By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Hey Indi, the check is in the mail (LOL).
Peace.
Wonderful essay Peggywhoever!
Each line I noted a “right now!!!” reaction!
I hope all new visitors will read this and believe each and every word for it will stand the test of time for it is truth with a promise attached to it!!!
Thanks soooo much! 🙂
Wini,
I don’t get it. Did you feel left out somehow? I didn’t understand your comment.
E
alohatraveler: Remember, we all have hit rock bottom due to our involvement with “them”, poured our hearts and souls out from the depth of despair, shared our stories, insights, wisdom (God given Wisdom).
Every thing every one on Earth has or ever will have, is given to us by God. God allows the insight, knowledge to flow to and from others … it all comes from God and it all goes back to God … He is the one and only true author of anything/everything.
I’m saying … give credit, where credit is due.
Peace.
MY PAY-PAL ACCT# is 1234 evil 999
Hey Indi, tell me Charlie … how much have you collected on this site … since everyone’s eyes are now OPENED?
Ummmm Well aaaaAAAAAAA lets see? 0
Alohatraveler,
If you ended up in HAWAII as a result of your P ideal, I would say that story had a happy ending. What a beautiful place to heal and start your life over.
Another veteran of the S/P experience weighs in.
Although I agree wholeheartedly that No Contact is the only way to begin the healing process, I’m going to go against the grain a little bit and defend the obsessive thoughts phase.
I really do think the obsessive thoughts and the long period of rumination comprise an instinctive, ultimately useful, defense system. I know that, without the 24-hour-a-day thoughts just after the initial shock, I would not have been able to anticipate his every possible move and–thank the good Lord–take actions to save my home and property from him and his girlfriend. I know the weeks I spent thinking of nothing but him and his new girlfriend allowed me time to formulate a plan and begin to carry it through.
For instance, I knew he was dangerous to me. I knew his new girlfriend was a physical danger to me. So I made sure to convey to them that I was armed and perfectly willing to shoot anyone who came on my property uninvited.
I was able to outsmart him in the end. Although he pretty much ruined my career and reputation, at least I was able to save my home and land. So now I’ll at least have that to leave my children. I truly could not have prevailed without all the “A-ha” moments the obsessive thinking afforded me.
Ultimately, the thoughts receded and I began to turn my attention to myself. Fixing myself. But first I had to survive, and I truly believe the obsessing helps us survive.
Tood,
The obsessive thinking stage seems unavoidable in the beginning for all of us. I was able to use the obsessing to my advantage. When I started missing him and obsessing about the good times, I would replay the lies and insults over and over until I came up with the conclusions on my own: It would be totally pointless to see or talk to him ever again. It’s like my obsessing thinking would run into a brick wall every time. No way to reason with him. Relationship over.