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Vicious bullying leads to suicide in Japan

This may be the most flagrant and egregious case of school bullying ever—and teachers laughed. Read:

Kids and laughing teachers bullied suicide teen, on ABCNews.go.com.

More bullying stories:

Downtown Miami charter school sexual abuse and bullying led boy to attempt suicide twice: Lawsuit, on HuffingtonPost.com.

Teacher accused of raping 12-year-old boy, on AOL.com.

Links provided by Lovefraud readers.


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26 Comments on "Vicious bullying leads to suicide in Japan"

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My egg donor had a friend who was on the Batan Death March and I have heard stories both first and second hand of his ordeal, and I have been interested in this culture since them.

Recently I read a book about the March and another one about the Rape of Nanking (China) in which Japanese soldiers and officers killed between 200,000 and 350,000 innocent civilians, women and children in a 6 week period of time by torture and rape, not just “humane” murder.

B oth books, the one on Batan and the one on Nanking portrayed the pre-WWII culture of Japan as one of bullying from the top down, with the officers in the army (or any superior position) bullying and beating those beneath them, and each level bullied and abused the level below them, in such a way that the poor Japanese soldier only had captives left to bully, but because of the pent up rage that was engendered by the society/culture as a whole which was inflicted on them…in other words, abuse without recourse…they became horribly cruel to those below them.

I do not doubt that there is a great deal of truth in this assessment, or that that culture to some extent today exists in Japanese culture. We also know that in ALL cultures there are those individuals who will abuse others,, taunt others, bully them….and others which I call “fence sitters” who will knowingly not make any effort to stop the abuse even though they know it is “wrong.”

We have all seen other news articles here in the US or in the UK or Europe which are as horrible as the ones above.

I think it is up to us as individuals and as a collective to educate those around us by our own refusal to tolerate abuse for ,or for others, to STOP this “culture of abuse.” Whether it is NOT telling or not laughing at “macho” jokes about men abusing women or vice versa or something more assertive I think it is our duty to do all we can to stop bullying..

Thank you, Oxy, for that information.

I cannot imagine a culture where no one would think it out of line for teachers to laugh at children bullying other children, especially to the point of committing suicide.

I am glad that there are some people who are outraged. One of the blessings of the Internet is that people cannot sit in ignorance anymore. Sure, not everbody is connected to the Internet, but enough are, especially the young people who will change the culture eventually.

I was heartbroken when I read this article. That poor child and his parents.

The other two articles…my first thought was we once assumed that schools were a safe place to send out children. Unfortunately, I think there are many people who believe these incidents are rarities and will never happen in their town.

My town has about 18,000 inhabitants and over the past few years, we’ve had at least three teachers that I can think of who got into trouble to varying degrees because of sexual misconduct on the part of the public school teachers.

Awareness must come first, before we can expect any positive changes, so once again, it goes back to educating the public as well as letting our legislators know that we will not tolerate this behavior. They have to hear what people want changed.

I was thinking about what you said regarding the Japanese culture, Oxy. I don’t know how true this is today, but there is a perception of the Japanese being very concerned about honor and saving face.

If honor and saving face are so important, which I believe is what is behind harikari, then a scapegoat and bullying would have to be very important to that culture surviving as well.

Someday there will probably be a one world culture as our borders get more blurred and information gets more rapid and universal. Eventually, I hope this need to bully and save face will disappear.

Grace,
bullying isn’t limited to any one culture.
What Oxy described is EXACTLY what happens in any culture –today or yesterday or 1000 years ago.

There are people who don’t bond properly with their mothers. These people are so afraid of abandonment that it colors their entire lives. They want to see other people be scapegoated because it makes them feel safer. They know, instinctively, that once the crowd has a victim, they won’t need another one for a while. So these spath/bullies are always looking to procure a victim for the hungry masses. It has nothing to do with saving face.

Remember the poem, The Hangman.
The crowd doesn’t stand up for the innocent victim because it insures that THEY aren’t chosen as a scapegoat.

At my cabin home, we have a neighborhood water association. It seemed to me that every couple of years the water association would sue one of the member to make them pay for something. I felt like there was an ogre living under a bridge and it would exact a toll on someone, randomly. When the victim was chosen, we all breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t US that year. I finally got sick of it (knowing that my turn as victim was near) and got myself elected to the board of directors. I revealed what was happening and got the troll voted off the board when I disclosed all her “misfeasance”. (I couldn’t prove it was intentional)

BUT, unbeknownst to me… my spath was watching. I stupidly got all his minions elected on to the board with me. !!!

Just as I had handled, Malice, I could have handled them, they are idiots, but then my spath’s mask fell off and I RAN. I still can barely take facing the spath’s minions. It’s horrific to look at the “human” faces of creatures that crave your death. They seem so real. yet, I know they are not. cog/dis extraordinaire.

Oh and btw, Malice is back on the board despite her malfeasance. Once I was out of the picture, she felt safe. What I’ve observed is that people don’t want responsibility. They can’t imagine malice, they write it off to “misfeasance”. Nobody wants to believe that anyone would intentionally do evil.

Look up the Governer of florida and his medicare scandal for proof of this.

Please don’t forget that bullying is spath behavior and it transcends nationality, ethnicity, race and sex. It’s EVERY WHERE.

This is a horrific article and very upsetting to me, personally.

Skylar, this type of behavior is so frigging common and you are 100% spoy-on that it isn’t just happening in Japan.

I recently reconnected with a high school friend who is an extraordinary artist. While we were in school, a fellow student hanged himself at the age of 13. In a recent conversation with my friend, he revealed why this boy was distraught enough to end his own life and it was due to bullying. I had always believed that the boy’s dysfunctional home was the catalyst, but it was a minor factor. The school was a private parochial achool of 300 students, and I had NO idea that this had been going on.

The “minions” are not to be excused for engaging in “mob rules,” either. I studied sociology in college, and there are plenty of “explanations” as to why the Minion Factor occurs, but it’s no excuse as far as I’m concerned.

I never said that the behavior was unique to Japan. Of course I realize it’s everywhere.

http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2012/05/02/publicly-humiliating-children-sanctioned-abuse/

I was commenting on the possibilities why the teachers would laugh.

G1S, I actually had to address the School Board for a similar incident that was perpetrated upon my eldest son.

Of course, the eldest son was a horrible challenge to ANY teacher, but this one day, he was taken to the Principle’s office. The Principle was furious with him (and, I can understand this), but he lost complete control of his faculties. With the Secretary and offended teacher in the office, the Principle began a tirade of ridicule that ended with him (the Principle) standing on the ends of my son’s feet, and shoving him backwards so that the couldn’t balance himself and fell. The ensuing laughter and ridicule was replellant, even though my son probably provoked this man’s wrath.

Now, having looked at both sides of this nasty coin, my son was a perennial disruptive presence – he has since been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, Cluster B, and I’ve posted extensively about his choices and spathy. But, the three adults who were involved in the incident were gleefully ridiculing a kid – albiet a nasty kid, but a 12-year-old that did NOT respond well to the ridicule.

In questioning, the Principle made a claim that he “…cannot recall such an incident…” to have ever happened. The two other adults made the exact same statements, verbatim, during questioning.

What’s the moral of this event? I dunno…..but, it doesn’t take much of a leap for human beings to head down that dark path.

Similarly, in one of the most prestigious School Districts of the State of New Jersey, a special ed. teacher and her aid were RECORDED taunting and ridiculing their students after a concerned father noticed that his severely autistic son was acting-out with regard to school. The father “wired” his son (no easy task with an autistic child!) and sent him to school. What he recorded was simply horrific. And…..when brought to the attention of the District, NOTHING HAPPENED with the exception of one aid being fired, and the teacher being reassigned.

WARNING: this video could be very triggering, so please, be advised. The father is also very dramatic, but who wouldn’t be?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2OIQQs6PTQ

I have no doubt that the Japanese culture has changed some since pre WWII, but even in 70 years it is unlikely to change COMPLETELY. Even after the Civil War (War between the states) here in the US prejudice and mistreatment of blacks did not suddenly stop and change.

It is my understanding that “Face” is a very important thing for the Japanese culture even today. The national leaders to this day DENY about the rape of Nanking having happened though there is more than ample proof in first hand witness testimony and photographs to prove it did happen and was horrific, but because of the “National saving of face” many public officials have denied publicly that it ever happened. Several have been removed from office because of the public outcry about the denials too, but the denials continue.

The Korean “comfort women” who were kidnapped to provide sexual “comfort” to the Japanese soldiers were denied as captives for many many years and portrayed as prostitutes until finally they were acknowledged as kidnapped and raped and compensated (some what) for their suffering not too long ago.

The spin of the psychopaths, whether it is a national situation as in war, or whether it is a personal situations as one psychopath abusing a victim is to portray the victim as either not harmed, not victimized or having done it themselves.

We need to stand up more for the people who are victims, whether they are us or someone else. We need to stand up for what is RIGHT by the way we live and how we behave and speak.

Sociopaths are bullies!

I have often told my slag of a husband that he is a bully. In fact, yesterday, while looking up information regarding Minnesota’s Anti-bulling Task force I found this definition (one of many’many definitions) that relates to him:

“Bullying is a particularly vicious kind of aggressive behavior distinguished by repeated acts against weaker victims who cannot easily defend themselves, ((Farrington, 1993; Smith & Brain, 2000). Its consequences are severe, especially for those victimized over long periods of time. Bullying is a complex psychosocial problem influenced by a myriad of variables. The repletion and imbalance of power involved may be due to physical strength, numbers, or psychological factors.” (Smith, D.J, Schneider, B.H., Smith, P.K., & Ananiadou, K. 2004)

“Direct bullying… is a relatively open attack on a victim that is physical (hitting, kicking, pushing, choking) and or verbal (name calling, threatening, taunting, malicious teasing) in nature.

Indirect bullying….my slag’s MO… is more subtle and difficult to detect. It involves one or more forms of relational aggression, including social isolation, intentional exclusion, rumor-spreading damaging someone’s reputation, making faces or obscene gestures behind someone’s back, and manipulating friendships and other relationships.” (UCLA Center, Mental Health in Schools Program Policy and Analysis, 2011)

“Bullying is a subtype of aggressive behavior characterized by the intent to harm, repetition of attacks, and the abuse of power over a weaker victim (Olweus 199). Besides direct physical or verbal aggression, bullying can include indirect forms such as group exclusion or gossip (Crick and Bigbee 1998) and sometimes occurs through electronic means such as email or cellular phones (Patchin and Hinduja 2006).” (Ryan & Smith, 2009)

Minnesota’s last election for governor included a pathetic jerk who publicly stated that he would NOT support any anti-bullying legislation…fortunately, HE LOST the election…Yippee…happy day 4 me!

The winning governor, Mark Dayton, quickly appointed a diversified group of individuals to hold public hearings throughout the state. The anti-bullying Task Force has obtained input from students and adults regarding what should be included in our anti-bulling law. The task force has already held several “town hall-type” meetings throughout the state. Information about every meeting is available on-line for citizens to follow.

People who are concerned about bullying need to ask those who are running for office about how they stand on this issue…and makje sure the candidates give non-evasive responses… then VOTE ONLY for those candidates who recognize that laws are needed to prevent bullying…and promise to support anti-bullying legislation.

Hopefully after state governments have finally passed anti-bullying laws for school students, the next step will be to apply those laws to all victims (young and old) of sociopaths!

Once in my conversations with spathy boy, I had relayed the information to him that as a small child, I had been beaten and verbally abused by my grandmother, all behind my grandfathers back and in secret, for a great many years. Well, one time when I didn’t do what he wanted me to, he sent the BOBO Doll experiment tape, which is also on You Tube, hoping that it would trigger horror and upset with me. At first, I was taken back by such a hateful display of evilness but I think that is when I really started seeing it for myself. The twisted evilness of the being.

I consider myself a true survivor in every sense of the word. I am stronger than “IT” could ever dream of being.
BULLY. Yes, they are ALL BULLY’s. You are exactly right.

Hateful, lack of remorse, no respect except for the things they want and most of the time they don’t even know what they want…they want whatever you got so they can have it and you don’t. And that includes thoughts and the reactions they have pushed us into.

Yes, anti bullying laws are absolutely necessary for our children and if there is no program at your local schools, be one up on the subject and speak to your children about bullying and the proper reaction/actions they should take to make themselves safe and free of it. We can’t wait for someone else to protect our children.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCETgT_Xfzg&feature=related

Thanks for this conversation, IMconfused.
Happy weekend.

Dupey

Election day is comming…

Please ask candidates who are running for office if they will promise to support, and/or promote anti-bullying legislation. DO NOT accept evasive answers (ever notice that candidates often answer a question by talking about an unrelated subject…don’t allow this!). Demand an answer!

THEN VOTE for those candidates who want to pass laws against these bullying slags!

PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR A POLITICAL PARTY!

…vote for good people who believe in honesty and integrity and who promise to support/pass laws against bullying…regardless of a candidate’s political party affiliation!

I just watched the Bobo doll experiment in the link that you gave us, Back from the Edge.

Thank you so much for providing that.

Monkey see/monkey do.

I am not saying everyone abused turns out to be a ppath/spath but I think this experiment has proven that children will try to imitate that which they see and hear.

I raised my own children, away from all the violence on television, until they were well into their teenage years for that very reason. I think too many children are being desensitized by the media glorifying abnormal behaviors.

I think that is where the bullying comes from. The original sense of self empowerment. Only instead of ppath’s/spaths directing that empowerment into positive actions/reactions, they unleash it like a burst of nuclear energy, wiping out that which is in their way of what they want.

It’s the same with spaths/ppaths, ‘monkey see, monkey do.’ “IT” said to me, once: “I am just like a monkey, aren’t I? Putting on a show.” Didn’t really understand that, at the time, but I sure do now. Yes, Dear, just like a monkey.

Dupey

IT IS ALL ABOUT CHOICE.
WE ALL HAVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITY FOR CHOICE.
IT IS WHAT WE DO WITH OUR CHOICES THAT MATTER.

Just because they are ‘sick’, that does not mean I have to give up my life. I don’t believe I should be that ‘compassionate’. I see the ‘sickness’ for what it is and I don’t want it around me any more. Never again. That is all there is to it. There were LOTS of ugly and horrible things that took place between us. I have buried most of them because they aren’t even worth suffering over anymore.

IT IS ALL ABOUT CHOICE and they should be held as responsible as anyone else in this life, for their choices.
Sick or not. If they are sick, they should be forced into treatment. Especially the threatening and violent ones. I don’t see that happening and it makes me afraid for my grandchildren and their lives after I am gone.

They should remake the Bobo Doll experiment and put ppaths/spaths in place of the clown. hehehe

Interesting enough, spathy had a fear of clowns….
Amazing; isn’t it?

Dupey

Back from the Edge,

Many abused children do not end up as abusers. Some of them grow up to find people who will continue to abuse them (they identify with the victim role.)

There are also those who break away from the pattern and resolve to have a different life. Some people whiteknuckle it and remain very vulnerable, while others get themselves into recovery and successfully separate from that whole dynamic and do not repeat it.

I’m would be very hestitant about forcing anyone into treatment since Ps use that information to their advantage later on as opposed to changing for the better. I don’t want to put them into something that will make them more skillful at hurting others down the road.

G1S: I can relate about the hesitancy to force anyone like a ppath/spath into treatment for the reson being they would become more skilled and learned in their endeavors. I do understand that. I have seen it with my own eyes. Skillful enough to outsmart the fox. They just say whatever they need to to ‘get by’. That’s it. There is no real earnest effort towards change. That word is not in their vocabulary.

I was an abused child from the word “GO” and although I do not think of myself as a saint or anything, by any means, I have never purposely went out of my way to hurt anyone. In fact, the opposite. I have hurt by giving up too much of myself in compassion and understanding. For that, I am threatened, stalked, abused and I am saying “NO MORE”. I made CONSCIOUS decisions, when I was very young, that I was going to FORSAKE that craziness I saw about me and become something different and that is what I did. I do NOT use my childhood as an excuse for the rotten things I do to others. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. We should ALL be in control of ourselves.

I find little sympathy for people who put forth no effort at all into their ugly and ignorant selves and then complain and whine that their life has gone so rancid. THEY allowed it to happen to them.

My therapist says that “I” am just too strong. That I expect others to ‘live up to’ my idea and strength and personal character and that is being unrealistic. That I need to expect less of others and more from myself. While that makes a lot of sense to me, I find it easier to just not participate. That solves everything. I quite enjoy my time alone in the peace and quiet and am actually considering returning to college. Imagine that. Who knows how much time I have left, but whatever I do have left, it should be doing what “I” want to do and not what is pushed on me.

I chose different. I could have let my childhood dictate WHO I WAS TO BECOME or I could CHOOSE to be something entirely different. It’s all about choice. Nothing comes easy in this life that’s worth having and that includes change in ourselves.

Breaking free from the habitual control I have been under the past five years has been very difficult to overcome and break through this ‘manipulated’ patterns of the past five years. It’s relearning and re disciplining myself and forcing myself past some things that would be very easy and normal, second nature to other people. Then, in the middle of all this, I had a massive heart attack and had two heart surgeries, so far, along the way.

I do think PPATHS/SPATHS need to be controlled unless it doesn’t matter that they RUIN and STEAL peoples lives. They are flying under the legal radar much too well. And, I ask, where are OUR RIGHTS? Hm?

I will never completely understand the enigma they are. I had an ‘egg donor’ that I THOUGHT was a ppath/spath, until I ran into “IT”. I almost say under my breath, once in a while, “Jeez, egg donor, sorry I misjudged you so harshly; after the experience I just had, guess you weren’t so bad after all.” hahahaha

Thanks for the conversation G1S…
Have a happy weekend, would ya?

Dupey

One of my former therapists told me that children of narcissistic parents often do become very compassionate as compensation of what they were deprived of as children.

Mine told me and others that I was “too sensitive.”

I don’t think that we can be “too sensitive” or “too strong.” I don’t think it is healthy for us to be controlling.

I think what can be done, as opposed to attempting to change Ps through therapy, is disempower them by educating the general public.

The more the general public becomes aware of their behavior, who their most likely targets are, and what they are capable of doing, the less likely they will be able to get away with things.

I’m always up for a good conversation. 😮

Shame-core…..ugh

Back from the Edge,

I was just re-reading what you wrote.

What did you mean by,

“THERE IS NO EXCUSE. We should ALL be in control of ourselves…I find little sympathy for people who put forth no effort at all into their ugly and ignorant selves and then complain and whine that their life has gone so rancid. THEY allowed it to happen to them.”?

I disagree. “We should all be in control of ourselves”? Really? Little kids, too? They can beat the monsters? You truly believe that?

This thread is about students and teachers bullying a child in Japan to the point that the child committed suicide. Please put your comments up against that and let me know how they fit. Are you saying that this kid should have had been control over what was going on his life and not succumbed to suicide?

When it comes to psychopathy, we do not “allow” it to happen to us. It happens. That’s why the betrayal is so profound. Most of us cannot identify what is going on and how we are being set up. We also have a substantial block of professionals and society working against us.

This is not a strength. This is a lack of understanding and compassion and no allowance for people having different personalities, insights, skills, and opportunities nor is there any recognition of the forces that they are up against.

That being said, I go back to what I posted previous to this. Some people do not identify with the Ps, some do not become victims (and that is not a choice,) and some do manage to break away.

G1S: there is no excuse for grown adults knowing they have a problem and doing nothing about it is what I meant. And, yes, as adults we SHOULD be in control of ourselves. If we do not control ourselves, we find someone to do that for us, depending upon the heinousness of our actions.

I never said we allowed anything to happen to us.
We were duped and manipulated.

NOBODY can beat the monster. The trick is staying away from the monster in the first place. That’s the trick. And, yes, I do find little sympathy for spaths/ppaths who have choices just like we do. They have all the same things available to them, for treatment that we do. They chose to be the way they are. If it was not a choice, they would change their behavior.

I never said children should be in control of themselves. THEIR PARENTS should have enough respect for their children’s lives that THEY remain in control of themselves. I think you completely misunderstood me.

THEY ARE MAKING A CHOICE TO ACT THE WAY THEY DO BECAUSE THEY LIKE IT. ADULT PPATHS. I said nothing about children. Let me make that perfectly clear. What I said was: we all have choices. I steered clear of the dysfunction “I” grew up in. If I can persist and make it through MY LIFE without blaming my parents and my childhood, I am taking responsibility for my own choices and my own actions and not placing the blame anywhere else, the same way spaths/ppaths do. THAT is the correlation I was trying to impart. I grew up an abused child from the age of 3 years old. I remember it, yes. It has not diminished me in anyway as far as self esteem. BECAUSE I CHOSE DIFFERENT. I stand up and take responsibility for myself and my actions. More importantly, I don’t place the blame for my mistakes on other people in my life. WE ALL HAVE CHOICE. Some day when children recognize they have choices, THEY have choices too.

There is no excuse for a 48 year old man acting like a 12 year old serial killer. That is what I am talking about. We all have parts of our lives that completely suck. We can choose to stay in that spot or get out of it. It’s that simple. I chose to forsake my childhood and my family and move on. I never really had much ‘family’ anyways, so there was nobody but me to nurture and enlighten myself along the way and I think I did a pretty good job of it. I haven’t purposely hurt people along the way and gloated over it.

Children become what they are shown, unless when the children get older, they forsake what they have been shown and become something different. That’s called growth and progression. I refuse to stay in my childhood and use it as a crutch and an excuse for everything rotten I want to do in my life, the way ppaths/spaths do.

Sorry if I put this on the wrong thread. Usually, there is no problem.

Dupey

I was confused. That’s why I asked for clarification.

But, if parents don’t know about the problem, because the kids are not telling them, or the parents are doing something about it, but it falls on deaf ears by the school administrators who do nothing, which is what happened in this Japanese case, then what?

By the way, not everybody is aware that they are in dysfunctional situations. Lots of people fail to recognize that what they are living with is unhealthy. They believe it’s normal and that everybody lives like this because it is normal for them. They do not know that they have options.

If everybody else around them is locked in/trapped and whining, they’re not going to know that they have alternatives. Plus, there are plenty of people who put down therapy and getting help because they think everybody should be able to deal with things. Not everybody embraces the idea of therapy and self-help because they do not understand it or they are afraid of it.

Lots of people get told that “we are family and this is what family does.” People simply don’t know.

I’m rather puzzled why you’re not making allowances for these kinds of situations and people. Were that life was that simple – everything is black and white. It isn’t.

There is no excuse for anybody acting like a serial killer.

Lucky you that you grew up an abused child and it never diminished your self-esteem in anyway. You must fall into a very small group. I’m not being sarcastic, just realistic.

G1S: School bullying is unacceptable and our schools should do like they have laws, now, out here, in California, about school bullying.
They do not take it lightly here, at all.

My 10 year old Grand Daughter approached me one day, about a boy, in her class, who was always doing rotten things and blaming it on her. I told her how to take care of the problem because she confided in ME and not her parents, SOBBING HER SOUL OUT. I told her how to go back to school the next day and deal with it. I taught her to extend kindness to the boy even though he had been mean to her. That took him back a hundred steps and she has had no more problem. The school was actually thinking of expelling HER because of the lie this little boy told. I instructed her to show her ‘strong’ side and to persist being the wonderful person she is. I told her she needed to have a personal, frank, discussion with the teacher and make it known that it was not her. It all worked out.

I know children don’t like approaching their parents because they are ‘afraid’ of what will happen. In my Grand Daughter’s case, her parents took the other side instead of hers and I just knew it wasn’t all true. They were punishing her and she didn’t deserve it one bit. I told her that she should go to school the next day and show what a mature and responsible young lady she is and that just like on television, when the cops are interviewing the criminal, if she had ANY problems, just simply cease further communication and state: “I would like my Grammy, please” and have them call me and I will straighten it out.

I could TELL something was wrong with her, though, that is the point. She wasn’t acting like her normal, sweet, self and when I had her alone for a few moments, she confided EVERYTHING in me. It’s up to us to teach our children something different. How to react differently. School bullys are no different that grown up spaths/ppaths. In fact, I do believe the bullying children are acting out dysfunction that they are receiving at home.

You said that not everybody is aware that they are in dysfunctional situations….that’s where the red flag of misery comes in; doesn’t it? That should be telling enough, I would think. Grown up decisions aren’t easy. Sometimes we have to forsake what our hearts are telling us and go with the logical thing. Sometimes the logical thing is the best thing for us, even though our hearts may tell us something different.

Yes, I agree with you. MOST people fail to recognize that what they are living with is unhealthy. Physically and emotionally. Yes, they believe it’s normal. “I” never have because I had such a strong hope and strength instilled inside me by my Grandfather, the only saving grace I had in this lifetime. I AM in the very small group of survivors who keeps rising to the ocassion. Unfortunately.

I found the dysfunction I was growing up in so confusing and so unacceptable, that by the age of 8 years old, I already had a ‘life plan’; how’s that? Hm? That was pretty dysfunctional. Filled with all sort of deviance along the way too.

If someone is in a situation and they are uncomfortable or find themselves wanting to put ear plugs in their ears; if there is constant drama, chaos, etc., that to me has always been unacceptable. I have never asked for much in my life but peace and quiet, void of all the drama and chaos. I would think (for me, anyways), getting away from all that is a ‘second nature’ and/or natural instinct. But I can relate to what you are saying.

My therapist yells at me all the time for not considering the fact that these are ‘sick’ people, incapable of change. I will never believe that they DO NOT have the same choices as us and well, it doesn’t really matter; does it?

I am not making allowance for adult spaths because if anyone had a propensity to be like they are, it would be me and I have chosen different with my life. I have been told I am in a very small percentage of ‘survivors’ who has the strength to pull myself up from the boot straps and still cling to all those important virtues in life. I chose different. It wasn’t easy but it is possible. Definitely. If that is a cold hearted, non compassionate point of view, then I guess it is. Because “I” did the homework and “I” changed the tide of the way my life SHOULD HAVE GONE. Instead of whining about it the way this psychopath stalker has done his entire lifetime.

My PTSD has helped me a great deal, over the course of my life. hahahaha It just keeps growing, but well, in this type of experience, I am sort of glad it’s there, now. It is giving me a ‘PTSD FILE” to stow it away in…I only have to look at the ugly parts now, when “I” want to. hehehe

“Lucky” isn’t the word for what I have been G1S…
I believe the Graces of the Angels have always been with me.

My heart is broken for the children who are lost like this.
There is no excuse for this at all. None. I can’t imagine the grief these parents must feel.

Have a happy day G1S, I keep trying to but I am very lazy and sure don’t want to do much. hehehe

Dupey

I am sorry to read that you feel this way, “My therapist yells at me all the time for not considering the fact that these are ’sick’ people, incapable of change. I will never believe that they DO NOT have the same choices as us and well, it doesn’t really matter; does it?”

Yes, it does matter because they suffer and how much you’re judging them.

May the angels continue to grace you.

My pyscho has tried to murder me.
I was sexually abused from the age of 3.
I have a right to judge them, the way I see it.
I lived through the struggles they have inflicted on me.
All of the ppaths/spaths in my life. I somehow found the strength within to rise above it all and move forward with my life. And not one time have I ever blamed my ugliness on my childhood. Not one time.

I used to counsel juvenile felons for quite a few years. We had a program that diverted them away from the prison system. All I ever heard was ” my parents, this; my parents, that”…like they had no choice at all.

Well, that’s what life is about: CHOICE.
We must rise above what we have been handed to become something more. Against all odds. That is the nature of ‘survival’. But to do so lightly and with grace. Not with or by manipulation.

“I” grabbed a hold of my life, against all odds, and chose something different than dysfunction for my life.

It doesn’t matter because they will never choose any differently. All I can do is shake my head and walk away and make sure MY LIFE is good. I am not the morality cops to anyone’s life but my own.

I am not talking about the children now…
I am talking about the ppath/spath.

I will always believe it is a conscience choice they are making. Absolutely.

As for the children who commit suicide from bullying, I think these children need a voice. Our laws should give them protection and a voice.

May the Angels continue to bless you as well G1S.
I am not judging the children – I am judging society.

Dupey

Nobody becomes who they are overnight. Like everything, it takes practice. The first step is to decide what you want to become. At some point a spath decides to take a certain perspective and then follows that road, on the way there, he is determined to bring as many people with him as possible. In the book, “Mistakes Were Made, But Not BY Me” it explains that we look for affirmation of our choices, by how many people will do the same thing.

skylar: you are right. Nobody becomes who they are overnight. Like EVERYTHING it takes lots of practice.

The first step IS to decide what you want to be about and what you ARE about. I agree with you, spaths/ppaths DO at some point CHOOSE to take a different perspective and outlook on life than the way we do. Exactly right: inside of them is a bottomless pit of disdain and hatred just seething over.

I finally have realized that the stalking I am still encountering are little outbursts and fits of thoughts of me. How nice is that? Too bad they are not with love and affection; hm?

Right, but that affirmation of our choices isn’t always called correctly by the majority, now is it? Sometimes we have to step outside the box and defend the paths we have walked and the choices we have made. At some point we all must stand responsible for our choices. That is the point. We all can say ‘yes’ or we all can say ‘no’. We all have that same option. We all have the choice of petting the kitty or strangling it. Right?

They are demented and twisted in their logic.
I just want it all away from me now and let me live in my nice, quiet, little cave and enjoy the solitude. Know what I mean? I don’t have to have any ‘compassion’ for something that has tried to devour my life. Period.

That’s not hate talking; that’s logic.

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