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Welcome to Lovefraud Land

By Peggywhoever

Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).

This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.

Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.

See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?

You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.

You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.

Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.

Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.

Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.

You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!

It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.

YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.

What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.

You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.

Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?

Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.

It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.

Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).

Peace
Peggywhoever


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336 Comments on "Welcome to Lovefraud Land"

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Hi everyone, I have been reading articles here for a while and finally decided to join.
Is anyone here now that I can talk to? I am really upset and need someone to talk to I am all alone here.
I would appreciate it, thank you to anyone who can help.

irrational..I just sat down to my computer and this was the first thing I saw..what’s going on?

Hi Amber,

I have been on this site for a while reading and based on everything I read and from experience I think my boyfriend is a sociopath and/or narcissist. I can give you all the details if you want but despite thinking that I tried… I tried so hard and I feel like I am nothing more then dirt on the ground right now. No matter what I do its never good enough… he is the most selfish person I have ever known.

We just got into an argument but actually only on my part because after yelling at him for less then 30 seconds he makes me feel like I am crazy. He turns everything around on me. He has driven me to the point of insanity and now points it out. Now looking at myself I am acting ridiculous but because he worked me up so badly. I can’t stand this constant cycle of either jumping at his call or disappearing when he doesn’t want me around. If I did anything like this to him he would probably attack me.

Ok… I am trying to calm down. I am sorry this post is all jumbled and all over the place I am just hysterical over here.

Thank you for responding so fast. It’s horrible to sit here alone like this…

Ok… well I have known for about a year and half that he is a sociopath. I even spoke to him about it and he said he thinks he displays some of the symptoms… no they fit him very well. When I first met him he was completely different; he was mysterious but very romantic. I read about “red flags” and I did notice things but I ignored them. We got along so well I couldn’t believe I found someone just like me. When we first started talking he acted depressed and told me how he was feeling bad about this and that, I recently read that pity play is the number one sign, well how would I know? I didn’t know what a sociopath was until a year ago. He played on my emotions and I think he formed his personality to be just like mine. Everything was great. He told me how much he loved me and gave me a ring within weeks of knowing him. He did say to me a few times he “doesn’t feel the right emotions” and whenever I cried or was upset he did nothing and would ask me what he should do. He stood there emotionless. Typing this now… I keep saying to myself no… he couldn’t be… its my fault. Well about 3 years into the relationship he changed. He left me… out of nowhere and devastated me. We went back and forth and this is where his “mask” revealed him. He became abusive verbally and would curse at me and degrade me. He would say things like we were together again and when I said them he told me he never said that and that I made it up in my mind. He told me I was over emotional and showed no sign of remorse or compassion for anything I said or did. I would cry and he would literally yawn or scream at me or tell me to leave. He never flinched. He started getting sexually controlling and everything was on his terms. He grabbed my throat, pushed me, and would kick my stuff all over the floor. He told me himself he had no conscience and he only felt pity. There were other women and he didn’t keep it a secret. He didn’t care I knew and would disregard anything I said to him. He started getting sneaky with his phone… which now I have a problem every time the damn thing rings or he gets a text message I feel sick and now he says I am controlling him because I get defensive why women from work are texting him all the time. He attacks me over it. He likes to steal. He talked about killing people and wishes he could kill people and then will be like I am just joking. I could write so much… this is just a little of what I am dealing with and I took him back… well… he took me back. I was the pathetic one trying to get him back through all of this. I felt insane from what was going on and how he showed no sign of being sorry or feeling bad for the pain he put me through. I have suffered and I continue to suffer. He also has a stare to him… his eyes can get black and he will just stare at me. With all of this he can act like a normal person. He can act like he loves me and be fun and seem generous. I don’t understand. Am I crazy? What is wrong? Is it really possible for people to really be like this?
Thanks for reading my long post.

Oh sweetie..I’m so sorry. You’re story is just like mine…and my story is just like everyone else’s here. You ARE involved with a S/P/N. Whatever it is he actually is…it doesn’t really matter. He shows every single sign and has put you in the same position as the rest of us. You clearly think that there is something wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You said that you have been reading posts for about a year…so you know my next statement is going to be…. NO CONTACT! I’m sorry to have to be so blunt, but sweetie, I PROMISE..It’s the only way you’re going to regain control of your life. This is the part of the process where you learn to accept that he is what he is and NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE IT! I too, thought that if I loved him enough, it would prove to him that his life was worth changing. He will tell you all the lies you want to hear to keep you around. And it seems like you have been ignoring the red flags, but listen…if he’s physically harming you..ie sexually controlling and putting his hands around your throat…what are you waiting around for??? Do you want him to really lose his mind one day and not be able to control himself and do REAL damage??? Hasn’t he done enough?? As long as you are with him, or keep any contact… YOU WILL SUFFER. You need to get out of this relationship immediately. They don’t have remorse, they can’t love, they don’t feel…he’s openly cheating on you..verbally abusive..and controlling. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..for your own safety, sanity and well being..you need to get away and no matter how hard it is.. make no contact. You need to start the healing process and it’s a scary thing to do. You’re going to have to look deep into yourself to see why it is that you don’t think that you deserve better??? YOU DO!! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THIS WAY. He will lie, cheat, manipulate and take advantage of your kind heart and spirit the same way my S did..the same way everyone else’s S/P/N on this site did. I totally understand what you’re going through. You story sounds very similar to mine. NO YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. What’s wrong?? HE’S WRONG. And yes, it is possible for people to be like this. All of us on LF are living proof that people like this do exist, but it is possible to survive and move on. It’s not going to be easy, but you need to cut your losses and start living your life for you. We’re here for you. You’re taking the right steps. You just need to STAY STONG in your NC. It’s really going to be your saving grace. And anytime you think of contacting him…come here..say what you need to say…scream..cry…do whatever you need to do. We understand..we will not judge. I’m so sorry to hear your pain and your struggle, but you’ve taken the first step..educating yourself, joining this site..your future and you happiness depend on YOU now. He will NEVER change..accept it..and do whatever it takes to keep him away from you. I hope this helps. I wish you all the best of luck..and continue to post. I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been for me. My prayers and thoughts are with you. HUGS!!

Irrational, hello out there! amber is right, everyone at LF will be here for you. As Oxy would tell you… knowledge is power, keep posting and reading!!

Irrational:
Good to see you found this site, welcome. Trust the your very rational self that you came here and that you know this guy is not good, but very BAD for you, no matter what label
you put on him. I’m very sad about it, but it’s taken 7 years for me to really get the profile straight, and to see all the way I’ve just fed into it continuing and continuing and reading
back over this week – journals that chronicled disappointment after disappointment. And the main reason I stayed or kept giving it a chance is because as you mentioned ‘he can
act like he loves me and can be fun and seem generous.’ You are not crazy, the situation with someone you’ve described would make anyone crazy – you will FLAME OUT if you
keep on with him.

Thanks JAH for website you recommended, I spent awhile tonight reading some of those articles, really good. Check out the Baggagereclaim site JAH put the link to just a few posts
ago. Good luck, keep writing, keep coming back – everyone is so supportive here!

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