By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Trinity, he sounds like a totally disordered and obnoxious person – and you are well rid of him.
Hi Bev,
I wanted to thank you if I hadn’t before for all of your encouragement and words. Having that relapse really has me depressed all over again and I find myself ruminating and thinking about it all over again. Even writing about the exprience. Seeing Trinity’s words and seeing so many similarities stirs up a lot.
Hi GeminiFairy. My pleasure. Dont worry, but the more you understand about the addictive nature of these relationships and how they suck us in, the more power it will give you to stay well out. I went through much the same myself, through a kind of shellshock, I was so physically and mentally traumatised that I couldnt bear anyone to touch me and I developed cancer too. But I can testify to the fact, that given time, it really all does pass and you will heal, but you just have to see this difficult bit through. And you are doing so well, so dont worry, the obsessing bit is all part of the uncomfortable part of the process and your body is acting in axactly the correct way, given the circumstances.
Hi Gemini_Fairy, thank you for reading and offering to help it means a lot when your sitting here by yourself trying to function like a human being. I don’t live with him, but he tried, but he does live very close. I don’t think he is dangerous but than again I never thought he would do what he has already done to me. I’m believe if he had the opportunity he would hit me but as far as killing like he said he wanted to do in the army… I don’t think so. I think that was said to me to disturb me or at least I hope so. What scared me was when he would text me and say he could see me and I would go outside and he would be able to tell me what I was doing and I would ask where he is and he wouldn’t tell me. Its been a week since I talked to him but he has sent me little messages at night. I go back and forth with myself saying no… he couldn’t be a sociopath all that time… he couldn’t have lied so well… or pretended… but the facts are right in my face and I need to start thinking clearly and logically and not emoionally. Any advice on how to distract the mind from thinking about him?
Thanks. Trinity
GemF,
You can do this. You can get past this, and it will be painful.
I’m also going through a lot of emotional pain. It is no longer about the sociopath but about my father’s abandonment, which is what made me vulnerable in the first place. Hang in there. We will all get through this.
Hugs,
StarG
Hi OxDrover, thank you for welcoming me and for the help. I am so glad I found this site and I have been reading and saying… yep, yep, uh huh, thats him. Its very difficult and I have read so many stories of heartache and destruction and my heart cries for myself and the people dealing with this because I know how devestating it can be. I hope once I can calm down a bit I can offer some insight and help others too but right now I am in a panic and your comments have eased my fears about talking in public about what has happened to me. Thanks again. Trinity
Gemini_Fairy, I wanted to offer my help to you as you have for me. I am here if you want to talk ((hugs))
Hi dear Trinity, may I join your discussion? It is a truly horrible part of the scenario when they disturb your mental wellbeing and peace of mind. Somewhere (I can think where at the moment) I have got an article about re-programming your mind to stop the mind thinking about them. I think what the article was explaining that thoughts are like files and drawers in a filing cabinet. In order to put away one file, you take out another file…. so what this means, is that when you find yourself thinking about him, do something else that will divert your mind from ruminating on him.
Hi Beverly, thank you for your message. I have been reading for a couple days before I registered and I can say I see so many similarities too its scary. I am so thankful for this site. I know he is a sociopath but people look at me like… Im from another planet… because he appeared to them so likeable and so in love with me… they don’t see behind closed doors. I can’t even share with people close to me because they don’t understand. Again, I am thankful for this site and the people here and I hope we can all grow and learn from each other and heal. Trinity
Dear GeminiFairy, I think it is very important to remember that by taking the NO CONTACT route – this is the decision you are taking to protect yourself and stop the abuse and damage to yourself. If you have to write this on a piece of paper and hang it by your phone, please do.