By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
PS. I forgot to mention…. Yes, i DID google the ‘S-word’ and it brought me to here! I can’t even remember where i heard it (think it was mentioned on the TV), but my curiosity was aroused and…. voila! :o)
My only regret is not finding Peggy’s powerful words last year, when i so desperately needed them, but this site has helped me answer so many questions that i honestly thought there were no answers to.
Keep up the good work and thanks again!
Namaste xx
Welcome Namaste,
Glad you are doing better, and welcome here. This is a great site withlots of good information and your good advice to “get out and never go back” is the basis of all healing. YOu are so right on there. Welcome.
Thank you OxDrover. I have been reading your posts and you give very sound advice. My heart goes out to those who are still caught in the trap, but hopefully the fact that some of them have found their way here and are reading everyone elses frighteningly similar stories will help them realise just how dysfunctional their relationships with these toxic non-humans are.
I think it’s that feeling of isolation and thinking that THEY are the crazy ones that does so much damage. I hope and pray everyone suffering at the hands of an S will find their way here and let their healing begin.
Namaste xx
Help! I’ve just noticed a word i used at the end of my first post (or should that be essay? lol) has come up in red on here. I clicked on it and it looks as if it is someone’s email address. Is it someone on here? I was merely using the word in its descriptive form ~ i didn’t expect it to do that! Is there any way to make it ‘normal’ type? I don’t want whoever it is to be spammed! Whoops!
Namaste xx
Hi, im just getting out of a marriage with what i believe is a sociopath, her story starts out when her younger sister was dating someone when she was 19 and she felt that she should be with him, eventually he dumped the younger sister for her and during the relationship he would go back and fourth with the sisters, eventually my ex got pregnant and still he went back and fourth after the childs birth, then came the second child (same sister as first child) and still back and fourth it went until he found someone else, Now 13 years later both sisters are with his two brothers competing for his family. now the two boys have to witness there uncles with their mother and aunt. The familys are ready to disown them and they see nothing wrong with what there doing. And the strange thing is that my EX seems mad at the fact im going to a laywer to get a divorce. When i met her i thought that she was young at the time her and her sister did that and mabe it was just that, but clearly i was wrong…. It seems this is all about manipulatation and jelousey, also i didnt mention over the years her younger sister has tried to go out with every ex boyfriend my ex had ever been with.
KWC: You seem to have a good grasp on the manipulations of all these folks. That’s half the battle.
Welcome to LF … anyone that is on at the time you write about anything you want to discuss, will gladly write you back.
Peace to your heart and soul as you heal.
Yes, they are a bunch of screwballs … every single selfish, self centered one of them. Amazing that one anti-social got with another … and for long periods of time …. mmmmmmmmmhhhhhh, we thought their egos were too big to ever be able to stand one another and given in to each other. Just goes to prove, anything is possible.
Hello all! It’s taken me some time to actually get the nerve up to say anything on here. You have no idea how much just reading some of what you all have went through helped me. All I can say is I have finally taken a big air gulping deep breath. For years I have felt like all I can do is take tiny breaths never getting quite enough air in to actually function let alone survive. I’ve been reading through here and feel like “IT’S NOT JUST ME, I AM NOT ALONE”. Why do we feel so alone all the time? I had this fear of saying anything and getting attacked. I now realize this is a great community of kind people. It will be wonderful having others to finally talk to!!
~Shattered
Dear Shattered,
Welcome, I am glad tht you got the courage to post. You are right, you are NOT alone. Stay around here and continue to post, it does help to be validated by others who have had the same experience. I know it is not exactly the “same” but any encounter with a psychopath has a great common theme of devestation to the victims.
Learning about “them” and how they act and think, and learning about yourself and how you have responded to their attacks gives you the power to retrieve your life and your sanity. (((hugs)))) Welcome.
OxDrover, Thank you so much for your kind welcome! My life has been destroyed and it took many years to recognize what was going on. Looking back through all the years and the warnings I received I feel so stupid and naive. How is it people who do not live your life can see things you can not? At least I have an idea of how to deal with this person and not come undone any further. To love someone so much and realize all at once that they never loved you, only set out to hurt you is overwhelming. Hope to talk to you again soon.
~Shattered
Dear Shattered,
Take a big deep breath! Then tell yourself that you are NOT STUPID AND NAIVE. They are simply able to con us, because we are GOOD AND KIND. They pick good, kind people for victims because of our ability to love and their lack of ability to love. so look at it this way, you were targeted because you are a good person.
Yes, our lives can come undone completely, and most of us have been able to say “Yep, that happened to me.” You are not alone in this, this blog is filled with smart, bright, educated people who have been fooled, so WELCOME TO GOOD COMPANY! Stay around and share with us a while and read and learn more and more about these monsters.