Typical sociopath manipulation strategies that I always hear about

The sociopath may tell you that you’re mentally losing it. Or make you feel like everything is your fault. Or accuse you of cheating. Here’s what you need to know — none of it is about you. These are typical sociopath manipulation strategies that they use with everyone. I hear about them all the time.

I talk to a lot of people about their experiences with sociopaths. Often, they tell me something outrageous, something unbelievable, something shocking that he or she has done, and I respond with, “Yeah, they all do that.”

This causes two reactions in the person telling me the story. The first is shock — they can’t believe that so many people engage in the same behavior. And the second is relief — they are not the only ones who are experiencing such insanity.

So what are some of these typical sociopath strategies? Here’s what I hear time and time again.

Telling you what you want to hear

The sociopath sweet talks you, tells you everything you want to hear, promises you the sun, moon and stars — until they get what they want. Then they drop you like a hot potato.

The sociopath engages in some kind of offensive behavior. He or she breaks a promise, is rude to you, doesn’t show up, whatever. You have a legitimate complaint that you want to discuss. But when you bring it up, the sociopath turns it all around on you and makes you feel like it’s all your fault. You end up apologizing for standing up for yourself.

They say you’re mentally losing it

Here’s something that happens a lot. The sociopath tells you — along with your family, friends and neighbors— that you’re mentally losing it. What makes this so insidious is that the sociopath often seems to be deeply worried about your wellbeing, which makes the statements more believable.

In the meantime, the sociopath does things to make you believe you ARE going crazy, such as hiding your keys. I can think of at least two people who have told me this, including the woman I interviewed for the recent True Lovefraud Stories podcast, Love and losing my mind. They hide the keys, you’re running around looking for them, and then they “help” you find them. 

There’s a term for this — gaslighting. The objective of gaslighting is to make you doubt your own perceptions. Other methods of gaslighting include flatly denying something they said or did, lying about what someone else said or did, or telling you that you said or did something that never happened.

You and others

if you’re in a romantic relationship with the sociopath, he or she accuses you of cheating. This claim is fabricated out of thin air, with no evidence whatsoever. Unfortunately, this particular accusation can be dangerous. Violent sociopaths often use it as an excuse to beat their partners, even though there was no cheating.

Another strategy — sociopaths may tell you what other people are saying about you, when in reality, these other individuals haven’t said anything. Of course, what they’re supposedly saying is derogatory and upsetting.

And speaking about other people — sociopaths will actively work to turn other people against you. You may have found that people who were previously friendly stop talking to you, or become downright hostile, and you have no idea why. What happened? The sociopath has been trashing you.

In fact, some sociopaths will do this with your boss. They’ll call your boss and accuse you of theft, or misrepresentation, or sleeping on the job — anything to get you in trouble. Or, they keep calling to harass you at work, until your employer decides that you are just too much trouble. Either way, you lose your job.

Bleeding your money

Of course, sociopaths have a myriad of ways to bleed money out of you. They borrow money and never pay it back. Well, they may pay it back in the beginning — only so they can get larger amounts from you and keep it. They convince you to invest in their sure-fire business — and blow all the money. They shower you with attention and affection when you’ve received an inheritance, until the money is gone.

They get you to pay for dates — they may even take you on a date and claim they forgot their wallet. They keep doing this until you automatically start picking up the check. They convince you to make them an authorized user on your credit card, and then max it out. They convince you to sell your house, buy a house with them, and then take your name off the deed. When it comes to financial exploitation, the sociopath’s strategies are endless.

Bad behavior escalates

Now, suppose you’re married to the sociopath and you’ve decided that you’ve had enough. As soon as the sociopath knows you’re done for good, everything escalates. Previously they may have pretended to be civil at times — that’s gone. Now the objective is to take everything you’ve got and grind you into the dirt. 

If you’re involved in a divorce or custody battle, it’s a nightmare. They refuse to file documents, refuse to follow court orders — and then file frivolous claims and motions. The objective is to make everything a problem, which will run up your legal bills, to the point where you can no longer afford to fight.

Why do they do it?

These are just some typical sociopath strategies — I’m sure you can add to the list. It’s kind of shocking, actually, that they all engage in similar behavior. So the question is, why do they do it?

To answer the question, we need to remember that sociopaths are fundamentally different from the rest of us. They are not interested in human connection. They don’t care about warm, mutually supportive relationships. 

Read more: Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies

Sociopaths view their targets — that would be all of us — as objects to be used. We are there solely to provide whatever it is that they want from us. In order to coerce us into giving them what they want, they work to establish power and control over us.

Sociopaths do it to everyone

A lot of these typical sociopath strategies are designed to tear us down. The objective is to weaken us, make us feel badly about ourselves, and take away our human agency, which is our ability to decide what we want and then do what we want.

Here’s what you need to remember — sociopaths do this to everyone. It’s just who they are and what they do. So once we see what this person is, we need to disengage. If you can’t physically escape, definitely disengage emotionally. 

They are what they are — social predators. They never cared about you, they just wanted to use you. Therefore, you can’t take their lies, manipulation and criticism to heart.

Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously