Every Sunday my local newspaper, the Press of Atlantic City, prints the names of servicemen and women who died the previous week in Iraq and Afghanistan. Every Sunday, I make myself read the names. It’s the least I can do to honor their sacrifice. Today, Veterans Day, the newspaper printed a story about a local young man, a private, killed in Baghdad six months ago. I’m afraid I couldn’t read the story—it was too upsetting.
Veterans Day was always important to my ex-husband, James Montgomery. He wanted to show his patriotism and commemorate the comrades he lost in Vietnam as a member of the Australian military. In fact, when we met, 25 years after Vietnam, Montgomery claimed he was still affiliated with Special Forces. Military service was an important part of his persona.
This is an important part my upcoming book, Cracked Open, about life with a sociopath. An excerpt follows.
Veterans Day, 1996
In November 1996, James was invited to speak to schoolchildren about the importance of Veterans Day. A few days before the holiday, he went to a sixth-grade classroom in nearby Somers Point, New Jersey. With him were Joe Nickles, who had been an Army drill sergeant, and Bill Ross, who was a local mayor and had served in World War II. The three men sat on kid-sized chairs in the front of the room, talking about life in the military and answering questions from students. A teacher in the back of the classroom operated a video camera, transmitting the presentation to the rest of the school via closed circuit TV.
Each of the men spoke of their experiences in a way the children could understand. They talked about the training and the commitment. They explained what kept them going under fire—concern for their buddies.
A boy asked James a question: “Did you lose any friends in Vietnam?”
James answered slowly. “Yes,” he said, stretching out the word, “and I felt very sad when it happened. That’s why Veterans Day is so important. It’s a time to remember all those served their country, especially those who gave their lives.”
Standing in the back of the room, I was proud of everything James did to protect the rest of us.
When Veterans Day actually arrived on Monday, November 11, 1996, James planned to attend a ceremony in Mays Landing, New Jersey. The previous year, James was the keynote speaker. The Press of Atlantic City reported that he “recounted service-to-the-nation stories about comedienne Martha Raye and retired Major Dick Meadows, who led the raid on Son Tay to rescue POWs.” The local Mays Landing Record Journal ran a photo of him wearing his Special Forces beret and camouflage jacket in the rain.
I was supposed to meet him at the ceremony. But as I was ready to leave, I discovered that James had taken his car keys—and mine as well. After a moment of dismay, I was relieved—work deadlines were looming, and I really didn’t have time to drive out to Mays Landing, stand at a ceremony, and drive back. But my efficient and logical thinking didn’t go over well with my husband.
“Why didn’t you turn up?” he demanded when he arrived home.
“I was going to,” I said. “You took my car keys.”
“You could have come if you wanted to. You could have called a taxi,” he retorted, without acknowledging his own mistake.
I was astounded. “Are you kidding? That would cost a fortune!” I said. “And I’ve got a lot of work. I was better off staying home and getting it done.”
“It appears that what is important to your husband is not important to you,” he said. “Gale understood how important this is. She used to iron my uniforms.”
James stomped downstairs to his office, and I was left to wonder about being compared to my husband’s deceased wife. I felt guilty—temporarily—and then I went back to work.
Never in the military
What I know now, that I did not know in 1996, was that James Montgomery, my ex-husband, was never in the military.
From what I can tell, Montgomery had been including military service in his biographical profiles and resumes since at least 1980. He sent me a copy of the “mention in dispatches” report that recounted his heroism in Vietnam, for which he was awarded the Victoria Cross, Australia’s highest military honor. While we were married, Montgomery was active in the local chapter of the Vietnam Veterans of America. In gratitude for his contributions, the VVA gave Montgomery a plaque, which he hung on the wall.
After I left Montgomery, I began to suspect it was all a lie. I got my proof in 2005, shortly before I launched Lovefraud.com. I sent my copies of Montgomery’s military records—and they were voluminous—to an organization called Australian and New Zealand Military Impostors. The organization’s investigators—all former military men—determined that every document was fabricated.
“We hold copies of documents that indicate he has been constructing his false history over many years and we have never before run across such an obviously labour intensive project,” ANZMI wrote. “Montgomery gets the award for the wannabe who tried the hardest to perpetuate his fraud while also being the most incredibly stupid.”
For more on Montgomery’s fake military service, read the following links. If his actions weren’t so despicable, they’d actually be quite entertaining.
Forged Victoria Cross citation (Scroll down to James Montgomery)
Montgomery’s military claims debunked
Thousands of impostors
Unfortunately, Montgomery is not alone. As documented on the Is he military? page of Lovefraud.com, thousands of men and women exaggerate the accomplishments of their military service, or claim to have served when they never did. VeriSEAL.org has exposed more than 35,000 men who falsely claimed to be Navy SEALS. This is especially shocking because only 11,000 men actually graduated from the SEAL training program. And the POW network, which exposes false or exaggerated military claims, can’t even count how many liars are listed on its website.
Some of these people with trumped up military claims are relatively harmless. They just want to seem important when they aren’t. But many of the impostors are sociopaths. They use the mantle of respectability that goes with military service in order to con people. Or, they con the government, stealing military benefits that they don’t deserve.
Almost a year ago, on December 20, 2006, the U.S. Stolen Valor Act was signed into law. It addresses the unauthorized wearing, manufacture or selling of military decorations and medals. Some cases are being prosecuted. The United States Attorney’s Office in the western district of Washington is prosecuting eight cases in which phony veterans have scammed more than $1.4 million.
It’s a start.
Australia has laws against claming false military service. Montgomery could be subject to a fine of $3,300 and jail time of up to six months. The sentence is ridiculously light, but the law is rarely, if ever, enforced.
So by faking the respectability of military heroism, my ex-husband, James Montgomery, scammed over $1 million from myself and four other women that I know about. I did manage to get him fired from his job by exposing him in the Australian media. But so far, James Montgomery, like most military impostors, has not been prosecuted.
WOW Adam’srib,
GREAT POST!!!!!! Wonderful in fact!!!! and as Sky said, ELOQUENT as well.
I am glad that you feel comfortable here posting and expressing your thoughts…I was flamed not long after I came here and I was RAW and that flame hurt, but you know, I am not going to let anyone run me off lovefraud because THEY have a problem.
I am no longer raw so the people who flame me don’t hurt my tender sensitivities any more. I just “consider the source” and let it go at that….
As I have said before we have almost all of us had ancestors who were burned at the stake for their religious beliefs, and we have also probably had other ancestors who lit the fire that burned the first ones….and what ever human folly that can be imagined has probably been done by someone whose DNA runs in our blood, because we are HUMAN and humans do things that are less than noble, but we have choices, and even the psychopaths have choices.
We choose to expose them when we spot them….we choose to not behave that way ourselves…we can’t right every wrong in the world, we can only expose the wrongs we see and know about, and make choices to DO RIGHT to the best of our ability.
Having the LoveFraud community of people who do understand the pain that psychopaths inflict not only on those near them, but to the world at large helps keep us focused on helping ourselves and in helping others in our community and our world.
Thanks, AR. I think it’s really cool that you have had the opportunity to “seek” in so many different directions. I agree, there is wisdom in each.
🙂 🙂 thanks guys….
Skylar,
I want to thank you for something you said yesterday or maybe on Saturday. You said “don’t look for a lover, look for a friend”.
That was one of the most important things I have heard in many many moons. It was particularly helpful because I am in a very new friendship with a really nice man and I was nervous about our bike ride yesterday. He is a friend of my SIL and she says he is a very decent, nice guy but still I am SPOOKED and when I read that, wow it just gave me so much peace.
Thank you SKY!!! I wanted you to know how much you helped me out yesterday! 🙂
AR
You’re welcome AR.
It’s common sense when you think about it. Love makes your head spin, while friendship grounds you. It’s important to beware of the frenemy as well. LL, has told me she was friends for many years with her spath!
And you know Maria Shriver dated Ahnold for about 8 years before marriage. AAARRRGGGHHH!
You gotta walk with eyes wide open. People show their stripes, it’s only us who believe what we WANT TO BELIEVE, like Wendy in Peter Pan, so we end up fooling ourselves.
It amazes me how many times I made excuses for his bizarre behavior. He didn’t even need to do it because I did it for him. I needed to do it to keep my fantasy.
One thing I am really dealing with and I HATE it. is I have opportunity to be with a really nice man, and he’s attractive, and I am still missing the narc like crazy. I am craving him and I can’t help but remember the article on that crazy chemistry they have. I need to go back and review it.
My new friend is closer to my age, 4 years older and also in great shape, narc is 17 years older than me!! He’s awesome looking for his age, good body in the gym regularly, gorgeous hair, beautiful smile (caps and transplants) movie star smile. but those hollow eyes and he is just NOT normal. It is so refreshing to be with a man who is NORMAL yet I ache for the ex. YES ARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!! 🙂 as I bang my head on the wall…
I am thinking it is because I am sexually bonded to him-that chemical thing that Ox describes. I am in NC with him but I swear even tho I know he is A FIRST CLASS TURD, I am afraid I would give into the temptation. I miss him so much at times. What is wrong with me?
Oh yes Arnie, well add him to the list of out of control politicians.. Doesn’t matter what side of the political fence they are on, they are all SCUM (those who do that to their wives and families). What a jerk….
adamsrib:
I will respond to this later. I have to go to the dentist now 🙂
I have a lot to say about this subject…
thank you….I am really sooo mad at myself right now…
I have NOT been with him and I am focusing on my new friend I am just dealing with these residual crazy feelings and I want to rid myself of them so I can move forward with a really good person.
I have prayed, meditated, journaled, vented etc. etc, I just am still missing him and it bugs the CRAP out of me…
thanks for any thoughts from LFr’s. I am in need of support in this.