By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Gemini_Fairy
Bev, It’s interesting about addiction. When I initially began my “investigating” I went on his myspace page and from that got to his girlfriends. She had a quote on there about “I’m an addict and he’s my drug.” At the time I kind of thought it was sort of immature and a little bit TOO much. But after going through what I did/what I still go through I realize what she was talking about. I became ADDICTED to him. It’s also interesting because StarG just wrote me an e-mail and said the same thing. You don’t think that a person can be additctive but they can.
Beverly
Dear IWonder, my ex pulled a lovely stunt on me at Christmas, after going out to buy him nice things and I bought a real tree to give him a special Christmas (he had worked evry Christmas), he rang me on Christmas Eve and cancelled and I ended up taking all the presents back to the shops on Christmas Eve, when everyone else was joyful. This was one of the many stunts he pulled on me. Perhaps try a plan some nice things for yourself at Christmas, at least it will be a Christmas free of the anxiety he brought you.
Gemini_Fairy
IWonder, What comment. oh, having him get it from one of his others. Truly. But he can’t because both of them live with their parents. I wanted to say “why don’t you drive yourself to WV and go ask your girlfriend for the money…oh but NO YOU CAN’T you don’t have a car.” Dummy!!!
Okay, I’m starting to feel a little better. A teeny bit but better nonetheless. If I can get the money together I’m on the first plane to Denver and if I can’t make it I’m going to raise a glass anyway.
Trinity
Gemini_Fairy, don’t feel bad for talking to him because the last thing I said to mine was how much I loved him and would marry him if he wanted to marry me and I feel like screaming at myself for being such a doormat…. but afterwards I completely stopped contacting him… I thought about what I said and did and realized I just gave him more power. So I took it away. Of course I don’t feel very powerful sitting here by myself and depressed and sad but I do feel like I am standing up for myself. You are doing the same and turn it around and empower yourself… your getting rid of him. Your stopping contact. Hang in there ((hugs))
Iwonder
Hi Trinity, My ex did the same thing. The more he tried to control, the more I faught back. The more I faught back, the more the abuse escalated. He used to say, ‘you’re too tough for me.” I would tell him “I’m not going to be a doormat.”
Oh well. I had to stick up for myself. He used to text and write “stop being so angry.” i would text back “i’ll stop being angry when you stop lying.” I realized this back and forth was not doing me any good.
Beverly
Dear GeminiFairy, there are alot of articles that describe these relationships and the intensity and how it works in the brain chemistry. Most people say that there is a roller coaster intenseness to the relationship.The fast bonding activities they do at the start, creates the chemical pathways in the brain for bonding and then the crazy stuff (the mind control and manipulation) they do sets up the dependency. There are a few internet sites and books that capitalise on this and teach men how and through seduction to get women to be almost slave like.
Beverly
Yes, the back and forth, just keeps your energy hooked into HIM, even through arguing. I learnt that one, when I used to argue with my mother!!
Iwonder
If we don’t go to Denver, I say we sit in front of the computer with our favorite glass of wine and drink to us and to be
S-Free from now on and NC! Indigo can drink his beer.
Trinity
Iwonder, I haven’t even began thinking about Christmas… I don’t want to because I’m going to feel depressed. I’m not really sure why because although he would give me things he was so nasty to me… he made me cry and would hang up on me Christmas Eve and leave me like that all night. Merry Christmas. Presents don’t mean anything and I would much rather have someone who loved me than a gift. Money can’t buy happiness. I seen some comments about ringing in the New Year and toasting for no contact… count me in. lol
Gemini_Fairy
IWonder and Trinity, Mine goes like this. “If you want to call me and talk (about what happened) we can do that.” The problem is – which I”m really starting to get now – is that even if I did, he wouldn’t say “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I know I was drinking too much, etc.” I think he would be humble at first and then start up again with the whole “there was never anything going on, etc.” Just like the texting. The back and forth.
I think that’s another reason I feel like I do right now. Because it was the same ole same ole. It just makes me feel so crappy.
Trinity ((((hugs))))