By Ox Drover
Since I have been in the medical profession for many years as a Registered Nurse Practitioner (now retired) I have been interested in the reactions our bodies and our minds have from stress.
Stress is a contributing factor to poor health and decreased immune response. Increases in the frequency of infection for individuals with a high level of stressful events in their lives have been well researched by many researchers. It is also well proven that our thinking and ideal mental responses are also diminished by high levels of stress.
Stress is not just the negative things that happen to us, but according to researchers Holmes and Rahe, stress is the result of “life events.”
I have been aware of this and have “charted” my high stress levels throughout most of my adult life using the “Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale” of “life events.”
Holmes and Rahe studied the effects of stress on humans (both positive stress/change and negative stress/change) and came up with a way to measure the intensity of stress. A score at or above 300 on their scale within a three-year period gave a person a higher than average chance of having illness or an accident happen to them. (Which of course adds even more stress to the person.)
The “take home lesson” from their scale of intensity of stress is that when life is throwing us stressful situations we cannot control, we need to keep the level of changes we voluntarily make at a minimum.
Since my life seems to have been a continual cycle of huge stresses, many of which have not been under my control, I have consciously tried to keep the voluntary contributions to this stress level at a minimum. For years, though, I was actually not doing a very good job, as I was still engaging in interactions with the psychopaths and their dupes. Recently, though, after going NC with the Ps and their dupes, I thought I was doing a pretty good job here lately, and I actually was.
Yesterday, however, after several peaceful, low stress months, I encountered my mother as my son and I were coming out of a checkout line in a store. There was a short “scene” in which I was “triggered” and angered. Wounds were ripped open. I was highly and instantly stressed! Shot full of adrenaline.
I came home, had a pity party, and ranted some and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt much better emotionally, and was back on a “level road.” Physically, though, I felt wrung out, like I had dug ditches with a shovel all day yesterday and was still so residually tired, even after a good night’s sleep, that I was just needing a day of rest.
This feeling lead me to an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that I hadn’t had a big adrenaline rush in quite some time. I had been living in a peaceful and pretty calm state of mind, fear was low, and my body had not been having to deal with high stress levels either internally or externally.
Though I am entirely convinced that it will take several more years of consistent peace, low anxiety, and little change, for me to completely recover from the effects of the high stress levels for such long periods of time, I do realize I have come a long ways in living a life of peace and calm.
When I was having adrenaline rushes almost on a daily, or even hourly, basis during the “crisis” mode, never coming down from that adrenaline rush, I didn’t know how it felt when I did come down. I saw the way I felt (pretty bad) as “normal.” (Because it was the “usual” state.)
Now that I have lived in peaceful circumstances long enough that I haven’t been under a continual surge of stress hormones for a while (literally enough of them to make my body shape change), I can easily tell what I feel physically and mentally today is a response to what happened yesterday.
My body shuttled the blood to my muscles (in a fight or flight scenario) and used up all the glucose stored in my liver to feed them. So I really AM tired, not just “feeling” tired. So, today I rest, exercise a bit, but not too much, and recover my physical normalcy. I will continue to try to keep changes of any kind at a minimum, and not make any voluntary significant changes in my life. I will keep my environment as calm and peaceful as I possibly can.
The damage done to my immune system and to my body and psyche from years of continual bombardment from stress hormones will take years to resolve (if it ever does completely resolve), but it is important that I do my part to keep stressors at a low level. No Contact is the biggest tool in my “tool belt” to keep stress at a lower level. Avoiding any situations and persons that irritate me or add to my stress level is another good tool.
Doing positive things for myself, pampering myself, are more great tools in my belt. Being aware that I need to rest physically (I acknowledge that I am somewhat a workaholic) is also very important. My dishes are still in the sink—the world has not come to an end! I’ll do them when I feel like doing them—today, tomorrow, who cares?
Today I will focus in the good things in my life—the love of my sons, and the positive aspects of my world.
Thanks for the informative article on stress effects, Oxy.
I’ve never mentioned this on LF before, as it’s my problem/my situation and I deal with it in a practical, personal care taking way.
I’m positive that my 20+ years of general anxiety and panic attack disorders caused me to be afflicted with 2 life long auto immune disorders.
I am now on medication that alleviates most of the pain, burning and inflammation but it never completely goes away.
Please don’t be concerned for me; on a pain scale of 1-10, it’s pretty much a 1 1/2 on most days.
I’m also of the firm opinion that it’s made me immensely stronger on all levels, physically, emotionally, psychologically and most especially…..spiritually.
See, I simply had no other choice but to surrender my cares, my worries, my irrational fears to the Creator in an effort to end my nightmare of debilitating anxiety/depression.
Not to sound too melodramatic, but I was slowly and inexorably….perishing.
Little pieces of myself sluffing off day in and day out over the years until I no longer knew who the hell I was, where I was going, what I was doing, why I even existed.
But, it’s been written far too many times on this fundamentally life saving/life preserving website to foolishly dismiss, (I love you, Donna!!) that we unfortunately must be straddling that seductive, alluring abyss, gazing into the fathomless darkness where the only 2 choices are too plunge into it or to take a monumental leap away.
I chose the latter.
And, I’m most joyful to say I’ve been anxiety/panic attacks/depression free for 4 years now! YaY!
Thank you, Jesus!!! xxoo
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”
Dear Muldoon,
It isn’t the kids he wants, if you had a cat you loved he would want THAT even if he hated cats, it is because YOU want them that he is doing what he is dong. Yes, he will STEP UP THE TERROR, and what you must do in the middle of all of this is to NOT LET THE TERROR GET TO YOU. I know that is a difficult thing to do, darling, I was in your shoes, but at the time I didn’t have lovefraud people to support me and to advise me.
First, back to the document, document,1) SAVE ALL E MAILS, SAVE ALL VOICE MAILS AND MESSAGES They will show a PATTERN of nastiness if nothing else, and quite frankly nastiness usually doesn’t fly in the courts, most judges take a dim view of this.
So, let him do this, IT IS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. Secondly, do NOT let this chit upset you darling, YOU know what and who you are (or at least you are learning) and YOU know what and who he is—a piece of bottom feeding trash! You don’t want to live in TERROR, and you MUST NOT live in terror, but that doesn’t mean you are not cautious—CAUTIOUS!!!
You need to take action and get a recorder, keep it with you, get a nanny cam and put it so it will “watch” your car and record what happens. A cheap one is okay. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.
Next is to take care of YOU. Be safe. I know you are tired, physically and mentally, but you must REST and be good to yourself. This whole mess will not last forever (though it seems it will)
When you are worried, stressed, sit yourelf down and pretend you are a little child who is scared of the storm and you are trying to calm the child. TALK TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU WOULD THAT CHILD.
Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He calms the CHILD. You can’t control the storm, but you can comfort that little girlie inside of you, YOU.
I am going to keep myself safe. He is not going to get the kids. I will collect evidence. I will keep myself safe. I will not respond like he wants me to. I will not let him control me. I am strong and I will take care of myself. I will keep my head no matter what he does. I am growing in strength each day. And so on. Say whatever it is that you would want someone else to tellyou, or that yo would say to your scared little girl.
YOU CAN DO IT, MULDOON!!!!! (((((HUGS))))) and all my best wishes and prayers!!! Oxy
Dear dear sweet Janie,
I’ve only had one panic attack in my life and I can tell you it was terrible. I have had many patients who suffered with these attacks though, and the best treatment I have found for them is that the patient must accept that these are not going to kill them, that it is uncomfortable and scary, but not fatal and they are not having a heart attack etc. and that they must self calm. Those that will accept that are usually totally free of the panic attacks or if they do get one it lasts only a little while. I do remember lying there when I had mine though, telling myself all those things and how difficult it was to believe them.
Unfortunately about 2/3 of the patients I had would not ever believe me that they weren’t dying. Time after time after time. I referred them to another higher level of caregiver for further treatment and psychological counseling.
I am glad you are doing well and taking care of these problems. It is amazing to me that considering the level of stress we have all had that we have not died in the effort to continue in that stressful situations or that we didn’t learn enough the first time or two (me for example) to not get into another situation just like the first, or second etc.
Denial of reality and truth, which is a big part of my problem in the past, didn’t take away the pain, but it did keep me from facing it and even having an idea that it needed fixing.
I know that at least now I am ON the road to healing, and have an idea of what directions I need to go in accomplishing peace and harmony within myself. At my age too, I am having to readjust my thinking and my goals, and enter the age range where I am no longer worried about career, etc. and must find new goals, new pleasures, new pursuits. That, ALONE in itself, is a complete mind set change.
I am also divesting myself of many of my possessions that were quite precious to me in the past, family heirlooms that I felt were “sacred” I have given away to my cousins, they no longer have any sentimental value to me. I have decimated my personal possessions in clothing, jewelry, etc. and the only thing I have held on to (but wouldn’t be loath to get rid of) are my wood working tools, and art supplies, a few pet cows and my donkeys and wagon, and my favorite dogs.
Last year when I left here I took boxes of old letters (to and from my grandmother when I was in Africa and South America working) and other family heirlooms (except for furniture) but those things hold little sentimental attachment for me now. Don’t know why exactly, but somehow I have changed my way of thinking about “stuff” and “things” and the importance of “things” has gone wayyyyyy down on my list of “important items.” Useful items I cherish for their uses, but just sentimental items are no longer important, if that makes any sense. My sons and my friends are the only essential items in my heart, and I realize that even if they all betrayed me or died, I would grieve, but I WOULD BE OK. I would survive, like Dr. Viktor Frankl, and somehow find meaning in it.
I used to also think I was “faking” my strengths, but now I realize they are REAL. I AM STRONG. Not invincible, but strong. I may not win every fight, but I will survive and prosper within my self.
I don’t know what it is in me, but I manage to soldier on through the stress. It’s after it’s over that I buckle.
I was going through the following all at once: (a) getting a divorce; (b) getting sued right and left because of I had guaranteed debts of my conman brother; (c) in debt up to my eyeballs because my soon-to-be ex and I tried to buy happiness on my credit cards; and (d) managed to get out of Tower Two with it coming down behind me.
All I remember as I was stumbling through the smoke pouring from the doomed Towers and trying to find safety, was thinking “If you survive this you are so going to make some changes in your life.”
Obviously, I survived. I also developed a whopping case of PTSD after that. Dropped 60 pounds in 6 weeks. Yet, I tried, to quote my mother, “function in disaster and finish in style.” I shut down mentally, and worked my way through my list of immediate problems, problem-by-problem.
And then came that magical day when the last lawsuit was put to bed, the last creditor was paid off. And my health gave out.
I got my health back. Problem was, I didn’t focus on my mental health. I was still operating on the same emotional band-width as before — basically pretending that as long as I got up, put on a nice suit and tie, managed to perform at work and pretended that life was perfect, I’d be fine. Which made me ripe for the picking when S came along.
After S I’m now focusing on both my mental and physical health. The stress is piling up at work. They’re firing right and left at my firm.
But, now I no longer pretend that everything’s okay. I’ve learned that denying reality ultimately leads to more stress. What I do, to reduce the stress, is remind myself that I’ve survived far worse, and I’ll find a solution to whatever life throws at me.
I’m also trying to simplify my life. I could so relate to OxDrover’s divesting herself of her possessions.
In my case, I was forced to do so when I came home from a vacation to a smoke-damaged apartment caused by a neighbor’s XMAS tree fire. After I got my wardrobe to the dry-cleaners, I had to triage my closets and other things.
Purging my apartment of things the S gave me was therpeutic. But, then I started tossing out things which I had held onto for sentimental value because I realized they not only no longer had sentiment, but they a part of the past that no longer fit who I was today.
Moreover, what is one man’s sentiment is his heirs’ mystery photos. How many of us have had to go through the belongings of a deceased relative and looked at fading photographs of people who nobody has a clue who they are? My memories are in my head and heart. I don’t need some knick-knack to remind me of where I’ve been.
Getting rid of that stuff was liberating. And as strange as it sounds, I actually feel I can breathe easier without all that clutter.
I think, OxDrover, that you might relate to the view I adopted from a former colleague: if you’re not careful, you end up defined by your possessions.
Good evening folks. This afternoon I watched Oprah’s show. Another great Spiritual Awakening show. Fantastic show to say the least. Anyway, the Omega Founder and Oprah agreed …. take 1 minute, 1 minute out of your day and go silent. Oprah suggested the easiest way to go silent is to pay attention to your breathing. Pay attention to your inhaling and exhaling. Do this one minute, each day (after you shower, brush your teeth, get dressed for work … sit on your bed for 1 minute) for the month of January. Then in February … go silent for 2 minutes. 2 minutes of listening to your breath coming in and out of your lungs. March, give yourself 3 minutes/day to go silent and reflect … by December, you will be up to 12 minutes per day reflecting and going silent.
I’m sure she posted the show on her site if anyone besides me is willing to get in touch with your spiritual self. I love her dedication, as well as her guests dedication to making us more spiritual aware.
Peace.
Matt, so many people seem to be “defined by their possessions” and to seem to think that what they have is what they are. There was a time in my young years when I would have bought into that, my P-bio-father sure did. Not now, though.
It has been a long time though since I have felt defined by what I have, and it has been a long long loooong time since I have envied anyone else’s possessions. Though I have admired other’s homes, lands, etc. I have not envied them in the least.
I quit worrying about what I wore and started to wear what was comfortable. At work I had to “dress” approprately and I did, but in what I chose rather than the “dress for success” type of thing.
It is comforting to me to be able to say I am in the RICHEST 2% of the population of the US—my house and cars are paid for and I am debt free. Therefore I have a positve net worth! It may be only $50 but it is in the BLACK! LOL (I don’t know where I read that 2% statistic, but I latched on to how “rich” it made me feel! LOL)
Of course my monthly income is in the “poverty level” right now, but it meets my needs, as I don’t have any “bills” or expenses, plus MY NEEDS ARE SIMPLE AND EASILY MET. I live within my means and enjoy the simple pleasures that don’t cost much, if anything. Food, utilities, and car insurance and gas are my only expenses. I barter for a considerable amount of goods and services, and fortunately (or unfortunately) my husband left me a large store of “things” that are desirable by others so I am divesting myself of those things of his my sons don’t want, or using them here in the case of building materials etc. Selling others, giving away some, and putting a great deal of it into the dump. It has kind of become a “game” to see just how cheaply I can live and still manage on my income, and still “live well,” having every thing I need, and most of what I want.
About the only thing I have had to curtail with the economic down turn is the travel I used to do before the prices of fuel went up so high. They are back down lower now (at least for now, but I assume since the election is over the prirces will creep back up.)
Whether you are “poor” or “rich” doesn’t depend on how much money you have, or what kind of vehicle you drive—I have a “red neck’s used car lot” with multiple vehicles, all old but in sound condition, and PAID FOR—(none up on blocks, BTW! LOL) Your attitude determines whether you are poor or rich. If you think that someone else is “better” or “better off” than you are because you envy their possessions or “financial freedom” you are off track completely.
Look at many of the very rich business and media “stars” who have what most of us would consider “barrels” of money. Are they happy? Read the tabloids about their most recent divorce (number 3 or 4) and their arrests for DUI, their drug rehab stays, their child custody cases, etc. and you tell me, does the money make them happy? Satisfied? Heck, look at OJ!!!
Back when my husband was flying charters for Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Glen Campbell, Johnny Carson, Richard and Pat Nixon on campaign etc. he got to be privy to some of the “not so public” things about these people and some of their twisted lives, and neither fame nor money brought some of these people satisfaction and contentment.
Some dear friends of mine are in the process of building a giant, probably half million dollar house, and I don’t envy them at all. It is beautiful, but I am more than satisfied with my own house—I wouldn’t want theirs as a gift. About the only thing they have I would like to have is their great wonderful barn cat and they want to keep her! LOL
The Apostle Paul advised his disciples to “be content” in “whatever state you are in…even in slavery if you can’t get free.” (paraphrased) Unfulfilled expectations or strong desires is what causes dissatisfaction. We should all know that the UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS AND PROMISES we had from the Ps is what was the BIGGEST PAIN for us. I think any thing we think is “ours” or “about to be ours” and really believe we have or will soon have it, and then LOSE IT or don’t get it, is the big LET DOWN, the big betrayal.
I don’t EXPECT to win the lotto even if I buy a ticket. So I am never disapponted when I don’t win. But if I EXPECT to get the promotion, and instead get a salary cut and a demotion, I FEEL ROBBED. Betrayed. Expectations vs reality is where we get hung up.
I feel content with what I have, I have what I need, use and enjoy. I’ve still got “too much” stuff, but am weeding it out in to great piles and heaps of: TO KEEP, DUMPSTER, GARAGE SALE, E BAY, CRAIG’S LIST, AUCTION, BARTER and GIVE AWAY. That activity is also keeping me active, focused with something productive to do (another important point)
Matt, I applaud you for looking to your mental health as well. I suggest that you also click on the Holmes and Rahe link, and check out their check list and tally up your points. The point scale is arbitrary so if you have something that fits on the list but isn’t listed, look at the other point values and assign it a value. That might keep it fro being valid for research purposes but it will give you and idea of how far “off the scale” you are in terms of stress. I also had to look at WHAT was stressing me that I didn’t even realize was a stress.
The encounter with my mother gave me a good “ah ha” moment and I am actually glad now that it happened. The “ah ha” moment was worth it and underscored the need to continue to be vigilant in keeping the stress level LOW. As low as possible.
Henry, hang tough, sweetheart, I think you are starting to get “over the hump” and to see that you ARE a good person. You just grew up in a screwed up family (I sure did) but that somehow you managed to become an honest and a good person who cares about others deeply and genuinely. I say that YOU ARE ONE OF THE RICHEST PEOPLE ON EARTH!!! You have a good heart and a kind soul and a wonderful giving spirit. To me that is what makes you WEALTHY in the kind of coin that is important. In the end, none of us take a U-Haul to the graveyard, we only leave behind what we were, and you will leave behind a great wealth in your sons and grand kids. (((hugs))))
Pain& Depression – The relationship between pain and depression is complex and it’s really a two way street. For starters, suffering from unrelenting pain can take a toll on your mood or lead to anxiety or fears on how it will affect your life or wether it will get worse. “But the effect’s also go much deeper.”Six of the nine areas of the brain that regulate pain are also emotional processing areas, wich affect mood. Pain changes the activity in these areas, and that can knock you emotionally off balance. They can also alter the way your mind works. Chroinc back pain can lead to changes in thinking ability. The ripple effet can continue from there. ” when pain has depleted your body and disrupted your ability to function, depression, insomnia and other problems occur’ “and that can amplify the pain even more.
ABsolutely right, Henry. In family medical practice we frequently saw what we called “chronic pain syndrome” in patients and it is very difficult to treat. It is physical AND psychological. They develop a neurosis, an anxiety, and a dependence physically and emotionally on drugs etc. Nothing seems to help the patient and the patient becomes focused on only the pain, feels helpless, depressed, etc.
Antidepressants help with the treatment of chronic pain. Also patients who have had a near death heart attack have personality changes that are quite dramatic sometimes and we use the “technical term” CARDIAC ASSHOLE. I’m not sure if this is minute brain damage from the blood not being circulated well duriing the heart attack, or if it is PTSD from being so near death or both of those things. People who have had surgery using a heart lung machine also have some personality changes as well. I haven’t kept up with the latest medical things in the past 4 1/2 years so there may be more research has shown the whys, but I know that we used to try to treat these patients, and frequently referred them to psychiatrists or psychologists.
I know when my stepdad was dying with the cancer, he had never been sick until thenn in his life, never been in the hospital except for out patient eye surgery, and he had an instance or two of pain. Afterwards he was TERRIFIED of it, and the emotional treatment to avoid his terror was more the treatment of choice for him. We were able to keep him actually pain free, but his DREAD of the possibility of pain was seemingly worse than the actuall pain.
Also I do know that recently the gene for tolerance of pain has been found, and there are three types. The weenie type who gets two weenie genes, the mid type with one weenie gene and one stoic gene, and then there is the person with two stoic genes who is very toleratnt of pain. There is also the social training about how to respond to pain that influences how we behave with pain. So it is both environmental and genetic. (llike many many things)
Our attitude about the “sick” role is also environmental. How is the appropriate way to behave when you are sick. Do you go to bed and rest or do you keep plugging on?
Yes, physical pain has many causes and also causes many emotional changes as well.
The person who injures themselves and has horrible pain for an extended period of time will end up with some emotional issues attached to that pain. Back pain is one of those things that can be debilitating. Phantom pain from an amputated limb is another one. The hand, for instance is gone, but the nerves tell the brain that the hand is still there and is hurting.
Unfortunately, some kinds of back injuries that can be surgically treated to stop the nerve damage do not do diddly for the actual pain. Rehabilitation for these patients can be difficult. Migraine headaches and cluster headaches are also difficult to treat and can be debilitating as well.
I used to have arthritic type pain that was debilitating but I kept plugging away, but it interfeered with my sleep etc. and I felt tired all the time (along with the stress that kept me tired as well) I later found out I had severe sleep apnea, and when I started therapy for that my life improved 99% in the way I felt, and my thinking vastly improved too.
Sleep deprivation with chronic and acute pain is also a big problem and adds to the pain, as sleep deprivation alone will make a person “hurt all over.” Pain management is a speciality that is becoming more and more common and is long over due. New regulations about pain management for physicians are turning around from this insane “fear” of “addicting” the patient. In some areas legal medical marijunna is helping some patients, and the extract of marijuana in pill form is helping. (My dad used that and it helped a great deal)
So in treating pain, the mind and emotions need to be considered. In treating emotions you must consideer what the effects of stress are doing to the body. We are ONE organism, not a “brain + a body” but ONE, and if one part is sick the other one suffers as well. You can’t have good physical health without good mental health and vice versa.
A wholistic view of health along a continuium is the best way I can “visualize” health of both body & mind.
In the summer of 2007 when I was under so much stress and came down with the Rocky MOuntain Spotted Tick fever, even after he saw my blood work, I LOOKED SO SICK (my skin looked like I have seen cancer patient’s skins look) my doctor was convinced I ALSO had some cancer lurking somewhere. He tested me from top to bottom and I had nothing detectable anywhere except the tick fever.
I am sure that because of the stress, PTSD etc., that all of the infections I have had since my husband died have been directly linked to the high level of stress I maintained for so long. It is like “treading water” I think, you do okay and do okay and then BOOM you are out of reserves and SINK. My reserves must have been high and I must have been strong, but when the “bridge gave way” I fell almost to the bottom with multiple life threatening infections, including the RMSF.
It behooves us to take care of our stress levels, our physical health, control pain appropriately etc. and heal both physically and mentally. Oh, BTW high stress and tense muscles make back injury more likely when you are stressed. Anyone relate to that? LOL
OxDrover:
Thanks for the link. I took the test and blew over 300. Clearly something has to give — and I’m determined it ain’t gonna be my health or sanity.
At the moment I’ve got a lot going on: (a) I’m just getting back on solid ground after S; (b) my job is on the line; and (c) I’m still trying to get my home straightened out after my downstair’s neighbors fire and (d) like everybody else, worried about the carnage to my finances caused by the economic meltdown.
I did not think I would have to add my therapist to my list of stressors until after I saw him today. I walked out more stressed tha I went in.
During our session I told him that I didn’t think I was making any progress with him anymore and that I felt we were just meandering along he replied “sometimes that’s what a session is about.” When I persisted and brought up my frustration with him and his approach, his response was “I think we should discuss this in therapy.”
What the f*ck? I’m going to shell out 225 bucks to discuss our relationship?! God, that was almost as insane as him saying we should discuss my decision to leave therapy. Sorry, doc. That’s like asking me to pay you for drafting your bill for me to pay.
My next stop is checking Donna’s list of recommended doctors and see if there’s somebody in my area.
I dream of another world that does’t exist and never will…….