By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
lostingrief
monsters.
ox: yes, that’s it.
monsters.
Stargazer
Dear Sapphire,
Psychopaths can fool psychiatrists, psychologists, and parole boards. There is NO ONE who is exempt from being played by these clever …uh….. beings (I almost called them people, but they are not quite people, are they?). It is their whole life purpose to play others, and they are very good at it. You are not stupid. The people on this site are among the most intelligent and caring people I’ve “known” in all of my various communities.
If you have not already read it, pick up a copy of Without Conscience and read the last part of the book where he talks about what type of victims they choose. Those of us who are nurturing and see the good in others are prime targets. We were basically victims of our own good qualities. This is the reason so many of us hang on. We are constantly looking for the good in even the most heinous behaviors. This is actually a beautiful quality. It is only wasted on these subhuman “people” who do not deserve it.
Wini
Stargazer: I think we should change our wording any time we refer to them. For example instead of saying psychopaths we should start referring to them as GREEDY psychopaths. Greedy anti-social personalities, greedy Narcissists … this way, it’s easy for anyone to remember how they got this way in the first place. Even if Envy/jealousy got them to their greedy selves to do horrific acts upon humanity which is back to selfishness and greed again.
Just a thought.
Peace.
Stargazer
Wini,
Is “psychopaths” not a sinister enough word? LOL! I agree. We should call them whatever will remind us of their true nature. We all get ourselves into trouble when we start imbuing them with human qualities. Besides having two arms and legs, feeding and toileting themselves, and fulfilling their desires for sex and control, there really aren’t many similarities to humans. Would we question why a snake cannot love you? (Well, poor analogy, becaus I think my boa constrictors do love me……….). Would we ask why our cats will not go out and get a job to pay rent? Creatures are what they are–no more and no less. Once we see what these P’s are, we can finally give up hope, questioning, second-guessing, and just get on with our lives. I still find them fascinating and continue to read about them, but waste little emotional energy on my ex. That being said, I believe he is dangerous enough to ALWAYS be toxic to me. I respect the danger enough to steer clear from it.
shattered_sapphire
OxDrover & Stargazer
You both are absolutely right!! Sitting back thinking, it sank in just how many people in the “professional” world this person has fooled along the way. People who are trained and have the insight into the minds of those who are sick. They sit there and lie straight faced like what they are saying is the complete truth. Do they actually believe this to be the truth? How can they stand themselves when they know they live this monstrous double lifestyle. I have been dealing with someone who does very repulsive things to me and to many innocent others. It wasn’t until about 6 months ago that the acknowledgment of who I was dealing with set in. My weakness has been looking for the good in them. I’ve even lied to myself and insisted that some of the evil things they have done were not done with malice.
Thanks for the book title, I will be reading it. Talk to you soon!
~Shattered
Stargazer
It is not a bad thing to look for the good in people. Those of us with this quality make fine friends and therapists. It is just one of the unfortunate realities of society that predators are more attracted to our type. But so are some really great people, too. I can’t wait to hear your impressions of the book. Another good one is “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout. But by far, the Robert D. Hare book was the biggest eye opener for me. I feel it’s important to continue reading and educating ourselves to keep from slipping back into denial about our ex and what we were dealing with. These are very dangerous people, whether they are physically violent or not.
shattered_sapphire
Stargazer,
I have already jotted down the other book and will add this one. Somewhere online there is sure to be copies that are previously loved and gently used.
~Shattered
Stargazer
Sapphire,
I actually was able to order both of these books from my public library and have them transported to the branch I use. It’s absolutely free! But if you want to buy, Amazon.com is probably your best bet.
Wini
StarG: A cat will work for their stay in your home. Just open the door for them to go outside. I will bet that there is a little creature dead at your doorstep when you awake to go and open your door. It depends on what is your definition of work?
Peace.
Stargazer
Hmmm, I just posted on this blog, and my post disappeared……
Anyway, lol, if my cats were to bring me a dead mouse, I could feed the mouse to my snakes. That would, indeed, make them contributing members of the household. 🙂