By Ox Drover
Since I have been in the medical profession for many years as a Registered Nurse Practitioner (now retired) I have been interested in the reactions our bodies and our minds have from stress.
Stress is a contributing factor to poor health and decreased immune response. Increases in the frequency of infection for individuals with a high level of stressful events in their lives have been well researched by many researchers. It is also well proven that our thinking and ideal mental responses are also diminished by high levels of stress.
Stress is not just the negative things that happen to us, but according to researchers Holmes and Rahe, stress is the result of “life events.”
I have been aware of this and have “charted” my high stress levels throughout most of my adult life using the “Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale” of “life events.”
Holmes and Rahe studied the effects of stress on humans (both positive stress/change and negative stress/change) and came up with a way to measure the intensity of stress. A score at or above 300 on their scale within a three-year period gave a person a higher than average chance of having illness or an accident happen to them. (Which of course adds even more stress to the person.)
The “take home lesson” from their scale of intensity of stress is that when life is throwing us stressful situations we cannot control, we need to keep the level of changes we voluntarily make at a minimum.
Since my life seems to have been a continual cycle of huge stresses, many of which have not been under my control, I have consciously tried to keep the voluntary contributions to this stress level at a minimum. For years, though, I was actually not doing a very good job, as I was still engaging in interactions with the psychopaths and their dupes. Recently, though, after going NC with the Ps and their dupes, I thought I was doing a pretty good job here lately, and I actually was.
Yesterday, however, after several peaceful, low stress months, I encountered my mother as my son and I were coming out of a checkout line in a store. There was a short “scene” in which I was “triggered” and angered. Wounds were ripped open. I was highly and instantly stressed! Shot full of adrenaline.
I came home, had a pity party, and ranted some and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt much better emotionally, and was back on a “level road.” Physically, though, I felt wrung out, like I had dug ditches with a shovel all day yesterday and was still so residually tired, even after a good night’s sleep, that I was just needing a day of rest.
This feeling lead me to an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that I hadn’t had a big adrenaline rush in quite some time. I had been living in a peaceful and pretty calm state of mind, fear was low, and my body had not been having to deal with high stress levels either internally or externally.
Though I am entirely convinced that it will take several more years of consistent peace, low anxiety, and little change, for me to completely recover from the effects of the high stress levels for such long periods of time, I do realize I have come a long ways in living a life of peace and calm.
When I was having adrenaline rushes almost on a daily, or even hourly, basis during the “crisis” mode, never coming down from that adrenaline rush, I didn’t know how it felt when I did come down. I saw the way I felt (pretty bad) as “normal.” (Because it was the “usual” state.)
Now that I have lived in peaceful circumstances long enough that I haven’t been under a continual surge of stress hormones for a while (literally enough of them to make my body shape change), I can easily tell what I feel physically and mentally today is a response to what happened yesterday.
My body shuttled the blood to my muscles (in a fight or flight scenario) and used up all the glucose stored in my liver to feed them. So I really AM tired, not just “feeling” tired. So, today I rest, exercise a bit, but not too much, and recover my physical normalcy. I will continue to try to keep changes of any kind at a minimum, and not make any voluntary significant changes in my life. I will keep my environment as calm and peaceful as I possibly can.
The damage done to my immune system and to my body and psyche from years of continual bombardment from stress hormones will take years to resolve (if it ever does completely resolve), but it is important that I do my part to keep stressors at a low level. No Contact is the biggest tool in my “tool belt” to keep stress at a lower level. Avoiding any situations and persons that irritate me or add to my stress level is another good tool.
Doing positive things for myself, pampering myself, are more great tools in my belt. Being aware that I need to rest physically (I acknowledge that I am somewhat a workaholic) is also very important. My dishes are still in the sink—the world has not come to an end! I’ll do them when I feel like doing them—today, tomorrow, who cares?
Today I will focus in the good things in my life—the love of my sons, and the positive aspects of my world.
Janie, have you been peeking in my window and seen me playing with my (adult) sons? Sounds like any day here on the farm! LOL
Oxy: Watch it with that shotgun!
Hey guys, notice how we’ve been laughing?! What a great antidote to being washed out and wrung out. Just don’t leave me hung out to dry!
Or as we say in Louisiana — ridden hard and hung up wet.
Matt, what in the heck is a Louisiana “coon arse” doing in Naw Yark ? Remember that song a bout the guy who had a friend in NeW York City, “he never called me by my name, just hill billie?” Country boys can survive!
Yea, we have been laughing a great deal and I think that is good for us. Too much time I have felt “too serious” and now I am ready for some fun, plus it has been so blamed cold down here (coldest in 10 yrs) I’m getting cabin fever!
Oxy and All: I think we need an update to Holmes and Rahe. We need to add our own experiences and come up with an agreement on the relative stress of the events of being involved with an S/P/N.
I actually think that might put a light on the unique aspects that we wrestle with. This isn’t just “a bad divorce,” or “death of a spouse.”
Wow, I keep learning so much on this site! I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family but handled it pretty well I thought because I got out and made my own way. Didn’t need them for anything. Had a good job then I became the “Bank of me” to them and one day out of the blue I thought I was having a stroke! My face twisted, I couldn’t speak, it felt like someone stuck a live 220 in my veins and I thought I was gonna die. Turned out to be one of three panic attacks I would have. I realized then I wasn’t taking care of stress at all. I got myself into therapy and really learned to listen to my body and recognize stressors that were triggers. Thought I was doing pretty good for alot of years. I was a very relaxed person, laid back. My personal life always didnt turn out like I wanted always but it was all okay. Then I met my “S” and it had been so long that I had let stress get to me that I didn’t even correlate the two until it was too late. I was really worried the day I passed out at work for no reason and they told me my sugar was low and sent me back to work. I thought oh crap do I have some kind of diabetes? They sent me for a test where I had to drink a very highly concentrated sugar drink and take blood from my arm every hour on the hour for six hours to see how my body rids the sugar. I came out looking like a heroine addict with all the needle pricks in my arms. The results eventually said I was hypoglycemic. WHAT? I said! I was a healthy person, very in shape! How could this be? I went to my normal doc……Your blood pressure is high. WHAT? What the hell is going on here? Ive never had a problem with my blood pressure. She starts talking to me about stress and maybe I should talk to someone. I said I have been to therapy and think Im doing pretty well with my stress level and have been taught the resources to handle it. But I had NEVER been involved so deep with a sociopath. On top of all my health issues, my back was broken in two places, I was drug down a driveway with her car,and my eye was blacked and her manipulating ways sent me to jail over that one after my health issues. WOW! I was really BLIND to all the lies. What put a big asterisk on me was my failing weight. No matter how much I ate I kept losing. I normally weighed 130 pounds but I was now at 104 with 2000 calories a day. I got so sick of people asking me if I was on drugs or if I was anorexic! Im like I am eating, you wouldn’t believe. I work at a place that employs 7000 people and Ive been there pretty much since the plant opened so I know ALOT of people there and they know me. One day the safety director shows up at my job and says to me….Is everything okay with you? Im like yeah, what did I do? She says nothing, but people came to me and were very concerned about you and I will personally make you a doctors appointment about your weight! I was like OMG! I was so embarrassed but at the same time it was a slap in the face for me to wake up and realize just what my “S” was doing to me! I made my doc appt. She even had a heart to heart since she treated all my previous injuries and finally went outside the realms of the doc/patient relationship and told me herself to get the hell out of this situation. So this is where I am at now. On meds to increase my appetite. Ive gained eight pounds back, in the process of getting rid of my “S” which is a slow process, but things are slowly going in the right direction. SOOOOO this is my moral to my story. Every stress is different and just because you have been taught to alleviate stress in your life at some point, it will never prepare you for an S/P/N whatever the hell you want to call them! They have their own stress related injuries they induce, feed, and nurture in us and it’s something i definitely wasn’t prepared for
Anetsu,
This is one of the many casualties of a sociopath–your health. Health, mental stability, will to live, faith and trust, friends, family, pretty much everything you hold dear. Thank God you got the message and got out. Sounds like you are doing the inner work and it’s going well. Good for you!
Hi Everybody–
I have not written in months I think.
I immersed myself into training as a flight attendant and sadly– after two months of this-after having a grueling schedule/no christmas– and passing the classroom part of the program– well– I went on what is called our test flight– and guess what? My body and health and mind and spirit has gone down hill so much just since October– when my S discarded me– that I HAD TO RESIGN. I am 39, but feel 90. Couldn’t keep warm– when others were– feet hurt- entire body hurt- mind hurt and my test instructor said, “You seem unaware of your surrondings.” Not flight attendant material. I can’t believe what stress/shock has done to me. Yes OxDrover– my body shape has changed. My muscle tone is gone. I am sooo afraid I will never get well you guys. I miss the good guy my psycopath pretended to be-=my old life. In Oct– I had to leave a warm state in the US– for a cold one. Leave my job. Even my dog.
I am so scared. I feel that the evil I endured from the P– is literally eating me alive– and I do not have the energy to fight it.
Any feedback would be appreciated.
My gosh– it just occurred to me that just one year ago=– I was literally taking classes from Billy Blanks– the wonderful TAe Bo guy. How do I ever heal when you cannot call you P and have closure/adult conversation as to put it behind you– you know what I mean??? Thank yOU
Akitameg: Wow, you’ve been through so much so fast. How long were you with the S before October?