By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Hi everyone its been a while since I posted here. I went back to him. He called me and pleaded with me to see him. I went to have some coffee with him and he said everything I wanted to hear. He told me he missed me and needed me. He told me he wanted to be with me and change. He told me he was the one who made the mistake and it was my choice to give him another chance if I allow him. He told me he loved me and realized he would never be happy without me. I let my guard down and let him back in and was thinking to myself no there is no way he could be a sociopath. He wants to change and loves me. We right back to a relationship and went out to dinner and movies and I was spending all my time with him. We were intimate and he was affectionate and loving toward me. I started to think maybe I was wrong.
This lasted about a week. He started changing and going back to the way he was and started letting his anger show more and more. He stopped saying he loved me after saying it about 50 times in the one night we got back together. He would have fits of anger over little things like I left the bathroom light on and so he shut it off and threw his coat at the wall and was angry with me. I told him I bought him a Christmas present and he was mean about it to me and said well I don’t really get excited about Christmas. The last time we were intimate he bit me so hard he left bruises. This wasn’t love bites he was hurting me and I told him and he didn’t stop. He was also very selfish intimately. All the sudden I realized he didn’t change. One morning I found his phone and looked through it and seen him writing two other women. On Thanksgiving telling one of them he was in town and missed her. I was horrofied because he was going to visit family but she happened to live close. I had made him stuff to bring to his family and everything. I seen another woman writing why are you acting like a jerk you were so nice before. I started shaking I was enraged. I confronted him and he was mad I looked at his phone. I explained how I didn’t trust him and I’m not the bad one here. He told me he was only joking when he wrote he missed the other woman. After questioning him I finally got him to admitt he cheated on me with one of them. I couldn’t control myself after everything I had been through and hit him. This started a physical fight between me and him and he grabbed at my arms and wrists and I just kept hitting him and he pushed me into a wall and crushed me between him and the wall and threatened me. I went on his computer to see what other lies he was keeping from me and he ripped the plug from the wall. He sat down and started yawning when I started crying and asking why he did this to me. He didn’t apologize or say he regretted it. He actually was on his phone while I was standing there pouring my heart out not even feeling like a human anymore. I told him I knew what he was and this would be goodbye forever. I told him I knew he had no feelings and wasn’t able to love and he smirked and said you think I have no feelings? That was it.
The reason I am posting this is to talk about what happened to me and also to show everyone they don’t change and how manipulative they can be. When we went to have coffee after not talking for a while he was wearing a chain I gave him that he said he hated. After looking away I noticed it was now outside his shirt so I could see it. I said nothing. He started to play with it until I aid something and he was like I’ve been wearing it ever since you stopped talking to me I missed you so much. He stopped wearing it after I went back to him. Another important key was he never said he was sorry. He planned everything out he was going to do and say to get me back. It was intentional and for a reason. He told me he needed me to take care of him. I watched him force tears. I asked him if he could feel me and I put my hand over his heart and he said I don’t understand what do you mean? He used me and never loved me. I made the mistake of going back please everyone don’t believe them. I have brusies and a broken heart from it. Thanks for reading and I am glad I have this site.
Trinity: Sorry to hear you had to learn the hard way. NO CONTACT with him because he is a selfish, self centered, greedy prick.
He sleeps with EVERYONE. Don’t let him fool you that he only slept with one. As quick as he climbs in bed with you is how quick he slips in bed with EVERYONE he meets. No one is platonic with them … ever! Period.
They are the greediest, most self, most self centered humanoids on the planet. That’s what they do, that’s what they are … WHORES … except they don’t work in brothels anymore or stand on street corners … hence the masks they were! They work in every industry, they were suits or blouses and skirts, jeans and T-shirts … any garment that is on the racks, they were … but, make no mistake what he and the rest of them are … greedy, selfish, self centered WHORES … and the quicker WE all learn this fact, the better off we are.
From now on … NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT … for he will tell you what you want to hear, any time you need to hear it … and he’s only does that so that he can control you and get what he wants … a place to lie his head why he’s controlling all the other women and MEN he’s got going on his life. Yes, they go both ways ….. they are equal opportunity exploiters.
I hope you understand … I know I’m being harsh with you tonight … and I’m sorry … I’m not in the mood to be easy on folks tonight. Don’t take offense, I’ll get to a better space in a few days.
Peace.
Wini, I am glad you answered me and with those words because I needed to hear exactly what you wrote. For so long everyone around me didn’t understand and would use words like he’s a jerk… a jerk? Thats’s it?! I would be enraged because I wanted him to be named exactly what he is and you did that for me. Thank you.
I agree with everything you said and there will be no more contact. I do not trust myself around him even just to talk or see him. NO more. I’m done. He has some of my things and usually I would call and ask for them but he can keep them its not worth seeing his evil lying deceitful disgusting face.
Thanks again and don’t be sorry. I hope your doing well and I’m here if you need to talk.
Trinity: I’m glad I didn’t ruffle your feathers. I know I was hard on you … but this stuff going down in politics is really throwing me for a loop this week. You can tell when I’m on a roll on something … all the typos that come out in my writing … and there were a lot of typos in the blog I wrote you … so, I’m glad you skipped over the misuse of words.
Yeah, they are all just whores. Plain and simple. If you read everyone’s blogs, their all basically the same … their EXs got the upper hand, treated them like crap, screwed around with everyone … selfish is as selfish does routine … and then, there’s no talking with any of them … out of sight, out of mind for them … cause they are busy with the newest victim (mark) in their lives.
I worked in a place of 800 employees … out of 800 people, almost half were whores (MALE AND FEMALE) it didn’t matter. The greed of these people were beyond your imagination. Then my EX, I know was a ringer for my bosses to do me under … he has too many connections with too many people in power.
Peace. And stay NO CONTACT with him.
Yeah and she is useualy telling me to be nice
Trinity Thanks for sharing that – I understand why you went back – dont beat yourself up about it. I took mine back 5 times in 3 years. They only change just enuff to get back in the door and then poof~~!!! the monster is back – your post describes so effectively what would happen if I let him back in – I have no entention of letting him back in – have not seen him in 9 months – just briefly a few weeks ago – but when I did see him I knew not to make eye contact with him – you will be ok – hang in there
Trinity,
I just read your post and it was extremely sad to see how far and how fast he drug you back down. My feeling is that you wanting to give him another chance because you have loved this person and cared for them, is no disgrace on your part. I think normal people do want to give second chances for a person they care about to redeem themself. I gave so many reprieves I couldn’t count them. I think we want to forgive, to understand and find some logical reason for the behavior. We might find some answers but I don’t think we will ever know all the whys and wherefores. The abuse is bad. He hit you with it on all levels (physical, emotional, spiritually damaging callous attitude for your suffering). I hope you can tear yourself away…it is so hard to rebuild your self esteem when someone has snatched it from you. He did do one good thing ( not intentionally) by proving you are correct in your suspicions and evidence of whom he really is and how destructive he is to your sense of self and future peace and happiness in life. God Bless, Breach
inthebreach57 & Trinity: If you ever get confused to what they are really all about or to understand the difference between us (givers) and them (takers) read this site:
http://www.abusefacts.com/articles/Givers-Takers.php
We were told this facts before we were born into human form:
“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves”
Matthew 10: 16
Peace.
Trinity,
I was so hoping to read “Just kidding” after the “I went back to him” part. (((Hugs))). The thing is that with a normal person, if he said those things about how he is wrong and wants another chance, he would mean it. A sociopath does not mean it. He probably said the same thing to the other girls. They are so convincing, aren’t they? You wan’t so badly to believe him. It feels horrible to have to guard yourself from someone you love. I guess you see you have to do it for your survival. Ugh. You have learned something. And tomorrow is another day.
To Trinity again: And the most important thing is the lesson you learned. Take it and run with it. When my ex and I broke up, I still wasn’t totally sure he had played me. So I set him up. I had a friend of mine contact him by phone and on the internet. I got to “observe” him lying to her about several things. That’s what it took for me to know for sure what he was. When I told a few of my friends what I did, they got mad at me and thought I was crazy to “stalk” him like that. But we do what we need to do to come out of denial. Calling someone a sociopath is a pretty serious business. You have to do what you need to do to find out for sure. Because once you know, NC is so much easier.