By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
Hurrah for you, Henry! One needs to have experienced a relationship with a Sociopath it to be able to relate to it, I believe. I have some wonderful friends, but unless it has happened to them, they try hard to be supportive but just don’t “get it”. The most common advice is “just get over it”. This was the most debilitating experience of my life, and let’s hope none of us has to learn this lesson twice. Once was more than enough!
Cheers to happy healing.
To all of those struggling to get over, not obsessing, thinking about or whatever the struggle. Remember this, THE PERSON YOU FELL FOR NEVER EXISTED. They were fabricated by the “P” (or what ever their malfunction) from their acute skill of taking all of our best qualities and desires and using them against us. THEY DO NOT EXIST and therefore are not deserving of obsession, concern or any other of our best qualilties. See they are still using you and your qualities against you. I would think NC should be easy (except in the case of common children) And as for healing and contiplating another relationship. Know that this was not a man (or woman) who has done this but a psychopath plain and simple. I know its not really that simple. We were all chosen for our good, We are all still what we are. They never were and never will be.
I disagree ! big suprise huh?:)~
( we ) People , s/he , humans are !
( we ) are a combination Of 3 elements !
Spirtual , Mental , Physical !
Soul , Mind , Body !
Behavior Nature Nurture
Genetic learned
survival Needs
Nature Human species all geneticly Linked
Genetic DNA Crap shoot/chance a + b = c
Survival A child left to survive w/out a b or d suragate
will not live !
Nurture a b or d
Learned a b or d
Needs a b or d
1. c No genetic factors known? a+b+e = (family
members) basic needs met ! “normal”
2. c No genetic factors known? a + b + e but
basic needs from birth are not met only survival
food ,water,warmth,hygene! Nature/Survival
instinc/defence mech. =Psy/Soc/Nar/???
3. c Add in genetic factors spin the wheel of fortune!
( we ) from the experience of those here LF Know that the genetic part is there and quite possibly there is little that can be done at this point in time !
My point in saying I disagree = they are still people (us)
My hope , my Faith , my Prayers IS their Healing!
serinity , nirvona , utopia , Heaven !
Give me the Courage to change the things that I can ! To accept the things that I can not change and THE WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE! LOVE jere
OxD
Awsome ! This is what I had not put into words ! I read your letter !
This is how I stoped the obsessing !
FORGIVE yourself for being HUMAN !
Ya know how we want to bring something in here back to the front for newbes ! I love the way you tell it ! And this I would deffinately bring to the table to help our posse! LOVE jere
Hello….I am in the process of trying to leave my ex. He seems to not to want to allow that. I have asked him over and over and while replying to my requests he knows just what to say to make me feel guilty as if I am doing something wrong. He is invovled with other women and while he constantly denies it, I know it to be true. I have fought with one of them for over a year now. Back and forth he goes…or did he ever leave her? I have blocked all from my myspace and no longer carry them on my instant messenging…but still have the same number because I have changed it so much that its embarassing to do so yet AGAIN. I just honestly want to let go of this pain and move one…but the guilt thats laid on me is crazy. Also I think I am partly crazy myself. When we dont talk….at first I seem to be okay…then I find myself missing bits and pieces of him…but then once we talk again the anxiety raises back up and I feel like I made a mistake. HELP ME JUST LET THIS GO AND GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE PLEASE…what do I need to do…oh also ofcourse when I first told him I wanted things to just be over…I got the whole threat stuff, like posting me all over the internet…contacting my job for emailing him during work hours….and even 3rd party death threats and taking my son (which is not his) to raise to be like him….so I am sort of taking that as a kidnapping threat as well….But here I am feeling guitly because I just want him TO LEAVE ME ALONE……UGH WHY???
“I have asked him over and over…”
Don’t ask any more. Stop communicating entirely. Don’t do it. If you encounter him socially, don’t even look him in the eyes.
Be bland. Be mild, be calm – at least outwardly. Don’t communicate with anyone who communicates with him. If that’s not practical for whatever reason, keep your communications with these third parties impersonal.
If there are any threats to harm you or your son, report them and keep a record.
Get a restraining order. It doesn’t protect you, but it starts a paper trail that will eventually lead even the dimmest police to see him for what he is.
“contacting my job for emailing him during work hours” Don’t email him. I’m not beating you up for having done so. I’m sure you had your reasons. NO MORE!
There must be a clear distinction between your behavior and his. You must convey to law enforcement that you are the rational, reasonable, “together” citizen, so that he must either tip his hand to the police or leave you alone.
Please don’t take him back. Police hate that. Really and truly, they get fed up.
Dear Letting go,
Welcome to love fraud, it is a healing place. I agree with Elizabeth. They feel they “own” you and they do not want to let go of that ownership. I have seen that kind of “ownerships” with people and their dogs, they abuse the dog, but they don’t want to let it go, they want to keep it. They OWN IT, how dare that dog run away.????
Read here and learn, learn everything you can ab out psychopaths and how they operate (they are so the SAME) and make your escape. For your own life and sanity, ESCAPE. (((hugs)))) and God Bless you
Letting-go,
I agree with Elizabeth. NO CONTACT is vital. Any contact only leaves the door open for further manipulations (such as your feeling guilty because they are masters at pushing your buttons). Also, as you have already seen, any contact whatsoever from you to him, he can and will use against you to make his case.
He is likely not leaving you alone because he enjoys the power and drama of the fights and also seeing your confusion and begging him to leave you alone. On the phone issue, you do NOT have to answer that phone. Let any and all calls from him go to voicemail. If he starts phoning you from a number you do not recognize, then start letting all calls from numbers you don’t recognize go to voicemail too. If it is something important from someone else, they will leave a message, then you can return their call.
You will have to learn to deal with the anxiety and the periods of missing him (blogging here for support during those times is a good idea, so we can help you through it). Remember that you do not need his “permission” or “approval” to completely break off this relationship and further contact. He has already been threatening you, so you need to work on accepting that this guy is a danger to you and does not have your best interest at heart in any way, shape, or fashion.
With passing time of no contact, you will begin to feeling a bit clearer headed in thinking and be able to see him more for what he is with the manipulations and threats etc. And slowly you will begin to feel better and you will KNOW you made the right decision. Again, the contact with him will keep this dragging out for forever because it is a game to him. It’s hard to stick to it, but you can do it and ONLY YOU can do it, as no one else can step in and make you take that step towards total no contact! Keep blogging here for support as this is a great group of people to help you through your doubts and weak spells. And good luck. –Jen2008
Welcome to the place of my Angels! You are On the Right Path to Freedom and healing ! Read ,read , read , read !
My Psyco did the same thing =oh you (me) can just dump me like that ! They( psycos ) do not have rules ! but you (us,me,we) are subject to all rules /ten fold! double standard ! LIE from start to finish! Blame ! I was the crazy one ! LOVE jere
Letting Go Part of your confusion and guilt are because it is emotionally impossible to simultanusly suspect deceit and feel pity at the same time, the mind can only do one or the other. And when my X made threats of exposing me and cry’s of I Love You at the same time – I knew one of us was crazy – thought it was me – but it wasn’t – hang in there – time and more time and you will get throught this –