We’ve discussed many of the sociopath’s traits, such as his missing empathy and compassion; his tendency to remorseless interpersonal exploitation; and proclivity to audacious acts of lying, deception and sundry other violating behaviors.
Now, I’m tempted to add to the mix what I call the sociopath’s tendency to “irrational optimism.”
By “irrational optimism,” I mean the sociopath’s irrationally optimistic belief, if not conviction, that he’ll either evade or, somehow, otherwise prevail over, the real, probable consequences of his actions.
Consider this brief, hypothetical interaction between a sociopath and his partner, who learns with certainty that he, the sociopath, has been cheating on her with three different women simultaneously:
Partner: How could you do that?
Sociopath: Do what?
Partner: Sleep with three different women behind my back. Are you f*cking demented?
Sociopath: First of all, that’s abusive. So stop right there and don’t abuse me. Second, I didn’t sleep with f*cking anybody. Not that I haven’t been tempted, given how lame our sex life is.
Partner: Why are you lying? I know who these women are, and I can prove you’ve been sleeping with them. Do you think I’m that f*cking stupid?
Sociopath: Let me ask you something. Why the hell would I sleep with three women and risk getting some f*cking STD? Think about it. You know me”¦or maybe you don’t? Does that make any sense?
The sociopath here is (or was) irrationally optimistic on two levels—first, that he’d be able to perpetrate this caper, undetected, indefinitely; and second that, once busted (as, now, he is) he’ll be able to squirm his way out of accountability.
We could address many aspects of this interaction, but I’d like to emphasize his last argument: “Let me ask you something. Why the hell would I sleep with three women and risk getting some f*cking STD? Think about it. You know me”¦or do you? Does that make any sense?”
This argument captures, I think, the sociopath’s “irrational optimism” beautifully. In offering the glibly insulting invitation to “think about it,” he makes a spectacle of his audacity and contempt: he really expects, and believes his partner should, accept his invitation [to think about it].
But even more than expecting her to “think about it,” which is outrageous enough, he expects her, in his irrational optimism, actually to be persuaded by his argument. In his irrational optimism, he is hopeful, if not confident, that she’ll choose to disbelieve the evidence she holds indisputably in her hands in favor of accepting his insulting logic.
How classically sociopathic is this?
More importantly, what contributes to the sociopath’s irrational optimism?
We might begin with his malignant sense of entitlement—that is, the sociopath’s belief that he is entitled to obtain the gratifications he wants. One of the most dangerous aspects of the attitude of entitlement is how it renders impotent—denudes of power—rule, limits and laws.
When you feel entitled to something, if it’s not accomodatingly forthcoming, you feel entitled to take it. You’ve laid, in your entitlement, a kind of psychic possession of what it is you want, so that now it becomes, in your mind, yours—specifically, your right to have.
And so if someone (or something) obstructs your seizing what now, in your mind, is your right to possess, then you are free to take it—to take, in fact, whatever is yours—by any means necessary.
Conferring this entitled status upon oneself encourages the irrationally optimistic view that, one way or another, accomodation looms”¦it must!
Closely related to this is the sociopath’s grandiosity: he believes he can and should succeed at his high-wire machinations because he’s that good, that clever and—it can’t be stressed enough—that entitled.
His grandiosity may take the form of thoughts like, “Sure, normal guys couldn’t pull this shit off, but I’m not your normal guy.”
And so, when you feel like you can do things that others can’t—especially things unsupported by “reality—”this is grandiosity. And grandiosity feeds, I believe, very directly, the sociopath’s tendency to irrational optimism.
Then there is the sociopath’s contempt, so inseparable from his grandiosity. As we discussed, the sociopath, in the example above, expects his insulting argument to succeed, either because he’s convinced he’s smart, clever and persuasive enough to be found so convincing, or else he’s convinced that his partner is dumb, naïve and/or desperate enough to believe him. (Or both!)
As a consequence, the sociopath’s contempt leaves him at constant risk of underestimating others, and overestimating himself. In his irrational optimism, fed by his contempt, he fails to appreciate how close he is always is—perhaps just one more reckless risk away—from being busted.
What else feeds the sociopath’s irrational optimism? How about his stupidity?
This may sound provocative, but let me explain. I suggest that blind faith supports a perspective of irrational optimism, and the sociopath operates with a kind of blind faith. That is, he operates in the blind faith that, somehow or other, he’ll escape accountability for his latest transgression.
Where does his blind faith come from? Two good sources, I’d suggest, are his grandiosity and arrogance—they blind him, I contend, to certain realities, effectively making him stupid on some level.
And his stupidity reinforces his irrational optimism.
Quite obviously, I’m not talking I.Q. stupidity, but rather judgement-level stupidity. The sociopath’s personality pathology mars his capacity to make wise, intelligent judgements in many circumstances.
(My use of “he” in this article is a convenience, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed. This article is copyrighted © 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW).
Witsend:
You said that really well.
And, like you, I have no intention of revealing too much information about myself early in any relationship.
It’s o.k. to keep it ‘light and airy’ in the early stages of anything, as far as I am concerned.
You know, that night at dinner when the BF told me I was hard to read, it immediately made me open up and start revealing things about myself. Because I really liked him, I did NOT want to come off as cold, or unrelatable, or disconnected or hard-to-reach, etc.
We were in this great restaurant, and I did not want to be a buzz-kill on the mood of the evening.
So, I played right into his hand, and started opening up.
See how brilliant they are??? GENIUS.
Or, maybe it was more about how unaware I was. Not sure.
kim frederick says:
7steps, my cat is spoiled rotten. But I would rather stroke his lovely soft fur than the d”“k of any psychopath!
me – ROTFLLLLLL!!!?? Hilarious!
NOTAGAIN you said this:
“I also learned that it is the intellectually gifted ones, or
charismatic ones, who make it to many positions of leadership,
including high places in government, which is scary. (Think Adolph Hitler!) I think about all the corruption in our government, and in corporations, wall street, and think about how they get away with some of the things that they do!”
and style1 – I can feel your pain on those bad dates!
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I have a LITTLE NICKNAME I use when I see profiles on my dating site that look all too perfect. I call these men
“Masters of the Universe!”
And another thing I laugh at is the “shopping list” of attributes they are looking for in a woman. No way am I going to be held to that kind of standard! I am not one of these high-maintenance women. I am just an earthy, slow-moving, disabled girl with a good mind and heart. I like to do my own thing and am fine with that. My friends tell me I cleanup real good and I have my own quirky style. You could not tell I am disabled on a good day. Take me as I am or don’t!! I’m 53 and too old to put up with such bullsh*t!
Last guy I dated – the “trained-cat-dude” – 60 with the expectations of a 25-year-old. Any time I made a suggestion to do something he would say “No, we won’t be doing that!” The chemistry and intellectual connection with him was almost off the charts for me. He really had absolutely no interest in actually getting to know me, but just his “plans” (I guess his “story,” right?) of running here and there in some kind of empty parade, so his friends and aquaintances could see that he “bagged a surfer girl.” Ex-surfer girl. I kid you not! The 2 times we went to dinner he knew everyone in the restaurant, and made sure we were seated at a table where everyone who entered could see us!! WTF!! It was so creepy.
I went right to my profile on that dating sight and took out every mention of the fact that I used to compete with the boys for waves!!
And it gives me such a creepy disgusting feeling that I was just
fodder for a total narcissist! He was also an artist (oil paints) and he was working on a self-potrait – while I was visiting him! Combine the trained cats with the self-portrait; oh, and the large painting he was working on – a nude standing woman viewed from behind – which meant that SHE HAD NO FACE!!! You know, in most of these stories you don’t get such a STUNNING VISUALITION OF HIS DISORDER!
I really wanted to email him and tell him that I noticed that his
woman had no face, and if he does do one with a face, to paint it as a mirror!!!!
Oh and he also told me early on that he had just broken up with his last girlfriend THE WEEK BEFORE! He said that she had “convinced” him that they were perfect for each other, so he took her back for about 48 hours (LONG ENOUGH FOR AN EVENING OUT AND SEX, I PRESUME!), then called her saying it was not going to work out.
“CONVINCED” HIM??? I HAD BILLBOARDS ON THE HIGHWAY telling me what I was getting into!
Stupid me! YIKES! I feel like I got SLIMED! EEUUWWW!
thank the stars he lives 100 miles away!!
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OK KIM FREDERICK, YOU SAID IT:
“Who on earth would have the arrogance to try to train a cat? And anyone who was able to this extent has got to be really, really good at it, an artist of manipulation and conditioning. So yes. Run from the man who trains cats. Poor things.”
—————–
Yep, you put the last nails in that billboard, Kim! “an artist of
manipulation and conditioning.” Yes, exactly! He was an extremely smart man who felt superior to others. His son was getting married next year, and I asked him to tell me about it. He said that she was a massage therapist and then made a dig at her possibly being “not smart enough” to marry the son now getting his PhD!!!
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And Henry, your words ring so true! These guys always come on like gangbusters. They will wear you out and wear you down.
Like Nicole Kidman in that movie “To Die For” – her nickname was “Gangbusters” – her co-workers making fun of her because she was so grandiose. That is one heckofa picture of a predatory female P.
henry says:
[All too often, a new partner is swept right off his/her emotional feet, often declaring that the spath is everything they ever dreamed of. With their skill at reading others needs and reactions, and their entense desire to be perfect, it is no surprise that spaths charm and disarm their new partners. Mirroring and perfection give way to abuse and control. The perfect partner suddenly becomes perfectly horrible.
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I escaped by the skin of my teeth! Nasty Nast Nasty!!
And Tami – so glad you are DONE! It is so freaking complicated, isn’t it???? But NC is such a simple solution. Won’t work for everyone, all the time, but it is much simpler not to engage them.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200912/dobbs-orchid-gene
witsend says to rosa:
And with this disorder”It is just is so mind boggling to think that a person that hasn’t any idea of how we feel can “read” into us so well. Early on in the relationship. And know exactly what to say to get us to “open up” and give out even more revealing information”
Its almost as if what they can’t percieve on their own ability, they have the gift of getting it straight from the horses mouth. (our own)
I think if I ever dated again my number one criteria would be to NOT share any information at all about myself (especially past) Just very generic stuff. And I would turn the conversation more into getting my date to share information about himself.
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OMG! The first time I spoke on the phone with trained-cat-dude he said to me “sometimes when people speak to me they reveal more than they are comfortable revealing, and then get embarrassed.” This art is imitating life waaay too much!
I kind of caught on to this and began making an effort to draw him out and get him to speak to me, and certain things he said were just like lightbulbs going off (after the fact, of course). In the beginning I just thought that he was “refreshingly honest.” In hindsight, everything I needed to know was either in his emails to me or in what he said to me.
I think I will go make a dating profile that sounds boring,
uninteresting, and vapid???!!!
I know what I scored on the “spath magnet” test – 27! Thanks for that test, Donna. It pretty much scared me sh*tless.
I am now afraid to leave my house – just kidding…
Henry: Over the years I dated and cared about some men that were unavailable for a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with sociopathic traits. Some were alcoholics that weren’t in recovery and couldn’t be intimate in a self revelatory way because of the booze needed to dull the pain of whatever it was they couldn’t bear dealing with.
Others that I’ve known were too self involved to really invest in getting to know another deeply, despite the sexual chemistry being there. When I think back over the years of what I had to learn on my own without the benefit of a recovery program that taught me about enmeshment and codependency, I am surprised that I came through it all as well as I have. Learning to recognize and let go of these types of potential partners was sad. I could always see the potential for a bond, but NEVER with drugs or alcohol taking first place in a potential relationship.
Sadly, I’ve encountered that over the years in the gay community. I was lucky. I had a friend who was in AA that also attended CoDa meetings. He encouraged me to attend my first meeting. That was the start of an incredible journey into healing, recovery and healthy self regard. It involved addressing my core issues around shame that stemmed from family of origin issues left unaddressed. Addressing those painful issues of rejection about my sexual orientation helped free up energy to discover the things I came to appreciate about myself as being worthy, but more importantly, was the beginning of being able to discern what I really did want to find in a partner.
I’d had a good amount of healing from my past experiences when I was targeted by a sociopath. He was charming and had a way expressing himself that was different from others I met in the past. He was, on the surface, warm and seemed available to get to know. I wanted to take things slow, but he wanted to move fast. When asked if he was seeing anyone else in the beginning of his urging that we get more exclusive, he said he was not. I just wanted to establish the facts, so that there would be no unexpressed expectations around getting to know each other with a greater investment of time involved. I’d have been just as happy to take it slow and date others as well during that time period.
As luck would have it, his mask slipped early enough for me to get a glimpse of the real motivation for his wanting the involvement. I just didn’t want to believe it was so even after he denied, denied and denied what I questioned him about. When he finally revealed the truth, in a very brutal and cold way, Henry, he watched me carefully for a reaction.
I was recoiling on the inside, but I had known in my gut, when I caught him in the first LIE that what my body was telling me was the truth. I didn’t want to pay heed to it’s message. That’s something I’ve never forgotten and something, as a survivor of abuse in childhood, will never ever forget again. That listening to your body awareness is crucial for self protection. As a kid, the only way to survive what hurt, was to reject the pain of what was done.
As an adult, dealing with other (supposed adults),that is a maladaptive approach to self protection, self regard, and most importantly, RELATING as honest people, who really WANT to make an investment in knowing and understanding others.
I count myself as lucky. It hurt, but I was able to walk away from that, knowing none of it was about me. You see, he chose me because of something about me that he knew would piss off the last guy that he’d dated, to no end. He wanted to use that to hurt his last partner with, because that guy rejected him, for some specific reasons he wouldn’t reveal. The real kicker though, was the fact that the whole time we were getting to know one another, he was sleeping with another man and lied from the very beginning about it with absolutely no reason to do so. Had he been honest about seeing someone else, I’d have been cool with that, and continued to date others, knowing not to get too close, especially sexually, with him. What was especially unfortunate and just plain WRONG was the fact that this other guy was a “straight” married guy.
The WAY he revealed it was incredibly hurtful and after he did so, he watched me intently for my reaction. I knew he wanted me to blow up and give him some emotional display of my hurt. I could see it on his face and I was kicking myself on the inside for not listening to my gut reaction about him . When I didn’t show him what he wanted to see, but instead said I would leave before disrespecting myself over what had just been revealed as a huge deception, he denigrated me on the way out the door. I felt no need to engage with him at that point. What I felt later was glad.
I was glad that I had enough self -esteem to discern the truth, glad that I didn’t give him what he wanted, which was fulfillment of his perverse desire to see another person display hurt over his actions and lies.
I asked myself what I’d done to pull this to me after all the work I’d done on self esteem issues. I believe he was a test of how far along I’d come. I knew I deserved better, but my time with him was a “wake up call” relating to my other issues around my boundaries and the discernment of what is appropriate adult behavior and what is just some crazy, crazy sh#t.
What was scary was that he did this with absolutely no remorse or regard for any of the innocent people involved that could be or were being hurt by his charade. He didn’t drink heavily, wasn’t a drug user, had a respectable position in society and appeared to be an upstanding guy. I know that he moved in on me because he sensed an openness.
Dear 7steps,
I believe that “internet dating” is a very risky thing to do. I realize there ARE good people out there, but I think the risk of the person you meet on the internet being psychopathic is greater than the chance of finding the good needle in that hay stack of a cesspool.
Too many people I know have been fooled, targeted and damaged, to say nothing of the people who have been literally raped and killed.
I am a widow and live in the country and don’t have a great deal of chances to meet people, though I actually met and had a couple of dates a few months back with a man that seemed very nice (brother of a neitghbor) but after a while I realized he was not someone I would want a “relationshp” with.
It is very difficult to get to know someone and enough about some one that they can’t pull the wool over your eyes and pretend to be something or someone who is not who they say they are. It is easy enough to “fake” things when you are not around this person in RL enough to get to know their friends, the kind of people they hang with, the things they do for a living and just what their REAL moral compas is by how they ACT in a variety of different situations.
If a person is just looking for sexual chemistry and not a relationship, maybe the internet can provide that, but again, at a certain I thnk higher risk than I am willing to take.
Even in RL people can be FAKES. I recall the man who was recently convicted and sent to prison in Texas for KNOWINGLY infecting 11 women with AIDS and God alone knows how many others he infected or exposed.
I’m glad that you did not fall for this narcissistic creep, but some of them are quite adept at their fakery. One of the 11 women in the above paragraph was “exclusive” with this guy for 4 years, and others were “exclusive” with him for up to a year and a half AT THE SAME TIME HE WAS SEEING the first woman. The bottom of the depths to which these predators will sink has not yet been determined, but it is somewhere close to teh center of the earth!
I’m responding to the above post even though it’s addressed to you 7steps, because of the word “exclusive” that Miss Drover uses in the post she makes just after mine and how she somehow links my experience of believing I was in such a situation with the need to make linkage with sexual chemistry and internet dating.
I searched your posts for the use of the word “exclusive” and I didn’t see it in either of them.
Miss Drover is correct about internet dating. It has its risks to be sure. Long before the internet came along,
I was out as a gay guy to certain family members and my gay friends. I am 47 years of age and have been “out” since the age of 18 years of age. I don’t have HIV or any other STD.
If I ever do seroconvert because of a lapse in good judgment, I won’t have anyone to blame for it but myself for placing myself in harm’s way.
The person I was speaking of in my post above was someone I was introduced to by a friend at a public venue. He was an older, responsible, seemingly caring person who gave no indication whatsoever of being a “player” who would possibly present a risk of such an exposure. NONETHELESS, I never took any chances with my life. I won’t say anymore about him other than he was in a position that others would say is beyond reproach. I WAS around him in real life and got to see him interact with others and I did know who his friends were. He appeared totally genuine.
While Miss Drover’s above post isn’t dripping with empathy, I am in understanding of her message. I would like to gently point out, however, that not everyone who gets AIDS or even unknowingly exposes others to it because of ignorance or misinformation falls into the category of predator. I think making a blanket judgment about the moral compass of others who pass it along (if they aren’t aware of their status) or those who contract it, ESPECIALLY those who thought their partner was honoring their agreement to be monogamous, smacks of a highly moralistic and judgmental attitude. Be that as it may, she’s entitled to her opinion, and she can wave that skillet of hers around and about to her hearts content.
I’d just like to point out, especially as this applies to anyone who thought they were in a safe situation. PLEASE, don’t beat yourself up over the self righteous attitudes and judgments that others express without knowing the entirety of any situation. No situation is ever as simple as that. Reducing it in this way shows a lack of compassion. I lost a number of friends to HIV before people knew what the universal risk precautions were and they were hardly to blame for their predicament. I was proud to call them friends and didn’t place blame on them for something they had no way of knowing how to prevent, that they contracted before it had a name. Some may have been monogamous and others not. Regardless of that fact, none of them could be classified as a predator for getting HIV.
The very good point that Miss Drover does make, in an albeit roundabout way, is to know your and your partner’s HIV status and STD history before embarking upon that aspect of your relationship. It’s crucial for your own well being and health and theirs as well. Should they not be willing to be forthcoming in that way, then it might be best not to engage in a sexual way with them. It could prevent quite a bit of heartache. It’s also a big red flag that they may not be as trustworthy as they say they are.
Keensight _ I appreciate your post and your point of view. I can relate with so much you said. I guess the best thing that has happened from my involvement with this disordered, exploitive guy is that I had to sit back and take stock of my life and the people that I asscociated with and the kinds of people I was attracting or attracted to. Was forced to deal with my past , from childhood to present. Had to sort things out, I could not ignore the shame and the pain any more. It was a hard task. But I have a peace about me that was not there before. I still deal with the enormity of his deciet and betrayal, still have times I am humiliated and embarrassed about the whole thing. But it has been a life lesson that I needed.
Like you I have lost many friends to aids. My opinion’s about that I dont share on this blog.
Thanks for sharing, all. I too lost a friend and co-worker to HIV/AIDS. He left on disability at the same time I did and did not last out the year.
I put myself into a potentially dangerous situation because I let down my guard, and acted impulsively. Pretty obvious to me now. But I did learn something about myself (aside from the obvious self-esteem issues.)
Once I met this person in real life my body began giving me alarm signals right away. At the end of the first date he took me back to my home and one piece of my brain was yelling “run away” while the rest of me was saying oh he’s so nice and I had a very good time and I really like him. The urge to run and not look back was by no means a wishy-washy or vague feeling – I noted it immediately and then proceeded to tell myself I was just overly anxious because I had not really dated in fifteen years and was still hung-up on my ex-boyfriend, and to at least give it a chance. I was uncomfortable about something I could not put my finger on, and for me that is a familiar thing. But a good person should not give you quite this level of discomfort, I think.
What now appears controlling and pushy I mistook for being very into me, and things moved much too fast. I am responsible for getting swept up before actually getting to know this person. He is/was charming and smart and literate and funny and creative and good-looking and had the most devastating smile I have ever witnessed! Not as good-looking as my ex, however, but I didn’t tell him THAT! He works with people who are mentally ill and people who are in prison and with other mental health care professionals, so he can probably see what you are thinking six ways from Sunday!
A little history here. My ex is a really good person with whom I have many things in common. We had a great time together, and shared so many things, and we will always have a special friendship and bond. We lived together for 10 years, and he took care of me for years when I became too sick to work. I would trust him before I would trust any of my siblings, who could not deal with my illness and disability and scapegoated me out of the family. He stood by me during one of the most painful times in my life, and that is a pretty hard act to follow. It was the first relationship I ever had that was actually pretty normal and healthy – and I was 38 when I met him. It was by no means perfect and ran it’s course, but we know and trust each other very well.
I met my ex pre-Internet, through a personals ad he put into the D.C. City Paper (I live elsewhere now). I would never have met him otherwise because of our different work schedules and the fact that neither of us went to bars or many of the places people meet in real life. I met many people this way, and I know how to be safe about it – public place, don’t get in cars with strangers, have a way of making a quick retreat when necessary. I have met a few very strange people! I used to work in direct mail marketing and advertising, so it seemed to be a rational way to meet people with similar interests – target marketing. I also only answered ads I liked, and did not place one for myself. This latest episode proved to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that instinctively and intellectually I knew exactly what was going on, and I need to trust myself because THE BODY DOESN’T LIE!
I knew this guy’s name and phone number and had photos of him. Copies of email were on my laptop’s hard drive. The dates were in public places, my caller-id had his full name, I knew where he lived etc. and so forth. On our first date I made a point of telling him that both my mom and my roommate had his name and phone number, in case he was planning to “ax-murder me!” as I jokingly put it. He invited me to his home, the manager of a restaurant we went to attended college with his son, he’s lived in the same town his whole life, blah blah blah. He wanted me to meet his best friend who is the principal of the elementary school his 2 children attended, and made plans for us to attend a family function. Successful in his career, successful children, respectable and upstanding citizen yadda yadda yadda.
All of these things seemed to me the things you would expect to do with someone you are at least seriously considering as a “girlfriend,” but even at the time I was thinking that it was inapropriate and bizarre since we had not really even started to get to know each other. That is what I meant when I said that he was parading me around like some kind of trophy. People who aren’t interested in more than a one-night stand would keep you off the radar. This was on the weekend, in daylight, in public, going places where he is well-known. He appeared to be scrupulously honest – which I think is just another way of covering his butt and convincing HIMSELF that he is above reproach and a fine person.
That’s his story, alright. He made a clear point of telling me he was looking for a long-term, serious monagomous relationship. Awww I can hear all of you noow – THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!!!! This guy was good, really really good, and even now, re-visiting all of our correspondence, he was quite convincing and I can’t really beat myself up too much about falling for it.
I think he actually IS looking for a steady GF, but someone very submissive and controlled by his agenda. I can see why there would be a high turnover of women in these particular circumstances. It is difficult for me to imagine how he manages to keep people convinced for any length of time.
I left during the middle of a weekend visit to his home, when it became starkly apparent to me that he was emotionally shut down (or incapable is what I now believe) and the veneer had cracked and I did not at all like what I saw. I actually confronted him (in a very diplomatic and forthright way) because his behavior was confusing to me and I basically just looked him in the eye and asked him to be real with me and tell me what was on his mind – I’m a big girl and you can be honest with me. It was THEN that I got the STARE, and he dropped the act, and I was no longer confused about anything. I was out of there so fast it probably made his head spin.
Next time I will know – meet friends AND family before making a leap of faith. Yes, I now know I am like a human metal-detector for spathy behavior, and to trust those feelings
Regarding internet dating vs. people you know – I met my ex – a good person – through the personals, as I mentioned, and lived with my stepfather from age 9 to 19 without suspecting he was a horrendous sociopath who cheated on my mother with her best friend and various neighbors; stole lied manipulated anyone and everyone, abandoned and financially defrauded his own son and who sexually abused my little sister from age 3 to 13 without me having a clue. So you pretty much can’t let your guard down at any time.
It’s so obvious to me that this man is without real feelings, and is very manipulative, and a pretty good actor who has his “A” game going on. At first I was angry (with myself more than with him) but then I just found him pathetic. What a horrible way to go through life.
I am still trying to sort out and understand the differences on the continuum between serial killer and pathetic humanoid robots. It really was not that difficult to see this guy for what he is. My stepfather’s behavior, on the other hand, was criminal and outrageous, and the repercussions of his actions will affect generations. I find myself wondering what it means when a person has no feelings, but tends to fit into the norms and expectations of society – sociopath or mentally bereft or some other kind of personality disorder? Narcissist – yes! Chameleonlike and manipulative – yes! But anti-social and destructive in society – no by legal definition, and scrupulously ethical in chosen career (as far as I know!).
I joined a dating site six months ago and did not take it seriously, even. I wanted to just meet people for a cup of coffee and chatter, because I felt my own social skills becoming rusty since I had to leave the working world ten years ago. It is very isolating especially for someone who is a bit of an extrovert and really enjoyed my work running and supporting computer networks. I have met and worked with all kinds of people and I felt like there were few situations I couldn’t handle. I really did not expect this to happen, and had no intention of getting into anything very serious. I just thought it might be fun to get out and see life through some different perspectives, for a change. Boy was I taken for a spin! After this happened I felt really fragile and betrayed and vulnerable for a couple of weeks, until I found this site and it has literally been a godsend. Cautionary tales abound. I still need to do a lot of inner work, apparently!
Thanks so much to everyone here for telling it like it is. Sometimes it is hard to know if you have reason to be paranoid or are seriously lacking in perspective!
Keen and Henry check this out
http://www.WantToKnow.info/870511vaccineaids