To the psychopath, the relationship meant nothing

unhappy loveOne of the hardest parts of ending a romantic involvement with a psychopath is accepting that to him or her, the relationship never meant anything.

In the beginning, when the psychopath pursued you, showered you with attention and affection, called and texted all day long it was just seduction.

When the psychopath proclaimed undying love, declared that you were the best thing to ever happen to him or her, pushed the relationship along while painting a glistening image of the future it was all to hook you before you escaped.

When the rough patches came and you ready to walk away, and the psychopath pleaded, cajoled, promised to change or even threatened to commit suicide if you left it was all to maintain control over you. The psychopath wasn’t finished with you yet.

Then, when you finally decided there would be no more chances, the relationship was completely and irreparably over, and the psychopath went after the money, property and kids with a vengeance well, that’s because the psychopath’s only real goals in life are power, control and winning.

Profoundly different

So how do you deal with this? How do you accept that all the professions of love were lies, and all the promises were worthless?

What’s necessary is to come to terms with the fact that psychopaths are fundamentally and profoundly different from the rest of us.

They are empty suits. Aliens. Cardboard cutouts. Use whatever analogy helps you understand that psychopaths are missing the traits and qualities that make the rest of us human.

They do not feel remorse, guilt or shame. If they appear to show these emotions, they are acting.

They do not have the ability to love. They do not truly care about anyone else’s happiness and well-being. If they do things that seem to be supportive, it’s because the actions further their agenda.

You will never be able to understand how they think and why they do what they do. You just need to accept that they are what they are.

What was real?

By this point, you’re probably wondering, what was real?

YOU were real. Your love, caring and trust were authentic. You did your part, in fact, you did far more than your part no matter what the psychopath says.

You opened your heart, which is something the psychopath never did, and is incapable of doing. Unfortunately, you were deceived by someone who took advantage of your good nature and your love.

You have a heart. The psychopath does not.



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66 Comments on "To the psychopath, the relationship meant nothing"

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I am so angry at myself for allowing someone to treat me like this. Especially that he is a bum who has nothing, no looks, personality, money, nor friends. This should have been my warning, but I did not know what a psychopath was until now. I have friends, I’m a veteran, traveled the world, according to others I am very pretty, financially well off, several degrees, own business currently completing my doctorate and a book. I have no children, and look extremely young for my age. I was always happy until this happened. I am trying to get that back, because no way I will let him take my kindness, compassion and the way I viewed the world from me. He will not win! I have many, many friends and someone who is extremely good looking, giving, kind, well off and has loved me for 30 years, but I fell for this basket case, because I felt sorry for him. As per his pity ploy everyone has done him wrong and he has such a bad life. Now, I know why. He looks vile and is. Geez, where was my brain then? Why did it choose to work now? I feel like Rumplestiltskin, asleep for a 100 years. I wasn’t even attracted to him, in fact I felt repulsed, but I looked past that. I am now writing my dissertation on psychopaths in leadership. I’m not satisfied till I see him in jail. I am following up with IRS to make sure that case is processed. Another satisfaction that I have is that his home goes into foreclosure next year. He doesn’t have the money to pay. The more he suffers the better I feel. Call me vindictive, but I am full of compassion for anyone and on the extreme spectrum I am vindictive especially with bullies. However, I do my revenge lawfully. I always fought him back and he knew that I was strong, but he chose to use me. I’m not mad that he did not love me. He has that right. I love myself for both of us and that’s enough. I have an adoring person who adores me and so does my family. I don’t need him to complete me. However, I detest a bully and a man that uses a woman is despicable. I told him this once and he chose to ignore it, so now I will make sure that IRS makes his life miserable. I only lost less than $1000, but the money for the lesson was worth every cent. I opened my eyes as soon as he discarded me and even stopped the last wire transfer. He went to pick it up and it wasn’t there. Tee,hee….

Equanimity…love your strong determined post!! It says:


it’s not “revenge” or getting even what you are doing instead you are exposing him to future victims. Bravo for finding your internal strength to do so.

(ps LOVE your screen name!!)

Thank you Jan 7. I love your name too, that’s my sister’s birthday. I think about the movie Maleleficent, where he pretended to love her and cut off her wings. That’s exactly how we all must feel. I know I do. She got revenge from him. I recall watching this movie and could not get it out of my mind that he cut off her wings. This was the time I was with the monster. Her cries were heart wrenching and when I found out what he did to me I cried just like her. I have never cried so hard in my life. However, I vowed that I would follow him for the rest of my life to make sure that I get the pleasure of watching his demise. He cut my wings, but little did he know that I grew a second pair, bigger and better because he taught me what evil looks like. I will continue to help those who need, because this is what I do. I will continue to rescue animals, I will continue working with children and I will strive to be happy, but I will be on a mission to get make sure that his life is full of misery. Again, the legal way. When you commit fraud you create your own demise.

Hey oh wow, ewww you just reminded me how me and my socio went to the movies to see Malificent last summer on my birthday! I liked that movie, I so didn’t know what he was at that time yet, but there was something he was doing to me during the movie that I thought….ummm, are we in high school? How immature. I filed it away of course.

Lol, sorry you just made me laugh. Uggggh is right! They are immature. The sociopath use to flex muscles he does not have, lol. I guess is because they look at themselves in the mirror and see themselves as superior. They see Hercules and they are idiots with inflated egos and nothing going on for them. If we can see them and picture them for who they truly are we detest them. Picturing him in my mind for what he truly is really helped me move pass the infatuation that he tried to instill in me. I now detest the maggot. It really works.

Equanitmity, I always felt like my ex h put a bird cage over my head and I was locked into his brain washing because of it. So your discussion about clipping the wings is very poetic and the combo is really what he did to me….

he put a bird cage over my head to control my mind & clipped my wings so I could not fly away.

Took me 12 years of hell to leave him for good. I wrote on another post to someone who is new to LF that the crying that I experienced was unbelievable…when I thought literally my body could not produce another tear I would start crying uncontrollably for hours…so interesting how the body & mind deals with the pain once the brain washing lifts and you can see the hell you are living in.

You have a strong heart & YES your wings are stronger then ever!! I can read in your post that you are a good kind hearted person. Good things are coming your way and bad things will surround both of our ex’s because they do create their own demise.

Thank you for your post

I am so so sorry Jan 7th that you went through 12 years of this. I was lucky, because mine was 9 months and once he discarded me I looked for answers and found them immediately. The compassion turned to hatred. It is my compassion that hurts for you. How I wish that I could take away your pain and the pain of each and everyone that has gone through this. It is the most horrible pain that anyone can feel. I know that sending you a hug will not cure your pain. I am sending you a poem that I live by. You are beautiful, kind and loving. Don’t let this creep take that away from you. Strive to be happy… I will pray for you and keep you near my heart.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927


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