By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Dear LF Gang,
Help. Advice? I’ve had a relapse and done something I shouldn’t have. I have up until a few days ago had NC with my ex (it had been 2 months).
Part 1 –
He called me and told me he had be back in jail for 45 days on a violation of his probation/parole and that he had lost his job and his car. He then proceeded to ask me if I needed anything. I told him what I needed was for him not to call – as a side note I didn’t recognize the number which is why I answered in the first place.
Part 2 – He called again. Different number. This time it was to see if he could borrow money from me to buy a uniform for a new job he was trying to get.
Here is where I need help/advice. Instead of simply telling him no he can’t borrow it and leave me alone. I said, “I don’t have the money.” The issue is I told him that even though I didn’t have the money if he needed me that I was here. Now I am kicking myself and do not know how to “take back” so to speak what I offered. I know I’m not supposed to have NC and know I feel like I’ve just set myself back a thousand years.
I don’t know what to do? Does anyone have any advice. Anything?
I came seeking guidance. I am currently grieving, so please understand if i do not express myself appropriately at this time. (My thoughts and emotions are jumbled). I recently came to the realization that my 17yr old daughter is a sociopath. She had been diagnosed a few yrs ago as antisocial disorder, but at the time, i did not understand. After a recent incident, this just hit me like a brick. I am top on her list to destroy. I don’t know why, maybe because I have recognized the problems before anyone and have tried to get her help. Maybe I am most gullible to her deception, because she is after-all my daughter and I love unconditionally.
My fear, as of this very moment, is how…..how….how…do I forever have no contact? I have been trying to distant myself, but she seeks me out just to inflict more pain and drama. Altho I recognize it has been yrs of this, my heart is breaking. I am blaming myself because i didn’t know. I keep reminding myself, that there WAS a point that I may have saved her. But I didn’t know.
Tria: 1st, if you feel that your life is in danger, please notify the authorities and report your concerns immediately. This way, authorities have it on record and may suggest an intervention is in order since your daughter is not of legal age yet.
2nd, I’d write your concerns to one of the professionals listed below our blogs, lower in the left side, after the articles… just because of your safety issues.
As far as blogging with us about how you feel due to this situation, we can all help you with your confusion and horror at his time… we too, have been exactly where you are in your feelings, your heart and your soul … having to endure the aftermath of anti-social personalities in our lives … healing from everything that occurs due to them.
You situation is dire, that’s why I suggest you write to one of the professionals on this site… they can assist you with the emergency of your safety issues.
Peace sweetheart, stay with this blogg and write … whoever is on-line, will gladly blog back with you.
God Bless you.
Dear Tria,
First off, you are at the RIGHT PLACE. I too have a son who is a psychopath and he has murdered a girl and is in prison, but he still seeks to set me up to have me murdered. I KNOW how much it hurts to have NO CONTACT with a child you loved and did the best you could for, but it is the ONLY way.
As far as you being able to do something to help her AT ANY STAGE, you could NOT have done anything to help her. There wasn’t a way you are to blame. NOT AT ALL.
I know tha tmay be hard to accept, but her problems are hers and not yours. My son’s problems are HIS and not mine. I wasted 20+ years after I knew what he was before I finally cut off all contact forever. I wish I had cut off contact when he was 17 and I could have saved myself grief for 20 years.
I loved the small child that was my son, but that small wonderful child is gone, dead, buried, and the “man” that has his “body organs” is s stranger that I do not know. That i cannot reach, but who will reach out and harm me.
I do know it is difficult to do it, but for your own sanity and peace, detaching from a psychopath (antisocial personality disorder=psychopath) is the ONLY way you can help yourself and no one can help them. They do not want or accept help.
Come here and read about psychopaths and learn about how they are, how they think, how they behave, and how they use others as victims, and actually ENJOY making pain on their chosen victims. I am myh son’s chief victim and he hates me with a passion. It is like he is challenged to “show me” he is more powerful than me. There is something about me that incites him to increased hatred. He hates others as well, but me in particular.
God bless you my dear. I know it is a tough road to travel, I’ve been on it a long time, but I am finally healing, and moving on with what is left of my life. I am 62 next month, but happy and FREE for the first time in my life I think. (((hugs))))
Dear GeminiFairy. Just go back to square one. I see this like snakes and ladders – you just went down a ladder. Never mind, but be aware that these relationships set up addiction paths in the brain, so every time you submit, you are not becoming unhooked. Next time, go No Contact – and stick to it and then you are not giving away any of your energy. Never mind what you said or promised – you have every right to change your mind. Change your mind and go no contact if you want to stay free.
N.B Geminifairy. You also have the right, not to offer any explanation as to why you have changed your mind!
GeminiFairy, he caught you there, didnt he, by using an unknown number. The solution is simple, dont answer any numbers that you dont recognise and then, in your mind, draw up a plan of how you will deal with any other forms of contact he may try and then you can be one step ahead and not be caught out.
Its a long time since I played snakes and ladders – but its UP the ladders and DOWN the snakes, isnt it? – how appropriate!
SNAKES and ladders? ha ha ha. Don’t you mean Chutes and Ladders? I just asked my snakes and they never heard of Snakes and Ladders! LOL
Thank you for posting that message. It means a lot to be able to go online and find people who you can relate to and not feel so alone. I am emotionally devestated and feel like I am losing myself in the process. After going back and forth for 5 months after a three year relationship I started no contact a week ago. There has been no contact but he has tried to contact me and at certain times I found it almost impossible to not contact him back or run into his arms even after everything and I know how sick that sounds but I looked myself in the mirror and said NO… he isn’t “real” and not to mention the nightmares. I am glad I found this site and I am looking forward to posting and help others.