In Trenton, New Jersey, a 15-year-old girl sold her 7-year-old stepsister to a group of men and boys at a party for sex.
Read: Cops: N.J. teen sold stepsister, 7, for party sex on Msnbc.com.
In Wales, a 6-year-old was repeatedly stripped, sexually abused and physically assaulted by other children in her school.
Read: Horrific ordeal of girl, six, who was physically and sexually abused by 23 of her primary school classmates on Mail Online.
Links submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
seems like spring spath fever is getting the best of us all. Your posts are resonating with me these last couple of days as well.
Onestep:
so sory you are ill from the spath fever…its undoubtedly manifesting itself in your phisical state. Every time you throw up think of it as getting rid of that EVIL – VILE enside of your body and soul. Each tear you shed your are getting rid of a bit more of that same vile.
Kim:
I know how you are thinking and feeling, I was also having those distubing dreams and thoughts …and I made the mistake of responding to a slew of messages I was receiving via FB and made internet contact with the S in my life. Not surprising it only served to prove again how bad it made me feel, how futile it is to get any closure and senceless the dialog with him is, as he does not respond to any comments or questions directly but only responces with vague apologies, explanations and turns himself a victim. Like Oxy says … “dealing with them takes ENERGY and RESOURCES that can very definitely take AWAY from our own selves the energy and resources we NEED in order to breathe, live, recover, heal, etc.” – thanks for that reminder Oxy!
I was doing soooo well until I caved in and responded out of melancholy feelings and out of day dreaming curiosity. Now I have to start the NC all over again. I guess this is just more confimation of how dificult it is to break away from the abusive SN person. During the time I did not hear from him and had NC, I managed to accomplish getting a real estate license and getting some small projects around the house done. Now I’ve exerted all this stupid energy on him again only to have to reel myself in.
Funny thing is he even mentions the fact that “spring is in the air” and it’s time for re-birth! NOT WITH HIM.
spring spath fever will too pass….it’s like a bad allergy attack.
one_step_at_a_time
that’s hard. You say
all the info i have now about the spath collided inside me. i was toxic too (from my place) and the intersection of those things was ugly.
Thank God it is coming OUT and being EXPRESSED, toxic and awful as it is. I know it. it’s disgusting to find out the person you love has no real feelings, just great mimicking skills ending with anger( because you began to see through her!)
You say
i find i am full of tears erupting at every prompt today. and angry at peoples bad/reductive/uncaring/ heartless behavior. bad days.
again, the tears are so productive, see it as a cleansing, and detox, a desperate attempt by your body (that never lies) to shed the toxins, the cruelty, the heartbreak.
I’m with you, I feel similar at times, I have the BAD DAYS….people seem to think I’m “over the top” and I probably am, I think I do over feel everything, I am very sensitive and go through horrendous grief over what was the love of my (life in my head) and now he is a thief, liar, blah de blah but I will say if you have not been there it must sound crazy…so I’ve learnt to shut up and just keep my grief for those that respect it.
I respect grief. It is a natural response to loss. just know you are not alone. The universe listens, and nothing goes unobserved by spirit.
Glinderella
I’m so happy you felt comfort, you say
it is a true comfort to be heard and responded to here
Well that’s great! any time!
your sister certainly put money over your well-being. I cringe when I think of her exploiting a day care facility….yeuk….misery…karma will anniahlate her for that, maybe not today or tomorrow but it’ll come.
I believe…. (my humble opinion)…. if you are truly IN YOUR BODY you cannot place money over life.
If her behaviour no longer honors your beauty and innocence then she is a lost soul. If you can re affirm your own connection to how you truly feel and know it’s going to work out okay because you are a HUMAN PERSON WITH THE ABILITY TO LOVE YOURSELF (thats step one)
Grief in a ROLLER COASTER RIDE, Google Elizabeth Kubler-Ross for a really good theory on how we grieve, over any LOSS, doesn’t matter what the loss is. If it was somethin you lost and it was “real to you” and “important” to you, you will grieve in accordance with the AMOUNT of importance to you.
Up and down and all around, just like a roller coaster and some days you are in the pits, others the tops, but eventually it will even out and the ride will be much smoother.
My path still even after all this time of NC still has some pretty good DIPS and curves in which my stomach comes up into my mouth, and my heart stops! But that’s LIFE and I intend to make the ride better every day! Hang on!
Oh, I just got a call from Cousin that I visited yesterday and he was kind of gaslighting me….he is my egg donor’s power of attorney…son of my egg donor’s brother Uncle MONSTER. I had offered to give him some home grown beef if he wanted any and have given him meat in the past.
He just called and asked if he could come over and pick up some beef after he got off work. and of course I told him OF COURSE. Generally I never mention egg donor or try to pump him for any information or say anything negative…actually we did mention her a couple of times in relationship to some problems she was having with a company that owes her some money that I have been unsuccessfully trying to collect and the company now owes him some money so he is going to hire an attorney and for her too….anyway, that was the extent of the “conversation” about her. So I am of course OPEN to a little bribery to stay on his good side (never know when I might need it) but again, though I think over all he is completely “Honest” (he would never steal from me or anything like that) I know he has some dysfunctional ideas about family dynamics (how could he have otherwise?!) but it no longer upsets me that he doesn’t SEE THINGS MY WAY. Before it did upset me, but I am realizing more and more that I have NO control over other people’s thoughts, beliefs or actions. ONLY my RE-action to them.
Just like with the “drama queen” wife of my friend, I can’t control her (limit contact with her) but don’t have to let that limited contact deprive me of my enjoyment of my friend’s company even though it means when I see him, I see HER as well. Just let her opinions and comments slide off my back like water off a duck’s back. Ditto with Cousin. They can’t hurt us emotionally if WE DON’T LET THEM. They can’t push our buttons if WE don’t LET them.
Cover up your buttons FOLKS! Put a STEEL PLATE over them. In one ear and out the other! SELF PROTECTION!!!! If you must have some limited contact for business or shared children (I started to say “co-parenting” but THEY do not CO-anything!) LOL
Yes Oxy up and down is the journey of grief, each twist and turn unique to each person
on button pushing, I work with teenagers who’s prmary goal in life is to press teachers buttons. They find out what gets you crazy and push away to watch the show!!! it’s called cheap entertainment and they have everyone in on it laughing at you AS YOU try and scrape yourself off the ground. It’s wonderful because that’s where the true creativity and learning is….
What I have done is feel the button push happen, acknowledge it and say…yep that feels like dig, an insult, a challenge! and then stare straight back and mirror the energy back at them “yeh so I (whatever….I don’t know everything and get it wrong sometimes, I’m human….) when you say this its boring and they go back to work!!!
I have seen teachers crying after being button pressed to death. Awful.
I have always just Re-directed it back as you say:
I am realizing more and more that I have NO control over other people’s thoughts, beliefs or actions. ONLY my RE-action to them.
Absolutely!
“
Dear Bulletproof,
The “gaslighting” that teenagers do, your method works GREAT and I highly recommend it! But letting them “get to” us to the point that we take it personal is not a way to handle it successfully I don’t think. I like your method. As a teacher you just about have to do that!
In a personal relationship though, I think we have to be careful what our PURPOSE is in that relationship and how it will impact on our lives…like with the gaslilghting my cousin is doing to me now. I’m aware of it, I see it, and I am in this case pretending I don’t “get it” because that is what will allow this relationship to EXIST and right now it is important that he NOT be “against” me—for my safety. It is also not like he is deliberately doing this to me just to get a rise out of me…he’s just kind of “showing” what his feelings are, but with a “plausible deniability” built in. LOL I’ve dealt with that all my life and right now, it is to MY benefit to NOT confront it.
Ah, the games we play! As long as I don’t Let it “get to” me I am safe in this situation. As for dealing with the “kids”—glad I don’t have to do that any more!~ Just enjoying being able to not have to “deal with it” I’m glad though that YOU can deal with it and make it work, we need more teachers like you! MANY MORE! TOWANDA!!!!
At least most of the teenagers aren’t psychopathic! Just TEENAGERS learning to be “humans” LOL
Yes …is it that adult deal we silently make with one another, when he knows he “has you ” on certain things (information about egg donor etc) and you have made an unconscious deal with him…you can have beef for information on my egg donor…which is a good deal in my estimation!! It works, you are not “pretending” it is anything else because you are telling us here the gigs and the reels…so it’s a sophisticated “arrangment”
What concerns me a little is that he is being cruel with his advantage over you…and pushing the boat out a little further than is “Fair”….putting pressure on YOU to DRAW A LINE with this man so he
knows you are not a pushover
So what you have to “feel intuitively” is whether the “plausible deniability” is actually toxic for you to be around, and you need to “feel” for yourself if more support is needed…if so… get it….we are all here for you…
Dear Bulletproof,
Yea, he came over today and was SWEET as sugar, and I gave him some sirloin, a rump roast, hamburger and loaded him down with the “good stuff” but that’s okay. I didn’t even mention the egg donor at all.
Since I don’t have contact with her or her friends, I just want to make sure she isn’t in the hospital or anything and me not even KNOW. I need to be on my toes on that.
I decided, because the small town we are in is so GOSSIP prome and NO SECRETS in that town—if you pass gas everyone knows what you had for supper! LOL I am not going to go ahead and get an attorney “pre-need” locally, til I see what the “lay of the land is”. I did get some advice from a good attorney in another town that I can trust about how to handle things when the “need” arises.
Cousin isn’t a mean guy, and he feels “responsibility” for egg donor because I “abandoned” her, BUT you know, egg donor took care of all Uncle Monster’s medical needs, doctor’s appoikntments and I ASSISTED her (that means I DID it, arranged for in home care nurses and aids, and cleaned his house with a toothbrush, went to vet and got medicine to put his old dog down –she was suffering terribly—put up an electronic beeper that would notify the aid if he got up during the night, and so on) Cousin and his sisters gladly left this all to egg donor who palmed it off on me. He had dementia, delux version) and they only went to visit him after we finally ended up putting him in a hospice bed because he was so out of it but physically strong that there was NO way even with round the clock nursing of two people we could take care of him as he was too big for 2 people to pick up off the floor where he landed 4-5 times a day in spite of all you could do. So I have NO problems leaving egg donor’s looking out to him. TIT FOR TAT so to speak! AND you know, when she canceled my legal authority to care for her and see her medical records, I no longer had any RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER. No authority=NO responsibility=NO GUILT. That was a great weight off my back!
Actually I am doing better now than I have for a great while, and seem to be getting better every day….I kinow I may have a set back from time to time (don’t we all) but I am not going to WORRY about it in the least until and IF it happens. Will deal with it THEN not NOW!
Remember when the 24 hours before your kid was born (for those of you who are moms and remember that hormone rush that got you cleaning house and feeling on top of the world?) I think spring time must do that too, cause I have a BIG dose of SPRING FEVER today and started cleaning house! At least I don’t have to worry about having LABOR PAINS tomorrow, maybe just aches and sore muscles! LOL But I cleaned the pantry from top to bottom, and cleaned the spare room (where son C lived when he was home) and got everything spic and span in there (at least those two places) and will start tomorrow on another room. I can’t believe how many drawers in my house are EMPTY because I threw out everything in them! I usually have enough food to last 3-4 months (dry stuff in boxes etc) and so we are eating outselves out of “house and home” to rotate stock, will eat down to the point we have to replace it all then start over with an empty pantry and restock. Went through all my stock of heirloomm seeds and threw out bad stuff and got the rest ready to plant. Just a little hive of activity around here.
Son D said he was glad to see me scurrying around like a crazy woman cleaning and all this energy! Which was the “norm” for me (I’m more than a little hyperactive myself, and since the plane crash have had the attention deficit as well) prior to all this continual stress.
I am listening to my intuition and I thinkk it will keep me out of trouble. As long as I can keep that focus and not freak out with anxiety I’ll do fine! Working on it all daily! Just keep my faith that “ALL things work together for Good to those that love the Lord” and that He won’t put more on me than I can carry—he will either lighten the load or make me stronger, either way, I CAN DO IT!!!
Oxy, I GET how your cousin kinda looks a t you like he perhaps thinks your exaggerating, or making too much of how your egg donor behaves?
My SIL kind a looks at me that way too, or rather responds to my emails a if he takes me with a pinch of salt,kinda patronising to me,as if Im not really very important, certainly not important enough for him to put me first for a change, and bring his kids over to see me. He sure makes it clear to me that Im the bottom of the pile priority wise.!!
Maybe thats unfair of me, he has a lot on his plate.
I know he has to “keep my spath daughte sweet, “so she will deign to look after her own kids at weekends, so he can drive
for 3 hours to se his GF.
I told him in detail how she wrecked my home and studio, but she has probably gaslighted him and told him,”Mums crazy, she made the whole thing up!”
Ive had no response from him re my home and studio being wrecked.He doesnt want to know.Maybe he doesnt take me seriously.
Anyway, he will do what he wants,I have no control over if he intends to bring the kids over. I know I wouldnt be welcome at his place, and I cant go there weekends or Id see spath daughter. No win situation,-cold war.
Sometimes I think, hell, is it worth this? Im cutting my own nose off, just to stay NC with D.But if I ring her, shes won again.Having set my boundary I CANT back down now. Love, gem/XX
Dear Gem,
NO you are NOT^ cutting your nose off to spite your face in this deal. It isn’t about stayinhg NC to keep them from “winning” or for us to “win”—NC is to keep them from RE-injuring us.
Whether your SIL believes you about all the terrible things your X-DTR did or not, (I bet she did some terrible things to HIM! too) all that is “ancient history” and he would just as soon forget about it, which because it wasn’t his “Ox that was gored” is easy enough.
He isn’t going to put YOUR desires or wishes or even needs before HIS need to get laid and see his GF, and he isn’t going to care a flip one way or the other about whether or not yuour grandkids get to see you.
It is IMPORTANT to you, but NOT TO HIM. That is just the way he sees it, and he isn’t going to go out of his way to accomodate you, because YOU are not important to him, you are his EX-MIL for goodness sakes, and it is possible that X-dtr said
“I’ll keep the kiddies while you go see your GF, but you have to keep them away from me mum in exchange, if you let the old bat see them I’ll quit keeping them.”
That is kind of how I see the situation. He doesn’t care one way or the other, but she’s doing him a favor and in exchange, he’s doing HER a favor, making you miserable!
Gem, there isn’t any way to control this….I’m hearing in your posts (and I may be wrong) but it seems to me that you are still VERY BITTER about what she did to your studio, and very BITTER that she won’t even make a FAKE apology, and BITTER that she doesn’t want to see you unless you are giving her money. I understand this, Gem, sweetie, but I think it is important to Get this BITTERNESS out of your heart.
When I was talking to the parole attorney on the phone he could hear the anger and probably some bitterness in my voice and very politely told me that basicly I sounded “nuts” (the stress from going over it with a “new” person threw me into a tizzy) I also realized that I probably sounded NUTS and/or bitter when I talked to that minister guy a year or so ago about getting him to talk to my egg donor—he really didn’t believe me because I sounded NUTS and he didn’t check my story out either….so the thing is that someitmes we SOUND bitter when we have given it up (the bitterness) but at the same time sometimes when we sound bitter, it might be because we are hanging on to that bitterness.
I’ve found with myself as the bittereness over a particular injury occurs I will “tell” less and less details, I think when we still harbor a lot of the bitterness we give lots of “details” to back it up, but when we are no longer bitter, and frankkly, no longer care whether someone believes us or not, we cut down the details of the event if we do speak of it.
We don’t have to have anyone else believe us, Gem, In order for our story to be VALIDATED. I’m disappointed in your X-SIL as well as you are, I am sure he probably isn’t just being mean, but he doesn’t have a real relationship with you, x-DTR may be pushing him to keep you away from girls, but even if you were “sweet” to X-dtr, she would still STAB you where the girls are concerned, as that’s the only thing she can hurt you with now.
Because it was a BIG injury to you you still feel the pain from that injury years ago, but it is “ancient history” to others who don’t “get it.”
To you it is still “fresh” pain, but let go of the bitterness is what I am saying, Gem, let that wound heal over, there will azlways be a scar, but it will be less painful. This is just my own personal experience and I can’t telll you how I did it except just praying and time and not focusing on that past wound.
Hang on to NC, no matter WHAT they would promise you or you think they would do if you broke NC—you know what happens when you see her—she stabs you one way or another, and it would be no different today. She would dangle the kids then snatch them away again. It isn’t good for you or them. ((((Hugs))))) You know I am always here for you and you are in my prayers! But God has blesses us with some adopted children who DO love us, so that right there is a wonderful blessing!