By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Hi Indigoblue :] thanks I will read it now.
No Trinity – He didn’t take on your personality … and now he thinks he’s a soul mate …that was just lip service he gave you to get what he wanted. Sex, food on the table, a roof over his head … any other bennies you had that he wanted. The cat and mouse games are just that … games he plays cause his toy mouse is trying to get away and live her own life.
You are his property … and when he says it’s over, it’s over … not the toy. The toy doesn’t have a right to say or decide anything.
Peace … and NO CONTACT … NO EXPLANATIONS, NO PHONE CONTACT, NO E-MAIL, NO US MAIL … And keeping the lights down low is a GOOD idea.
Maybe, he’ll get bored and leave you alone.
Peace.
Hi everyone, I am new here. I found this site a while ago and finally joined. I have known for years there was something not right with my boyfriend and finally I think I understand.
We were together for 4 years and he left me… devastated me. He left me an emotional, psychological, and physical wreck. After months of going back and forth he finally “accepted” our relationship and we are together. But… he has confessed he believes he might suffer from antisocial personality disorder aka… sociopath.
I want to share my story with you if that’s alright? I need someone to talk to… I don’t have the money for a psychologist and once I tried to explain and she looked at me like I was from another planet. I tried talking to family members but they don’t understand and it gets personal. I just wanted to know if I can turn to this blog for help and to share my story. Thank you.
truthseeker
welcome!
are you together now? that wasnt clear from your post…
Dear Truthseeker,
You have arrived at a place of healing ifyou have been involved with a psycho/socio-path. You can tell your story if you wish, or part of it. Telling our stories and being believed and validate is a big part of the healing process.
Few people will “get it” about psychopaths unless they have studied them or been unfortunate to have been in a situation with one and happen to know the name. Most people just call them liars, jerks, creeps, manipulators, domestic abusers, addiccts or 100 other derogatory words, and many times they ARE ALL those things, but also MORE….more EVIL. More damaging.
I suggerst that you continue to read the old archived articles, there is great insight and wisdom in those articles, and blog here with us. Stay around, this story is about THEM but also about US and how we can get away, stay away and heal, because as long as we are with them or go back, we never can heal. It is a painful process I admit, because they leave nothing BUT pain in their wake, but we are SUVIVORS, and stronger and more powerful. KNOWLEDGE=POWER Take back your power to be yourself, take back your power to be free of abuse. God bless. Glad you are here.
Hi thank you for welcoming me. I need to ask for a favor… can I please email my story to someone to read… I am scared to put it online because now he knows I know and he looks it up and this site isn’t difficult to find. I don’t want him to know I am writing about him. I understand if you don’t want to give out your email. I will do my best to hide more personal details. Thank you again and God Bless.
Recently there have been request for exchanging emails…I personally do not feel comfortable with doing so. I hope you are able to share your story leaving out more personal details ( as we all have had to do for our protection)… If you are in a relationship with him NOW and are scared of him — take some time to figure out why you are staying based on that fact alone.
Since you are back with him now after 4 years and he has admitted to you he thinks he is a Sociopath — that puts you ahead of the process of confirmation and knowledge of what you are dealing with.
I hope you are able to share your story here, but I caution you if you think he is reading…perhaps pose questions that may be beneficial to you in receiving answers..
Also you will find many stories similar to yours in the archives here and that will help you a great deal in understanding as well. Im glad you are here and hope you find answers you seek..
i agree with learnthelesson.
there is information on Lovefraud about how to end things with a psychopath in a safe manner. I think that is the starting point.
Good luck!
Dear Truthseeker,
If you want someone to see your post before you post it,, I suggest that you send it to the site owner, Donna Anderson, you will find her e mail on the home page or under “contact us” she is very approachable and many people have done this.
I do suggest that you change enough details (age, where you live, maybe occupation or anything else that might identify you. good luck on your healing path, this is a good place to start, go back and read and read and read all the older articles. Knowledge=power and we must take back our power! (((hugs))))
Truthseeker
You’re in the right place! Everyone here has suffered, in varying degrees, at the hands of a S/P/N and understands that emotional and psychological damage that you most certainly will have sustained and are suffering.
You may not get all the answers, you may not get an instant solution, you may not get immediate relief but you WILL get understanding and support.
Keep posting for strength.
All love Escapee