By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Todd
I totally agree I to had to ward off another incounter before it got ugly! The Sherifs Dept was not going to have any sympithy for me if I let this person in my home again! I had to play the game, dangerous as it is but this time I knew what i was dealing with and I knew how to cool his anger quick by letting him think he still was in control of my desires! NOT! LOVE jere
“The obsessive thinking stage seems unavoidable in the beginning for all of us. I was able to use the obsessing to my advantage.”
This I Would have to agree with this. Being able to see what she might be able to do and wouldn’t do keep me one step ahead of the “game”. I hate using this term but in many ways for her that is all it really was. A game and it was always her game never mine. Even before learning about Personality Disorder I saw how she manipulated me as well as our children. What tactics she believed worked the best for her. In the latter days I more then just watch and learned. I came to understand how because of the children she held all the cards and I could only just game the cards that I was holding. One card was “never giving up”. This turn out for me to be my ace card even though at the time I didn’t know it. Never giving up was just who I was and always been. Having been thru many struggles in my life time I know that whenever we give up and stop trying is when we truly fail in anything. I walked away from this table still holding my Ace card still to this day!
Does Feel Good does’nt It James to finally turn the tide and ride the crest ! Surfs UP 🙂 LOVE jere
You know what feels great is that I no longer obsess over my ex. I even had a therapist suggest to me on the phone the other day that my ex might not be a sociopath. In the past, that would set off a whole round of obsessing. All I said was, “Oh well, who cares what he is? He treated me like dirt, and I’m done with him. Period.” Sure feels good. This biggest thing I’m obsessing about today is trying to learn some hiphop dance moves. I’m the slowest learner in the class. Ugh.
I understand the need to “manipulate” them back in order to accomplish a purpose. I’m NC with my mom, but my son C who is “little contact” uses the threat of total NC with her if she ever sends money or support to my P-son again, because he would use that as help to mount another attack against us. With him BROKE he has less “ammunition” to use against us. So yes, my son C and D and I “manipulate” my mom with the only weapon we have which is the threat of losing all contact with my son C if she gets caught lying to us again and sending money to my P-son. I questioned doing the manipulating for a while, but at this time, I am OK with it. Sure, it is “game playing” and we are all aware it is game playing (well she may or may not be) but we three agree that is is NECESSARY FOR OUR SAFETY.
The threat is not an “idle” one either, because he means it sincerely, she will never have contact with him again if he catches her lying to him As it is, she has very limited contact. He also does NOT trust her any further than he can throw her by the leg. The only reason he has any contact with her is so he can “keep an eye on her.”
“Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer”
I have found though that I cannot have any contact with her without it back firing on me. For over three months I have had all “good” or “great” days except for one day in which because I got an ear full of her smear campaign against me from a neighbor’s sister, I was totally pi$$ed for about 18 hours. In the past it would have been 18 DAYS instead of hours, so I am getting better! But still, even that contact-by-proxy gave me some unhappy moments and I don’t want any more of that. I want to experience the JOY in my life, and I can’t do that if I am angry or bitter.
I want to look out my living room or my bedroom windows and enjoy the wonderful palate of fall colors that the trees are wearing, and catch the faint glimpse of color from some wild flower that is still struggling to bloom. Or to just stand and gaze at the Christmas Cactus that is in myh window with blooms the size of my thumbs…delicate and so beautiful. You can’t ntoice those things when your heart is angry or sad or bitter.
None of us know how many days we have left on this earth to enjoy, and I don’t want to waste another one in tears and pain because of someone else’s evil spirit or behavior. I want to suck every flavor out of this life that God has put here for us to enjoy. I want to share that with others, and embrace the Joy in my life…FINALLY!
Hi, guys and gals. I see a lot of new virtual “faces” here during the past few days. That’s good … and it’s not good.
I lived with a sociopath for two years. I “loaned” him a lot of money. I gave him everything that he wanted/needed. He ended up junking a car that I gave him to use. In the end, he made off with intellectual property that belonged to both of us and made god knows how much. We’re no longer in contact as of about a month ago. The sociopath will try to suck you back in. Not to get back together … but to see if there’s anything else that you can offer them.
I’d like to say something about why I think that it’s so difficult to get over these situations. It’s because for a long time, you feel like a victim. That’s because you *are* their victim. No one signed up for this. No one asked to be taken advantage of, used, and abused. It has a longterm effect on trust — just as though it were any other crime committed against you. Part of the frustration is knowing that the “criminal” has not been brought to justice and might never come to justice — the sociopath is very slippery and smooth. Mine was. God knows how many women he’s already been through and will go through in the future?
What you Sow you shall reap ! I would’nt worry to much about Justice ! This behavior is Futile ! And to be quite honest they have it allready! Compleet utter void very sad ! can’t even Imagin what it missing No LOVE thats justice enough! LOVE jere
StarG: You bloggs are so positive and uplifting … you definitely put a smile to my face and I’m glad you aren’t thinking of “him” anymore … and those hiphop steps … you’ve got to teach us how to do those dances. (LOL).
I’m glad you got over that hump … now it’s smoothing sailing … blue skies, fresh air in your lungs … a great gift for starting to live your life to it’s fullest … you are now obviously better and stronger than before and still getting stronger.
Great story to blogg … I’m glad I didn’t miss this post tonight.
Peace always to you StarG … you are a shining Star … smile, it’s contagious.
May the FORCE be with you! :)~
Thanks, Wini! Right back atcha, sweetheart. I certainly hope we have a LF gathering some day.