My last post seems to have prompted lots of comments — and I’m glad, thank you. Corporate sociopathy is a major subject and one that I intend to continue exploring in my professional career. I shall let you know how I progress!
In the meantime, this week I am encouraged to write about something else. Well, on the surface it may appear to be a different subject”¦ then again, it’s to do with choice and action. It’s also to do with responsibility — making a stand, whatever that may mean.
I’ve titled this post “Thinking Like A Jedi” because I’d like to share with you something I call The Starwars Theory. Most people I talk to about this have at some point come across the film — even if they haven’t watched it, they’ll certainly have heard about it and usually have some knowledge of the characters. Any exceptions to the rule quickly seem to get the point in any case, so I thought it would be safe to talk about it here!
Yoda says”¦
There is a particular scene that centres around Yoda and Luke Skywalker. Yoda is a master Jedi, and he is intent on passing on his skills to the young Luke. In the swamp, Yoda teaches his student how to move rocks and stones with the power of his mind. Luke struggles as first but then manages to do it. Yoda tells him to use the same powers to free his spacecraft, which had crashed and sunk in to the swamp.
“Moving stones around is one thing, master, but moving a spaceship? That’s something completely different!” he protests.
“It is only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned” replies Yoda.
“Alright” says Luke “I’ll give it a try!”
“No!” Yoda instructs “No try! Do or do not, there is no try!”
Skywalker gives it his best shot, but despite his efforts there is no sign of the spaceship. Yoda then takes over, using “the force” exactly as he had asked Luke. The spaceship rises up out of the swamp. Luke, clearly surprised by the result turns to Yoda
“I don’t believe it!” he exclaims, prompting Yoda’s famous response
“That is why you fail”
For anybody who is interested, you there are plenty of Yoda scenes and sayings posted on Youtube.
Fluffy Focus
So what does all this mean? I know it’s only a film, but for me, that way of thinking has always been hugely important — and has become even more valuable over the past couple of years let me assure you! In my opinion, the point is that there is absolutely no basis in ”˜trying’ to do anything at all. It’s very easy to say “I’ll try” to anything at all — but, in my opinion, it means nothing whatsoever. It’s about making a decision and a commitment — to yourself and/or to another person. The ”˜try’ word is usually just that — a word. It negates the necessity for action. It’s a fluffy word that results in fluffy focus and fluffy results. A non-word, a non-decision, a non-commitment — heck, surely it becomes non-existent”¦ doesn’t it?
I was fascinated to overhear a typically fluffy exchange between two people as I was waiting at a train station. I gathered that this pair were teachers, and they had been talking about organising a new project within the school. They’d clearly made some degree of progress, and they agreed they’d talk more about it tomorrow”¦ or did they? This was how the conversation went:
“Thanks, I’ll try to give you a call tomorrow and we can discuss more options”
“Great, yes, ok, I’ll try to make sure I’m around, and if I don’t hear from you I’ll try to give you a call”
“Okay then, let’s try to get together tomorrow. I’ll hope to see you then!”
They parted with a smile and a wave — but were they really going to achieve what they said they wanted to do? I don’t know, but I’d be willing to take a guess. I do know that I couldn’t help giggling to myself at yet another example of the vague promises and commitments that people give to each other on a daily basis — no wonder so many of us wander around lacking direction and inspiration!
For me, this life is all about recognising and using our own power — for ourselves and also for the good of others. The first job is to become happy with who and what we are”¦ then, and only then, can we really offer support or guidance to others. In any case, that’s my opinion and experience — and I can promise you it’s a lesson I’m constantly revising and developing! One class didn’t seem to do the job for me — neither did the homework or experiential workshop sessions. Nope, as I’ve said before, until relatively recently, I was perfectly happy to carry on giving and supporting others without a second thought about myself. Doh!
That way of being has changed for me — and is continuing to develop on a daily basis. It started with awareness, and continues to be built through intention and commitment to follow through.
Mind Over Matter
I believe that everything starts with an idea, or a thought if you like, which is then followed up by a decision. Talk can indeed be cheap, and ”˜trying’ to do or be something is one thing — but doing or not doing is something completely different. It’s a commitment. My friend Judi made me chuckle last night. We were talking about weight loss (she has lost a staggering amount of weight since the beginning of this year) because of a comment made by somebody who hadn’t seen her in many months.
“You look amazing!” this lady had exclaimed on seeing Judi walking towards her “How on earth did you do it?”
“A personal decision and direct help from a nutritionalist” smiled Judi “and lots of positive thinking. It’s all mind over matter you know!”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about losing weight, but it’s so hard” replied the other lady “I tried for a while last year and lost 4kg (about 10lbs) but it’s all gone back on again. Oh well, maybe one day eh?”
Is it really any wonder that this particular lady had not made any real progress? I think not! She’d “tried for a while” which is fluffy enough by itself, but add to that an underlying belief that it is difficult to lose weight”¦ well, it was never going to happen was it?
This kind of ”˜non-action’ I believe is part of the problem in the world we live in today. I don’t actually believe it’s deliberate — at least, not for the vast majority. The thing is, though, we’ve become brainwashed in to forgetting that we have power. It’s become normal to say “I’ll try” and to expect to fail “I told you so” “What’s the point?” “It’s useless trying” And it’s this kind of apathy that subconsciously invites manipulation and control. Think about the corporates — if the staff believe there’s nothing they can do, well, guess what? They’re right. On the other hand, when they start to wake up and realise that they can do more than they were thinking — just by changing their thoughts in the first place”¦ well, then that’s when we start to get results. And that is very much along the lines I use when working with teams and individuals. It’s about reclaiming the power that is already within us, and then deciding what to do with it.
Pick Up That Lightsaber!
It’s like the many inspirational people who have overcome all manner of challenges and hardships to make something of themselves. I absolutely love real-life stories like these. They encourage the positive “me too” type of thinking that I adore. One of my friends is best-selling author Eileen Munro (“As I Lay Me Down To Sleep” and “If I Should Die Before I Wake”) Now there is a lady who has used Jedi thinking to get her through an incredibly tough and relentless set of challenges! Whenever I start to think I might be having a tough time, all I have to do is dip back in to her book and it puts everything in to perspective. Eileen, you see, refuses to give up or give in — and her relentless positive movement forward is an inspiration.
So far as I’m concerned, no matter our particular circumstances we all have the power to think like a Jedi”¦. There is no try, there is only do or do not. It’s a clear matter of choice. Once that choice is made, then you can pick up your lightsaber and prepare to make things happen. People tend to laugh when I point out that if you take the word JEDI and you imagine that the bottom line of the “E” could, with a little bit of imagination, represent a lightsaber (well, okay, a lot of imagination!) you could imagine picking it up ready for action. Having picked it up, the word JEDI changes to one of my favourite acronyms — JFDI which, as many will already know stands for Just Flippin Do It!! (There are other F-word options, of course, depending on your preference)
In conclusion, I am calling out for more of us to think like a JEDI. Forget ”˜try’ and instead think only in terms of do or do not. And in doing so, remember to believe that a positive result is the outcome — because that’s what is going to make the difference.
So, come on, let’s get clear in our intentions, make a commitment, pick up our proverbial Lightsabre and do it.
darwinsmom-TOWANDA TO YOU TOO! It’s about time we start making some good solid progress!
Let me share my Jedi morning. Got my free flu shot at the health clinic. I had to drop my health insurance 3 months ago and although I worried about doing that, I was less stressed than trying to meet the 1000 dollar a month payments. Good NEWS!!!!!! Whatever I need is right at the clinic. Made an appointment for dental xrays and cleaning…20 dollars.
Had I not read this thread I would not have searched for the most reasonable flu shots in my area. Free shots brought me to the health clinic. Never would have known about all these services available to me. People there were just lovely. I am over the moon today. Shalom
Shalom-that’s awesome. I’m so glad. It is hard to pay all that money for health insurance when you’re not someone who’s sick.
Blessings Shalom. So happy to share in your Jedi Moment…xxoo
Wish I could find something like that for someone I know…
It’s horrid how we can pay all our taxes to ‘them’ and get nothing in return for all of our hard work. What happened to us all caring and working together?
YAY FOR SHALOM!!!!!
Shalom: 1; spath: 0.
Shalom, Shalom.
xxoo
Morning Mel: my lightsaber seems to have worked quite well, lately. It is the Jedi way. 😉 xxoo
I loved this article. Yes, trying is not actually doing!! I think as long as we have realistic expections for the “now” the little steps taken can and will add up to big accomplishments for our future.
I have decided to make and do concrete realistic baby steps for my future. In the past weeks I have gotten into a “slump” and lost focus. Well I’m back…and am going to do!
When Jr. was born I incorporated a company for real opportunties that exist. It is not big money but for now it is a real opportunity that I can control. I am going to move forward and should have this up and running within the next month. This is realistic and something I can do. For now it is an opportunity that can “get me started”… in the future when a real job comes into play this can be used a supplemental income/part time/based on my schedule. It is not my dream but a starting point. I’ve had to accept that it will take allot of hard work to get back to where I was…it needs to start somewhere.
I can send out a thousand resumes, and will keep focused on that however I cannot control whether these resumes get reviewed….but for now I have something I can do.
With respect to Jr. I have come to the conclusion I CANNOT be the perfect mother. That does not exist…but I CAN give him my love. I cannot provide him with the perfect mom/dad/white picket fence life I want him to have but I can work with what I have….and be kind to myself in the process. For example Jr. has been sick (I think he’s finally getting better) and I was so excited I started with a new pediatrians office with 6 associates. Well I asked the pediatrian when I should start brushing Jr’s teeth… (He has 5 now coming in) Her response was cold and said today. I asked when should I have started and her response was as soon as he was born. I had not read that anywhere.? I asked well will Jr. get teeth rot and her response was cold and said nothing except he will have another set coming in anyway. ? Let me clarify…Jr.s teeth are fine! Yet I felt like such a failure I started to cry when we got into the car. She was condiscending and cold and the only dr. who didn’t even smile at Jr. Red flag…not the pediatrician I want for Jr. I am switching to another one in the office. That is my right!
I have been accepting the fact that my ex is a spath and I cannot control or change that. I must work with what i know and continue “slowly” learning more.
It is impossible for anyone to do it all at once..we all must be patient and kind to ourselves in this painful learning process.
I’m babbling now, just allot of thoughts on my mind.
Dear Coping,
I totally concur with your switching to another practitioner in that office. You MUST have a good relationship with your son’s doctor just as you must have a good one with YOUR doctor or health care provider.
I agree with her that you should brush your kid’s teeth now, but she should have told you that in a TEACHING not PREACHING way.
I had problems with my baby teeth because my mom put me to bed with a BOTTLE of milk in my mouth…..so my teeth had milk acid on them and by age 6 I was having to get them filled. She didn’t know it was bad, she had never been taught, but I did the same thing with my kids because no one TAUGHT me it was bad.
TEACHING self care and infant care is 99.9% of what we as medical practitioners should be doing. Just knowing which lab to draw or how to give a shot is not FAMILY or PEDI medical practice. A surgeon doesn’t have to have a good bed side manner, they can be jack asses but good at what they do and they are GREAT as far as I am concerned….and funny, but many of them are narcissistic assholes, but that’s okay, but you don’t want a narcissistic asshole for a family practice or a pedi doc. You want someone with compassion who EDUCATES you and teaches you how to HELP- YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD LIVE HEALTHIER LIVES.
GOOD FOR YOU, Coping!!! Towanda!
ps, start out with a wash cloth (very thin) and wrap it around your little finger and “brush” the baby’s gums and teeth to get him used to having something swabbed around his mouth, If you put him to bed with a bottle, let it be water, not juice or milk.
Coping ~ You might call it babbling, I call it “getting your head on straight”. I loved reading what you had to say. If you love Jr. and spend time showing him and setting a good example for him that is just what being a good mother is all about. That is what he will remember, that is the ONLY thing that is important. I think you are AWESOME.
Yes, switch doctors immediately, you don’t have to put up with that crap. Get one that YOU feel comfortable talking to, and one who will listen.
Take care.
Agree with Milo!
No babbling. It sounds like you were thinking and making a decision out loud, with the realization how you felt about the pediatrician. TOWANDA!
So, life is getting back into speed, although I often wonder, “woh, wait a minute, I’m not sure I can tackle this yet or even want to.”
After I got hired at the spot for the next day, and officialy got hired euhm 2 days before I even applied, I got 2 other invitations last Friday. I went to one, and they would have hired me on the spot as well. I wrote to the third one that I had gotten hired at a school with more hours and closer to home (still far, but still closer). And yesterday I was called again for a job and, I could work extra on Sundays. Weird, how in 2 weeks I end up being the one declining.
Eventually I turned down the school I went on an interview for on Monday, even though the interim would take longer, and it would have been 2 hours less of teaching (I’m doing 2 hours overtime on paper). The school was closer in distance. I’m sure it was a very nice school. And I’d be teaching physics instead of chemistry… but then I promised the principal of the school where I’m working I wouldn’t just drop them and leave them hanging. And well, 3 hours I can’t teach because they are simultaneous with the 2 hours I teach at the one school where I’m teaching 8 years in a row now. And 2 other hours I don’t have to teach because they gave me off for those afternoon for my labs. Instead I have to do 2 survey hours during studytime for pupils. I do prepare tasks for the pupils in the hours I can’t teach them according to the schedule, but that’s less prep work than actual teaching. SO! I’m prepping extensively for 17 hours, minorly for 5 hours, and have the most important moments off for my studies. And I get paid for 22 hours.
Also, the principal opened my eyes how it could be different, in comparison to the prior principal who did not back me up. The youngest pupils (age 15) of course tried to make a ruckus in class and refused to do what I asked them to do… it’s typical for that age group + I’m an interim teacher and they thought I’d be there only for 2 weeks or so. The principal entered class and lectured them on it, saying “I’m ashamed of you all! You’re putting my school and our name to shame with your behaviour. Mrs. Darwinsmom comes especially for you kids so that you won’t miss any classes and you can still learn what needs to be learned.” Of course, that didn’t fully turn them around yet, but I’m starting to make progress with them. And now that they have heard I’ll be teaching them until Christmass at least, even the boys are starting to take it serious.
Had an issue with a girl of that class yesterday though, but feel I handled it well. She was trying to get attention, disturbing my lesson, and she refused to take ‘no’ for an answer from me. I realized that especially the latter was what got me upset. She kept on saying, “But please, I just want…” I stuck to my no. Because I got interrupted too often, not just by her, I eventually told the class, “I’ve asked many times and we agreed to work together on this so that we would still have time for the science project we worked on yesterday. Since most of you cannot cooperate at the moment, I cannot teach. Instead you have to fill in the papers by yourself. You find info in the book page such and such. And it will count as a test.”
The girl came forward to apologize. I told her that now was not yet the time, because I too was upset and needed time to cool down. She kept on pushing. And then I said. “I know you want to apologize, but I need time so that I can accept your apology with a smile. Please stop pushing it. I have told you this already and I want my boundary respected.” She looked at me surprised. I know I should accept her apologies, but there is a state of mind where you can and where you can’t. Anyway, she worked hard on the assignment after that. Didn’t hear a peep from her anymore. I do plan to talk to her again in private after the holiday week and accept her apology.
And it hurts immensely to get up at 6am, but I’m so proud I’m doing it anyway. And by an hour later I’ve forgotten about it.
I felt overwhelmed on Thursday though. I had to teach there in the morning. Drive to university for 50 km, did the lab, and by 3.30 I felt my brain shutdown on the math programming. Then I had to drive all the way back to Brussels for an hour in traffic for parents’ night of which of course no parent would come to see me. I didn’t grade them for the first period (but the collegue) I’m replacing and with just 1 week, the parents would be less interested in listening to me. There’s little to tell. But I used my time to prep in a notebook. Felt totally wired up when I finally got home at 8.30 at night, still having to prepare a lot. Hardly got any routines done, except cooking a meal, shower and shining my sink. I almost felt so overwhelmed to call in sick the next day. But I didn’t. Instead I patted myself on the back for having done so much in a day, and made sure I had at least 5 hours of sleep. And got up at the painful 6am for work, feeling proud of not giving up.
I had a glass of champagne with my parents for the apartment we bought this week!
Also had my session with my therapist. Told of her all the insights I’ve had the past 2 weeks, and that I had a very good excuse for not meeting the old principal yet. At the end when we had to make a new appointment she proposed one by next month or call her if I felt like one again by then. Since DO IT NOW is my motto these days (used it for my pupils as well) I opted to make an appointment already. She did say that if I felt in need of an earlier appointment for any reason I could still call her. A month ago she pushed for appointments every 2 weeks or a week later at the max. Now she feels I’ve done a breakthrough.
I’m struggling at times, and I do feel I need to solidify my routines, make a lot of choices at times, I often have to prioritize. I’m very aware when stress builds up too much and how it affects me. I seem to get resentful from it, which is not how I want to feel, and I’m learning to deal with my time and my tasks in a way to avoid it. But I feel I’m making a lot of progress.