By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
StarG: I wonder about friends that defend or EXs … they too are wrapped a little too tight form my liking.
Peace … just keep your eyes on those friends that constantly back up your EX. There are the few exceptions that haven’t a clue to how evil selfishness is … then their are those friends that are selfish in their own rights … not as bad as our EXs … but selfish just the same … and I find that they don’t like to out anyone playing the selfish games. They do more damage to our psyches than you can imagine (the friends that back our EXs).
I now put my female friends into three categories. Those that backed my EX and tried to make me feel like I was imagining things … they are in the Selfish category … on a scale 1-10, doesn’t matter. The ones that are clueless … they are put into my “decent category of friends, but useless). Of course there are my friends that stuck with me through thick or thin … know what’s going on … definite (DECENT category).
That’s one good thing that happens when our EX’s were ousted …they outed a lot of so-called friends along with them. Sit back and watch these so-called friends in the future … they will slip their masks too when they think no one is looking.
I also figure out when bosses put you down if you try to explain an anti-social personality to them and they want you to believe they just don’t get it … that it must be us looking at this co-worker wrong … cause the boss is one too. Again, not wanting to expose the anti-social personality, because they are one too.
Peace.
Wini,
Defending the ex…definitely a good break down of the players in our life. The shock of ones exposed that you would never dream would back up and excuse the abusive behavior they saw us suffer from the P’s, N’s, etc. It’s a bit of their fear of their own unmasking for sure. Really makes you think about what their personal agenda with us was also.
star:
when i listened to my ex-s/p/n’s voicemail, i had friends who said i was ‘stalking’ him too. can you believe that? it’s okay for him to be deceiving me on a majestic level, but for me to find out is stalking? holy crap.
i don’t necessarily think these ‘friends’ had ulterior motives, i just think that my ex was sooooo charming, that they gave him the benefit of the doubt even as they saw me crumbling under the weight of lies i couldn’t prove.
i’m at 4 months NO CONTACT! no contact with anyone. no former friends, no contact with anyone in his family (this one is tough — they were like my family), no acquaintances. NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC =
much much better.
TOWANDA!!!!
off to church to pray for all of us …
happy sunday.
Wini, no one could upset me as much as he did lol so don’t worry what you said was the truth. After four years of sharing my life and doing everything for him and being his best friend and completely faithful to him he did this to me.
I believe he targeted me from a long time ago. I have brought this up to people and they don’t believe me. He knew I just got out of a relationship with someone and immediately started but he wasn’t charming he was mysterious. He liked the feeling of being scary to other people and often did things and would ask do you think people are scared of me? So what he did was be scary to others and show me his softer side and would say your different your not scared of me do you trust me? I’m such an idiot to think I would make an exception to someone many people stayed away from I just feel like screaming at myself. There was so many things that should have stopped me from seeing him but I ignored them and I never will again. I had dreams before I found out what he really was about him leaving me and I seen a woman with blonde hair. I had another dream about his cell phone and all women in his phone and the phone turned into a game. I had another dream that called him my nemesis. I should have listened but I am listening now. I recently had another dream about blackness with him and I am staying as far away from him as I can.
You said how you place friends into categories and its weird how people seem to show their true colors during these times. I think like you and others said they are scared you will figure them out too. I think I know more than one sociopath.
Thanks again and I am hoping I can start writing here no contact saved me life and I am finally happy.
Hi Henry, thank you I just feel so stupid for accpeting what he said because I know deep down inside he wasn’t sincere. I could tell because he never said sorry. When I told him the reason I didn’t talk to him before was because he didn’t have the ability to apologize and he looked away as if it was something he needed to comprehend and made weird facial expressions and then looked up and was like yeah your right…. silence… I’m sorry. It was so insincere. I questioned him about other girls that night and his mask almost slipped off because his eyes became very dark and his stare… that his true face his evil face. He gave me that same stare before and when I gave him back the ring he gave me. Black eyes filled with rage.
Your doing very good with no contact I hope I can be as strong. I am determined even if its the only thing I can do for now and even if I am lonely and depressed… no contact because I have to believe better things will be in my future. I believe we all have better things for us in the future we just need to embrace our freedom and see getting away from these evil people as a blessing in disguise.
In the end the final discard belong’s to us. We set the limit. We end the dance. They have no limits and are unable to do this. The abyss between devaluation by our partner and the ultimate discard by our choice is bridged when we realize that there is no going back in any way. No friendship, no enmity, there can be nothing at all.
Hi Inthebreach57, thank you and as I stated before I do feel stupid but I wanted so bad for the nightmare to end and to believe he wasn’t a sociopath and that he loved me.
After I found his phone I couldnt help it I became enraged and I am not a violent person. I couldn’t comprehend his insanity and confronted him which I know is not the best thing to do. This proved to me he was never going to change. In his phone he was writing me and asking me to go over his house and I would and while writing that he was writing another woman things and while sitting right next to me in his house he was writing another woman. I lost it and hit him. I think everything he put me through in the four years I’ve been with him just went into attack mode. I know believe he was unfaithful from the very beginning which I was in denial before and I believe he never loved me.
His mood swings were horrible. He would go from kind to rage in 10 seconds for no reason. I wrote before I left the bathroom light on and he turned it off and threw his coat at the wall and was all mean… why? Are you kidding me? I would ask certain questions and his rage would show and he almost never answered me or told me I was ruining his day. There was times I was driving with him and for no reason he would start driving crazy and from side to side and stop short and than he was like oh am I scaring you? I’m sorry its fun scaring you. Right after that we went back to his house and again for no reason he was like I’m going to go inside and kill my dog. I was horrified and but reamined cool so he didn’t know I was scared and was like why? He just laughed im just kidding. Normal people don’t do that or say those things.
He left bruises on me this time and a couple times before from grabbing at me or being rough with me. He would get sexually excited from holding me down or being forceful with me. He was playing around according to him when he was putting pillows over my face or grabbing at my throat. He would throw things or kick my stuff around or get right in my face to back me down. He would sit down and start hitting his hand on things making a lot of noise and stare at me for no reason again and I think this was his way of intimidating me.
Emotionally whenever I cried or was upset he showed no concern. In the beginning of the relationship I would question him and he would say tell me what you want or I don’t feel the right feelings. That should have been the number one warning to me but I had no idea this was a part of a problem known as sociopathy. Now when I am upset he will ignore me, walk away, yawn in my face, or if I ask a question he won’t answer most of the time only scream what? or give me one word answers. And his rage was not normal either. He would get so enraged and than an hour later he acted like nothing. He would be like why are you still upset that was in the past… an hour ago? You were screaming and attacking me and now everything is fine because you say so? Or we would get into a fight and an hour later he would be like that was a really good dinner you made…. no sorry no nothing. He is sick. Although I don’t believe he is insane I am not letting him claim insanity because everything is intentional. He is evil.
I am no contact for 3 days now. And soon it will be 3 weeks and 3 months and 3 years. I am never going never him again. Thanks for writing and reading I know I wrote a lot its because no one around me understands me or will listen.
Trinity
Join The CLUB!:)~
I think each and everyone of us here has felt the exact same way! Many Times over!
Please Read OxD; Forgiving Yourself For Being Human Tue Sept 9 2008 in archives!
This is paramount to Healing! LOVE JJ
TEMPIST
The Raging Storm! Perfect!
Hi Stargazer, I have been thinking about that a lot… I need to protect myself from someone I loved. My friends don’t seem to think very much of bruises on my arms or what he has done to me and it upsets me. He stalks me. He walks around outside my house and plays games on his phone asking why my room is dark and when I ask where he is there is no answer. Or he will say go outside and show himself. For some reason he wants control over me and I don’t know why. I think I give him his power to do certain things but I am taking it back its not his and he used to say we are too much a like and soulmates… no we are complete opposites and my soulmate is still out there. I read a blog that tried to explain why the sociopath clings to certain people and it said because you have become part of them because they capture your personality. I believe this is true and even now after cheating on me and hurting me he gets jealous over me… I don’t like that. I am not his and he does not own me. Your right after you realize certain things no contact is easy. I just need to let go of my hurt and anger now.