As a victim of love fraud, I have two reactions to Valentine’s Day. First, I hate the thought of all those sociopaths out there male and female, who are using this day to lock in their next victims. Early in relationships, sociopaths present themselves as great partners. They certainly don’t pass up the chance to pour on the charm on a day like Valentine’s Day. Furthermore, since they can be very focused on sex, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for them to score. My vision of Valentine sociopaths includes those who are simultaneously wooing more than one victim. Perhaps we should consider whether Valentine’s Day should also be named “Love Fraud Awareness Day.”
My second reaction to Valentine’s Day is that I am reminded of all those who have loved sociopaths only to be harmed in every sphere of their lives. Cupid’s Arrow can be deadly if the result is involvement with a sociopath.
These two reactions bring me to an announcement. That is that Sandra L. Brown, M.A. and I have completed our book Women Who Love Psychopaths. I apologize for the fact that we do not yet have a book for men who have been involved with psychopathic women, but we had to start somewhere.
The book summarizes the results of a survey we conducted on nearly 100 women who have been involved with sociopaths/psychopaths/pathological narcissists. As part of this survey, women completed check lists of symptoms of sociopathy/psychopathy on their partners and we compared the results of these checklists to their narrative stories.
The most important message I have for you is that if you think your man is a sociopath you are very likely to be correct. You do not have to wait for a formal diagnosis before deciding to get out of the relationship and avoid further harm. There was very good agreement between check off list symptoms and the actual behaviors reported by the women in their narrative stories.
Also in honor of Valentine’s Day I will say that if you are an outgoing extraverted woman who greatly values her relationships, you are a target for sociopathic men. That is not to say others are not targeted, but ALL of the women who answered our survey fit this profile. We know that because we had them complete a temperament inventory. Common temperaments are also why we find such camaraderie here on this web site. In addition to being fellow victims, we are likely temperamentally similar.
On a personal level, Valentine’s Day is as bitter sweet as my favorite chocolate. I am in my mid forties, have three children, and have yet to experience a real partnership with a man. The reality is sinking in that perhaps this is not to be for me. My first priority has to be my role as mother and provider. The last time I tried to take a short cut to find a partner, I ended up with a sociopath. I simply do not have the time right now to fully devote toward finding and vetting a worthy partner. The importance of the vetting cannot be overstated!
Where does this leave me and perhaps you? Well, thankfully, a Valentine is not the be all and end all for a fulfilled life. The important need we all have is for connectedness and relatedness. Love relationships are but one venue to meet this need. Although I would like to end this post by saying that we will all one day find our Valentines, to do so would not be of service. It is better for me to say that we all have the potential for fulfillment and well-being with or without a Valentine. Today, I have well-being and fulfillment even though I do not have a Valentine.
To find out more about Women Who Love Psychopaths visit www.saferelationships.com.
Lou you pot stirrer lol yes after the upside down writing fiasco it’s all gone quiet. x
Happy Valentine’s Day, Ox Drover!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Tea Light!
Tea Light:
Haha, I am not really a pot stirrer…just really wondering what happened? x
Lou, what I want to know is, where is BBE?? I was thinking about him becuase of all the snow in NY I hope he’s alrightx I’m heading home now, and I’m going to log back in in about an hour or so, so get your party shoes on Lou! lol. x
raggedy ann is laying low. yes, she loves to talk in third person. pretty much avoiding following comments, just blog articles. I saw “where is BBE?” on left of my screen, and was concerned, so opened this. I asked Donna to send him my apologies if he took my upside down fiasco as anything other than positive wishes, an evidently very clumsy gift. I don’t know if she was able to reach him. I didn’t see all the comments that followed, nor the deleted things. Would get too upset if I looked. I don’t even know if BBE commented. Tea Light, of course you were partially right. Not only was it the case that I possibly had not intended anything destructive or violating or whatever else the claims were, it was also the case that I *definitely* didn’t. Donna suggested I not post for a while so things could calm down(?). Not posting is probably generally a good habit, in my case. I may pop in to address Ruby, with whom I somehow connected in her thread.
In the interest of non-stirring of pots, could someone eventually direct BBE to this post from me? And please with no follow up? No point in rehashing or defending or explaining anything. All that interests me is undoing any pain or discomfort I might have caused BBE.
Thanks in advance.
p.s. The snow was nice. Lots of wind when it hit. It’s a gorgeous, warm and beautiful day here today.
Raggedy, Happy Valentine’s Day, and glad you enjoyed the snow
RaggedyAnn
I am sorry you caught the brunt of some LF posts. People have their perspective and even though there is a whole list of possible interpretations, they pick the one that makes them feel most protected. I ask people to give themselves grace and to extend it to others b/c many times, we know OUR hurt, and we forget that others have the SAME tender feelings we do. No one is entitled to lash out and serve up abuse but in the moment of feeling their pain, they do to others what they would NEVER condone for themselves. I myself have made unintentional blunders and am instantly sorry but found my apologies misused or not acknowledged at all.
I didn’t see the post where you explained your artistry. I thought it was amazing. I am sorry so many interpreted it as the mirroring that is done by sociopaths. I know you are not a sociopath.
Best, Katy
happy valentines day to all my lovefraud ladies and gents..i hope you have somebody special in your life today..
if you dont give yourself a big ole bear hug from
moondoggiedancerhens…..I am serious as a heart attack ~!
Moon, you are so super snuggly. You should sell those hugs and retire early. It was your V Day hug or snuggling up to the psycho’s usb stick of -probably- porn. x
Moondancer
I thank you for your Valentines and since I can’t hug you, I went next door and hugged their weiner dog. (I’ll go do it again after this post, in your name okay?) Truth is, I hug that little dog a lot.He’s a new sweet one, and he grunts this sweet little sound when he is being cuddled. They are fostering it, and if I didn’t already have a fantastic shelter dog, I’d snap him up. I don’t hug the other EIGHT weiner dogs, they act like pack dogs and snap and bark so loud they give me a headache. But I did give them all a snackeroonie b/c on Valentines, I give ALL my neighbors dogs a treat (after asking permission of course).