My last post seems to have prompted lots of comments — and I’m glad, thank you. Corporate sociopathy is a major subject and one that I intend to continue exploring in my professional career. I shall let you know how I progress!
In the meantime, this week I am encouraged to write about something else. Well, on the surface it may appear to be a different subject”¦ then again, it’s to do with choice and action. It’s also to do with responsibility — making a stand, whatever that may mean.
I’ve titled this post “Thinking Like A Jedi” because I’d like to share with you something I call The Starwars Theory. Most people I talk to about this have at some point come across the film — even if they haven’t watched it, they’ll certainly have heard about it and usually have some knowledge of the characters. Any exceptions to the rule quickly seem to get the point in any case, so I thought it would be safe to talk about it here!
Yoda says”¦
There is a particular scene that centres around Yoda and Luke Skywalker. Yoda is a master Jedi, and he is intent on passing on his skills to the young Luke. In the swamp, Yoda teaches his student how to move rocks and stones with the power of his mind. Luke struggles as first but then manages to do it. Yoda tells him to use the same powers to free his spacecraft, which had crashed and sunk in to the swamp.
“Moving stones around is one thing, master, but moving a spaceship? That’s something completely different!” he protests.
“It is only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned” replies Yoda.
“Alright” says Luke “I’ll give it a try!”
“No!” Yoda instructs “No try! Do or do not, there is no try!”
Skywalker gives it his best shot, but despite his efforts there is no sign of the spaceship. Yoda then takes over, using “the force” exactly as he had asked Luke. The spaceship rises up out of the swamp. Luke, clearly surprised by the result turns to Yoda
“I don’t believe it!” he exclaims, prompting Yoda’s famous response
“That is why you fail”
For anybody who is interested, you there are plenty of Yoda scenes and sayings posted on Youtube.
Fluffy Focus
So what does all this mean? I know it’s only a film, but for me, that way of thinking has always been hugely important — and has become even more valuable over the past couple of years let me assure you! In my opinion, the point is that there is absolutely no basis in ”˜trying’ to do anything at all. It’s very easy to say “I’ll try” to anything at all — but, in my opinion, it means nothing whatsoever. It’s about making a decision and a commitment — to yourself and/or to another person. The ”˜try’ word is usually just that — a word. It negates the necessity for action. It’s a fluffy word that results in fluffy focus and fluffy results. A non-word, a non-decision, a non-commitment — heck, surely it becomes non-existent”¦ doesn’t it?
I was fascinated to overhear a typically fluffy exchange between two people as I was waiting at a train station. I gathered that this pair were teachers, and they had been talking about organising a new project within the school. They’d clearly made some degree of progress, and they agreed they’d talk more about it tomorrow”¦ or did they? This was how the conversation went:
“Thanks, I’ll try to give you a call tomorrow and we can discuss more options”
“Great, yes, ok, I’ll try to make sure I’m around, and if I don’t hear from you I’ll try to give you a call”
“Okay then, let’s try to get together tomorrow. I’ll hope to see you then!”
They parted with a smile and a wave — but were they really going to achieve what they said they wanted to do? I don’t know, but I’d be willing to take a guess. I do know that I couldn’t help giggling to myself at yet another example of the vague promises and commitments that people give to each other on a daily basis — no wonder so many of us wander around lacking direction and inspiration!
For me, this life is all about recognising and using our own power — for ourselves and also for the good of others. The first job is to become happy with who and what we are”¦ then, and only then, can we really offer support or guidance to others. In any case, that’s my opinion and experience — and I can promise you it’s a lesson I’m constantly revising and developing! One class didn’t seem to do the job for me — neither did the homework or experiential workshop sessions. Nope, as I’ve said before, until relatively recently, I was perfectly happy to carry on giving and supporting others without a second thought about myself. Doh!
That way of being has changed for me — and is continuing to develop on a daily basis. It started with awareness, and continues to be built through intention and commitment to follow through.
Mind Over Matter
I believe that everything starts with an idea, or a thought if you like, which is then followed up by a decision. Talk can indeed be cheap, and ”˜trying’ to do or be something is one thing — but doing or not doing is something completely different. It’s a commitment. My friend Judi made me chuckle last night. We were talking about weight loss (she has lost a staggering amount of weight since the beginning of this year) because of a comment made by somebody who hadn’t seen her in many months.
“You look amazing!” this lady had exclaimed on seeing Judi walking towards her “How on earth did you do it?”
“A personal decision and direct help from a nutritionalist” smiled Judi “and lots of positive thinking. It’s all mind over matter you know!”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about losing weight, but it’s so hard” replied the other lady “I tried for a while last year and lost 4kg (about 10lbs) but it’s all gone back on again. Oh well, maybe one day eh?”
Is it really any wonder that this particular lady had not made any real progress? I think not! She’d “tried for a while” which is fluffy enough by itself, but add to that an underlying belief that it is difficult to lose weight”¦ well, it was never going to happen was it?
This kind of ”˜non-action’ I believe is part of the problem in the world we live in today. I don’t actually believe it’s deliberate — at least, not for the vast majority. The thing is, though, we’ve become brainwashed in to forgetting that we have power. It’s become normal to say “I’ll try” and to expect to fail “I told you so” “What’s the point?” “It’s useless trying” And it’s this kind of apathy that subconsciously invites manipulation and control. Think about the corporates — if the staff believe there’s nothing they can do, well, guess what? They’re right. On the other hand, when they start to wake up and realise that they can do more than they were thinking — just by changing their thoughts in the first place”¦ well, then that’s when we start to get results. And that is very much along the lines I use when working with teams and individuals. It’s about reclaiming the power that is already within us, and then deciding what to do with it.
Pick Up That Lightsaber!
It’s like the many inspirational people who have overcome all manner of challenges and hardships to make something of themselves. I absolutely love real-life stories like these. They encourage the positive “me too” type of thinking that I adore. One of my friends is best-selling author Eileen Munro (“As I Lay Me Down To Sleep” and “If I Should Die Before I Wake”) Now there is a lady who has used Jedi thinking to get her through an incredibly tough and relentless set of challenges! Whenever I start to think I might be having a tough time, all I have to do is dip back in to her book and it puts everything in to perspective. Eileen, you see, refuses to give up or give in — and her relentless positive movement forward is an inspiration.
So far as I’m concerned, no matter our particular circumstances we all have the power to think like a Jedi”¦. There is no try, there is only do or do not. It’s a clear matter of choice. Once that choice is made, then you can pick up your lightsaber and prepare to make things happen. People tend to laugh when I point out that if you take the word JEDI and you imagine that the bottom line of the “E” could, with a little bit of imagination, represent a lightsaber (well, okay, a lot of imagination!) you could imagine picking it up ready for action. Having picked it up, the word JEDI changes to one of my favourite acronyms — JFDI which, as many will already know stands for Just Flippin Do It!! (There are other F-word options, of course, depending on your preference)
In conclusion, I am calling out for more of us to think like a JEDI. Forget ”˜try’ and instead think only in terms of do or do not. And in doing so, remember to believe that a positive result is the outcome — because that’s what is going to make the difference.
So, come on, let’s get clear in our intentions, make a commitment, pick up our proverbial Lightsabre and do it.
TOWANDA Hens!!!! Good for you!!!
Belle if you tell her to lie down, flips down on her back and wants her tummy rubbed. She likes having the root of her tail scratched too..or just any kind of loving—speaking of which, I think we need to get her to the vet and get her spayed ASAP. Doesn’t look like she’s had pups, but she’s a grown dog, and I can’t see any scar from her being spayed already.
Well, I like petting doggies and cats, and donkeys and just about any kind of furry critter with 4 feet–I think pets are good for our systems, and especially under stress, they help relieve some of it.
Well, speaking of relieving stress…I’m off to beddie by and get some sleep, it’s nearly midnight and I’m gonna turn into a pumpkin soon if I don’t get to bed! Nite!
I have half border collie/half heeler. She doesn’t retrieve, has no nose except gross sniffing, is afraid of water, and doesn’t dig. But she is SOOOoo happy to be let off lead to run and wiggles her two inch tail so hard that her whole behind quivers. And she has the sweetest little face. And like Harley, rolls over for Anybody.
You deserve a ducky bandaid for your flu shot spot. If they didn’t give you one, get someand hand them out to all your friends. It can be a ducky briggade and Oxy will think you a fine father figure afterall.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this article! This was just what I needed to be reminded of today. The last five months have exhausted and drained me—emotionally, physically, mentally, even spiritually. I have been soooo busy cleaning up my husband’s messes that I have totally neglected myself.
And whenever people would tell me, “Take care of you,” I’d always answer, “I’m trying.”
I really needed to be reminded that “trying” is okay, but “doing” is much healthier. 🙂
DarwinsMom: Yea for YOU! Way to go DO! 🙂
I am thinking like a Jedi! Going for my flu shot. ((((Donna))) for LF. My ‘Life Changing and Life Saving’ haven. Shalom
Shalom,
GOOD FOR YOU!!!! for the flu shot. I’d also like to remind everyone that the flu shot CAN NOT “give’ you the flu! It is not a complete virus, only a part of one that makes your body respond with defenses. So consult your health care provider and PROTECT YOURSELF!
CAUTION: The following is a nursie sales pitch for protecting your health!
Stress decreases our immune system’s ability to protect itself, so we need to take EVERY precaution to keep ourselves from getting diseases.
I know that being a nurse (used to do infection control for a hospital) makes me SUPER CONSCIOUS about disease transmission. Especially this time of year when flu season comes around.
I use those little sanitizing wipes that they hand out at the grocery store and wipe off the cart handle….I NEVER touch the bathroom door on the way out with my bare hands, I use a paper towel or toilet paper if there are no towels.
So the FIRST COMMANDMENT of healing is TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!!!!
Great article! Glady ya’ll are getting flu shots. Hopefully I will have mine next week when I start the new job. I recently got over my fear of giving shots by doing a flu shot clinic-75 shots in four hours for Allstate insurance. They are paying for their employees to get shots here in town and I gave them. I was dreading it but it was fun and it feels good to know that I was keeping people from getting sick.
Oxy-I am a little like you in the interest of infection control and I use the sanitizer all the time and don’t touch door handles w/o paper towels. It is amazing to think what you could come up with if you cultured things that people touch all the time. My little brother cultured money in a science class and fecal material was found on it. Thank GOD I always wash my hands after handling it.
Love the whole think like a jedi thing. That is my mission for this year since I turn 40 next fall. I am working on becoming the most authentic version of me and not caring what others think about that. I am about to get all my hair cut off really short to let my natural kinky curls to grow back in. Enough of listening to my toxic sisters and cousins about how I need to have straight smooth barbie doll hair, because it ISN’T ME! My hair is part of my personality-I know it sounds a little narcissistic but it’s true.
I am so thankful for what I have learned on LF about recognizing the way that spaths and narcs can rake us in and fark with our minds. Now I am informed and have a choice about whether I get involved in their scenarios-not just being pulled in automatically. My eyes have really been opened about the pity ploys that people in my life are actually using, and the freakin mind games-the subtle things that they say to send a message without being overt about it. They insult you and put you down covertly and they THINK that you don’t know what they’re doing.
Sky once told me to pay really close attention to what they say-regarding a certain N who was talking about suicide to me and then a month later I was ready to end it all-being in shock and PTSD over my situation and being desperately afraid. Once the shock was over I was ok and realized that if I just leaned on GOD a little more that I would get through it. I wonder if my little neighbor boy across the street is using the pity ploy with me-so I am just observing at this point. Most of my observations are directed at the N next door and it is amazing how much ATTEMPTED mind farking is going on.
When I am seen sitting out on the steps, why has she made the comment several times asking me if I got evicted. Maybe wishful thinking on her part? I think it is trying to mess with my mind because if I really was gone she would have no more supply. I truly believe that she thinks I am wrapped around her little finger. Now my actions are just used to observe behavior. There are very subtle ways of telling me that she thinks I am beneath her and she will covertly say things that make me read into that. LIke-it is not ok for me to get her mail when she is out of town-even though she got mine when I was gone. She made a point of telling me that another lady elsewhere in the neighborhood was getting it, but that if I could please make sure I take out her trash. What does the say-volumes in my opinion.
I have learned that these narcs are very cowardly in respect to being extremely passive-aggresive and will tend to back off from from confrontation, unless it is something that puts them into a rage-then the teeth come out. I realize that I am way nicer to her than she deserves, but now since I am aware, I can CHOOSE how far the nice goes, instead of just falling for it.
Liz,
I’m very impressed with the growth you are going through.
That cat must have some kind of special powers!
Other than that, I’m a little concerned that the neighbor lady has given you a “tell” when she talks about eviction. Why would she say that? Maybe she is talking to your landlord and slandering you. I wouldn’t put it past her, as she is a vindictive narcissist who has made it clear that she doesn’t put up with N-injuries.
Damage control might be to your benefit right now. Make sure your landlord knows how much you appreciate him. When you are done doing that, drop a hint that you have strained relations with your neighbor. But don’t say why. Just tell him that you are not one to gossip about others. Be very careful since you have sent her emails with private information, you can be sure she has kept them. Do not contradict what you have already said in writing.
Hehehe, thank you! I was so proud of myself yesterday. After the post, I got into my shed with my courses, put it in boxes. Got the car from the free parking to the then empty street and not paying anymore after certain hours (while I wait to get my free parking card in order again, which has expired). But before I parked it in front of the door, I went to the gass station to fill up the tank so I wouldn’t need to do it while stressed to get at work on time. Then I put ALL courses in the car. So as soon as I have an appointment, I have everything ready.
Made it on time for the professor of general mechanic physics who signed to a full exemption for me. And then he suggested to call the lab professor, who after talking to me agreed to give me a full exemption on that one too (and I had never expected to get that one, so never had bothered to ask myself). The professor on the Math course 1 (linear algebra and calculus) has almost agreed over email on a full exemption, except for differentials. So, he needs to see my courses to be sure.
All in all, it will probably mean I only have to do exam for Math II and finish a project for computerpracticum (using math programs that you program to do the calculating for ya). I still work through the courses I’ve been exempted off, as a refresher. But I won’t be overloaded during the exams.
And the thing is…Knowing myself, if I hadn’t put all the courses in my car, which I didn’t even have to show today, I’d probably would have felt too shy to approach any of the professors and would have put it off, and would end up not having any exemptions at all. Instead, I got an exemption on something I had not even expected, and I can pat my back for having it all so together for the moment in dealing with what needs to be done. It gives me a kind of confidence that I never had about myself: I can get my stuff and life organized all by myself, even if my life looks like a wreck from the outside.
And I’m sure people feel it. They feel a basic confidence, and yet I’m also honest in epressing “I’m not so sure whether I’m elligible for this subject/exemption. I had this and that, but maybe it’s not enough of what you expect”, and then the professor or principal said… “Nah, no problem.” It’s like the total opposite reaction. I used to convince people easily too before, but then I still needed to do convincing. Then I sounded like “I can do this and I can do that. No worries.” The past two days it’s been, confident while honestly humble and a prepared attitude that says “Here are my credentials, see and decide for yourself, cause I cannot know whether I will live up to your expectations.”
Mission for myself tomorrow: call the principal of last year and make an appointment on Wednesday morning. I’m ready for her. I’ll have my therapy session in the late afternoon, so still within deadline.
ElizabetBenneth, I’m so happy for you that you have reached such a peace. I remember that ploy from your neighbour, how she put the seed in your mind about suicide. You sound strong and able to have a perspective. I kinda think of you as the person I’m traveling the same road with. We joined LF around the same time, and we seem to have gone through a similar development of our healing process (which is still ongoing), around similar times, but in total different situations. So, TOWANDA for you!
Sky-Thank you so much. I have been wondering things like that but they don’t have to do with the landlord. I actually spoke with him yesterday and he is fine. I exchanged emails with him too last night. He helped me out yesterday when my smartphone was jacked. He let me use his phone to activate the temp one and he was pleased to do so. I actually communicate with him more than she does I think. He may actually know that things are a little off with her.
When I was gone in Missouri she sent me an email saying that there were tiny bugs in her apartment showing up along the common wall and covertly insinuating that they came from my place. She told me that “she NEVER had bugs before”-meaning before I moved in. I have been back for weeks and have seen zero bugs anywhere. Just 2 weeks ago landlord asked me if I had seen any bugs at all, because he said that she had called him complaining about bugs multiple times and that he went in my apartment several times (with my permission) and couldn’t find any bugs. I told him no and he just shook his head. I was wondering if maybe he was thinking that she was seeing things. A week or so later she comes out the house with kitchen canisters dumping them into the trash bin and told me that they were filled with the bugs. Apparently she had washed out her fancy containers, and in her hurry did not dry them and put rice, flour and stuff back into them-hence bugs. So the bugs were HER fault, not mine.
I have been wondering though if maybe she managed to get to someone else while I was gone-my friend the police captain. Captain stopped by to see me before I left out of town. Now that I am back, she doesn’t return phone calls or email anymore, which is not like her. I was worried that she was sick or something and I asked one of her officers about her when he came to my house to make the police resport. She is running around working as usual. Maybe she is just busy and that’s why. I was wondering if neighbor may have slandered me while I was away, but it is completely unlike police captain to take what someone else says as gospel before talking to all parties. She would be one of the people who would confront me with information presented before making assumptions. I would like to think that I know her enough for that to be true, and I could be paranoid. ErinB or Oxy once told me “just cuz your paranoid doesn’t mean they’re NOT out to get you”. I am trying to give police captain the benefit of the doubt and be fair to her before making assumptions.
Sometimes with narcs they make you a little paranoid because of the mind games that they play. The way I am playing this with her is to be civil and remain superficial and let her show her true self to the neighbors. I think it will eventually happen and I can just watch. I remember back when I was washing her car-my other neighbor down the street saw me doing it and commented saying “I SURE DO hope that she appreciates that”, and the tone of her voice was telling me that it wasn’t likely. That’s when I quit doing it. I am not going to be afraid of her but I am going to be VERY observant and pay VERY close attention to what comes out of her mouth, because she contradicts herself at every turn and I am just waiting for her to slip up. I definitely won’t contradict what I have written. If anyone would ask I would honestly admit that I did have a fleeting crush on her for a short time, but it has long been over and that I shouldn’t have told her so. If I deny it then I look like the crazy one.
The crush that I had on her was not based on something real. It was the fact that I wasn’t aware that she has two distinct personas-which I have already posted about on here before. It was tempting to say that I mistook nice gestures of kindness for interest, but that isn’t the case. Those gestures were personality #2’s way of using the pity ploy and trying to wrap me around her little finger-NOT NICE CARING GESTURES. I have most recently realized since coming home that she does NOT care about me AT ALL-it’s all about her.