to audacious acts of lying, deception and sundry other violating behaviors.
Now, I’m tempted to add to the mix what I call the sociopath’s tendency to “irrational optimism.”
By “irrational optimism,” I mean the sociopath’s irrationally optimistic belief, if not conviction, that he’ll either evade or, somehow, otherwise prevail over, the real, probable consequences of his actions.
Consider this brief, hypothetical interaction between a sociopath and his partner, who learns with certainty that he, the sociopath, has been cheating on her with three different women simultaneously:
Partner: How could you do that?
Sociopath: Do what?
Partner: Sleep with three different women behind my back. Are you f*cking demented?
Sociopath: First of all, that’s abusive. So stop right there and don’t abuse me. Second, I didn’t sleep with f*cking anybody. Not that I haven’t been tempted, given how lame our sex life is.
Partner: Why are you lying? I know who these women are, and I can prove you’ve been sleeping with them. Do you think I’m that f*cking stupid?
Sociopath: Let me ask you something. Why the hell would I sleep with three women and risk getting some f*cking STD? Think about it. You know me”¦or maybe you don’t? Does that make any sense?
The sociopath here is (or was) irrationally optimistic on two levels—first, that he’d be able to perpetrate this caper, undetected, indefinitely; and second that, once busted (as, now, he is) he’ll be able to squirm his way out of accountability.
We could address many aspects of this interaction, but I’d like to emphasize his last argument: “Let me ask you something. Why the hell would I sleep with three women and risk getting some f*cking STD? Think about it. You know me”¦or do you? Does that make any sense?”
This argument captures, I think, the sociopath’s “irrational optimism” beautifully. In offering the glibly insulting invitation to “think about it,” he makes a spectacle of his audacity and contempt: he really expects, and believes his partner should, accept his invitation [to think about it].
But even more than expecting her to “think about it,” which is outrageous enough, he expects her, in his irrational optimism, actually to be persuaded by his argument. In his irrational optimism, he is hopeful, if not confident, that she’ll choose to disbelieve the evidence she holds indisputably in her hands in favor of accepting his insulting logic.
How classically sociopathic is this?
More importantly, what contributes to the sociopath’s irrational optimism?
We might begin with his malignant sense of entitlement—that is, the sociopath’s belief that he is entitled to obtain the gratifications he wants. One of the most dangerous aspects of the attitude of entitlement is how it renders impotent—denudes of power—rule, limits and laws.
When you feel entitled to something, if it’s not accomodatingly forthcoming, you feel entitled to take it. You’ve laid, in your entitlement, a kind of psychic possession of what it is you want, so that now it becomes, in your mind, yours—specifically, your right to have.
And so if someone (or something) obstructs your seizing what now, in your mind, is your right to possess, then you are free to take it—to take, in fact, whatever is yours—by any means necessary.
Conferring this entitled status upon oneself encourages the irrationally optimistic view that, one way or another, accomodation looms”¦it must!
Closely related to this is the sociopath’s grandiosity: he believes he can and should succeed at his high-wire machinations because he’s that good, that clever and—it can’t be stressed enough—that entitled.
His grandiosity may take the form of thoughts like, “Sure, normal guys couldn’t pull this shit off, but I’m not your normal guy.”
And so, when you feel like you can do things that others can’t—especially things unsupported by “reality—”this is grandiosity. And grandiosity feeds, I believe, very directly, the sociopath’s tendency to irrational optimism.
Then there is the sociopath’s contempt, so inseparable from his grandiosity. As we discussed, the sociopath, in the example above, expects his insulting argument to succeed, either because he’s convinced he’s smart, clever and persuasive enough to be found so convincing, or else he’s convinced that his partner is dumb, naïve and/or desperate enough to believe him. (Or both!)
As a consequence, the sociopath’s contempt leaves him at constant risk of underestimating others, and overestimating himself. In his irrational optimism, fed by his contempt, he fails to appreciate how close he is always is—perhaps just one more reckless risk away—from being busted.
What else feeds the sociopath’s irrational optimism? How about his stupidity?
This may sound provocative, but let me explain. I suggest that blind faith supports a perspective of irrational optimism, and the sociopath operates with a kind of blind faith. That is, he operates in the blind faith that, somehow or other, he’ll escape accountability for his latest transgression.
Where does his blind faith come from? Two good sources, I’d suggest, are his grandiosity and arrogance—they blind him, I contend, to certain realities, effectively making him stupid on some level.
And his stupidity reinforces his irrational optimism.
Quite obviously, I’m not talking I.Q. stupidity, but rather judgement-level stupidity. The sociopath’s personality pathology mars his capacity to make wise, intelligent judgements in many circumstances.
(My use of “he” in this article is a convenience, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted © 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW).
I’m to the point that the anti-socials in our society only know the basics pertaining to wisdom taught by the churches in our society. They never delved deeper into the the reasonings behind any given righteous or unrighteous action taught via learning His wisdom. They learned the basics to His wisdom … because after all, remember who ran Hollywood in our country from the time of vaudeville to talking movies? The Jewish folks ran the studios, were the screen writers etc. and gave our world the lessons in His wisdom via TV, Movies, Books, Music, all the arts etc without us ever knowing it. The Torah is the old testament in the Christian Bible. Without being you knowing it, the Jews who governed Hollywood taught all of society His righteous ethics learned from His wisdom. With that said, any fool learned the basics of ethical standards … but, the FOOLS refused or weren’t guided by their parental guardians to continue their education into learning the depth of His wisdom (FREE Will remember! We are all given free will). The FOOLS (aka anti-socials in our society) refused or didn’t have the opportunity presented to them to read, comprehend and apply God’s wisdom to their every day life. NOT reading or comprehending and applying His wisdom to their lives is the reason they are spiritually stunted, or spiritually retarded as the health professionals understand the medicinal jargon of the world. The anti-socials are the FOOLS written in the Torah, Koran, Bible or any of the other books of His wisdom. The reason they don’t follow through with anything they say the will do, is because they don’t know how to follow through. They never learned nor stretched themselves spiritually when applying His wisdom to their everyday life. Period. Since they never read the details to His wisdom, they never applied His wisdom to their lives, therefore they never stretched spiritually. They are the infants of society having temper tantrums every minute of every day. What we call Chaos. I think it is all our responsibility who know His wisdom and live our lives via His wisdom to ensure the FOOLS of society have the tools to Learn, comprehend, and apply His wisdom to their lives too. Enough of just assuming these folks are mature adults and it’s up to them to learn Wisdom on their own. It’s like asking a junkie or an alcoholic to stop their addiction. They are blinded and we need to bring them to the correct water fountain of spiritual life instead of spiritual death.
The chaos flurishing in society today is due to non-believers of His wisdom persuading believers years ago to erase God out of society, hiding behind our laws that it was unconstitutional against non-believers rights. What? This is the same thing as a child telling rational adults that if he drinks that poison from that bottle, it won’t kill him. It will kills millions. Hences, fools that never learned His wisdom are killing us. ALL of us.
Peace.
Hello all,
I haven’t posted in a while felt I HAD to respond to this particular article. I’m beginning to believe that my S was right up there with the best of ’em.
Yes, his optimism had me doubting my own judgement. When he wouldn’t find a job…he’d tell me all that mattered was that we had each other! And, once when I found the phone numbers of two other women and backed him a corner. He told me that he got them just to see if he could and that he never called them! Then, he started crying and begging me not to divorce him. I later learned that he nearly left me for one of these women! LOL! Mine has a way of actually “appearing” to be honest when he had no other way out.
For instance, his live-in girlfriend (now his wife) found out that he was cheating on her with multiple women BEFORE they got married…most were women of ill repute but one was married and had a very successful career. At first he lied and said that he didn’t know what she was talking about. Finally, after she pushed by telling him that she had proof, he admitted that he cheated on her because she wouldn’t commit to marry him. He told her that the more successful woman was his back up because he feared that she was going to leave him or not marry him. He promised to break things off with this particular woman and did just that. He then went back and told his girlfriend that this woman took it really badly, told the girlfriend outright lies about the woman and made her out to be nothing more than a simple whore who slept around on her husband all the time. Very untrue, this woman feel victim to his charm during a rough period in her marriage. He declared great love for this woman and kept telling her that he was trying to rid himself of the bitch he lived with. He did an awesome job of pitting the two women against each other in order to take the focus off him or to be held accountable for his actions! However, the married woman tracked me down and I informed her what he was capable of. She researched the behavior of sociopaths and recognized from her own experience that he indeed was a sociopath.
In the process of his cheating, he contracted two incureable STDs and infected the live-in girlfriend. The married woman was lucky enough not to have became infected…mostly due to practicing safe sex. He swore to the live-girlfriend that he had finally learned his lesson and that he NEVER imagined that he would get an STD. Nevermind that he has been having sexual encounters with multiple partners all of his adult life. The live-in packed her things and attempted to leave him. He threatened to kill himself, threaten her and swore he’d change if she’d just stick by him. Of course, the live-in girlfriend stayed and rushed right into marrying him so that he would feel secure and that he didn’t need to have a backup because he was “terrified of being alone”. He now tells his new wife that he feels secure with her because she has stuck by him through all the things he has done when no other woman would have ever done that.
However, he still doesn’t work…she fully supports them and pays his child support. He throws fits of jealousy on her which she seems to mistake as acts of love for her. He then apologizes and tells her how proud he is to have a wife as beautiful as she is. He plays in a band which his new wife has grown tired of being a part of. She sits at his gigs amongst women that she knows he’s had sex with in the past and the bars he plays in are very much low end businesses with crowds to match. She’s also exhausted because sometimes she has to work the next day after being out half the night while he beats on a drum. She would like for them to have more time to spend her friends. He tells her that her friends are “uppity” and he doesn’t feel comfortable around them. He also tells her that his music has caused problems in all his former relationships and that he always ridded himself of the women who did not support his music because he loves to play. BUT he’ll give it up for HER if she really wants him, too. She says she CAN’T ask him to give up something that he loves so much even though he has assured her that SHE means MUCH more to her than his music.
Okay, people…you tell me…does this sound like a “changed” man to you? Or is he every bit as manipulating as I think he is?
Tami, they are all control freaks hovering over everyone. Not just us. Anyone that lives and breathes and happens to come into their space gets the same treatment. They can’t just trust, have faith in others. They are fracture individuals who have never grown up. Everything they say to people is just lip service. WE all have a 50/50 chance at any given time if they follow up on anything they say they will do. That’s because they have no long term attention span. If they happen to get something done, it’s because they had available time at the moment to do it. If not, that responsibility just falls through the cracks. There is no substance in them to care or not care. Actually, they only follow through with commitments when they are pulling someone into their crazy web of deceit. It’s amazing how their world is never simple. They must be exhausted all the time, manipulating all the strings they pull into their lives. I wonder if and when they get caught and incarcerated is the only time they can relax. It must be nice for them to live a few years not being the puppet masters of the world.
I couldn’t imagine having multiple lives going at the same time. Being involved in one focus on one relationship or going into one job doing the work I get a paycheck for is enough for me. I can’t imagine having 7 or 8 relationships with men going … or smiling to my bosses/co-workers faces and scheme and lie behind the scenes to yank their chains to get my way. Way too exhausting of a life style if you ask me. I am what I am, up front. What you see is what you get with me. I don’t say or do anything and behind the scenes do something else. I don’t have time for this nonsense. But, then again … I’m a whole person, not splintered to my very core.
My advise for you, once you uncover one lie … be careful and on guard for all their lies that you haven’t uncovered yet. They just slipped up by mistake or wanted you to see their mask slip. Fool you once, shame on them, fool you twice, shame on you. There is a reason for this saying. Be on guard and never let them convince that your eyes are lying to you. You saw what you saw and your very self has to rely on who and what you know as a mature, responsible adult. In other words, you will always be your best friend. Take back your power and know that you are dealing with someone on the level of a 5 year old mentally and spiritually. Period.
Peace to your heart and soul as you heal and know that their are so many millions of these splintered personalities in our world today.
Be thankful that this information about the true fractured selves is coming into the light and not kept in the dark any more.
Just know … you are not alone, we are all in this together and we will SURVIVE this devastation.
Peace.
I can also agree with this article. I am in the middle of a huge custody battle now with my exbf, father of my youngest child, and he is classic…
He has always told me how he can outsmart doctors, lawyers, psychologists… he didn’t need counseling because he is smarter than them… I didn’t realize he was a sociopath at that time, and I thought that statement was so WEIRD.
Now – he has taken my son basically hostage on April 24, and we don’t have court until Jan 26. He continues to display outrageous behavior, do things that are blatantly obvious attempts to undermine me as my son’s mother – and I just don’t think he cares. I’m not sure that he even realizes how it will look in court – or he is so overly confident that he just thinks he can do whatever he wants, and get away with it.
As with the example in the above article, he cheated on me throughout our relationship. He ALWAYS had justification for it. Stupid, illogical justification… and when I finally left him, in his mind – he was the victim. In fact, he calls me “homewrecker”
The more I dis-engage with him, the more I see it so clearly, but for a very long time, I thought it must be ME that was crazy.
Tami,
He is not only ever bit as manipulating, he is also every bit as selfish and fundamentally uncaring.
One of the things about sociopaths is their ability to make themselves plausible. The can turn the most telling (disgusting) things in their histories around to stories about their triumphs over other people’s selfishness and manipulation. If you hear someone who sounds like he’s constantly doing PR for himself, that should be a red flag.
Sociopaths project charisma. That is, they dazzle people with charm that isn’t actually real. And one of the ways to get out of the spell of all that charisma is to evaluate them by their actions, not their words. And not only their actions, but by the messes they leave behind.
This guy sounds like not only has a history of leaving messes, but is still doing it.
But, Tami, why are you asking? Are you still trying to decide what you were dealing with?
Kathy
Oh goodness no! I KNOW what he is and am now remarried to a normal man and have a wonderful life. It’s just that his new wife and I communicate. I knew her before he left me for her…bless her heart! LOL!
I’ve just spent three years of my life off and on trying to get her to understand that he IS a sociopath when she tells or asked me about some of his odd behavior. I guess I was just looking for validation (again) that this man IS indeed a sociopath. Even the new wife says that she has consulted a professional and conducted her own research regarding sociopaths. She took great comfort when she read that their behavior improves with age! She just doesn’t GET IT and for the life of me, I can’t understand why she tortures herself by continuing to stay in the marriage! It seems that everyone else get it EXCEPT her. She even popped up on my IM a couple of days ago and asked me if I’d ever noticed that he didn’t act right around little girls!?! I told her yes, and reminded her that he had been accused twice of inappropiate behavior by children who had absolutely NO connection to each other! She seemed very concerned about this. Then, she pops back and tells me what a great weekend they had together and how she believes that he really is “trying to change.” Not once, has this gal ever said “he’s changed”…always using terms like “trying” or that she’s “hoping” that he’ll change. It’s been 3 years that she’s been waiting to KNOW that he has changed. At least, I WAS afforded the ignorance of NOT knowing what he was doing during the years that I was married to him although I had some red flags that looking back…I should have NEVER allowed him to talk his way around. But, I NEVER caught him at anything! It was only after he left, that people started coming forward to tell me the kind of person that he had been all of his life and the things that he had done behind my back. I was flabbergasted! And, he admitted that he had done all these things in his past to her but says that he’s changed for her. This gal KNEW about his history and that he had cheated on her as well as giving her two STDs BEFORE she married him. All she can say for herself is that she loves him and has promised him that she will stand by him no matter what. Yet, I can tell from her complaints that she is miserable. She’s young, she’s pretty…and deserves SO much more! He’s 43 years old…he aint gonna change!
Hi Wini…I believe “fools” are quite different from psychopaths and sociopaths. My ex is a sociopath/pyschopath and also a fairly observant Jew raised in an observant home. We spent many Friday evenings attending Temple (shul).
I think I understand what you’re trying to say, and that you are approaching the concept of anti-socials as people who have not delved deeply into religious study–sometimes only knowing what is called the “Sunday School” version of their religion.
As far as my ex is concerned, he most definately *did* explore Judaism…and taught, among other subjects, Comparative Religion at the local university. He claimed to have had direct experiences with what he referred to as “the Divine, the One God.” He claimed he was a mystic.
His doctoral dissertation was on transpersonal psychology. He was and still is considered by some to be an extremely spiritual person. While we were married he held a weekly group session on an esoteric form of Sufism. He also held meetings on the Kabbalah. And he had been a brother in a Christian Order.
All of this to say his exposure and interest in religion of all kinds was longstanding and on-going. But, again, it was a persona. What he actually got out of it was a great deal of adulation and groupies, some of whom he had affairs with. Of both sexes.
But it was false, Wini. A part of his persona–he presents as a deeply spiritual man, and an extremely well-read one…he attended retreats, he led retreats…he has a Master’s Degree in the Psychology of Religion and a PhD in Clinical Psychology–both from Ivy League schools.
I realize referring to a person as evil, or even thinking a person might be evil, can be quite difficult. Exorcisms are mostly a relic of the Middle Ages….Christianity is reluctant to label someone as evil. The HE of whom you speak is, I assume, Jesus. Christianity teaches forgiveness and believes in redemption.
But there are some persons who are not capable of asking for forgiveness because, in my opinion (just my opinion!) they have no capacity to feel sorry or regret anything. They are devoid of a conscience.
I learned a lot from Scott Peck’s book, The People of The Lie.
Dr. Peck gives examples of patients he believed were evil, and addresses his own conflict with the concept of evil.
I *wish* everyone had the capacity to find a Truth which would somehow “fix” them–whether through Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, etc etc…the problem is, in my opinion and experience, that while people can deeply study and explore and profess to understand and *feel* a Higher Being,
nonetheless they are incapable of actually feeling anything remotely spiritual.
There have no interior life. They are incapable of any real reflection. The place where empathy should reside is empty, in fact, I tend to think, for them, that place does not exist at all…
A fool can be educated. A fool can understand and feel. A sociopath can not, although they can often fake it quite well.
I hope you are not offended by anything I’ve written. This is simply my opinion/conclusion/experience. It has taken me a long time to realize evil does in fact exist in individuals. As for *why* it exists, I don’t know.
Shalom~~
Great article, Steve! My ex always told me how I see the glass as “half-empty” and should really be more like him – optimistic. I laughed out loud at the conversation you quoted in the article – it’s like I have had nearly identical conversations with the ex. For years, I knew something wasn’t quite right, but he was always sooooo incredibly good with turning things around mid-conversation, I was left feeling like “oh, maybe I’m just being overly sensitive again or exaggerating”.
And when he said to me, so condescendingly, “I got HIV tested for you”, as though I should be thankful, there was an instant where I actually felt grateful!! How do they do that?? Now that I am away from him and his craziness and he’s on his third marriage, I actually find it fascinating to watch from a distance how he lives his life. There is absolutely nothing real or authentic about the man, yet he can get people to believe his lies, effortlessly. It’s amazing, and if I could write a book to capture the essence of how he does this, I know it would be a best-seller. The only problem is, whenever I sit down to write, I find it’s difficult to take the reality and put it on paper. It still confuses me!
Great article, Steve! Mine did exactly that when me and “Jane” busted him. He said he could prove that he really was sick over out last weekend together because he wanted drugs! He said why would he want drugs if he didn’t want to sleep with me.
Irrational optimism and twisted logic really caught me here. It was the one thing he used on me on a daily basis that got me feeling twisted myself, even though I know there was no reason for it most of the time.
Here is an example of what a cople things he used twisted logic on, and irrational optimism.
I got pregnant.
He started drinking everynight, not coming home until 12 or 1 in the morning.
So I got upset and told him I wasent going to put up with this crap. He used this as the excuse as why he had a rightto go out and drink. “Well, I dont want to come home if you are going to bitch at me.” It got totally twisted around as being my fault that he was out drinking.
So here i was pregnant, and I think his logic was (well I cant leave him now, so he can do anything he wants to.) If I bitch at him about drinking, he will just stay out all night.
Another one.
I was dumb enough to lend him 1500.00 to start a business. He was supposed to pay me back a little each week, and we had agreed to a contract before hand. VERBALLY at first. Then I wrote out the real paper contract, and he rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to sign that. That is unfair, and not even logical,” he says. He wrote out a quick sloppy contract, giving himself over a year to pay it pay, and it had so many flaws in it that it wouldn’t even stand in a court of law on my behalf.
After he got his business started, on my money, he again started drinking, more, and more and more. I got fed up, and broke up with him. His thinking (She cant break up with me now. I owe her this money that she needs back. I’m a man, and need my man time out with the friends to drink beer. If she leaves I ‘ll just take the business with me.) HE DID. Did take the business with him, which in my contract, said if things didn’t work out, the business was mine until he paid me back to rightfully own it. But in his eyes, because he built this HOT DOG CART, it belonged to him, not me. I had given him some money to get started with the food too. When I broke up with him, he went to his druggy friends and had a party with all the food that was meant to make a little profit for my family, my kids to eat. But here he has all his drug buddies living it up.
i see now, that his life has been paved with nothing but good intentions, which were really nothing more, than “I can by myself some time, and look good in the process.” He has burned every bridge in his life. Cut his mother off, his kids, his family. He swears he is an excellent father….but never sees his kids. In fact when he stole the business, ne left the state with out even saying goodbye to his kids.
Now he writes me through e-mail, and tells me how he wanted to marry me. Ya, RIGHT!!!
Here are things that are becoming very clear to me now about his character.
1. He would get very upset, if youcalled him on his behavior, and use manipulation of how illogical and irrational that you were being, to make himself look good.
2. His actions and his words, never matched. If he did keep his words for a while, it was only long enough to build your trust back up, and to show you what a good guy he was.
3. Being a good guy, was seen as extremely important to him. My family hated him, and he blamed me for making them hate him. Which is a total lie. Supposedly I ruined his reputation. Not him.
4. He used very twisted logic, in simple conversations on a daily basis to make your own logic or opinion seem trivial. In his eyes, if you couldn’t see it, it didn’t exist. If you couldn’t prove it, it didn’t exist. And you were supposed to believe his ” irrational logic ” or you were basically not using your own “common sense.” I always protested his twisted logic, and was accused constantly of being defensive. Even if I only asked a question.
5. He surrounded himself with friends, buddies, that were way worse off then he in someways, like drugs or alcohol, and this he used to make himself loook better. He also admitted to using them as “entertainment.” Sadly, I saw no entertainment….but broken lives, living on the edge of playing with death. Many of his friends wound up in the hospitable due to the chemical use. He could spend 1000 dollars in one week providing his friends with these chemicals, and never pay a bill here at home.
6. I saw how nothing bothered him, that should have bothered him. He never got mad, seemed to have more control when i was upset. He only showed his rage a few times, and afterwords, in about 3 seconds, he would act as if nothing ever happened.
I had known that I was dealing with a potential alcoholic, which is bad enough. But, I finally came to the conclusion, that it wasent alcoholism that was the real problem with this man. I found out about his history, going back into his adolescence, of disrespect, rebellion, and outright contempt for his own mother, who had told me about how “you are not allowed to talk about his past.” that came into our relationship, where he told me not to talk about certain things…but I did…because they drove me nuts, trying to figure out the real context of the situation.
Things I have learned!!!!
if someone is making you feel confused, thats because they are trying to confuse you.
If you feel bad in a relationship, its because you are being treated badly.
If his words do not match his actions,he is trying to get you to have a picture of him in your head that is not real.
Friends are a picture of what is inside the person.
History is imperative to know.
If he hates his mother, there is something seriously wrong. Especially if you met her, and she seems very nice…she never beat him, but she had problems controlling his abusive behavior towards her when he was growing up.
Dont confuse pitty or guilt with love. You can’t save another human being. One thing he would use at the begining of our relationship, was admitting to his past wrongs, which made him look like he could change. When you didn’t admit enough to your wrongs, he would accuse you of being self-righteous.
If he is messing his own life up, and tries to put you in the same catagory…RUN!!!! He is the one messing your life up. Your just messing it up by staying with the P.
If his view of his reputation does not reflect in his own life…watch out. I have since taken that quote from the bible alot more seriously. “You will know them by their fruits.” Something like that.
If you feel like you are being controlled, because you are mending your life to revolve around his….watch out. I have learned now, that controll can begin as very subtle. Small demands….than more small demands….and until and before you know it, your own mind is full of their long list, of trivial demands and your everyday existance is trying to be that good loving person, who can just do ALL of these small things for him, if you really loved him.
Since he has been gone…only about two months, I have since gotten my friends back. Many guy friends…and just being friends with these people, good peopple, is helping me heal. Because I feel like my life is full after being with them. I have alot of musician friends because i play music too….I realized that a relationship should make life easier. Not the daily struggle of being pulled under, and trying to swim to get back to where you were before you met this person. If you let them, they can destroy you. That feeling of ever feeling fullfilled at the end of the day, was ABSENT! I felt empty everyday, like there was a vampire slowly sucking the life out of me. It was hard to even get out of bed.
But I have gone on enough….this post is great…it is so so true!