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The Sociopath and His Dog

I’ll start by saying that the “his” in my title comes from the fact that this story is about my sociopathic male ex. That being said, I’m sure many of you can think of women who fit this unique description of an “animal lover.”

So let’s begin.

My ex loves to tell people how much he loves dogs. He’ll also say he loves horses and sheep and cows and chickens and all other sorts of farm and wild animals, but dogs are tops.

And there’s something really unique about the way a sociopath “loves” a vulnerable creature. It’s confusing, wonderful, horrifying, and most often blindsiding. Sometimes, it’s even used to shame others. Like me.

You see, a couple years ago, I had a little Frenchie-bulldog who was so gentle she wouldn’t chase our house rabbit but so aggressive that she often tried to bite our neighbors. I lived in a row-house of sorts with a shared yard, and she never quite got used to any of the people who lived around us. We tried all kinds of techniques with her, but she still chased our neighbors and bit their clothes.

They were scared to death of her.

She would also try to attack any dog of any size that came within 50 feet of us. I was a single mom of three in grad school with no money for a fenced yard even if I was allowed to have one, so I started to think that maybe our beloved Sadie would be happier or at least better off in a home with a yard and a bit more privacy.

So after much thought and heartache, I placed her with a group of trainers who specialized in rehabilitating little dogs and placing them in ideal environments for their needs. They’d work diligently to do the things I didn’t know how to do, and then they’d find her a yard with a fence.

These trainers were mad at me for having Sadie in the first place, given that I was busy with grad school. She wasn’t trained well enough. I felt ashamed and worthless and terrible. My kids cried and sobbed and yelled at me for placing her.

Our house felt empty.

I still miss her today. I still wonder whether it was a mistake, and it always makes me cry.

Like right now.

But then in comes my ex. Always one to capitalize on any opportunity to make me look even worse, he joined my kids in their crying even though he hadn’t been with me for years and never knew Sadie at all.

He’d tell people that I must be “heartless,” and that he couldn’t understand people like me who would just “throw away their family pet like that.”

At our son’s game, he asked publicly (as a self-appointed representative for our children) how I could do such a thing. He told me that “dogs are kind of like a member of the family.”

Everyone thought I was heartless.

He’d talk endlessly about how much he loves dogs.

And he “loves” dogs.

So let’s talk about what that love looks like.

A Sociopath Expects No Expectations

Most dogs I know will love you no matter what. Even more, dogs that are abused seem to show a pattern of trauma bonding that may be similar to people—something that looks like submission and adoration and begging and delight all at once.

So my ex rescued a dog long ago, before we were even together. He and his girlfriend-before-me went to a shelter and found a shiny black lab with scars all over her face and a sweetheart nature. No one knew much about her, but he took her everywhere and loved to tell the story about how he saved her from “the pound.” He’d say, “I saved her life.”

“She looks pretty good now, but you should’ve seen her. She was covered with scars—all over her face. I don’t know who could treat such a sweetheart like that. Such a sweetheart. Now sit, Rosie. Watch this, watch her sit up. It’s hilarious.”

And he’d tell her to sit up, and she’d be so excited to please him that she’d throw her front paws so high in the air that she’d fall over backward or sideways every time. She never tried to catch herself—she’d be so focused on watching his eyes.

She was a wonderful dog. Long after he split with his girlfriend-before-me and long after we got together and married, that sweet-hearted dog would flop in the kiddie pool with our tiny children and never step on their feet.

I loved her. She’s lay so close to me while I stood at the kitchen sink that I often tripped backward over her. She loved her people.

But sometimes she would pee on the rug.

And that would mean a beating from my ex. If he caught her. With fists and feet and all.

Because rules are rules, and dogs don’t pee on the rug. Not in his house.

If I was there, I’d stop him. I’d yell at him. We’d fight. And then he’d love on Rosie all over again, calling her to him as he lectured and yelled at me for stopping him. He’d rub her ears. She would lay at his feet. He would start gushing about how she was a sweetheart. The one-sided, unconditional dedication seemed to thrill him.

And he demanded it.

He had another dog, too, when we got together. Because he “loves” dogs so much. And this one liked to chase buzzards in the sky, so sometimes he would wander away. This was unacceptable, sure, but I watched my ex hold him by the collar and kick him repeatedly in the stomach and ribs when he finally got him back. Which I didn’t think was an ok way of teaching him that lesson.

So I’d run out to them and ask him to stop.

Tell him to stop.

And then he would. And he’d flip right into loving on that poor, limping dog. I’d often wonder what would happen if I hadn’t made it out there to help.

The Sociopath Loves to Make You Do Tricks

Both of those original dogs are long gone. One to a car and one to old age. And how a sociopath deals with old age is to turn you out into the snow because he doesn’t want to take the chance that you’ll throw up on his rug.

So when Rosie died, she died alone. Out on his deck in a January blizzard, begging at the back door to be let inside to lay by the fire she loved so much.

My daughter cried and cried over the loss. She was infuriated that her dad wouldn’t let Rosie in like normal. Her brothers had learned by then to sit silently and say nothing.

And then Rosie was gone.

I still cry over that one, too. I loved that girl, and I always wonder if I should’ve taken her with me when I left.

She was like a member of the family.

But then she was pretty easily replaced. He quickly got an American Bulldog who looks super scary when you pull in his driveway but who generally puts her belly to the ground and will do pretty much anything you ask of her.

Her name is Bailey.

And Bailey can sit, lay down, stay, and play dead if you act like you’re shooting her. My ex loves to show people this trick. Teaching dogs tricks is a joy to him. He loves to make them run through each one. He tells our children all the time that Bailey is the best dog in the world. That she is far smarter than my stupid dogs who in his opinion know nothing and are pretty much a waste of human time. He talks about these things. Incessantly. It’s critically important to him that our children love Bailey and think little of any pets we now have at our house.

Because he loves his dog so much. He loves Bailey to pieces. He shows her off, he takes her places, and he loves to make her play dead for people. He loves how much she loves him. He adores her unconditional affection. He claims she’s like one of his children.

And then he leaves her locked outside with no blanket during the coldest weather in fifty years.

He throws her out of second story windows if she happens to pee on the second floor.

He holds her by her collar and kicks her body repeatedly if she does wrong.

He beats her with his hands.

And then he rubs her all over.

He tells her she’s the best dog on earth.

And he does all this in front of our kids.

Which always makes me wonder:

What does he do when no one’s there?

(This post can also be found on hgbeverly.com.)

 

 

 

 

 


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45 Comments on "The Sociopath and His Dog"

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My Sociopath Ex didn’t care what happened to our 5 pets when he let our home foreclose deliberately while he took thousands to a secret 3 week vacation in Costa Rica (while we were still married). I was only able to take 1 cat, since he lied in court and stole our partnership business gross sales/money while we were married. He took one cat and our dog due to the luxury of having a home to rent. Within 8 months, our dog, cat and a new dog he purchased were all dead. He refused to take our dog to the vet after a tic bite as I had asked repeatedly and about a month later I received a text that I should go to his place and visit her as she will not make it through the day. I had a strong feeling that I would find her dead and I did. She was displayed on the pool deck for me to find. Her collar was off, she was bloated and flies were crawling out of her mouth. She had obviously been deceased many hours, so his text to me was a set up for more trauma. A few months later I noticed our cat was losing weight and asked him to make certain he is eating… I also went to the property leaving cans of cat food, but it was a long drive. He assured me that he’s taking good care of him and all is well. Months later, after he purchased a new puppy, he said he closed all the holes in the fence and that must be why the cat went missing “a few months ago.” He knew I cared for our kitty and I believe now that his actions were deliberate and that another pet is dead. He had a new puppy for about 4 months and he went missing twice, with no dog tags. Finally, he was motivated to put his phone number on a tag and took another monthly vacation with the puppy in the front seat. He decided to drink beer for lunch and drive a dangerous cliff road within a few hours, crashing his truck into a tree. The puppy broke his back and had to be put down. Three pets dead/gone in 8 months. This pet episode and resulting pain is one of hundreds of abusive behaviors/actions taken in the last 5 years. There’s been abuse at every level. We’ve been divorced 18 months and his stalking, vandalism/theft of personal property & financial abuse has not stopped.

Sociopaths have no regard for human life, animals life, their children’s life no one. They see an animal suffering they are able to ignore it. No matter how long they have had it. THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING. Due to their lack of emotion such as love, responsibility, care, and joy. They seem REALLY connected to feelings such as inflicting pain, deceit, lying, and stealing.

I really hate them. I do

hahahaha I hate sociopaths behavior TOO! BUT I seems to always surround myself by them, as the more intelligent ones can be very amusing. Sad for me, I have had my neck slashed quite a few times due to my own personally defects…of some how not being able to avoid these types.

I’ve read all the comments. Very interesting.

I found out my ex and his new victim have a new puppy. She apparently has photos of the puppy asleep on his chest, while he is sleeping too. I wonder what happened to the one he had before. A very loving, docile lab.

Anyway, new victim apparently posted a meme about always trusting a dog and their judgment. I use to think that because my dog LOVED my ex, that it meant my ex couldn’t be all THAT bad…WRONGO!

A dog is a POOR judge of character when it comes to individuals with personality disorders. I truly believe that our pets have feelings and souls, but I realized that I projected my OWN feelings and potential perceptions, even onto my DOG as to whether it was okay or not to continue with the ex simply because my dog liked him.

It’s astonishing when I think back about what a REACH this really was. He could have cared less. I have heard some very sad things that have happened to the new victim. I feel sorry for her as psychopaths never change.

But don’t ever trust a dog to make decisions that WE should be making about others.

Thanks for your illumination; I too would think pets would instinctively KNOW whether a person is good or bad.

Hi Lesson Learned:

We surely cannot trust our animals to instinctively recognize the disordered anymore than we could trust ourselves to recognize these people without having experienced their abusive manipulation.

Dogs are loyal, just as normal people are very loyal to our loved ones.

The truly disordered take advantage of our own highest qualities and use them as tools against us. And they go through quite a few machinations to gain our trust before they show us their true selves.

Dogs have no chance though after much abuse, they will cower in fear just as we all did when the disordered person started flipping out on us.

Psychopaths and sociopaths know just what to do and say to ensure they gain our trust. They are very good at it. It’s one reason they are so incredibly destructive. They take advantage of situations and use their positions of any type of power–real or contrived–to make us cower in fear.

Lessons Learned!! To be sure!!

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING by giving up your little dog to a group you trusted, who could better place it, as you had no time and the little dog had some aggression issues!!!! You faced facts and you acted in the best interest of all concerned! It was a brave and mature thing to do! BUT your ex is an animal abuser, he should have been reported. What your describe here is pure animal abuse, for what ever his reason are. Any of us who sit back and watch a dog freeze to death or get brutally beaten is NOT doing the right thing. If you allow a person to abuse or kill a dog in front of children, this is called abuse to the children, did you know this? It is child abuse! Men are only human beings, they are not GODS, we do not have to tolerate any bad behavior from them. I can’t say anything else about this….but please, next time you witness any form of animal abuse, go to the end of the world to red flag it, to try to stop any individual from being able to GET AWAY with this kind of bullying and pain inducing act….I would have broke both his knee caps…and said it was self defense…no kidding.

I know of men who treated their dog like this. Not totally the same, but close enough. Yes, they are the first to look down their nose at you and tell others about what a bad pet owner you are. that and what a bad parent you are. While they abuse their dog, and./or emotionally abuse their kids too, some kick the kids too, and he really seems to think he is doing a good job. That is all about him. His ego is the most important thing to him and if a dog disobeys or if a woman isn’t obedient, or if the kids are not obedient, the man is ready to go to battle. cause his ego has been assaulted. The world revolves around his ego. There is no talking to him about it, cause even the most timid conversation about it is an assault to him.

My ex would buy pets for our daughter they lived at his house so she would see them when she went to visit him. There was a chinchilla which he began complaining about to me telling me it kept him awake all night long, I said well its nocturnal and he did not know what that meant so I explained it to him. A few weeks later he informed me the chinchilla was dead that our daughter over fed it and killed it. Funny thing is my daughter was only there 4 hours a week. Then he bought her a bunny when he was angry he used to tell her he was going to chop it up and make rabbit stew. He had actually told me that and I told him that he needed to stop saying that, that it was cruel to say things like that several weeks later the bunny was dead. He then bought a dog a german shepard that my daughter adored. At first I was very nervous about having a large dog with my daughter but during one of her visits my ex was wrestling with my daughter and the dog attacked him, biting him on the backside. I love that dog. He is abusive to the dog at times and m

And, the thing is if you were to report this to the court they would turn a blind eye to it. I say report it anyway, I sure ate a lot of dirt while I was dealing with my ez. No one listened, but I sure tried to complain to the court. It’s still ongoing but the only difference is now that kids are adults my ezx doesn’t have the total control like he once had.

Your daughter is watching a psychopath in action. This will backfire on you somehow, someway Whether you are met with silence try to call or write anyone who will listen I am glad the dog bit him that asshole needed a good bite in the ass

I’m glad the dog bit him also. I have talked to my daughter about the dog and told her that I could call to report the abuse, but that the dog may be taken away for her own safety. My daughter was very upset. She asked if we could take her but They won’t allow us to have dogs where we live. I was informed by the spath last week that he had a bone infection in his leg and that he would be in the hospital for 5 or 6 weeks. But just as I got excited that he might be getting a visit from Karma he gets out of the hospital. But he supposedly needs a wheelchair to get around and did cancel his vacation week with our daughter this week so, hopefully the dog will be safe for a while. Maybe spath will have complications and end up back in the hospital.

My ex would buy pets for our daughter they lived at his house so she would see them when she went to visit him. There was a chinchilla which he began complaining about to me telling me it kept him awake all night long, I said well its nocturnal and he did not know what that meant so I explained it to him. A few weeks later he informed me the chinchilla was dead that our daughter over fed it and killed it. Funny thing is my daughter was only there 4 hours a week. Then he bought her a bunny when he was angry he used to tell her he was going to chop it up and make rabbit stew. He had actually told me that and I told him that he needed to stop saying that, that it was cruel to say things like that several weeks later the bunny was dead. He then bought a dog a german shepard that my daughter adored. At first I was very nervous about having a large dog with my daughter but during one of her visits my ex was wrestling with my daughter and the dog attacked him, biting him on the backside. I love that dog. He is abusive to the dog at times and makes the dog stay outside all the time. I have thought about calling and reporting him to animal control but I don’t want my daughter to lose another pet and I can’t have dogs where we live. I swear he kills the animals to hurt my daughter all totaled there were 3 bunnies, 1 chinchilla, 1 hamster and 2 cats. I don’t know how these people can treat animals and people the way they do it is disgusting.

Oh my goodness, you could be describing my ex! Makes me nauseous thinking about it…she was a black lab as well and “rescued”.

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